Jack Monroe #273 She’s like David Brent’s crap sister

[Shesaidwhat?]

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Jesus christ not this hornets nest now.

LJC I know she said she was going to give us an aneurysm but I didn’t think it would be from chaos burn out

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

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wouldn’t reading tone of delivery and body language be almost impossible for an Autistic person, they seem to get that wrong so often, and if they are off their meds wouldn’t the ability to read that nuance be further affected? Genuinely curious, also not wishing to offend x
Now I’ve entered the world of ‘a single Apple please shop keep’ I can’t seem to leave its proper Netflix exposure level.

Jack's autism is a special kind that only flares up when something is expected of her.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

You do alright off it, you rancid vampire.

Also thread title nom!

 

[Kittypops]

Grunking from 4am on the Tuesday chaos
Ex journalist here (now freelance, "see me after for del boy fags"), Jack, you are a piss poor story

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Jack's autism is a special kind that only flares up when something is expected of her.

Like her "bad bit" mental health spells that kick in when someone questions her.

 

[Pocahontas]

Those notebooks are creepy, Jack. Brad Pitt found similar-looking notebooks in Kevin Spacey’s bachelor pad in Seven.

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

Oh my God, she's such a boring bint. I can't believe she's boasting about handwriting. Has the cabal not suffered enough?

 

[jenny2603]

The shorthand teacher took one look at how fast she could write and said she was in the top 1 per cent faster writers in the country and learning shorthand would only slow down her talent

No no. Jack was too poor to buy pens and paper when she was at school and the shorthand teacher roared "GO STAND IN THE BIN FOR YOU WILL ONLY AMOUNT TO RUBBISH YOU REVOLTING POOR" and then all the posh kids chanted "smelly bin feet, goes to school in a van, smelly bin feet, lives on the street, poooooh smelly bin feet". Needless to say Jack had the last laugh when she sent her old Shorthand teacher a handwritten selection of her body of work. Old Shorthand stared at the strange collection of notebooks and said "probably a harmless green inker but best let the police know, just in case" and then gradually forgot the whole incident.

 

[Whaa?]

When do we get the purple prose?
Is she going to reference herself on Politics Live again?
How many of the phrases she has already used this evening will she repeat? Literally. Furiously.

 

[Ninch55]

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@Marmalade Atkins

No he isn’t

 

[Onestorytoomany]

“She didn’t even watch the budget - she went out for an apple”

Thread title nomination.

Edit to add "for one apple"

 

[SweetTransvestite]

'Being able to write fast' surely has to be the worst of all the superhero powers, doesn't it?

and particularly surprising considering only last week in the HoC she was explaining how being forced to live in a cold, draughty and RENTED hovel exacerbated her severe arthritis.
-Today, she's moving faster than Clark Kent in a phone box?
duck alllllllllllllllll the way off.

 

[jenny2603]

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wouldn’t reading tone of delivery and body language be almost impossible for an Autistic person, they seem to get that wrong so often, and if they are off their meds wouldn’t the ability to read that nuance be further affected? Genuinely curious, also not wishing to offend x
Now I’ve entered the world of ‘a single Apple please shop keep’ I can’t seem to leave its proper Netflix exposure level.

This is the journo/activist equivalent of walking around the office with a bit of paper acting like you're on your way to the photocopier.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Is there a website that counts numbers of tweets per day? I'd love to do a graph showing peaks and troughs. Maybe mapped to the phases of the moon?

We’ve done a heat map of her Twitter activity before, I haven’t re read the post but it confirmed she clearly never woke before 11am

Jack Monroe # 45 I’ll put it on the to do list

Has she found another tragic case to drag across the internet for sympathy yet? another celebrity to attack? any posts alluding to a suicide or self harm or depression. Arguments with strangers.... 🤷‍♀️ I’m finding it hard to keep up.

tattle.life

 

[colouredlines]

The secret to writing fast is to leave out the apostrophes, they only slow you down. #JacksHacks

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Edit to add "for one apple"

She like the very hungry Caterpillar.

Sorry to quote myself like a wanker!

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Is there a website that counts numbers of tweets per day? I'd love to do a graph showing peaks and troughs. Maybe mapped to the phases of the moon?

I use this one:

https://socialblade.com/twitter/user/bootstrapcook

There's lots of stat sites with various charts, too.

 

[Thank(space)you]

And even her word salads are unappetising

Nominating this as a thread title suggestion now it's not too early

 

[ChactFecker]

She sure scribbles fast for someone who can barely hold a pen because of her massively debilitating arthritic fingers.

oh god i am quoting myself - am I Jack?
Totally called it. but she doesn't read here, so that can't have prompted her to bring it up very shortly afterwards.