Jack Monroe #203 Found a packet of pork mince

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Remember when she said she's spent the last 10 years mining her trauma "for other peoples' ad revenue" and would talk about her *health issues* on her own terms now. She must've been just WAITING for Twitter to add that monetisation feature. Feels like we're definitely gearing up for something.
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All those poor Twitter squigs thinking that poor Jack is suffering terribly at the moment, meanwhile she's over on Instagram having a ball
 
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She claims that one tin of economy kidney beans, a small onion and a carrot make 6 'good size' burgers!

Just adding, on relection, by good size, does she mean as much as anyone can stomach?
Yes, THIS. In true Jack fashion she fails to interrogate the fact that the phrase “functioning alcoholic” simply means “continues to go to work to serve as a cog in the capitalist machine”.

I’m not in recovery but a close colleague of mine is and she was in an absolute state: dysfunctional, co-dependant relationship, didn’t see her daughter, very chaotic. But she always made it to work no matter what and had a house in a nice part of town. Functioning is a sinister commentary on how we view humans and their labour as a resource or a data point.

Of course, despite the blather, Mx. Monroe has never in her life had the insight to understand this, obsessed as she is with Smegs and Cotswolds and forever hydrangeas. Brand-consciousness > class-consciousness.
I know lots of functioning alcoholics as acquaintances. One is good friends with my partner, he has a very good job,. But hits the bottle or can as soon as he logs off from work. Hes usually asleep by about 8 pm every night so hes up and ready for work every morning. ( Currently works from home)
 
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I don't know how sobriety works but surely she can't be five years sober now if she said at the end of last year she'd slipped up and had a drink, don't you re-start the clock if that happens? Maybe it depends on whether the sober part was a lie or the drink part was a lie. I don't know, I don't lie either🤷‍♀️

Dear hearts it is a blessed day, my Tattleversary! That is why I am wearing this very fetching hat. Thankyou x to the cabal for a year of lols and scathing essays, now duck off.
Happy birthday dear heart, we won’t tell mention what you’ve got to do to get a cake in Jackie world…

Should have said claimed. It’s not good of me to comment any further but agree, nothing adds up or is as expected.

Hold on, it's not 5 years sober is it? I think she only wrote that thing for the Guardian saying she had stopped drinking in 2019?
Trigger warning - reference to her comment on a child’s death

So certain she said 6 years or so at some point after the LJC LEFT & the abhorrent baby Cameron comments that had Allegra’s PR girl whisk her into the priory was in 2014 according to google. Before the most recent relapse thread she was claiming this as continuous time 🤷🏻‍♀️

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I don't know how sobriety works but surely she can't be five years sober now if she said at the end of last year she'd slipped up and had a drink, don't you re-start the clock if that happens? Maybe it depends on whether the sober part was a lie or the drink part was a lie. I don't know, I don't lie either🤷‍♀️

Dear hearts it is a blessed day, my Tattleversary! That is why I am wearing this very fetching hat. Thankyou x to the cabal for a year of lols and scathing essays, now duck off.
Happy tattle birthday Sidey T! Bringing this festive Fack classic back in your honour...Enjoy!
 
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oh lordy, I'd almost forgotten about the sad xmas pudding with leaf blower background noise!

genuinely one of the funniest moments ever!

happy tattle bday sidey t! ❤
 
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What the hell am I doing listening to the horrific roar from that cake(?) on @traumatised sideboard ’s Tattleversarry?! Off to listen to Onion Police instead.

I can’t thank you enough for all the genuine laugh out loud moments, music, and art you bring TS, now duck off!

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O
I love this.

Set up a patreon and I’ll fund you for the three freezers, state of the art pizza oven and dozen Cotswolds you’ll need to be a professional food writer.

This is being economical with food! Not flinging a load of random ingredients together. Give it a try Jack.

Got to double down on this. Had dinner (Mr D made it, so didn't see what was left in the fridge until afterwards) and there's so much chicken left, there's another 4 meals' worth of the recommended portion size of meat. As we've got rice, six rashers of streaky, avocadoes, spring onion and rice, that takes it to 18 meals at an average of 19.57/18= £1.09 per person.


If I cheat and use the other condiments/seasonings and stuff already in the cupboard, all I need to do is get a proper bag of po-ta-toes, (89p for 2.5kg), one of carrots (£1), a cabbage (43p) and maybe a 1kg pork shoulder, £5 in Tesco (can cut it up easily enough), maybe eggs (£1.90 because I'm an Egg Snob) and another GF loaf (£2) and we've got good food for the rest of the week for the grand sum of £30.79 or

Let's see.

Roast pork, spuds, carrots, cabbage.
Breakfast Bacon, avocado, toast if Mr D fancies the bacon, if not it can stay in the fridge and make another two breakfasts with eggs.
Stirfry pork with some gochujang and soy (in cupboard), cabbage, carrot and rice.
Leftover stirfry pork goes into sandwiches.
Egg and wedges.
Jacket spuds - I prefer mayonnaise (already accounted for in original spend). Tomatoes and cucumber keep well, could make a cheapie coleslaw with cabbage, carrot and spring onion.


And I bet there would still be half the pork left, as I'm assuming we have 250g each time/I've cut it into 4, which is in excess of recommended portion sizes. Which takes the average down even more. 30 meals minimum. 30 good meals. £1.02 per person per meal on average - AND it's dairy/gluten free. (I am clearly not even remotely vegan, but I'm pretty sure that the meat and egg spend (£13.40) would get a fuckton of Tofu, chickpeas, black beans, borlotti beans, lentils/other plant protein sources, a greater variety of veg and a good fat like avocado or olive oil to bring up the calories).






(Caveat: because I'm not trying to support the tories or convince old ladies to send me their winter fuel allowances, I'll add in a small tin of tomatoes, a chopped onion and garlic, two courgettes that are actually already in the fridge, some tomato puree, some spices and a handful of black olives from the jar I've had for a fortnight for a Sunday dinner stew to have with added potato/cabbage that won't be the colour of drunken vomit. So technically bringing the price up a bit again if you discount the fact that they've already been bought before payday.)
 
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Imagine being a woman getting to a certain age, starting to feel it and wondering if you have done everything you wanted to at this point and your dearly beloved gives you that cake.

I mean that is what the abbreviation fml really stands for doesnt it.
 
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Add me to the list of ninnies who attempted the kidney bean burgers once upon a time. From memory, they were edible but I'd never make them again. Overpowering taste of cumin, fell apart in the pan, and a lot of faff/mess to make something inferior to any supermarket own brand.

It's astonishing that this was probably her culinary peak.
Correction: Her coolinary peak.

Seems a lot you share the unbreakable bean burger bond. What a thing to share.
 
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ENJOY!

such a threatening aura, even without the angle grinder in the background

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