Jack Monroe #190 The sloppening

[colouredlines]

Today in the Guardian, Yotam Ottolenghi has a recipe for banana ketchup. I've been comparing his recipe to Jack's.

YO: https://www.theguardian.com/food/20...anana-ketchup-yotam-ottolenghi-picnic-recipes

JM: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2020/06/21/zero-waste-banana-peel-ketchup-43p/

Introduction

Jack tells a lengthy and dull anecdote about a trip to Edinburgh, claims to have got through two jars of banana ketchup in a weekend, throws in an affiliate link to someone else's book, and finishes with To be clear, the banana ketchup is 100% my recipe, as if anyone were in doubt.

Yotam has two sentences, suggesting ways to use banana ketchup.

Method

Yotam puts preparation notes into the ingredient list. His ketchup recipe is 1 paragraph long.

Jack's ketchup recipe is 4 paragraphs long and describes the mixture as "impetuous".

Clarity

Yotam assumes the reader knows how to mash a banana: 5 large overripe bananas (about 650g), peeled, flesh mashed with a fork

Jack does not: Peel the bananas and break the chunks into a bowl, then mash them with a fork until well broken up and a bit sloppy.

Hygiene

Yotam instructs the reader to put the ketchup in a sterilised jar.

Jack is happy with "a clean (preferably sterilized) jar".

Conclusion

Yotam continues with the recipe for the chicken wings that go with the ketchup.

Jack plugs her book "Veganish, by me, Jack Monroe" with an affiliate link.

The winner? I couldn't possibly comment...

 

[Hollaaa]

 

[Missmopps]

It's a small whisk I use for mixing eggs when I scramble or make an omelette. It came with a mug and chocolate, so think it is meant for making drinks. It was gifted,

MancBee, it’s so satisfying to see your alter ego Marcus when you are describing cooking utensils!

 

[L3moning]

One Jack-esque (although not really cheap) thing I've been meaning to try for a while, but have never quite dared, is using Red Bull instead of honey / sugar in marinades for sweet and sour beef (my usual mix is Soy sauce, honey, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and chili flakes, I'd just swap the honey for half a can of Red Bull).

 

[BananaSmith]

Why would you do that?

 

[bowiethesdmn]

She just sounds like Phil Daniels to me in this.




“I used to use olive oil quite a lot in my cooking
back when I had oil to burn”
PARKLIFE!

“When I first started making risotto dishes on my blog
I was using normal long grain rice”
PARKLIFE!

“To me sweet potatoes are a tragic food
I don’t eat too much of them because they make me sad”
PARKLIFE!

“Tragedy mash is what I have for myself
when I’ve had a tragic day”
PARKLIFE!

I have no idea why but takes on Parklife are bleeping hilarious

The 'tragedy mash', is potato and sweet potato mashed with chilli and cheese. I must've skipped the actual instructions when I made it, because she mashes her potatoes whilst they're still wet, and uses no salt or anything.

She's got a sort of Stepford Cook vibe where at a glance everything is perfectly fine, but pay attention and actually everything is ever so slightly sinister and wrong.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

The 'tragedy mash', is potato and sweet potato mashed with chilli and cheese. I must've skipped the actual instructions when I made it, because she mashes her potatoes whilst they're still wet, and uses no salt or anything.

Every single one of my ancestors since the famine has just screamed, through me!

 

[NP]

One Jack-esque (although not really cheap) thing I've been meaning to try for a while, but have never quite dared, is using Red Bull instead of honey / sugar in marinades for sweet and sour beef (my usual mix is Soy sauce, honey, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and chili flakes, I'd just swap the honey for half a can of Red Bull).

I can’t even sniff Redbull without heaving. Reminds me of nights out as a teen.

 

[bowiethesdmn]

One Jack-esque (although not really cheap) thing I've been meaning to try for a while, but have never quite dared, is using Red Bull instead of honey / sugar in marinades for sweet and sour beef (my usual mix is Soy sauce, honey, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and chili flakes, I'd just swap the honey for half a can of Red Bull).

The part of me that's convinced I have innate cheffing skills thinks that sounds like a pretty good idea

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

One Jack-esque (although not really cheap) thing I've been meaning to try for a while, but have never quite dared, is using Red Bull instead of honey / sugar in marinades for sweet and sour beef (my usual mix is Soy sauce, honey, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and chili flakes, I'd just swap the honey for half a can of Red Bull).

At the risk of sounding <how much is one banana, $10.gif> I bought some basic honey from M&S for £1.90 last week that’ll last months/over a year as it’s just for toast (only remember this as I’d assumed it’d be like a fiver, not a genius like JM so can’t forensically commit large datasets to memory), surely a single can of red bull is about the same? And will only last for a few hours once opened?

Unless she’s talking about those 20p boost drinks, in which case not even God can help the girl x

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I have no idea why but takes on Parklife are bleeping hilarious

It’s like that song was just made for these threads. It’s got it all, pigeons, sparrows and traaazers.

 

[HotesTilaire]

It’s like that song was just made for these threads. It’s got it all, pigeons, sparrows and traaazers.

SLOPLIFE!

 

[L3moning]

At the risk of sounding <how much is one banana, $10.gif> I bought some basic honey from M&S for £1.90 last week that’ll last months/over a year as it’s just for toast (only remember this as I’d assumed it’d be like a fiver, not a genius like JM so can’t forensically commit large datasets to memory), surely a single can of red bull is about the same? And will only last for a few hours once opened?

Unless she’s talking about those 20p boost drinks, in which case not even God can help the girl x

I don't think I actually got that idea from Jack (unless it was subconscious), so the blame on that one is all on me .

A 250ml can of Red Bull is about £1.20, which if I were using it for this would be 2 servings, rather than honey which would be far more servings for ~£2. And those 20p boost drinks literally give me heart palpitations, so I wouldn't use those.

 

[Flash123]

Remember the time you had to buy TWO copies of Jack’s book for the donation meaning she still got her cut. Marcus has arranged for a copy to be gifted of course.

 

[Powershower]

The 'tragedy mash', is potato and sweet potato mashed with chilli and cheese. I must've skipped the actual instructions when I made it, because she mashes her potatoes whilst they're still wet, and uses no salt or anything.

When you say “still wet”... does she mean she mashes the potatoes IN the water she boiled them in?

I wish I didn’t have to ask, but..

 

[Veronicaaa]

View attachment 576651Remember the time you had to buy TWO copies of Jack’s book for the donation meaning she still got her cut. Marcus has arranged for a copy to be gifted of course.

Yeah, so ridiculous. ~Buy 2 copies of my book and give one to charity~ i.e. she doubles her sales plus pretends like she's doing something altruistic. When in fact all she's doing is doubling her sales.

Anyhoo, I just had a Singapore curry Naked pot noodle thing and I added some peanut butter before I put the water in and truth be told it did improve it.

 

[Hollaaa]

When you say “still wet”... does she mean she mashes the potatoes IN the water she boiled them in?

I wish I didn’t have to ask, but..

It's either that or some thrice-used beetroot water you have in a spare jar.

 

[Powershower]

Today in the Guardian, Yotam Ottolenghi has a recipe for banana ketchup. I've been comparing his recipe to Jack's.

YO: https://www.theguardian.com/food/20...anana-ketchup-yotam-ottolenghi-picnic-recipes

JM: https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2020/06/21/zero-waste-banana-peel-ketchup-43p/

Introduction

Jack tells a lengthy and dull anecdote about a trip to Edinburgh, claims to have got through two jars of banana ketchup in a weekend, throws in an affiliate link to someone else's book, and finishes with To be clear, the banana ketchup is 100% my recipe, as if anyone were in doubt.

Yotam has two sentences, suggesting ways to use banana ketchup.

Method

Yotam puts preparation notes into the ingredient list. His ketchup recipe is 1 paragraph long.

Jack's ketchup recipe is 4 paragraphs long and describes the mixture as "impetuous".

Clarity

Yotam assumes the reader knows how to mash a banana: 5 large overripe bananas (about 650g), peeled, flesh mashed with a fork

Jack does not: Peel the bananas and break the chunks into a bowl, then mash them with a fork until well broken up and a bit sloppy.

Hygiene

Yotam instructs the reader to put the ketchup in a sterilised jar.

Jack is happy with "a clean (preferably sterilized) jar".

Conclusion

Yotam continues with the recipe for the chicken wings that go with the ketchup.

Jack plugs her book "Veganish, by me, Jack Monroe" with an affiliate link.

The winner? I couldn't possibly comment...

Felicity Cloake, that you?

 

[bladiesla]

Yeah, I'd love to do a hilarity but I couldn't actually waste a whole pack of vege mince. The pear cake might be ok - I've never used that method before but 175g flour to 200ml plant milk to a tin of pears is giving me scuffin vibes.

What I do like about the recipe is that Jack freely admits to sitting around staring at cans trying to think of recipes, and to typing it up before trying it properly.

I've tried the pear cake and it was bland AF. If you have a tin of pears you want to use for baking, please find a better recipe (that's the pear 'chocolate' cake I'm referring to, not sure if there are others).

 

[JayRamShamFour]

So guys, this is thread 190, I am on thread 40 and I'm averaging 2 threads a day, so in approximately 75 days I will have caught up just about if JM does nothing newsworthy. See you all soon! Excited to be here in real time cos you all just keep getting funnier with each thread .