Jack Monroe #190 The sloppening

[Lanie]

Sterling effort, but I have to say, before the patties are formed it looks just like Purina Gourmet Perle.

Is that on the way in or out of the cat?

 

[NP]

Nothing to do with your brilliant efforts @Fruitjack but that patty mix reminds me of Oogie Boogie unraveling in The Nightmare Before Christmas.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

The patties do look a bit grim. The top right one (pre-cooking) especially has a hairy quality that is very off-putting. I hope you made sure to extract all the extraneous brine from the jackfruit. I mean really extract all of it. And left it long enough to luxuriate in its flavour bath. Both very critical steps.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Rusty tin can burp ended me. You're a brave one for taking that recipe for the cabal @Fruitjack

 

[Lanie]

Rusty tin can burp ended me. You're a brave one for taking that recipe for the cabal @Fruitjack

Cookie cookie will still be tasting those burps on her 90th birthday surrounded my family and friends, talking about the cabal and dicking about with forbidden foods in her misspent youth.

 

[HotesTilaire]

@Fruitjack this is absolutely no reflection on you, but seeing those patties made me consider whether I’d actually just start eating meat

 

[Nottonightbabe]

The patties do look a bit grim. The top right one (pre-cooking) especially has a hairy quality that is very off-putting. I hope you made sure to extract all the extraneous brine from the jackfruit. I mean really extract all of it. And left it long enough to luxuriate in its flavour bath. Both very critical steps.

The patties remind me of owl pellets.

 

[Emmapism]

I think I would rather just eat a whole tin of pineapple rings. I'd have a mouth like a cat's bumhole at the end but it would be worth it never to eat those patties.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Not gonna lie actually thought you meant the American actress Cameron Diaz thought I might get a glimpse of the old Benji madden. My mate used to fancy him back in the days of good Charlotte wanted to see if he had got fat and old.

Why does she only retweet stuff she's done. She's so weird.

Yes actual Cameron Diaz!

Also loved Good Chatlotte when I was young. They both look pretty much the same...more facial hair.

 

[kachoochoo]

cheers pal, patty's crying

 

[FunnyFuneral]

cheers pal, patty's crying

View attachment 578703

Sad patty makes me want to cry cos she looks like me in a Teams meeting with the camera on

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Oi Vlad, leave it out will ya.....

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I don’t know whether to hoot or weep at this Mary calling her a fab autistic and her having a seizure mind wink lives rent free in my head.

Fingers crossed auto doesn’t change a certain word here.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Dr pimple popper says your skin colour influences the material inside a cyst which is why the South American lady last night had something which looked like those patties squeezed out of her shoulder

 

[Billybellend]

Every time I see the word granola I get a headrush.

Well. I don’t know where to start. I followed the recipe exactly to the letter which included not rinsing the jackfruit, peeling the ginger or adding salt to the pattie mix.
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I have tested THOUSANDS of cookbook recipes so I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I still do not believe that my sauce could possibly be the same as Jack’s. It’s a completely different colour and texture and didn’t achieve anything like the texture of ‘posh ketchup’, although to be fair neither does
the sauce in Jack’s picture. I’ve got a video of my trying to drop the sauce off the spoon in the Wily Coyote fashion described, but I can’t see how to post it

Honestly it came out much better than I expected, that is to say, it was edible. I really didn’t think the patties would hold together at all but although they were a bit fragile they did. The sauce looks nothing like Jack’s but it tasted OK. The patties were very odd, they managed to taste of tin and brine but equally no seasoning at all. I used the same brand of jackfruit as Jack. It definitely needed a good rinse and either more soy or more salt. I thought 1/2tsp of dried herbs would totally disappear but I could still taste that slightly dusty flavour (they aren’t old).

So it didn’t taste too bad. But I had no idea what to serve it with. I tried to get something that looked like Jack’s so I could show off my GIFTED dish so I cooked some orzo with spinach and coriander. But, even though I am only very smol and 100% vegan but alas not a bodybuilder, even with a reasonable portion of orzo I had to eat 2 patties, 2 pineapple slices and most of the sauce, and I am still not full, because it contains almost no protein, and no carbs (without my orzo addition). This is making me feel greedy and I’m very glad I have a healthy relationship with food.

It’s cheaper for a whole pineapple in Aldi than it is for a tiny tin of Del Monte, though I fully appreciate that tinned is more convenient and you do need sharp knives and a bit of skill to tackle a whole one. But I certainly could have used an own brand version. Even using Jack’s questionable pricing it was £1.50 without the orzo addition.

In retrospect I’d have made only half but I didn’t want to have half a tin of jackfruit leftover or have to measure half the juice. I can’t say I’m looking forward to leftovers even though it was a lot better than I expected.View attachment 578336View attachment 578338View attachment 578339

I’d be lying if I said I’m not gutted that that recipe sort of worked. It’s ruined my whole evening.

It may be because we watched the Matt Lucas doc on the mr. Men yesterday, but all I can see in the first pic is a charred little miss splendid...Sterling effort though, you brave Frau

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Our wiki is fantastic thank you to every one that’s ever worked on it

Does anyone have her first book where she mentions selling the Omega sea master please? If not I’ll download (& then return lol ) the e book just to get a print screen of it just for the receipts. I’ve just added a few receipts eg her dad being a landlord (the hill I choose to die on every time x), the fostering press he does complaining about them, and their Land Rover being navy blue lol.

 

[Captainmouse]

Richard osman states he can’t work with people with huge ego's, surprised he is so pally with mackie, ego the size of a planet

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

The reference to her £4-5k Omega Sea Master story is available in the kindle preview of her book, alongside confirmation she was on £27k.

(sorry to post out the blue just easier to use as a receipt in the wiki this way)

 

[colouredlines]

Our wiki is fantastic thank you to every one that’s ever worked on it

Does anyone have her first book where she mentions selling the Omega sea master please? If not I’ll download (& then return lol ) the e book just to get a print screen of it just for the receipts. I’ve just added a few receipts eg her dad being a landlord (the hill I choose to die on every time x), the fostering press he does complaining about them, and their Land Rover being navy blue lol.

It's in Hunger Hurts: https://web.archive.org/web/20130201235747/http://agirlcalledjack.com/2012/07/30/hunger-hurts/

Interestingly, she removed the essay that made her famous from her site last year and replaced it with Potatoes, which has a lot of defensive asides aimed directly at Tattle...

 

[Emmapism]

The watch thing still staggers me to be honest. How anyone can claim to be from a poor working class family and have a 4 grand watch on their wrist....

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Long ranty post about the obscenity of the watch deleted.

How many £20 shops could that Omega have bought?

LOTS.