Jack Monroe #190 The sloppening

[Lanie]

Not gonna lie actually thought you meant the American actress Cameron Diaz thought I might get a glimpse of the old Benji madden. My mate used to fancy him back in the days of good Charlotte wanted to see if he had got fat and old.

Why does she only retweet stuff she's done. She's so weird.

 

[Fruitjack]

Tonight’s the night everyone! Stand by your beds.

 

[Vanelope]

Not gonna lie actually thought you meant the American actress Cameron Diaz thought I might get a glimpse of the old Benji madden. My mate used to fancy him back in the days of good Charlotte wanted to see if he had got fat and old.

Why does she only retweet stuff she's done. She's so weird.

I met him many many years ago backstage at a gig. They are both about 4 ft tall.

 

[Pixieboots]

Not gonna lie actually thought you meant the American actress Cameron Diaz thought I might get a glimpse of the old Benji madden. My mate used to fancy him back in the days of good Charlotte wanted to see if he had got fat and old.

Why does she only retweet stuff she's done. She's so weird.

I think it IS that Cameron Diaz.

 

[Oxford_Girl]

Jack can retweet when it is about Jack but not Full time meals ? Really shows their character

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Finally, I've made it to the present! Thanks very Jack much Jack for holding off the chaos and giving me a chance to grunk for my life. I actually had about six weeks away from Jack and these threads and I didn't hear mention of her once in my non tattle life. Oh I tell I lie, I logged in to twitter for the first time in ages and one of my friends had retweeted her "hunchy hunch" attention seeking tweet but aside from that nothing. I think it confirms that she really isn't well known at all outside the hellscape that is the twittersphere.

Despite Jack's absence these threads have been such a hoot! I love that Mrs J is now Lord Jesus Compton I can't decide if the night of Jack inspo quotes or Jack as Bowls was funnier. I laughed so much at both of those! I applaud you for sacrificing your taste buds and attempting some of her recipes. You are braver Frauen/Herren than me!

Also, Fack Monroe. Enough said!

I've missed being with the cabal in real time so just wanted to share with you a little something I've been working on. It's taken me all weekend thirty minutes with much howling, wailing and clawing but here, I present to you, softly, gently, my lil' slopbot stitch.

View attachment 577811

I realise this is as useful to you all as a drawing of sponsorbot is to an actual recovering alcoholic but nevertheless he was stitched with love and with thanks for the many laughs you've brought me over the last year.

Now duck off!

Edit: Terrible spelling

I’m sorry were you holding something? I was distracted by your clean hands and pretty nails...

Welcome back to real time PC!

 

[FrumpyCat]

Jack can retweet when it is about Jack but not Full time meals ? Really shows their character

I suppose Jack might have contractual obligations about retweetin

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I suppose Jack might have contractual obligations about retweetin

Plus, its a retweet about that issue of Delicious Magazine with the legendary letter to Philippe. Full Time Meals pales in comparison.

 

[Emmapism]

Oh Phillipe. I actually cried laughing that day.

 

[Flumps]

While it’s oh so quiet on the chaos front I have had time to notice 3 things that might have caused a tremor in the Southend/aparthotel/LJC house/celery, Edinburgh/wherever the duck today....

1. A certain DKL presenter teaming up with the RAF. FGS HE’S NOT THE ONE WHO IS MILITARY AROUND THE EDGES!!!!! Those flying fools



2. Ruby Tandoh’s rather lovely new idea about making baking accessible for those who struggle with written instructions. Food and disability/neurodiversity? Get out of their niche, Tandoh.**



3. The Guild of Food Writers awards announcement. Particularly the 3rd nomination in the Food Book award category. Don’t they know there’s only one true source for class/food analysis and it’s available on Twitter. Who needs a whole, well researched book on the subject. There are lists of childhood favourites to be nominated.

Awards 2021 Finalists

*Actually I have a dim memory but too lazy to check that Matt has had years of association with the RAF.
**This is a brilliant idea and I missed it before, but she’s just republicised it.

 

[Fruitjack]

Well. I don’t know where to start. I followed the recipe exactly to the letter which included not rinsing the jackfruit, peeling the ginger or adding salt to the pattie mix.

I have tested THOUSANDS of cookbook recipes so I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I still do not believe that my sauce could possibly be the same as Jack’s. It’s a completely different colour and texture and didn’t achieve anything like the texture of ‘posh ketchup’, although to be fair neither does
the sauce in Jack’s picture. I’ve got a video of my trying to drop the sauce off the spoon in the Wily Coyote fashion described, but I can’t see how to post it

Honestly it came out much better than I expected, that is to say, it was edible. I really didn’t think the patties would hold together at all but although they were a bit fragile they did. The sauce looks nothing like Jack’s but it tasted OK. The patties were very odd, they managed to taste of tin and brine but equally no seasoning at all. I used the same brand of jackfruit as Jack. It definitely needed a good rinse and either more soy or more salt. I thought 1/2tsp of dried herbs would totally disappear but I could still taste that slightly dusty flavour (they aren’t old).

So it didn’t taste too bad. But I had no idea what to serve it with. I tried to get something that looked like Jack’s so I could show off my GIFTED dish so I cooked some orzo with spinach and coriander. But, even though I am only very smol and 100% vegan but alas not a bodybuilder, even with a reasonable portion of orzo I had to eat 2 patties, 2 pineapple slices and most of the sauce, and I am still not full, because it contains almost no protein, and no carbs (without my orzo addition). This is making me feel greedy and I’m very glad I have a healthy relationship with food.

It’s cheaper for a whole pineapple in Aldi than it is for a tiny tin of Del Monte, though I fully appreciate that tinned is more convenient and you do need sharp knives and a bit of skill to tackle a whole one. But I certainly could have used an own brand version. Even using Jack’s questionable pricing it was £1.50 without the orzo addition.

In retrospect I’d have made only half but I didn’t want to have half a tin of jackfruit leftover or have to measure half the juice. I can’t say I’m looking forward to leftovers even though it was a lot better than I expected.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not gutted that that recipe sort of worked. It’s ruined my whole evening.

 

[Readingismyhobby]

Well. I don’t know where to start. I followed the recipe exactly to the letter which included not rinsing the jackfruit, peeling the ginger or adding salt to the pattie mix.
View attachment 578322
I have tested THOUSANDS of cookbook recipes so I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I still do not believe that my sauce could possibly be the same as Jack’s. It’s a completely different colour and texture and didn’t achieve anything like the texture of ‘posh ketchup’, although to be fair neither does
the sauce in Jack’s picture. I’ve got a video of my trying to drop the sauce off the spoon in the Wily Coyote fashion described, but I can’t see how to post it

Honestly it came out much better than I expected, that is to say, it was edible. I really didn’t think the patties would hold together at all but although they were a bit fragile they did. The sauce looks nothing like Jack’s but it tasted OK. The patties were very odd, they managed to taste of tin and brine but equally no seasoning at all. I used the same brand of jackfruit as Jack. It definitely needed a good rinse and either more soy or more salt. I thought 1/2tsp of dried herbs would totally disappear but I could still taste that slightly dusty flavour (they aren’t old).

So it didn’t taste too bad. But I had no idea what to serve it with. I tried to get something that looked like Jack’s so I could show off my GIFTED dish so I cooked some orzo with spinach and coriander. But, even though I am only very smol and 100% vegan but alas not a bodybuilder, even with a reasonable portion of orzo I had to eat 2 patties, 2 pineapple slices and most of the sauce, and I am still not full, because it contains almost no protein, and no carbs (without my orzo addition). This is making me feel greedy and I’m very glad I have a healthy relationship with food.

It’s cheaper for a whole pineapple in Aldi than it is for a tiny tin of Del Monte, though I fully appreciate that tinned is more convenient and you do need sharp knives and a bit of skill to tackle a whole one. But I certainly could have used an own brand version. Even using Jack’s questionable pricing it was £1.50 without the orzo addition.

In retrospect I’d have made only half but I didn’t want to have half a tin of jackfruit leftover or have to measure half the juice. I can’t say I’m looking forward to leftovers even though it was a lot better than I expected.View attachment 578336View attachment 578338View attachment 578339

I’d be lying if I said I’m not gutted that that recipe sort of worked. It’s ruined my whole evening.

You were brave cooking that recipe. No offence, those burgers look awful (I know it’s because of the ingredients). How bad was the fried pineapples?

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

Oi Vlad, leave it out will ya.....

 

[Fruitjack]

You were brave cooking that recipe. No offence, those burgers look awful (I know it’s because of the ingredients). How bad was the fried pineapples?

the pineapple was ok but it was definitely something chucked on the top of the dish to meet the brief of using a tin of pineapple rings rather than using them a starting point for a lovely griddled salsa, a cashew fried rice, a dansak type lentil curry or something where it’s an integral part of the dish.

I just burped and it tasted of a rusty tin can.

I feel like I’ve broken the thread!

 

[drusy]

I think another thing that is “once and done” is her working relationships. I have lost track of the number of people she has worked with that then go onto do stuff all up in her niche but without her. She never gets invited back. Immediately springing to mind -

Daily Kitchen Live (and Sat kitchen),
Dr Rupi web show (and his new C4 season with Hellmans proudly sponsoring), Dancing around demanding a masher with Marcus (and Full Time Meals),
Veganuary (and I would bet my house Linda Mc. won’t “collaborate” again)
This Morning - raw pasta anyone?
Sainsbo
Guardian recipe slot

Pls add, cabal - it would be interesting to see how badly “rumours of her being difficult to work with” have spread.

BIB Ah, Louisa J Christ, I would love to know!!

I like to imagine the whole DKL shitshow came about, after a conversation that might have gone something like this...

Scene: The crappy bungalow, after tea. Not-so-SB is at his dad's. JM and LJC are having a chat, or at least JM is talking animatedly about her favourite subject, while LJC is thinking about buying another bike.

JM: 'Me, me, me, I, I, I, self, self, self, blah, blah blah' (notices LJC's attention has wandered) 'LOUISA!! You're not listening to ME, ME, MEEE!!'

LJC: 'I am Jack, honest'.
(LJC desperately tries to think of a subject to defuse the potential chaos tantrum, which she senses may be hovering ominously on the horizon).
'Er, Channel 4 are going to run a lockdown programme about how to use up store cupboard ingredients.'

JM: 'Oh Louisa! Why didn't you tell me before! My own show at last!!'

LJC: (Horrified) 'No Jack, I didn't say that..'

JM: 'WH-AAT?!! But literally no one else could do it! I am the LITERAL poverty food expert! Who else could possibly present a show like that? Eh? Eh?! EH?!!'

LJC: 'But it's not really about poverty, more about using up store cupboard items..'

JM: (not listening to LJC) 'ME! That's who! MEEEE!!'

LJC: 'Jack, it's really not about poverty, as such..'

JM: (still not listening to LJC) 'MEEE! MEEEEE! MEEEEEE!!'

LJC: 'Jack, it's going to be presented by Jamie O..'

JM: 'WHAT!! How DARE that bleeping man get up in my LITERAL bleeping niche!! The bleeping, bleeping BASTARD!!'

LJC: 'But...'

JM: 'Don't take his side!!'

LJC: *sighs*

**
Much later, Jack is still wailing, screeching, clawing and bellowing all manner of rude things about That Man.

LJC: (Head in hands) 'for duck's, bleeping sake, Jack, put the bleeping tins DOWN!' (LJC reaches for her phone and tries to think which of her TV contacts might be unfortunate enough to owe her a truly massive favour...).

Just my opinion, m'lud, not suggesting the above scene actually happened, or that LJC is so sweary in real life, or indeed, that a favour, (massive or otherwise) had to be called in to get JM on DKL. I'm sure she just has a very good agent...

 

[PoorPatrol]

the pineapple was ok but it was definitely something chucked on the top of the dish to meet the brief of using a tin of pineapple rings rather than using them a starting point for a lovely griddled salsa, a cashew fried rice, a dansak type lentil curry or something where it’s an integral part of the dish.

I just burped and it tasted of a rusty tin can.

I feel like I’ve broken the thread!

I’m actually dead at rusty tin can. I’m gone. I’m with the angles just like Pythagoras would have wanted (RIP)

 

[Fruitjack]

See Gary Usher has been getting all up in Jack’s niche on that How to Save a Grand programme on Channel 4. He definitely gives as good as he gets on Twitter; I’d love it if Jack started crying about him taking her job.

 

[fauxpoor]

Well. I don’t know where to start. I followed the recipe exactly to the letter which included not rinsing the jackfruit, peeling the ginger or adding salt to the pattie mix.
View attachment 578322
I have tested THOUSANDS of cookbook recipes so I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I still do not believe that my sauce could possibly be the same as Jack’s. It’s a completely different colour and texture and didn’t achieve anything like the texture of ‘posh ketchup’, although to be fair neither does
the sauce in Jack’s picture. I’ve got a video of my trying to drop the sauce off the spoon in the Wily Coyote fashion described, but I can’t see how to post it

Honestly it came out much better than I expected, that is to say, it was edible. I really didn’t think the patties would hold together at all but although they were a bit fragile they did. The sauce looks nothing like Jack’s but it tasted OK. The patties were very odd, they managed to taste of tin and brine but equally no seasoning at all. I used the same brand of jackfruit as Jack. It definitely needed a good rinse and either more soy or more salt. I thought 1/2tsp of dried herbs would totally disappear but I could still taste that slightly dusty flavour (they aren’t old).

So it didn’t taste too bad. But I had no idea what to serve it with. I tried to get something that looked like Jack’s so I could show off my GIFTED dish so I cooked some orzo with spinach and coriander. But, even though I am only very smol and 100% vegan but alas not a bodybuilder, even with a reasonable portion of orzo I had to eat 2 patties, 2 pineapple slices and most of the sauce, and I am still not full, because it contains almost no protein, and no carbs (without my orzo addition). This is making me feel greedy and I’m very glad I have a healthy relationship with food.

It’s cheaper for a whole pineapple in Aldi than it is for a tiny tin of Del Monte, though I fully appreciate that tinned is more convenient and you do need sharp knives and a bit of skill to tackle a whole one. But I certainly could have used an own brand version. Even using Jack’s questionable pricing it was £1.50 without the orzo addition.

In retrospect I’d have made only half but I didn’t want to have half a tin of jackfruit leftover or have to measure half the juice. I can’t say I’m looking forward to leftovers even though it was a lot better than I expected.View attachment 578336View attachment 578338View attachment 578339

I’d be lying if I said I’m not gutted that that recipe sort of worked. It’s ruined my whole evening.

If it's any consolation it does look inedible.

I’m actually dead at rusty tin can. I’m gone. I’m with the angles just like Pythagoras would have wanted (RIP)

same, babes

I am actually enjoying the threads more without Jack and her chaos.
I think so much of what she twatters on about on twitter is so triggering and offensive
it's harder to find the humour.

Whilst we can just try out her recipes(!) there is no grifting to inflame our sensibilities.

Also I am AWAY
again.
(I think I might be Jack)

 

[Irena]

Sterling effort, but I have to say, before the patties are formed it looks just like Purina Gourmet Perle.

 

[Fruitjack]

Incidentally this is what I could see of her site on my phone when it first loaded. I can 100% assure you that those are not personalised ads. It’s actually appalling that an ad could take up so much space. And yet her recipes are ‘free’. And I forgot she tagged it gluten free but didn’t qualify to use GF soya sauce. An easy substitution to make if you know about it but if you were cooking for someone who was GF you wouldn’t, plus it’d cost more.