Jack Monroe #188 Jack sits on a train of lies

[Orphan_Black]

That bowl is half empty! Make it reach the top or use a smaller one! Also, chocolate sprinkles on a fruit trifle? Make it make sense.

There can't be much jelly bit under that cream from the looks of the bowl. That's a crappy trifle.

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

Her cooking makes me want to chunder.

 

[Lanie]

There can't be much jelly bit under that cream from the looks of the bowl. That's a crappy trifle.

Trifle gives me the boak anyway. It's so sickly.

It just looks like a vat of whipped cream tbh.

 

[misshydrangea]

Thread is pure fire today frauen. I stupidly looked at my phone and read a few posts whilst on a zoom call with my camera ON and had to very quickly, softly and gently, turn the camera OFF due to the very visible hysteria.

 

[MancBee]

Ok I have had a thought, If I had mushrooms, and onion perhaps maybe an egg( just one mind) I'd make a dinky omelette.
Never ever ever would I think soup.

Ooooo you've just made my mind up. I had no idea what to have for lunch, and all the photos of Jack's recipes didn't help. In fact I think they were actually making me feel queasy. Especially the uncooked egg in what looks like fag ash, mixed with dishwater to a mud consistency.

I'm going to have a dinky mushroom omlet.

 

[AdultHumanFemale]

My current favourite tit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

 

[Orphan_Black]

Trifle gives me the boak anyway. It's so sickly.

Babe, same x

I had one mouthful of trifle as a kid and noped right out of there. Blamange, angel delight, and custard will also make me heave if I think about them too much.

And Jack's food, that's the most boakable of all.

 

[LavaFlake]

My current favourite tit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

View attachment 569286View attachment 569287

I swear someone who had been to a Jack Monroe cook along said this tasted like dog food

 

[MancBee]

My current favourite tit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

View attachment 569286View attachment 569287

2 tablespoons of chopped garlic. To get that amount of would be about three whole bulbs! How many was this supposed to feed?

 

[Lyricallie]

My current favourite tit recipe from Monroe is the beautiful abomination:

Tinned steak, mango* and black bean curry

*(Any other orange fruits will also do, see recipe!)

View attachment 569286View attachment 569287

I'm getting irrationally annoyed at the word canned.

 

[FrumpyCat]

The day she posts a photo of a burger & chips I will be shooketh. I love a good stew or a one pot dish but not for every single meal.

I remember Jack posting a picture of her take on a Macy's and it looked edible.

 

[PoorPatrol]

For the ninnies unaware of my body of work, I am making Jack’s tomato and olive scuffins, as seen upthread.

Please note that this ‘recipe’ calls for 225g of flour, 400g of tinned tomatoes, and 150ml of milk plus x3 tbsps of oil. For SIX SCUFFINS (scone muffins, lolz) !

Slop was expected. Slop was received.

I could have cried tipping 150ml of milk onto a tomatoey floury pile of slop, it was already looking like afterbirth.
Pre-milk

post-milk:

 

[Vanelope]

Don't forget the tattoos with the big, blurry thick lines. Making sure we can see her 'tough stickers'. I have some bad ink too but it was done in 1985 and I keep that well hidden!

I keep my old and blurry ones covered up too!

My 8 year old is the same! i was the smug mum with an 18 month old who scoffed down smoked mackerel and olives and hummus and curry and was punished for that smugness by having an 8 year old who only likes vegetables and beige food with no flavour and for the love of LJC, NOTHING mixed up!

I’m be got one of those too - but without the vegetables. Only beige and nothing spicy! (Spicy includes certain sausages, sometimes toast, peanuts and tomato sauce)

 

[PoorPatrol]

I began to soothingly gently mix the silky slop with my electronic whisk that I found in a puddle, it was all very maverick and chefs kiss

 

[SpamNugget]

For the ninnies unaware of my body of work, I am making Jack’s tomato and olive scuffins, as seen upthread.

Please note that this ‘recipe’ calls for 225g of flour, 400g of tinned tomatoes, and 150ml of milk plus x3 tbsps of oil. For SIX SCUFFINS (scone muffins, lolz) !

Slop was expected. Slop was received.

I could have cried tipping 150ml of milk onto a tomatoey floury pile of slop, it was already looking like afterbirth.
Pre-milk
View attachment 569295
post-milk:
View attachment 569296

....RUN ...quickly ,don't look back and call 999.

 

[Vanelope]

I began to soothingly gently mix the silky slop with my electronic whisk that I found in a puddle, it was all very maverick and chefs kiss
View attachment 569298

If you put a duck load more flour in it to get rid of the slop you might save them.

it was auto but the amount of flour equivalent to an adult duck weight is probably about right.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

....RUN ...quickly ,don't look back and call 999.

Or the CPS will come for your kids.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Now, this may look like vomit for those peripatetic types unfamiliar with restaurant parlance, but I couldn’t help but scamper off to bed and lick it from my fingers, my ovaries groaning at the taste of an unexpected glob of milk curdled with the humble canned tomatoes

 

[Switchstreetz]

Later that day, poor Caroline was ‘treated’ to this monstrosity as Jack was pretending to be running a restaurant in her living room like when she played dress-up in Allegra’s professional kitchen. Rumour has it that her hands haven’t been seen since.

View attachment 569081

I'm beginning to think Caroline resorted to eating her own hands as the alternative was having Jack's cooking

 

[PoorPatrol]

Now, you sad little hausfraus, if you thought I was going to do my usual senselessly minuscule portions, please think again and #bekind

I have surprised you all, by making so much slop, that there’s still loads more left after filling TWELVE muffin tins!

And Louisa J Christ on a bike proclaimed, let there be slop!