Jack Monroe #188 Jack sits on a train of lies

Shawads · May 11, 2021

TurnedUpInTipp said:
Snaps menu shut.
"Oh I don't know what I want, just bring me something Bilious.. "

I can honestly say until I found this thread I never o ce considered cooking with mandarins, tinned or otherwise.
It seems from this that they are a staple in Jack's cookery, going back some years, not just a way to shoehorn in del monte for their dreadful collab

Gordon78 · May 11, 2021

I know we're having to make our own fun right now, but, @PoorPatrol, you've gone above and beyond. I genuinely laughed out loud at your posts. Thankyou!

If the scruffins aren't your thing, can I tempt you with a sprout scone?

PoorPatrol · May 11, 2021

Gordon78 said:
I know we're having to make our own fun right now, but, @PoorPatrol, you've gone above and beyond. I genuinely laughed out loud at your posts. Thankyou!

If the scruffins aren't your thing, can I tempt you with a sprout scone?

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They. Are not. Scones. I’m howling and clawing on the stairs of my crappy bungalow reading that recipe. They’re not scones, they’re not scones, they’re NOT motherfunkin sconessssss!!!

Scones are flour, butter, no egg (only to glaze), and not fried. These are fritters. Fritters I tell ya! What a world.

Veronicaaa · May 11, 2021

Gordon78 said:
I know we're having to make our own fun right now, but, @PoorPatrol, you've gone above and beyond. I genuinely laughed out loud at your posts. Thankyou!

If the scruffins aren't your thing, can I tempt you with a sprout scone?

View attachment 569432 View attachment 569433

She fries the scones?? In a pan??? for a few minutes on each side???? And expects them to rise????????????

veryfondoftea · May 11, 2021

Bravo @PoorPatrol that was a brilliant read and I am sorry, but not remotely shocked, that they were revolting.

Candytuft · May 11, 2021

Isn’t it lovely, being so quiet. No horrid perfomative stuff.
No crimes against kittens * the worst that brings me to tears when I think * no begging or bad food.
Bliss.

PoorPatrol · May 11, 2021

Veronicaaa said:
She fries the scones?? In a pan??? for a few minutes on each side???? And expects them to rise????????????

That’s what old chief really said - ‘Scones, in a paaaaan???’

Brian Butterfield · May 11, 2021

Candytuft said:
Isn’t it lovely, being so quiet. No horrid perfomative stuff.
No crimes against kittens * the worst that brings me to tears when I think * no begging or bad food.
Bliss.

Couldn’t agree more. I love it when she’s quiet.

I do wonder which of her Twitter alts she’s furiously Tweeting away on though. Not a chance in hell she’s not still active somewhere.

Orphan_Black · May 11, 2021

@PoorPatrol Massive salute to you for attempting those! I was so invested in seeing how they came out

Jelly Bean · May 11, 2021

Is that not a part in all of us that would have been massively disappointed if those scruffins had turned out well?

Pocahontas · May 11, 2021

Veronicaaa said:
She fries the scones?? In a pan??? for a few minutes on each side???? And expects them to rise????????????

It’s like béchamel sauce all over again.

DisgruntledGoat · May 11, 2021

You’re braver than the troops, @PoorPatrol

The reason her dad’s trifle is stingy as duck on the cream and made with ASDA’S OWN BRAND fruit is because two professional salaries, fostering dollar and a property portfolio is simply not enough to live on. Their kitchen was a plank balanced across a bannister, remember?!

Scones are the ultimate frugal dessert so it’s no wonder she can’t make them for tit.

ChickenPorridge · May 11, 2021

Absolutely dead at the scuffins! Hilarity aside though, what a total waste of good ingredients. Ingredients that those she directs her slop manuals towards absolutely can't afford to waste!

Mr Krabs · May 11, 2021

Sloppy scuffins sounds like an old timey Victorian insult for a street urchin.

Egads, Mabel. Did you see the sloppy scuffins over there? Why that young lady has the tattoos of a sailor!

Captainmouse · May 11, 2021

ChickenPorridge said:
Absolutely dead at the scuffins! Hilarity aside though, what a total waste of good ingredients. Ingredients that those she directs her slop manuals towards absolutely can't afford to waste!

Plus the time and of course the cost of cooking

Aquamarina · May 11, 2021

I salute you @PoorPatrol for taking one for the cabal. I have been hooting and fizzing away at your Jack Monroe cooking adventures. I don’t know how she has the gall to suggest these type of recipes that clearly haven’t been tested (and look like they’d taste like tit anyway) to people who can ill afford to waste ingredients.

Emmapism · May 11, 2021

No they've been triple tested! But are also one and done. But also triple tested by home economists. Or something.

BUY MY BOOKS

Jelly Bean · May 11, 2021

Is the truth Jack assumes no one in their right minds would make them from the names and ingredients alone?
Eg sprout scone, sausagne?
Make them sound as awful as possible then no need to test them.

Lanie · May 11, 2021

Veronicaaa said:
She fries the scones?? In a pan??? for a few minutes on each side???? And expects them to rise????????????

Is she trying to make soda farls?

They are not a scone but you lightly griddle them in a well floured pan. Perhaps she thought you could do it for all bread.

Sideboard Bob · May 11, 2021

PoorPatrol said:
There’s not a single picture of her scuffins on the entire Internet.

That’s thanks to the advice Jack received from Prince Mate Harry.

Seriously though @PoorPatrol you are heroic, I’ve been hooting. This has been the cherry on top of an already hilarious thread. Thank SPACE you.