Jack Monroe #187 Who does she think she is, flippin' Cher?

[schmetterling]

Are you bleeping kidding me? I Fuxking love the Jo Hos knocking on...I have moved from Manchester to the saddest village in the world, gone are the days I tell them I’m a Jedi...me and the Jo Hos go to battle about Jebus the Lard and it’s the most fun I have with my clothes on (and actually off) these days. I’m thinking I might write back asking for some literature and a catch up after lock down

Family legend - my great grandfather (he's DEAD) had a ferocious temper and was once approached by a door-to-door 'do you know about Jesus' type couple of flunkeys. He roared 'I AM GOD' at them and they pissed off pretty sharpish

 

[Emmapism]

Thanks for doing the new thread my angel @traumatised sideboard

I would say I can't believe that Jack is back on social media after a lengthy 12 hour absence but I can. Of course I can.

Same as it ever was

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Good news everyone, I've just set up my embroidery business. You can send me your ideas for commissions but I won't adhere to them because I'm a maverick genius and I will not have my creativity stifled.

(Did I miss a Slopbot chaos? I am trying not to over-reference him as I'm acutely aware that if you don't find it funny it's probably very annoying which is understandable)

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Hey y'all, I'm baaaaaaaack

My very 1st thread title! Shucks, you guys!
However, I don't like Yakult..I just don't, it makes me suspicious. Could I swap it for an overpriced hipster Kombucha or something else from the communal cabal Smëg?

Have I missed much? I couldn't fail to spot Billie-Jo Jack with that shirt.. Does anyone know if you can fit spurs onto Nike Vapor Max? Yee-haw.

 

[Flash123]

Good news everyone, I've just set up my embroidery business. You can send me your ideas for commissions but I won't adhere to them because I'm a maverick genius and I will not have my creativity stifled.

View attachment 559797

(Did I miss a Slopbot chaos? I am trying not to over-reference him as I'm acutely aware that if you don't find it funny it's probably very annoying which is understandable)

Does that spell out twit?

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Good news everyone, I've just set up my embroidery business. You can send me your ideas for commissions but I won't adhere to them because I'm a maverick genius and I will not have my creativity stifled.

View attachment 559797

(Did I miss a Slopbot chaos? I am trying not to over-reference him as I'm acutely aware that if you don't find it funny it's probably very annoying which is understandable)

The hidden word is so well done it actually looks accidental, bravo

 

[traumatised sideboard]

You can eat the parsley instead @SweetTransvestite or there's a whole lime if you'd prefer? Perhaps some wild garlic picked from along a bus route in metropolitan London?

I was looking through the replies to the initial embroidery tweet (there are A LOT including the Mary Poppins impersonator) and had a good lol at this one. It's fine squig, don't you know she's only 90% vegan?

 

[SweetTransvestite]

You can eat the parsley instead @SweetTransvestite or there's a whole lime if you'd prefer? Perhaps some wild garlic picked from along a bus route in metropolitan London?

I was looking through the replies to the initial embroidery tweet (there are A LOT including the Mary Poppins impersonator) and had a good lol at this one. It's fine squig, don't you know she's only 90% vegan?

View attachment 559825

Thanks @traumatised sideboard obviously my brian hasn't taken on board the alternative choices, I'll take the passive aggressive lime if I may?
I'm not a fan of dog-piss urban/wild garlic and parsley reminds me of the 1980's chef Patrick Anthony on a regional tv news programme who sprinkled it liberally on absolutely EVERYTHING, and I mean, everything.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I've only seen that flower/dirt/denim shirt twice and I already hate the bleeping sight of it.
I really really don't think there is much wrong with Jack health wise.
She's played this game too often. I think bruised ego and retreat from appalling tweeting behaviour plus hiding from book deadlines (without losing the money) is at the root cause.
If she is ill then I hope she gets well soon but I certainly do not feel bad for being cynical because she has done this over and over again. She is a master manipulator.

 

[Carmina-Piranha]

Family legend - my great grandfather (he's DEAD) had a ferocious temper and was once approached by a door-to-door 'do you know about Jesus' type couple of flunkeys. He roared 'I AM GOD' at them and they pissed off pretty sharpish

My first boyfriend all six and a half ft tall of him, was so annoyed by GWs knocking constantly, he opened the door to them stark bollock naked. As we had 2 steps up into the house, let's just say they had a right eyeful. Funny enough, they never came back...

 

[PoorPatrol]

You can eat the parsley instead @SweetTransvestite or there's a whole lime if you'd prefer? Perhaps some wild garlic picked from along a bus route in metropolitan London?

I was looking through the replies to the initial embroidery tweet (there are A LOT including the Mary Poppins impersonator) and had a good lol at this one. It's fine squig, don't you know she's only 90% vegan?

View attachment 559825

I’m hooting up my last bit of lung, at “Brian not woken up”. It seems auto is now bullying the poor Squiggles. As if Jack gives a flying duck about anyone or anything, let alone the plight of silkworms

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Once Jack opens her embroidery business I reeeeally want to commission some plain white tshirts with her own sayings embroidered on the pocket. Just a white tshirt with a tiny packet of mince and “well it just is innit. They take fat out and put fat in” or whatever the quote is. And one with the little prayer hands emoji and “thanks very Matt much, Matt” underneath

She’d have to fulfil me orders to get the money but it would really piss her off

 

[Orphan_Black]

I've only seen that flower/dirt/denim shirt twice and I already hate the bleeping sight of it.
I really really don't think there is much wrong with Jack health wise.
She's played this game too often. I think bruised ego and retreat from appalling tweeting behaviour plus hiding from book deadlines (without losing the money) is at the root cause.
If she is ill then I hope she gets well soon but I certainly do not feel bad for being cynical because she has done this over and over again. She is a master manipulator.

She needs that money plus all her Patreons to fund her 5 week and counting London hotel bill. Like damn, we gotta be at least 2 grand in now?!

 

[SweetTransvestite]

Once Jack opens her embroidery business I reeeeally want to commission some plain white tshirts with her own sayings embroidered on the pocket. Just a white tshirt with a tiny packet of mince and “well it just is innit. They take fat out and put fat in” or whatever the quote is. And one with the little prayer hands emoji and “thanks very Matt much, Matt” underneath

She’d have to fulfil me orders to get the money but it would really piss her off

Oh my days, I absolutely love this. We could call it 'The Cabal Collection' & use some of our inspirational quotes from a few threads back.
I wouldn't say no to a hoodie with a potato on the front and the whole poverty porn opus stitched onto the back.

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Is Sumo Jack about to happen? What’s going on with her hair?

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Oh my days, I absolutely love this. We could call it 'The Cabal Collection' & use some of our inspirational quotes from a few threads back.
I wouldn't say no to a hoodie with a potato on the front and the whole poverty porn opus stitched onto the back.

that would certainly take her a bank holiday weekend to stitch.
Ooh! Cabal Collection joggers with UNCTUOUS across the bum

edit: sometimes I spell bad

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Open for cross stitch commissions.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Good news everyone, I've just set up my embroidery business. You can send me your ideas for commissions but I won't adhere to them because I'm a maverick genius and I will not have my creativity stifled.

View attachment 559797

(Did I miss a Slopbot chaos? I am trying not to over-reference him as I'm acutely aware that if you don't find it funny it's probably very annoying which is understandable)

That’s what makes it funnier

 

[ReginaPhalangee]

Black tshirt with “🤍 Please leave me alone”

ok I’ll stop. But I would wear all these. Except the joggers.

 

[schmetterling]

Oh my days, I absolutely love this. We could call it 'The Cabal Collection' & use some of our inspirational quotes from a few threads back.
I wouldn't say no to a hoodie with a potato on the front and the whole poverty porn opus stitched onto the back.

I would buy Cabal merch faster than ADHDJackie embroidering muddy flower pots