Jack Monroe #147 We honestly didn’t expect the backlash

[Emmapism]

So half an hour ago I get a knock at my flat door. My neighbour said 'I know you've been working hard and you're up here on your own, so this is for you'

She had made a veggie curry and had enough for an extra portion I was just about to start cooking my dinner so it was perfect timing. Honestly I could cry. Day made.

 

[Flumps]

 

[traumatised sideboard]

While we've got a quiet moment, if you're interested I have completed part of the onion police investigation into Jack's activities. Unfortunately we can't yet hold her to account for all her crimes because it's a very time consuming process and I'm busy (I've got to BREATHE and BLINK and WEAR CLOTHES ffs).

 

[Skyfall]

Oh my! Sorry if these have been posted before- just came across them!

 

[Five hundred dogs]

“You wouldn’t last a week with my list of responsibilities.”

One part time 10 year old, a couple of pets, some online ranting and slop creation? Give me a break. People who actually have a huge amount of responsibilities tend to just get on with it, they certainly don’t have the time to endlessly tweet about how very extremely busy they are.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Go on, Jack, can you?

 

[Astromum]

Have I missed something, who are you dear heart? Do you come to us from a particular Southend based WhatsApp group

I work in food. Yes cookbooks are very expensive, especially new. Anyway no one feels they can say publicly what they think about her stories, (she's backed by some powerful people). It'd be like kicking a kitten. But it's good to see a bunch of people that do see through her stories.

 

[Flumps]

No, not a friend but work in the same industry. Don't want to reveal who I am tbh. There are a few of us who are very cynical about her claims to poverty, her ability to cook, all the 'illnesses'.

I see others have already wondered if you are Nicola Miller. Wouldn't dream of asking you to blow your cover, but if you are, or indeed if NM is an esteemed lurker, then just wanted to say I've loved your Twitter for ages. I love how you talk about food. It makes me happy.

If you are Matt T (or his wife), then ummm, this is awkward. I'm really sorry about all that forearm stuff last year. It was the first lockdown and I didn't have a lot to focus on.

Those cinnamon buns are a fucking abomination. So much of her food is offputting, but when she get all up in the baking niche, I get professionally offended.

 

[Ellabella]

Using 'prune' as an insult in this last screenshot, when she's meant to be promoting them.

Title suggestion (too early I know):
Jack Monroe #148 Ya Prune.

 

[colouredlines]

In perfect antithesis to her dry AF toast of the Gobi Desert, her buns are wet and greasy. Of course she’s eaten lots already like a greedy goblin.

View attachment 424820

Yeah, I’ll pass thanks Jack.

Looks like she's iced them when they're still hot, hence the middle bun being covered in a puddle of melted grease.

Does she know what food is supposed to look like? She's like a medieval European artist drawing an elephant.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Welcome to thread 147 named by @TheDragonWithAFlagon who thriftily decanted the words of the PR dept at Linda McCartney (RIP) and with an amazing 119 votes!
Your prize is an extension on your book submission deadline (again).

In our last thread-

1 The canal still love a tune. Write some prose, there’s nothing to it- vogue
2 @SweetTransvestite lost it and cockified a squiggle
3 Jack ruined four different foodstuffs at once for a client - who manufactures prunes and pineapple
4 She’s written 3000 words of fury for a parliamentary magazine education special. Hope she remembered the fronted adverbials!
5 Lest we forget...we will remember her and her bum
6 Pantaloons? On a filly?
7 what the hell has she done to her rented kitchen NOW? Covered it in pics...of herself
8 Viggles gonna viggle just as salt is salt and beans are beans
Most importantly, we learned how to jizz up tinned chicken by bunging it into a curry with jam. Or Hot Buttered toast with prune bread, best eaten near the loo.

 

[PeachyP]

Hope everyone has finished their lunch

 

[MooBelle]

I’m assuming it’s just a coincidence they’re all women. I also don’t understand why they are attending flashover training, I’m assuming they’re all call handlers?

That picture is apparently from Pride. The fire station did a charity fun day thingy and you could dress up in the uniform for a donation.
A poster confirmed it last year.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Yeah but Jack we know you’re shit at making Yorkshire puddings

Proof, for anyone who missed it:

 

[EverythingsBetterInPJs]

Fraus. I’ve gotten confused somewhere along the line (even tho I am neither autistic nor have severe anything......) but I’ve rescued some birds, and now I’m drying them out on the radiator in my shitty house that doesn’t have mushrooms on it. Then I’m blitzing them with these mixed herbs (in my power blender) to later add to my bath. That’s right isn’t it??!!

 

[MancBee]

I failed my 11 plus and went to a school for thicko's and the left behinds. Soon after, it changed from being a secondary modern to a comprehensive. Made no difference, still the same pupils and teachers. It was like a co-educational St, Trinians. It was rough as hell, in one of the most deprived areas of the UK. The teachers couldn't control us. One day we barricaded the staff room on the third floor at lunchtime so the teachers couldn't get out. Another time we all walked out at lunchtime and just stayed out on the school fields, refused to go back in. It was Karno's, the teachers often lost control.

Do you know what I did? Once I left school I went to night school, got a few qualifications. From work I got day release and did a diploma that got me into uni. Then I went to university where I got my degree. This was in the 70's when kids from my background were not expected to go onto further education.

Why does she keep harping back to when she was in school, and her lack of achievement? If she really thinks she is so "gifted and talented" why doesn't she do something about it to reach her potential? It is because she isn't gifted or talented, she is as thick as a brick. She demonstrates this daily on Twitter.

Jack, stop being defined by your school years, it was 20 years ago. You have lived more years since you left than you spent at school. It is in the past, leave it there.

 

[PoorPatrol]

Never not amusing.

This is my favourite

 

[Cunderthunt]

A viggle has appeared on the Metro article (same viggle in both comments).

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[kachoochoo]

this is shade, isn't it?

⁰