Jack Monroe #105 The slop thickens

[Blurp]

Why is it bleak to include hot water bottles? I know many people that use hot water bottles who have central heating and could well afford electric blankets but chose to use hot water bottles. I know that those who will receive these parcels will not have that choice, but it is a very effective way of making sure someone is warm.

I don't have heating (mice ate the plastic pipes under the floor and I can't afford the replacement) and I'm sad enough to make sure that the cats have a HWB in their basket in the kitchen in cold months - but a old-fashioned stone pig type that they can't burst .

 

[vale]

I think you’ve made a spelling mistake, that’s Potatoes™️ to you! It’s a scathing, ephemeral, polemical, peripatetic, unctuous work. Familiarise yourself with body of said work, pronto!

You forgot “emotive”

 

[jenny2603]

Randomly recommended to me on YouTube, despite watching nothing ever remotely similar ever as

(I did not view it.)

I feel watched, Vlad!!
View attachment 313002

I didn't know she had an Amish woman helping her make lasagne. Is this her long furloughed assistant or a helpful squiggle?

 

[Veronicaaa]

Crediting a drawing with stopping her from hitting the bottle is one of the most dangerous, downright stupid things I’ve ever seen her do. And that includes kitten gate. It’s just so harmful, why can’t her weird twisted little brain see that?!

I promise I'm not going to post and post and post about this but it's just gobsmacking, I will never get over it. I could not believe what I was reading when the penny dropped that she's not promoting a universal abstinence tool but a personalised cartoon? Honestly, words fail me.

 

[kachoochoo]

also, the sponsorbot appears to have a man bun, so should be arrested immediately.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

She has absolutely outdone herself today, despite claiming that she wouldn’t be tweeting much due to ouchy mouth number 362.

Crediting a drawing with stopping her from hitting the bottle is one of the most dangerous, downright stupid things I’ve ever seen her do. And that includes kitten gate. It’s just so harmful, why can’t her weird twisted little brain see that?!

Because her twisted little brain doesn't think about damage that she may do, because she doesn't care. She doesn't give thought to others in that way, only ever focused on herself and her wants and needs.

 

[Blurp]

Smeghead, I honestly keep thinking your profile photo is a wee willy

It’s my birthday today and I’m trying not to be miserable about it. Birthdays just aren’t the same when you’re an adult! I did manage to make Mom’s sexy banana, chocolate and tahini pudding for later.

Good grief, can you imagine being on that Zoom call and watching Cack swig awkwardly from that stupid blue vase? It wouldn’t have been a subtle sip either. Bad Zoom manners!
A wooden calculator - because she’s quirky and a bit out there! Make sure you don’t puppishly chew it Jack!

Happy birthday! May all your meals be edible and none of your drinks be served in a vase.

12-Year-Old Vegan Chef Lands Cooking Show On Major Children's TV Channel

'I don’t want animals to die or be eaten so I teach people my age to be vegan'

plantbasednews.org

let’s hope mackie doesn’t see this! a newbie getting a cookery show, she will spontaneously combust

Gosh, he's so much better than her on screen

 

[Ellabella]

She wanted to "wait until..could do it justice". What does that mean? The relapse was perfectly orchestrated to entice Louisa BB back, so does she mean she's wheeling it out now that the cunning plan worked.

 

[Smeghead]

She wanted to "wait until..could do it justice". What does that mean? The relapse was perfectly orchestrated to entice Louisa BB back, so does she mean she's wheeling it out now that the cunning plan worked.

The ridiculous thing is she DID mention it at the time!!!

 

[BooBooPoohPooh]

She needs it to walk around the supermarket being performatively poor.

Ear worm to Pulp's Common People; his GF thinking going around the supermarket with no money is such a laugh. Jarvis cuts in with his 'but I don't see anyone else laughing'.

 

[BeautifulTrauma]

Her tweet about her shite sandwich got more likes than her heart rending post about a bleeping picture and it’s effect on her sobriety (which is a lie as she mentions constantly about alcohol).

Even the guy who she credited seemed embarrassed. She just misses the mark. Every. Single. Time.

 

[Oofadoofa]

Its a weird thing, as ever she’s just over the moon that she got a shiny gift and can spin a story which places herself in the middle. One has to wonder though, the mysterious benefactor, how did they know that Monroe wanted this sponsor-bot thing, has she put the feelers out amongst wealthy acquaintances to see if she could find any takers, or has the art company done it on her behalf? Or has she commissioned it herself and telling yet another lie, or is there another possibility??

 

[Tabitha D]

I’m on a grunka so apologies if you’ve all moved on but someone mentioned how she is picking up words and phrases from these threads. It’s actually quite striking - “hair shirt” was another one, quite an unusual expression, used here and then she uses it a day or so later.
And as for the “Come to bed parmigiano” which she posted. It’s not a parmigiano for a start, cos that’s an oven-baked dish with aubergine, tomato and cheese, no pasta is involved.
And then she uses this sentence: “I found myself standing frozen in my kitchen, petrified, with a wooden spoon in my hand, wondering what to cook for her imminent arrival. I settled on this, and it has become eponymous, to me, with falling in love.”
She obviously doesn’t know what “eponymous” means as she’s used it wrongly. I think she must mean “synonymous”. And she has the nerve to call herself a writer!
Here’s some advice for you Jack, as we know you read here. BUY A bleeping DICTIONARY, USE IT and stop embarrassing yourself.

 

[emmer_moans]

No, Jack, please don’t tarnish Brassed Off for me!

Babe same, one of my favourite films ever, and Jack’s ruining it.

 

[Veronicaaa]

She wanted to "wait until..could do it justice". What does that mean? The relapse was perfectly orchestrated to entice Louisa BB back, so does she mean she's wheeling it out now that the cunning plan worked.

She was waiting to do justice to the #gift by making it all ~meaningful~. It's got absolutely duck all to do with sobriety, her own or anyone else's. All she's doing is punting business to the smol cartoon people IT MAKES ME SICK.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I’ve always thought the book looked cute, but, and I stress this is just my opinion, it’s not very good?View attachment 312963

It's an Egg on legs.

 

[Lanie]

Knowing how much Jack loves a portmanteau - I think @Mycuppatea has described what the contents of her drawer are known as when at rest?

Why does she need a calculator in the kitchen to work out the circumference of her bowls, to divide out how many portions a bowl of fresh slop yields?

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Why does she need a calculator in the kitchen to work out the circumference of her bowls, to divide out how many portions a bowl of fresh slop yields?

Nah. It's to work out how many Patreons make a mixer.

 

[emmer_moans]

Nah. It's to work out how many Patreons make a mixer.

And for working out how many sideboards can fit in a room.

 

[veryfondoftea]

Am I misunderstanding what this sponsor bot? Is it more than just a picture of an egg with legs? Or is that it? I don’t get it. It reminds me a bit of the Microsoft paper clip but a fat version and i can’t see how that would help someone to stop drinking?