Heartbreak.

[Barbie2020]

When my ex split with me he blocked me, didn’t give any real reason and wouldn’t talk to me. I was devastated. Turned out he had a bit of attention off other girls and was bored with me. I slowly started to get past it and just start to get myself in a place where I was eating and looking after myself. He had my sister on fb and as soon as he saw I was going out and having a nice time again bam he unblocked me and stared saying how he’d been struggling without me.

I fell for it, decided I still really loved him and would do anything to see him again and the games started up again for months. He was basically sleeping with me but didn’t want to officially get back together as he wanted to “take it slow”. Soon found out there was other girls involved and I was heartbroken again.

After quite a long time of being officially single I started seeing my current bf. And guess what? Ex wanted to get back with me then as he realised he didn’t want to lose me

My point is that most of the time they don’t want to be with you but they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else. As heartbroken and as much as you want to talk to them, carry on with no contact, I can guarantee it will save you further heartache down the line rather than placing so much hope on a message here and there. I wish I’d saved myself more pain.

 

[Platformcrocs]

I've been reading along and sending to everyone who's going through it. It's fucking crap. I know breakups are always "for a reason" but there's no avoiding the hurt they cause.

It's pretty much four years to the day since my major break up. Together for 5.5 years. He was working away for a few months which would involve leaving on a Sunday, home on Thursday. I got very weird vibes the week of the breakup, and something didn't feel right for a few weeks before. He never really used social media but started following a few new people and was using his phone a lot. I brushed it off because you can't start accusing people for using their phone. He came home on a Thursday as normal and was off the whole time and after dinner, he turned around and said he didn't think we should be together anymore.

And honestly, it broke me. I was completely blindsided. Our relationship was good for the most part, it could have probably been improved in places but we were only in our mid-20s and still finding our feet. I spent another 2 months living with him until I sorted out buying my own place and it was hell. The way that someone can seemingly just turn their feelings off, like he did, has stayed with me all this time. Pro tip - if you're gonna break up with someone you live with, at least have an exit plan in place, lol.

A month after I moved out, he got with someone else (yes, it is always the person you're suspicious of). Ultimately I feel a bit sorry for him because he was extremely emotionally stunted and very immature in a lot of ways, and I'm sure his current girlfriend will be aware of that. He didn't really have any friends either. He got into a lot of credit card debt splashing out on lavish holidays and absolutely lives out of his means, which is surprising because he was never like that before. He changed into a different person. I don't speak to him any more, I don't want to and I've blocked him everywhere, but it took a long time to get to a point where I made peace with it all. It does get easier. Of course it does! But I empathise with anyone going through a breakup because it's bloody hard.

 

[Milliehaha123]

I also was also dumped after a 4 year relationship! It was honestly like I experienced a death. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t think, would wake up in the morning and for a tiny second I’d forget and then I’d remember my new life without him and would cry and cry. It’s honestly the worst but it really does get better, you’ve just got to take it day by day.

Also definitely delete his number. I once got black out pissed (about 6 months later) and woke up, checked my messages and all I’d sent him was the gun emoji - we legit hadn’t spoken since the day we broke up lol (and still haven’t since) not my finest hour...

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Yeah we talked on the phone yesterday. For 4 hours! He was quite upfront and honest and didn’t give me any bullshit about wanting to be friends which I’m glad about. He mostly explained his mental state and why he felt like he had to end it. I had no idea things were so bad for him, although he seems a little better now. He’s having therapy provided by his job. He also told me he still loves me, there has never been anyone else and he wants me in his life, but both of us are equally unsure what to do since the world is still a mess and I still cannot simply just go there.

I didn’t want to just jump back in and get back together in one phone call, so we aren’t back together or anything. We just sort of agreed to keep talking until he’s finished all his exams and see where we are then. I’m happy to finally know what was going on in his head at least. I wish it was as simple as just giving it another go but with how everything still is, it just isn’t. And that makes me so sad. Mixed emotions :/

Thanks to anyone who has followed along with my little saga. I hope everyone is doing ok

Did he explain why he ended it the way he did? Did you explain exactly how that’s made you feel? How you’ve been feeling over the last few weeks because of his behaviour?

Sorry but it’s all about him. Again. How HE feels. How HE needed to end it. What’s going on in HIS head. How bad HIS mental state is.

please. Don’t fall for this rubbish. He will carry on like this now for months or more if you allow it. He will pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it and he knows that you’ll be there and all he has to say is “oh I’m sorry I need some space but I do still love you so yeah yknow, il be back in contact whenever I feel like it” - it’s not good enough. Or at least it wouldn’t be for me.

where do you stand now? You’re in limbo again. Waiting. For him. Again.

you are worth more than this, I wish you could see that. X

 

[freddiesmum09]

Hello!

Hope no one minds me joining in this thread. Recently broke up with my partner. We were long distance, him Manchester, me London.

Lots of red flag behaviour that I just ignored but him repeatedly showing as active on every platform but not having the ‘energy’ to reply to me, then forgetting my birthday, was the final straw.

He's since got loads of new girls he’s added on Facebook. It’s just gross. He made no attempt at all to save us. I’m trying to remember it is all for the best and I chose to end it. But some days are unbearable.

sending you all love. X

I don’t know if this helps anyone but I found it really theraputic to write down every reason in detail that the relationship ended. I keep it in iPhone notes and make sure to repeatedly look at it especially if I’m missing him and wanting to make contact.

These were my reasons feel free to use as a template:

-the person I fell in love with was kind, empathetic, funny, generous, loyal, always there for me and others, attentive, charming, generally very consistent.

-the person I broke up with was hot and cold, snappy, inconsistent, manipulative, often very selfish, complacent, apathetic, disrespectful, at times cruel, unable to communicate, unable to meet almost any of my needs.

-I felt I put in the majority of work to sustain the relationship in the final months

-I felt I put in the majority of the work to make up after any disagreements/fights

-intermittently made effort with me as and when it suited you. Lack of consistency.

-silent treatment / ignored me as and when it suited you including ignoring messages / not returning phone calls.

-very little concern for my needs or will only meet my needs as and when it suits you OR when meeting my needs ALSO met your needs eg sex

-inappropriate/worrying attitude towards sex and sex being used at inappropriate times.

-became complacent / apathetic within our relationship. You got very comfortable and change in attitude.

-Caring for your dad used as an excuse almost constantly for why you cannot meet my needs or why you behaved poorly. If not your dad, your own mood is used as to why you can’t be there for me or put anything towards our relationship. Always an excuse, never ownership of behaviour/willingness to change.

-struggled with proper apologies. Always sorry with caveat. No ownership.

-unable or almost completely unwilling to see things from my point of view.

-constant disrespect which intensified since late jan:-

-referring to my vagina as a c*nt on two occasions whilst sexting
-inappropriate and worrying attitude towards sex

-ignoring me but being able to engage with others online, in-front of me at times in groups we were in mutually

-commenting on other women’s photos knowing I’d see.

-telling me to fuck off and swearing at me repeatedly when mad

-losing temper / snapping at me repeatedly

-forgetting my birthday

-calling me an old bitch on my birthday over the phone

-manipulative / gaslighting behaviour on numerous occasions eg saying you have always called my vagina a c*nt when turned on - when the first time this ever happened was in jan, saying you get enough ‘behaviour’ off your dad, you don’t need it off me, sending me photographs of your dad unwell during conflict to deflect from your own shitty behaviour and in an attempt me make me feel sympathy for you.

-telling me to ‘get a hobby’

-‘jokingly’ repeatedly that I have no friends hense why I call you.

-mocking my self harm asking me if I self harmed using a butter knife.

-calling me a ‘lunatic’

-telling me that I talk shit on the phone snd it’s the same stuff over and over and right now with your dad you can’t be dealing with it

-unable to take any criticism aimed at you without losing your temper or directing it all back at me telling me I’m not perfect, which no I’m not, which I admit and own.

-will give insults / make jokes but cannot take it back

-all your needs constantly surpass mine and everything is brought back to your needs / own life.

-feeling I was not allowed to voice any needs of my own or issues within the relationship without being totally attacked for having needs / wants. The only wants and desires I am allowed are sexual. Walking on egg shells constantly to try to be happy / avoid conflict so basically suppressing all my needs/wants. Getting very little out of the rship myself.

-telling me I’m needy.

-you feel you have to punish me as a means of getting control over me, eg: ‘you’ve misbehaved I will not tell you my positive news now that I have time off college as I’m now in a bad mood.’ Or ‘I was going to come down to see you but now you’ve ‘acted up’ I won’t.’ Another example is that we argue which creates anxiety and to maintain control you keep the argument / silent treatment going for as long as possible. You’re reasoning is that me voicing concerns or being upset warrants you punishing me.

-creating jealousy liking / loving / commenting other women’s photos on fb etc knowing it made me uncomfortable and I don’t like it

-you tell me it’s ‘creepy and weird’ me ‘stalking’ you on Facebook. You don’t acknowledge any of your behaviour that has led me to feel so insecure and paranoid I’m doing this as creepy or weird. Or that how you’ve acted as a boyfriend isn’t really acceptable. You don’t question why your girlfriend has gone from feeling quite secure in herself to an insecure paranoid mess.

-You seem to like me feeling para /anxious /insecure/ jealous because you were unwilling to change behaviours / didn’t see anything wrong with your behaviour you just patched things up when they were brought up / or argued with me and then intensified the behaviours that created my insecurity /anxiety. No intention of fixing things or finding cures to move relationship forward.

-no discussion/ inaction about where we are going in the future and long term/ where will we live / family life etc just coasting. Want some direction/ movement from you even in the way of convo of what direction our lives are heading. Hints are dropped that you will never leave manch, and don’t ever want to commit which sets off alarm bells

 

[under the ivy]

Wont go into detail as I’ve posted my situation on other threads but in a nutshell; I got dumped out of the blue during 1st lockdown from a 4 year relationship.

Time does heal let me tell you. I feel like I’m getting back to my old ways and I even feel my more authentic self than I was in the relationship. It hurts like hell and 100% is a grieving process; to go from 100 to 0 is painful. I did miss him and the odd days I still do but I’m bound to because I spent a good part of my life with him, we discussed buying a house/marriage/having kids, what we’d called them. It sucks!

I wouldn’t go looking for answers because it will just break your heart even more. Now is a time to focus on you in the present. It will get better x

 

[Clairer86]

Sorry if that’s how it comes across but im
Not going to just pretend that it’s perfectly ok for men to just walk out of long term relationships, fanny around doing whatever they fancy, treat women like dog crap, string women along and just generally act like absolute arseholes while the women sit back telling each other that “it’s all
Going to be ok/he will come back/I’m sure he loves you” etc etc etc - ive seen too many good women absolutely destroyed by men who clearly do not give a shit! Stop putting the power into the hands of men - men who show by their actions that they don’t care!!

Regarding the asshat who is using his religion to string someone along..... no. That’s madness “oh I love you but we can NEVER be together because of “god” yknow so...... but I love you..... and I will continue to play with your emotions forever more and never allow you to move on and be happy BECAUSE I LOVE YOU” - nah mate. That’s called gaslighting & coercive control - and it’s bullshit.

Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.

 

[Bellaboo83]

I think people are just trying to say something that helps, not purposely being flippant. Everyone's situation is different. You've posted on a public 'advice' thread so people will reply with their thoughts. Really appreciate what you're going through but I thought the general advice above was meant kind in nature

 

[Bellaboo83]

Hey there.

I've been reading along because I went through the same thing back in April last year. I was dumped in a final way pretty much out the blue by my partner of 10 years and father of my youngest. He said it was over and that he had made up his mind and he wouldn't ever change it.

I was broken, didn't get out of bed. Ended up on medication (propranolol) and was signed off work for 5 weeks. I didn't see how I could continue living. It was about 10 weeks before I could function properly without crying through the day. Even then I still chased him, text him, slept with him and then broke all over again when he said nothing had changed again the next day and it was just sex to him.

The relationship was a rocky one from the start, he prioritised everything above me, and he stonewalled in response to any kind of conflict or me enforcing boundaries or asking for my needs to be met.... we'd end up not speaking for days /a week until I begged him to come back to me and he put all the blame of everything that had happened on me and I took it apologising a million times. He used to shout "do you really think this is what love is? " just because I'd asked to see him a bit more

Therapy made me see what had happened wasn't normal in a relationship and that we were connected by a trauma bond not an amazing 'soul mate once in a life time' thing like my fantasy view of the relationship was.

Once I started to pull myself together a bit about 4 months later, I lost lots of weight and started posting on my social media about enjoying life again, he came back.... He was going through something and I supported him wholly through it. We officially got back together, however if I asked for more (more time / more affection / more support), no matter how I asked for it he took it terribly and again stoned walled and it would turn into a huge thing that id end up taking the blame for again. I was beginning to see through what was happening but I still held on.

4 weeks ago its happened again. He did something quite disrespectful to me and I called him out on it. I usually wouldnt have (I knew what would happen) but I was high on pain medication from the hospital after an accident and he walked out without saying a word and I've not heard from him since apart from single line texts to pick up his son to which I've replied civilly. I've also had a really poorly parent during this time. We didn't know if theyd pull through at one point, he knew and still didn't bother to get in touch.

I'm not spending my days crying, perhaps just a bit at bedtime but I'm hurting inside. I feel like I'm done with the relationship now, finally. But knowing that in your head and knowing that in your heart are two separate things and my heart hasn't quite yet caught up. I spend my days wondering what it's going to feel like when he finds someone new etc.

I hope you don't mind me posting on here. I know I'm not completely broken this time and I'm so sorry for what you are all going through, I know how it feels. I just needed to write this down and get it out, I thought it might help a bit.

Ive refused to play the game this time and go creeping back with my tail between my legs saying sorry for having needs so we've just gone completely silent. I don't understand how anyone could treat another person like this...

 

[Imonlyme]

Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on.

You're so right. When I was going through mine, my older sister was very harsh and blunt. She sat me down and simply said: "why are you settling for a half measure?" She was like, "I have a husband that adores me, that supports everything I do while also telling me the truth. He encourages me to follow my goals. He loves me enough to talk to me when something isn't right. Why aren't you realising that you deserve that too?" "Why are you crying over a man that doesn't give a shit about breaking your heart?"

It was harsh and so not what I wanted to hear at the time. And to be honest it felt like she was rubbing her relationship in my face. But it wasn't that at all, I just wasn't in a place to see the meaning behind her words. Now, I look back and think, Yes, why the hell was I settling for less than I deserved?

In a few weeks, months or even years, some of the people on here will think back to this thread and realise that nothing was said to hurt or belittle their pain. I know my words to people on here are truly only coming from a place of experience and concern. If I've hurt or even offended anyone that trust me, that is not my intention and I'm sorry. I wish everyone on here nothing but happiness.

I've been really through it myself and know all too well what breakups can do to someone. I just get so annoyed when I hear of women being really put through it by men acting so carelessly and selfish.

 

[Millyve]

Reading this thread has been very sad!

I was on and off with someone for 4 years, picked me up then dropped me when he felt like it, I tried to move on many times and he'd come running back, I lost a ton of weight, guess what he was interested! I was stupid enough to think it would ever work, anyway a year later this idiot decided he wanted to pack up and go and work abroad! Didn't discuss with me but other friends of ours! I was distraught we split up but just before he left we decided to get back together and make it work... I was naive enough to believe this would happen... as soon as he was in a different country he barely contacted me, I was a mess and couldn't handle it but stupidly allowed it to go on for months until he returned briefly, with this we had a conversation and I decided enough was enough, after years of being treated like this something finally clicked inside I could do so much better!

Now don't get me wrong, I went on a mad year did somethings I shouldn't have, he even messaged my friend one evening (whilst we were both on a night out, had seen our selfie together) asking how I was and that he'd heard id gone a bit wild but I 100% knew I had done the best thing for my own mental health and then about 18 months from when we split I had an email from him (I'd changed my number and came off social media) asking if I'd like to chat, I simply replied "not particularly" and since then I haven't heard at thing directly but that's only as he has no way of communication, occasionally I will have a friend say he's asked after me and as harsh as this sounds I said I wouldn't care if he was hit by a bus tomorrow.

I now look back and think what a looser this guy is and would have never been able to have a happy life with him, he was in debt upto his eyeballs, the sex was shit and he was defiantly ugly (what was I thinking) let alone ever think about buying a property with him or having children! I deff had a lucky escape.

I did feel like how many of you have and kept going back to what I knew had massive lows and felt very depressed. I went to a doctor and was prescribed antidepressants when he first left to work abroad and went to a therapy and these both helped me massively, I learnt what helped me (going to the gym) and like I said I put myself first and had a good time.

Its taken me 4 years to properly get back out there, I've had flings and brief relationships, but I always had my barriers up so never get hurt again like this looser did to me!

You will get there in the end, it may take time but put yourself first and do what's right for you.

 

[Bellaboo83]

Could you try and get someone to stay with you or go and stay with a friend ? I know we’re in lockdown but for your own mental health maybe being alone is not a good idea for now ?

I went through a break up just as lockdown 1 started. 10 year relationship, he walked out. I send my love to you, at times I didn't know how I'd get through the day. I took 5 weeks off work (signed off by my lovely GP), she also gave me propranolol tablets to slow my stressed heart beat and so I could begin to eat and sleep a little bit without so much stress hormone flying around and she arranged for a referral to councelling. Our local councelling service don't accept you if you're fresh out of a break up so I ended up paying privately for a lady in the next village.... Best thing I could have done. I used to sit in her chair and cry for the hour whilst talking about all the things I didn't understand.... It helped soooo much while I was in the thick of it,it helps your mind process it and it helps having someone else's (professional) opinion. If you don't fancy counselling try journalling, write it all down.... Your brain just needs it to be written or spoken externally to process it properly

Beyond that my only advice is to try and do things that make you happy, pick up an old hobby, see a friend for a walk, buy your fave food. Try not to drink alcohol and watch for your pms getting much worse because of the stress hormones....

I actually moved in with my mum 100 miles away for 7 days straight after so don't worry about the lockdown rules.... Your MH is more important at this moment

I recommend 5htp supplements to aid sleep (as long as you can take it with other meds you might be on) . And GABA supplements for a sense of calm in the day.

And my last thoughts are time really does make you stronger xx

 

[HarJR289]

Gigi, I’m now coming up to week 5 no contact. Even my 5 year old daughter asked why he left without saying bye. My 5 year old knows more about common decency than him! What’s helped me is writing out messages to him what I’d really love to say and then saving them in my notes and when I look back when I add another message it’s clear my feelings change each week/time. I think once you see how the messages you want to send have shifted focus it’s good to reflect on the difference in yourself. My first message was all “all I wanted was you to unblock me and say you made a huge mistake” to now I don’t even bother writing stuff out cos with how he’s ended things, I’m angry, he doesn’t even deserve a fake text!!

 

[Floopadoop]

I went through this about 5 years ago now. With him for nearly 8 years (first love, thought the sun shone out of his arse etcetc) and he just turned round one day and said he didn't love me anymore.

Turns out he had met someone else and got in a relationship with them straight away so I'm 99% sure he was cheating but he's now got a beer gut and is balding and I'm 8st lighter with an incredibly decent guy by my side so it's funny how the world works out

Thinking of everyone going through this though, especially during lockdown it doesn't feel like it at the moment (and I wanted to punch my boss when he said this but its so true!) But time is the biggest healer and the universe will work it out eventually xxx

 

[Jovie]

So kinda different story but,
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me suddenly about 8 years ago. That was it. No real explanation. We kept in touch still every now and then but when I say I was heartbroken.. my god I was heartbroken. And he was always in the back of my mind.
I got with other men but it never lasted long. Then I met someone about 3 years after my first relationship ended. We bought a house together and everything and it seemed like the real deal.. but honestly deep down I knew I was never going to be with this man for the rest of my life. I loved him but every now and then I'd get a wave of thought that was something telling me.
We mutually ended and he actually moved abroad to fulfil some of his career goals. And then I randomly bumped into my ex (the one who broke up with me suddenly) after a few months we actually got back together and it was even better than before. We had grown as people, changed jobs, had time with friends. and came back together when it was better for us. Everything is divine timing. Be kind to yourself and from what I've experienced let yourself grieve. Over and over again if need be. Do not be ashamed of yourself!! Heartbreak is awful, and so difficult to deal with no matter the circumstance.

 

[watermelon sugar]

When I was with my ex I must have had my heart broken a million times. We were on and off for 6 years. We were 15 when we first met. He was older than me and I lost my virginity to him. After a couple months he left me to get back with his ex. Then when I turned 16 he wanted me back and we got more serious. Then he cheated on me. I kept taking him back. I was under his spell for so long then he just kept hurting me, I'd go on a tangent and get my own back when we'd split up. He'd be hurt by the things I'd done when we'd split. We ended up being so toxic to one another.

I ended things finally with him 4 years ago. At the time it felt right but God I began to miss him. We always got back in contact with one another when we were down. If I was upset about something he'd be my go to person. We'd ring each other on our birthdays cos it felt right. Then one day I met my current boyfriend and all the achey feeling I had for my ex just went... I remember telling him id met someone and he begged me to come and meet him. I did and he asked for me back and I said no. Then that was it. We never spoke again.

4 years later I've got a new boyfriend and a baby. I've been with my current bf for nearly 3 years. I love him to bits. He's not my first love but I feel stronger for him than I did for my ex. I was heartbroken and ached for my ex for so long. It's weird how that feeling can just disappear when you meet the right person for you. Ill always have a special place for my ex in my heart, I still think about him, wonder if he's okay, will always care for him but I'd never go back. Wonder if he thinks the same about me


God it was weird to type that out

 

[under the ivy]

I wanted closure from my ex after he dumped me last April. I’d stay awake all night wondering what I’d done or if I could have done something differently. It put me off work so I took 2 weeks off as I couldn’t concentrate. I’ve realised I don’t need closure, as his actions were the closure. I don’t want answers now, I just want to properly move on! Everyday I’m getting better but he stills creeps into my thoughts - I hate listening to the radio when they do travel updates and they mention his hometown, or his football team he supported or seeing someone drive the car he had - my heart stops thinking it’s him.

Take care everyone x

 

[Imonlyme]

I do agree with that tbh x

I really hope you work out what's truly best for you and I'm sending you lots of love right now

But just to say, and I'm not suggesting this would be the case for you. But my parents were married for 50 years, met when they were 15 & 16. My Mum was married at 16 and pregnant not long after. From what I've been told, my Dad wasn't the best to her and he cheated with someone my Mum considered a sort of friend, as in they lived in the same street.

Anyway, the other woman was also married and had children. My Mum found out about the affair, went nuts and that was then end of it. She forgave him and took him back.

Fast forward a few years and he done it again, with the same woman while my Mum was pregnant with my older sister. Again, she found out and put a stop to it, took him back and within a short time the woman and her family moved to the other side of the country.

Fast forward a good few years when everything was supposedly hunky dory, even though my parents argued constantly and my Dad would disappear for days on end. One day when I was about 6 or 7, I remember sitting at the top of the stairs while my Mum was on the phone crying her heart out. Turns out the family had moved back and my Dad was at it again with that very same woman. The person on the phone was the woman's husband informing my Mum of how he had caught them out. He left his wife and advised my Mum to do the same Saying she deserved better.

At that point my parents sort of split up but were still effectively seeing each other but just living apart. My mother even moved us out of our house into a dingy flat, uprooting our entire lives just to be closer to where my Dad now lived.

Well, I spent my teenage years watching my Dad walk home from the pub with different woman after different woman on his arms. I would physically see him with them in the street while I was out with friends. Which was completely embarrassing. Of course, when my Mum found out she went bat shit crazy and beat hell out of the woman, which I didn't condone.

Again, she forgave him and again, just a few years later my Dad was caught out taking his original mistress on holiday with all of my parents circle of friends. When my Mum found out she again, chased him to the holiday spot and put a stop to it. And to my knowledge, I think that was the last time he cheated. But a few years later it came out that one of the mistresses children was actually my Dad's. There's no solid proof, but there is plenty of evidence and he actually does look like a few of my family members.

My point is that my Dad cheated and my mum forgave him time after time. She set the tone for what she was willing to accept because she thought she needed him and she thought she could never be with someone else. So it effectively gave my Dad the green light to do what he wanted because he knew all he had to do was say sorry, take a step back for a while until the chaos settled and then he was free to do what he wanted again.

Fast forward to now and my Mum is in her 70's, my Dad died a few years ago and up until his dying day they were still playing a game of cat and mouse with each other, constantly bickering and never truly recovering from the affairs while still half arsedly trying to be together. Both were extremely unhappy their whole lives.

And now my Mum feels as if she wasted her life and feels like she's too old to do anything better. She often uses the excuse that she forgave him because that's just what you do when you're married and that she couldn't imagine allowing another man into her life or because they had been together so long she didn't want to throw away what they had. She even uses the excuse she was thinking of us, her children. But that's a shitty excuse cause what we heard and witnessed was worse than if she had left him for good and found her happiness.

Sorry for the long post, I just get wound up whenever I hear of cheating. Just know you deserve better than someone who doesn't offer you the decency of respect and loyalty. That's the bare minimum of any relationship.

 

[Babyyoda88]

Sorry you’re going through this. It’s really cruel just blocking you and giving you no chance to get answers to your questions.

5 years ago my then husband (together for 10 years, married for only 8 months) turned round out of the blue at Christmas and told me he didn’t love me anymore, didn’t want to work on it, didn’t want children, said if we did work on it he’d only get angry at me and turn violent. Basically said everything bad to put me off reasoning with him, he just wanted me gone. It was life shattering at the time. Then we turned really weird and said he couldn’t wait till we both had new partners and we could double date. That disgusted me at the time. He still wanted to be friends, so he wanted to have his cake and eat it as I was always listening to his problems and he didn’t want to lose that.

Anyway I cut him off and didn’t talk to him again. 4 months later he got back in touch pleading with me to get back with him. Saying he made a mistake, he wanted me back, we could have children blah blah blah. He sent me flowers (which he never did when we were together) and gifts and I just threw them all away, I think I donated some to my mums church fair.

there was no way I could ever trust him again. I’d always be thinking and worrying if he was going to bin me off again, plus my family would never trust him again either.

so I told him where to go and I’m so glad I did. He didn’t deserve me, he never valued me, he was never proud to be with me and I’m in the most loving relationship now with a baby on the way.

As crappy as things feel at the time, sometimes they happen for a reason even though at the time it doesn’t feel that way. That was my situation anyway.

 

[Floopadoop]

I laughed at this about the beer gut and balding I met up with my ex in Summer (when beer gardens opened to 'talk' - we did but didn't get anywhere!) and he looked so different! Maybe my rose tinted glasses had come off but he hadn't shaved and had gained weight. I don't like to mock anyone but I'd been working out, looking toned and just had my hair done. I looked a solid 8

I Facebook stalked him out of curiosity and messaged my mum "has my ex always been ugly" and she came back with "Yup"

Love is defo blind