Heartbreak.

[ProphecyGirl]

If this is aimed at me then I think that last part is very insensitive and extremely flippant. I'm married. My husband has had some sort of mental health breakdown. It's a 13 year relationship and we're adults, not teenagers. We own a home together that we were renovating. It's not a case of moving on and sleeping around.

This wasn't aimed at anyone, I have not read your post. It was a general statement of my personal experience. I also didn't say anything about sleeping around. I am also an adult.

 

[Miss98]

Really sorry you're going through this right now. It seems odd he gave up so easily and seemed to snap and dumped you. Is there any possibility that he's entertaining another/other women all this time? He could get away with a lot so far away. It could also be bad stress and he's realised the difficulties of a long distance relationship during Covid, but no excuse - he could have been more patient. Especially when partners of military and other workers go months without seeing their partner and this day and age with Zoom and other social media. If he's gonna fly off the handle like this and snap and dump you when you're making effort to see him, maybe you need to question if he is worth your time to behave like this. Lockdown and restrictions have been tough on everyone including you, not only him.

 

[Shinythings]

A lot of people struggle with the sunk cost fallacy. Thinking they've invested so much time and emotion that they can't give up and just a little longer they should push. It's the same mentality that keeps people gambling. But the longer you hold on to something that's never going to be or is making you unhappy is another day you avoid finding real happiness. The reality is unless you make the decision to cut it off, you'll still be here in 10 years thinking you'll go just a little longer.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

This thread makes me so sad, sending virtual hugs to OP and everyone else who’s feeling or have felt heartbreak. This is long story, but it might help someone who’s feels like they’ll never smile, laugh or love again. sorry for the length.


Many, many years ago I was head over heels in love, we spoke about getting a house together and I fell pregnant.. he wasn’t keen and he talked about abortion, said we would have kids when the time was ready. I really wanted the baby, but it wasn’t to be because I miscarried before we could even discuss our options. I was crushed, I remember being in the car with him and him promising me we would have kids one day. I was just totally devastated and I went into a bit of a depressive state. On Boxing Day, a month after the miscarriage he dumped me. Said he wasn’t feeling it anymore and never wanted kids at all, he just said that to make me feel better. So in the months that followed I stopped eating, sleeping, signed off from work, my day was constantly refreshing any of his social media, sending him text after text. My mum threatened to force feed me, I lost a lot of weight, my mum dragged me to the doctor and i was given medication and had to see a counsellor. The girl that walked into the counselling sessions was a crying mess, 6 weeks later I walked out not healed, but making progress. I will never, ever forget how it felt, the pain, it was a physically sick feeling. I did some questionable stuff throughout the breakup, I even messaged a girl I knew he was going to the cinema with! But heartbreak does funny things to people. I promise time is a massive healer, i thought I’d never feel like me again but I promise, that isn’t the case. Obviously he started to realise I was becoming the old me and wanted to try again. It didn’t work, the damage was done.

This is slightly diff and probably for a diff thread but A while later when I felt ready to date, I met someone else,many red flags from the start but we were good friends and I think it could have progressed but he just wanted to be a single guy and have me there whenever he needed a bit of a confidence boost, someone to be his punchbag, he told me he was “single and could do what he wanted” so I made a decision to not allow myself to get hurt again. To draw a line and move on... ofcourse as soon as he’s heard I’ve moved on, he decided he wanted to make a proper go of it. It was as if it was game to him, that he had to win, pure jealousy or his ego got the better off him. But unfortunately it was just too toxic for me to give it a go and walked away. He couldn’t take no for an answer. He didn’t care that I was happy. he literally watched my every move for the next 2.5 yrs, would create fake profiles and send me nasty, horrible messages calling me a fat mess, thunder thighs, tramp, make fun of my my family, message my family through social media, make fun of me for running, watch my boyfriends social media and so on. Said he would stop if I just went back to him... didn’t matter than I didn’t want him. He has stopped the past week or so as he’s met a new girl and I feel just so strange. Like I’m maybe now eventually free from having to worry about fake profiles and drama. I don’t care for him or want him back - I think I’m just so beaten down by his constant narcissistic behaviour that that’s why I’m feeling really weird, I never got the closure or truth from him as to why he has treated me so disgustingly. I think it doesn’t matter how bad a relationship ended, we all have questions we want answered. It can still make our hearts sad when we see people have moved on as we wonder why we got hurt and other people get treated with respect. We ask why we weren’t good enough. Did they ever truly care for us?

I’m still with the person I met 2.5yrs ago and we are really happy, we have a lovely life together, and honestly it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. My partner is lovely and makes me smile every single day. Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned but sometimes it works out for the best and we end up even happier than we could ever have imagined!, it might feel like the end of the world now but everyday is a day closer to healing. There will be days you feel crap, want to stalk social media etc... then there will be days that we don’t even think about those that have hurt us and left us at all.
many years ago when I went through that heartbreak I couldn’t have imagined ever moving on and being in love with anyone that wasn’t my ex, I genuinely never thought I’d smile again or laugh or even leave the house. Time is a great healer.

thinking of you all. We all have our stories of heartbreak. Just remember better days are ahead, maybe not today, or tomorrow or even in a week but one day you will laugh again, and your smile will return. It would be silly to expect to not be hurting right now when you love someone so much and don’t have the closure or the answers you need. You’ll feel so many emotions, sad, hurt, angry, betrayed... but one day it’ll all make sense xo

 

[Lollyy]

Does anyone recently going through heartbreak feel anxious over summer or is it just me. Like the thought of not being with the person you love when everything opens up hurts so much

 

[JessTxxx]

First of all

secondly, I don’t give a shit what people say about how ‘you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your feelings’ if someone who you love and have been with for that long does something likeout of the blue you deserve an explanation. They should out of good conscience give you an explanation. And blocking you on everything is childish and pathetic. Don’t get me wrong blocking after a breakup is fair enough but blocking so as not to have to give an explanation for their actions is disgusting. When you’ve been with someone that long there is a degree of ‘after care’ when breaking up with them.

 

[holliebollie]

Thank you Number deleted, WhatsApp thread gone, he was already blocked on fb (to stop me stalking!) and I don’t have instagram... I KNOW full well he’ll regret this. Hopefully by the time he sends that, ‘I don’t know what I was thinking’ text, I’ll have moved on and won’t be sucked in. Sad though as he had the best body I’ve ever seen in real life and before this week it was the happiest I’ve been. Oh well. Can’t force him to try long distance. Hope he enjoys living in an incestuous puddle

 

[no-no]

I had suspicions my ex was getting close with someone at work. He denied it and I caught her video calling his iPad (that was a gift from me). She was a twat about it as well “wE r FriEnDs hUn”. Just seen he’s planning a getaway with her and feel sick. I had no intention of getting back with him and know I’m well rid but it still hurts and I’ve been burying it until now. I regret wasting so many years with him. She can enjoy the love bombing sloppy seconds, it won’t last. Plus she has kids and he couldn’t cope with my pet so she’s in for a shock. He keeps messaging me despite being all loved up with her but I ignore. Even recently he was including my street on his running route. He is one man who will never, ever change. Just needed to vent

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hey guys! I just want to start off by saying I read this whole thread and you’re all so so strong and incredible...I’m hyper emotional so breakups have always felt like the end of the world for me in the past, even making me feel suicidal.

I know a girl on here talked about her LDR, and I just want to say, it’s difficult with the travel bans and it’s putting a strain on all relationships.

I’ve been with my bf for 4 years, we didn’t start off as an LDR, we met at uni in first year and started our relationship and went on to live together in 3rd year. In January he got a job abroad and moved back to live with his parents, making us long distance and I miss him so much. I can’t visit rn because of the travel bans, but I last saw him end of January and am planning to go on May 17th (I understand this is not comparable to other couples who have gone much longer). In this time our relationship has been difficult, I cry a lot, I start fights for stupid reasons because I just miss him and I was used to seeing him every day.

Currently he’s looking for a job to move back to the U.K. (hard in this economic state), or I will move there when I finish my course.

@gigi_93 you are so so brave and this time really has been taxing on LDR’s, good luck

It’s not the same thing though.

@gigi_93 and her ex have never lived in the same place. It’s always been long distance. There doesn’t seem to have been any real plan for it to have ever been anything more than a LDR.... For 4 years she’s put her own life on hold to travel to see him in Florida, where he lives and has kids and a whole life of his own - They haven’t physically seen each other in over a year and he’s only ever been to the UK once, one time, in 4 years and yes she will say that it suits her fine because she likes a holiday in Florida and he’s got work commitments or the kids or whatever and that’s probably partially true but come on, that’s not right it is? It’s not about her enjoying a cheapie holiday a few times a year - he should want to travel to see her in her own home and should make that effort to see where she lives, meet her family & friends and be an active part of her life in the same way she is for him. But he never has.
he dumped her in the cruelest way possible, didn’t give her a reason, then blocked her so she couldn’t communicate with him, left her feeling like shit for ages and is now carrying on with his life - his life in Florida that he’s always had that she’s never really been more than a passing holiday maker in - and she’s expecting people on this thread to say that he’s a top notch fella and she’s wanting encouragement to carry on pining after him when he’s made it perfectly clear that it’s over and that he’s done? It’s bloody sad to read because from an outsiders perspective you can clearly see exactly what’s going on and you can see that someone’s just been used and dropped and yet they can’t see it and get pissed off when the obvious is pointed out.

 

[DanaScully]

Sending love to all of you in this thread. I've recently come out of an eight year relationship with a partner I lived with.

I'm trying my best to keep busy, practicing as much self care as I can and generally trying to be kind to myself after being repeatedly hurt and lied to. I feel that lockdown breakups are so much worse given we can't see friends or family or meet up with a pal for a few glasses of wine and a moan.

It's going to take a long time for me to be able to trust someone again and at the moment I just can't see myself ever finding love again. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than deal with the shit my ex put me through.

 

[Peakyblinders]

Sending love and hope to everyone on this thread. Heartbreak is truely one of the worst feelings in the entire world, worse than that is being “ghosted” or blocked with no answers. It’s easy to say you don’t need answers and to move on etc but I really think you do. I was ghosted a couple of years back totally out the blue, I (embarrassingly) sent tons of messages/voice notes/calls/voicemails to no avail. One day after a while I gave up. A year later he came back with a long essay apology something about his mental health blah blah and how he’s lost the best thing he will ever have. I stupidly forgave him only for him to do the exact same thing a week later funnily enough, a year on from this, he messaged me Friday night! They do always come back but by then hopefully it’s too late and you are over it. Ghosting and blocking is truely evil.
P.a whoever on here said they sent the gun emoji and nothing else... you are my hero

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Recently found out my husband slept with someone else, it literally shattered my whole world.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

My ex decided to get in touch this morning to send condolences about my late sister as its the month she passed away and the build up to that day is always really difficult, he then proceeded to add how he has moved on and never wants to see me again, he wants nothing to do with me, never to contact him. I just don't understand. Why bother messaging me about my sister to appear actually the most decent he has came across in a very long time to then follow it up with telling me how he has moved on, surely to God you would just not bother?.. He clearly knows its a difficult month for me and I don't really need to wake up to fake condolences if its just so you can stick the boot in after about how you have moved on, want nothing to do with me etc. It is strange because I am just used to constant abuse from him, and him having moved on has given me a sense of freedom which I am not used to. Him sending me any form of message at all has really thrown me and I would love to see inside his brain for one day to see how it actually functions. What his game here? If he has moved on, great! I can finally live my life without having to pussy foot around anymore. Probably wants a reaction which I am fighting so hard to not give. ARGH

 

[Papparazzo]

I’m so sorry You hit the nail on the head, it feels like a bereavement doesn’t it? Just full on grief. I wasn’t “officially” engaged but we were going to get married when I finally got back to the US. We nearly got married the last time I was there and the regret of not doing is is killing me. You’re right, it’s life altering. I keep picking up my phone expecting to see a message from him. Sending you lots of love

Same to you lovely. You know what if he can dump.you so abruptly maybe it's a blessing you didn't get married. Imagine trying to sort a divorce from a different country! When lockdown ends let's go an get pissed in town, deal? Haha.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Any man that can go weeks without talking to you doesn’t deserve a reply. They will cut you off all over again and hurt you even more.

 

[Clairer86]

I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.

My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.

We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now

I must be reading things, as im sure the OP just posted saying she never did this thread for advice and people should wait until they are asked for them to give advice. And yet the last sentence of her very first post says "feel free to share your stories and any advice".....

Heartbreak is hard for everyone, its a form of grief and its the worst pain i have ever felt. But you cant throw a strop because someone said something you didnt agree with, or because people are not telling you exactly what you want to hear. Thats unfair. Everyone is different and unique and has different experiences, and thats one of the best things about tattle is we get to hear all those different perspectives. I wish i had someone be blunt with me tbh.

 

[gigi_93]

We are posting on here for support. Some of us are really struggling. I don't think it's fair to be arguing. Can we please keep this as a respectful space?

I’m not adverse to a bit of tough love but I won’t listen to anyone saying my relationship wasn’t real because it was long distance!

Also to anyone who cares, we texted for a few hours last night. He just caught me up on the kids and their schooling and a few other things. I don’t really know why he’s chosen now to contact me and there’s obviously a huge elephant in the room that nobody has addressed yet

 

[rebremm99]

Comparing this situation to a couple separated by a war is nonsense.

Honestly why are you even here if you’re just going to insult and belittle her relationship? It’s not helpful and you’re kicking the girl when she’s down which is absolutely horrible to do. It was real and valid to her and that’s all that matters. I’ve lived with an ex before and it was the worst relationship of my life, my partner and I are in a LDR and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. In my line of work it’s common for couples to live in different countries for long periods of time.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Found the Insta pic

 

[Jmx]

I broke up with my partner last week, neither of us really wanted it I don’t think but he had reasons. I haven’t slept, haven’t got out of bed and I’ve hardly ate at all since then. I’m totally heartbroken but now he wants to meet me tomorrow and I’m hopeful that it will be good news but trying not to get my hopes up.

apologies for the grammar, I keep rewording and it still reads terribly!