Heartbreak.

[Imonlyme]

I do think he’s tainted it yeah because it’s changed me as a person, it’s changed how I look at people, it changed everything and I know that might sound dramatic but it did x

It doesn't sound dramatic at all. Going through the hurt and betrayal of being cheated on in bound to change you.

Just know that what's happened is absolutely not your fault and like another poster said, you are well within your rights to tell your husband that you need more time to figure out what you want to do. If that's what you want of course.

You told him you are willing to give him another chance, but how long after finding out about the affair did you say that?

 

[gigi_93]

I'm not able to send you a private message, can you send one to me?

I didn’t realise I had that turned off, I’ve turned it on now so you should be able to send one

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I think it was meant for as way of saying that after a break up you do at some stage start to move on with your life, and that your own happiness as an individual should be your focus rather than torturing yourself every day over what has ended. I don’t think there was any malice intended in the post.

Yes I do appreciate that if that's how the post was supposed to be, it was just how it was said. I'm not an infatuated teenager, it's not a case of being able to suddenly move on with my life, there is a lot more to it. For instance, I still don't know if I'll have somewhere to live in a few months time.

 

[gigi_93]

Yes but only for some essential home related stuff, he's made it quite clear that he doesn't want to communicate otherwise and that he's adamant about moving on. I'm still in complete shock to be honest.

Sending you massive hugs. I know our situations aren’t exactly the same but I empathise completely. I feel so pathetic because I’m still hoping he will text me, but it’s been two weeks already. I find myself asking him questions in my head constantly. Driving myself to insanity

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Recently found out my husband slept with someone else, it literally shattered my whole world.

I'm so sorry to hear this x

 

[Imonlyme]

I’d had a gut feeling for a while and already checked his phone when he was asleep, this one particular night I couldn’t sleep the gut instinct was so strong and I reasoned with my self if I find nothing I’ll fall asleep and I checked his deleted pics (on iPhone) and then slowly I could feel my blood running cold, I woke him up and said how many times did you sleep with “name” I honestly expected him to say he didn’t and he said 3 times, I told him he was out by 8am (this was 3am). Some days were a normal couple and other days I honestly think of leaving. He’s the type you’d never ever expect it from everyone was as shocked as me.

Sorry to hear that. But glad you trusted your gut instinct, it's there for a reason.

The fact that you found out and it wasn't his guilty conscience that forced him to confess makes me wonder just how long he would have kept the affair going if you hadn't.

I'm sorry to say this but most often in any relationship when trust has been broken in such a way as this, it can be extremely hard to get it back. Make sure you're trying to make it work for the right reasons and not just because you're married and feel like it’s your duty to try and make it work.

Can I ask how this cheating has affected your trust of him? Are you constantly looking out for signs of infidelity again? Are you constantly questioning him, or feeling paranoid? Have you checked his phone since? Has the affair been brought up in any rows or arguments?

And most importantly, how has he treated you since he was found out?

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I didn’t realise I had that turned off, I’ve turned it on now so you should be able to send one

Still not able to contact you, if you send one to me I can let you know my process, what I've been prescribed so far, what has helped me (or not!) etc.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Do you know where he went for that week?

Yes, he was at his mum & dads house

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I just think, it's not the end of the world. Does it feel like it? Yes. Will you get over it? Also yes.

I was with my ex for 8 years from the age of 17 and we split when I was 25, so I'd gone through my teenage years and early 20's tied up in a relationship, which I wanted to last forever. I put him on a pedestal even though he was horrible in so many ways.
I went on a night out and came home to an empty house, he just packed up and left. Turns out he was pratting a girl from work and god knows how many other times he cheated (he once lost his keys on a night out and took him until 8am to find said keys... funny)

I thought my life was over, I didn't think I'd get over it. I didn't eat, sleep, do anything. Every night after work I just slept in my dark, cold living room, eating super noodles just to eat something. I drank, used other substances (which I was always so strongly against and judgmental about) I lost sooo much weight. Eventually, after time I got over it.

I think the saying is "get over someone else by getting under someone else" is somewhat true. But I think you need to find yourself and enjoy your life after heartache.

If this is aimed at me then I think that last part is very insensitive and extremely flippant. I'm married. My husband has had some sort of mental health breakdown. It's a 13 year relationship and we're adults, not teenagers. We own a home together that we were renovating. It's not a case of moving on and sleeping around.

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Do you honestly believe he’s not going to do this to you again? Really? And what makes you think this was even the first time he’s cheated on you? You say that this is his last chance but why? Why give him another opportunity to disrespect you again? What did he say to get you to take him back - because he will say the exact same thing the next time he does it.

I don’t think he would do it again other wise I wouldn’t waste my time trying to fix it, I suppose one factor is I have children with an ex and I’m simply not interested in splitting holidays weekends etc for access to my child again.

At the end of the day, only you can make the decision for your own life. But please protect yourself by finding out what it is that you truly want and need.

Take that time to get to know yourself because I can only guess that having been betrayed the way you were would really shake your confidence and feelings of self worth. Don't let your husband tell you or define your worth for you. You deserve the best of a man, not the scraps left over from someone else.

You deserve every piece of his attention and his heart. Don't become the other woman of your own life. Live it for you and put your own happiness before anyone else's.

I’m taking a lot more time for myself lately, I’m making myself a priority and it feels good x