Heartbreak.

[Jovie]

So kinda different story but,
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me suddenly about 8 years ago. That was it. No real explanation. We kept in touch still every now and then but when I say I was heartbroken.. my god I was heartbroken. And he was always in the back of my mind.
I got with other men but it never lasted long. Then I met someone about 3 years after my first relationship ended. We bought a house together and everything and it seemed like the real deal.. but honestly deep down I knew I was never going to be with this man for the rest of my life. I loved him but every now and then I'd get a wave of thought that was something telling me.
We mutually ended and he actually moved abroad to fulfil some of his career goals. And then I randomly bumped into my ex (the one who broke up with me suddenly) after a few months we actually got back together and it was even better than before. We had grown as people, changed jobs, had time with friends. and came back together when it was better for us. Everything is divine timing. Be kind to yourself and from what I've experienced let yourself grieve. Over and over again if need be. Do not be ashamed of yourself!! Heartbreak is awful, and so difficult to deal with no matter the circumstance.

 

[gigi_93]

Don't be ashamed of yourself! Ashamed of what, having emotions and feelings? Whatever you chose to do is your choice, no one elses. If you got back with him, good for you, if you don't, also good for you. People CAN make mistakes and I do believe in second chances (obviously minus any abusive behaviour, cheating etc).

Do what is right for you. Better days are coming.

Thank you. I feel a pressure to be a “strong girl” and just forget about him and not even entertain him when he texts me but the reality just isn’t like that. Of course I’m going to talk to him if it leads to me getting an explanation and being able to find out how the kids are. Blocking him myself and walking away would be great but how many people actually do that??

So kinda different story but,
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me suddenly about 8 years ago. That was it. No real explanation. We kept in touch still every now and then but when I say I was heartbroken.. my god I was heartbroken. And he was always in the back of my mind.
I got with other men but it never lasted long. Then I met someone about 3 years after my first relationship ended. We bought a house together and everything and it seemed like the real deal.. but honestly deep down I knew I was never going to be with this man for the rest of my life. I loved him but every now and then I'd get a wave of thought that was something telling me.
We mutually ended and he actually moved abroad to fulfil some of his career goals. And then I randomly bumped into my ex (the one who broke up with me suddenly) after a few months we actually got back together and it was even better than before. We had grown as people, changed jobs, had time with friends. and came back together when it was better for us. Everything is divine timing. Be kind to yourself and from what I've experienced let yourself grieve. Over and over again if need be. Do not be ashamed of yourself!! Heartbreak is awful, and so difficult to deal with no matter the circumstance.

This is a really nice story! Apart from the heartbreak obviously but you had to go through that to make it to where you are now. I’d like it to work out with us, if I’m honest. But I’m not getting my hopes up because I know reality is harsh.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Thank you. I feel a pressure to be a “strong girl” and just forget about him and not even entertain him when he texts me but the reality just isn’t like that. Of course I’m going to talk to him if it leads to me getting an explanation and being able to find out how the kids are. Blocking him myself and walking away would be great but how many people actually do that??



This is a really nice story! Apart from the heartbreak obviously but you had to go through that to make it to where you are now. I’d like it to work out with us, if I’m honest. But I’m not getting my hopes up because I know reality is harsh.

How are you feeling now? I really feel no better and it's been almost a month. I'm sleeping a little now but I'm still exhausted all of the time and constantly feel extremely anxious.

 

[under the ivy]

It’s coming up to a year since I got dumped. I didn’t think I’d feel this way looking back - I’m not 100%, no where near. But I’d say I’m almost there - I don’t get the pangs of missing him as much anymore, if anything it’s gone from ‘I need him’ to ‘Why did I need him?’. Grieving and healing isn’t a linear process so just take your time and you do you.

I’m looking forward to what this year brings in terms of lockdown hopefully ending and being able to get out and socialise. I really don’t want to date and I’m really happy I have that choice back in my life to focus on myself.

 

[gigi_93]

How are you feeling now? I really feel no better and it's been almost a month. I'm sleeping a little now but I'm still exhausted all of the time and constantly feel extremely anxious.

I feel really odd. Extremely anxious and just kind of bewildered because he’s texting me but still nobody has addressed the elephant in the room. And it’s weird him talking to me but not calling me by his nickname for me. I really hope he’s not just wanting to be friends because if I know one thing, it’s that I can NEVER be his friend. So I’m going to have to say that at some point. I’d have to walk away if that’s what he’s getting at.

I’m glad you’re getting a bit of sleep. You really just have to take it a day at a time.

It’s coming up to a year since I got dumped. I didn’t think I’d feel this way looking back - I’m not 100%, no where near. But I’d say I’m almost there - I don’t get the pangs of missing him as much anymore, if anything it’s gone from ‘I need him’ to ‘Why did I need him?’. Grieving and healing isn’t a linear process so just take your time and you do you.

I’m looking forward to what this year brings in terms of lockdown hopefully ending and being able to get out and socialise. I really don’t want to date and I’m really happy I have that choice back in my life to focus on myself.

It definitely isn’t a linear process, I feel ok some days then others I’ll be an absolute wreck. It’s been so much worse because of lockdown. I can’t wait to get to the point where I want to focus on myself

 

[LateG0ssiper]

I feel really odd. Extremely anxious and just kind of bewildered because he’s texting me but still nobody has addressed the elephant in the room. And it’s weird him talking to me but not calling me by his nickname for me. I really hope he’s not just wanting to be friends because if I know one thing, it’s that I can NEVER be his friend. So I’m going to have to say that at some point. I’d have to walk away if that’s what he’s getting at.

I’m glad you’re getting a bit of sleep. You really just have to take it a day at a time.

I can imagine how odd it must be for you, do you think you'll bring it up with him soon?

I'm trying to take it one day at a time but I keep having moments of utter panic. Even on my way to work this morning I could suddenly feel my heart beating faster and I started welling up again. I've had zero contact for over a week now which is the longest that's ever happened for in 13 years. I feel like I don't know who I am or what I'm doing all of the time.

 

[Jovie]

thank you we definitely grew as people. Time does make you stronger whether that is apart or together. I did become obsessed with the whole 'attract them back through positivity etc' but I became obsessed. Once I let go that's when everything started to shift for us. I had faith it would be him or someone better.
Please allow yourself to feel crap though, you cannot rush yourself to feel better. That's one thing I learned the hard way. You will get through this I promise.


This is a really nice story! Apart from the heartbreak obviously but you had to go through that to make it to where you are now. I’d like it to work out with us, if I’m honest. But I’m not getting my hopes up because I know reality is harsh.
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[Lalisa_mb]

I don’t think he will come back to me either, as I’ve said he’s very stubborn so even if he wants to, he won’t.

I don’t think he’s used the pandemic as an excuse, I think the pandemic is the reason itself. He got sick of waiting, although I’m not sure why he couldn’t wait a few more weeks since we’ve already waited a year. That’s crazy to me.

I made the mistake of reading the letter he wrote me on Christmas Day this morning. Full of promises about how distance will never ever split us up and how devoted he is to me. How can someone’s mind change so much in a few weeks?!

Actions vs words always

 

[LateG0ssiper]

thank you we definitely grew as people. Time does make you stronger whether that is apart or together. I did become obsessed with the whole 'attract them back through positivity etc' but I became obsessed. Once I let go that's when everything started to shift for us. I had faith it would be him or someone better.
Please allow yourself to feel crap though, you cannot rush yourself to feel better. That's one thing I learned the hard way. You will get through this I promise.


This is a really nice story! Apart from the heartbreak obviously but you had to go through that to make it to where you are now. I’d like it to work out with us, if I’m honest. But I’m not getting my hopes up because I know reality is harsh.

[/QUOTE]
Have you got any advice on how to get through it? I'm finding it so hard. I'm messing up at work. I'm either leaving early because I can't cope or staying late because I can't face going home and being there alone with all our stuff that we chose together. Weekends are the worst because the days just seem so long.

 

[Papparazzo]

Thank you. I feel a pressure to be a “strong girl” and just forget about him and not even entertain him when he texts me but the reality just isn’t like that. Of course I’m going to talk to him if it leads to me getting an explanation and being able to find out how the kids are. Blocking him myself and walking away would be great but how many people actually do that??



This is a really nice story! Apart from the heartbreak obviously but you had to go through that to make it to where you are now. I’d like it to work out with us, if I’m honest. But I’m not getting my hopes up because I know reality is harsh.

Being 'strong' isn't telling an ex to do one, it's having convictions in your own actions that you have made the right choice for YOU. Do what feels best for you. If he had repeatedly done this to you I would say different, however life is strange and people do make mistakes.

 

[Jovie]

Have you got any advice on how to get through it? I'm finding it so hard. I'm messing up at work. I'm either leaving early because I can't cope or staying late because I can't face going home and being there alone with all our stuff that we chose together. Weekends are the worst because the days just seem so long.
[/QUOTE]

When we first broke up I packed everything we had of 'ours' photos etc, and put them in a box and put them away where I wouldn't be tempted to look through them. Baring in mind I did this whilst sobbing my eyes out and lots of wine (and on a Friday might I add) then in the morning I changed my routine and tried my hardest not to slob around. I went out and bought loads of nice girly things for my home and filled photo frames with family and friends.
Speaking to myself helped a lot too. If I thought of something that made me sad I would speak aloud like 'I'm okay, this is only short term' and things like that. Dont get me wrong I had to get rid of songs on my phone that would make me sad and took all photos from my phone and put them on a memory card. One step at a time I did this. Everyone always tries to rush healing over a break up but I don't think you truly get over it sometimes, you just come to accept.

 

[gigi_93]

I can imagine how odd it must be for you, do you think you'll bring it up with him soon?

I'm trying to take it one day at a time but I keep having moments of utter panic. Even on my way to work this morning I could suddenly feel my heart beating faster and I started welling up again. I've had zero contact for over a week now which is the longest that's ever happened for in 13 years. I feel like I don't know who I am or what I'm doing all of the time.

I’ll have to, it can’t be ignored forever. I need to know exactly where I stand. From talking to him the last day or so, he’s incredibly stressed. Not sure how to approach it at the moment

We went 8 weeks no contact before he finally decided to say something. I think it’s important to just let yourself feel like tit and cry all the time if you need to. Also taking up a new hobby can help give your mind a break, I started trying to learn to crochet

Being 'strong' isn't telling an ex to do one, it's having convictions in your own actions that you have made the right choice for YOU. Do what feels best for you. If he had repeatedly done this to you I would say different, however life is strange and people do make mistakes.

I agree. This is the first time he’s ever done anything like this and I have to blame covid and border closures. Without that we’d have been married by now. Not that I’m excusing him because dumping me was so drastic but clearly he hasn’t dealt with the separation as well as I have.

 

[LateG0ssiper]

Have you got any advice on how to get through it? I'm finding it so hard. I'm messing up at work. I'm either leaving early because I can't cope or staying late because I can't face going home and being there alone with all our stuff that we chose together. Weekends are the worst because the days just seem so long.

When we first broke up I packed everything we had of 'ours' photos etc, and put them in a box and put them away where I wouldn't be tempted to look through them. Baring in mind I did this whilst sobbing my eyes out and lots of wine (and on a Friday might I add) then in the morning I changed my routine and tried my hardest not to slob around. I went out and bought loads of nice girly things for my home and filled photo frames with family and friends.
Speaking to myself helped a lot too. If I thought of something that made me sad I would speak aloud like 'I'm okay, this is only short term' and things like that. Dont get me wrong I had to get rid of songs on my phone that would make me sad and took all photos from my phone and put them on a memory card. One step at a time I did this. Everyone always tries to rush healing over a break up but I don't think you truly get over it sometimes, you just come to accept.
[/QUOTE]
Even just seeing everything in the house is upsetting because we haven't lived there for that long and we've been putting a lot of effort and money into making it really nice, which makes his sudden departure even more confusing. We've spent an absolute fortune the past few months. The house and area was our dream (or I thought it was) so being there alone is really hard. I don't feel like I'm trying to rush to get over it, more just trying to rush to feel "OK".

 

[GeorgeP123]

So sorry to the original poster that you are having to go through this. I think the big question is, would you ever do that to him out of the blue? Treat him with such disrespect? Think answer is no. And then you have to ask yourself right well would I ever want to get back with someone who could be so utterly cruel? No matter what you go through tiu should not do that to the love of your life.

 

[Gembo]

I think about this thread a lot. I remember the time I had my heart broken when a boyfriend broke up with me and it’s still up there as being on of the worst times of my life. It was so painful, it’s been very well put here that it’s a form of grief and I just want to hug you all. You will get through this and I know it’s nothing you want to hear or believe now but there may come a day that you are glad that it happened as it paved the way for you to meet the right person, that was definitely true for me and as much as it almost killed me at the time I’m glad my ex broke up with me as I wouldn’t have done all the things I’ve done if I’d stayed with him or met my now wonderful husband.

Ive also reflected on a relationship I ended that I know caused a lot of pain. I have felt awful reading your posts as I pretty much just cut him off. A friend told me that every time I spoke to him or agreed to meet I was dragging out his pain as I was getting his hopes up. I did do it with good intentions but I look back now and regret that I didn’t handle it better. I truly hope he’s happy now with someone else, I think he deserved better than who I was back then.

Love and healing to you all

 

[gigi_93]

So sorry to the original poster that you are having to go through this. I think the big question is, would you ever do that to him out of the blue? Treat him with such disrespect? Think answer is no. And then you have to ask yourself right well would I ever want to get back with someone who could be so utterly cruel? No matter what you go through tiu should not do that to the love of your life.

Thank you. If I had wanted to break up with him, I like to think I’d have done it differently and at least offered him a real explanation and given him a chance to be heard. I certainly wouldn’t have blocked him in that way. I’d like to give him a chance to explain himself, if only because it might help me find peace. I can only do what feels right to me at the time I guess

I think about this thread a lot. I remember the time I had my heart broken when a boyfriend broke up with me and it’s still up there as being on of the worst times of my life. It was so painful, it’s been very well put here that it’s a form of grief and I just want to hug you all. You will get through this and I know it’s nothing you want to hear or believe now but there may come a day that you are glad that it happened as it paved the way for you to meet the right person, that was definitely true for me and as much as it almost killed me at the time I’m glad my ex broke up with me as I wouldn’t have done all the things I’ve done if I’d stayed with him or met my now wonderful husband.

Ive also reflected on a relationship I ended that I know caused a lot of pain. I have felt awful reading your posts as I pretty much just cut him off. A friend told me that every time I spoke to him or agreed to meet I was dragging out his pain as I was getting his hopes up. I did do it with good intentions but I look back now and regret that I didn’t handle it better. I truly hope he’s happy now with someone else, I think he deserved better than who I was back then.

Love and healing to you all

It’s good of you to admit you could have handled it better. We live and learn. I did not expect to be going through this in my 30s. Not really at the point where I can be hopeful for the future yet, I hope I can be soon. Thank you

 

[Reverend]

It’s coming up to a year since I got dumped. I didn’t think I’d feel this way looking back - I’m not 100%, no where near. But I’d say I’m almost there - I don’t get the pangs of missing him as much anymore, if anything it’s gone from ‘I need him’ to ‘Why did I need him?’. Grieving and healing isn’t a linear process so just take your time and you do you.

I’m looking forward to what this year brings in terms of lockdown hopefully ending and being able to get out and socialise. I really don’t want to date and I’m really happy I have that choice back in my life to focus on myself.

I totally get what you say. When I was ditched for another guy, I was bereft, almost like I had had a bereavement. Despite what my friends saying, 'You can do better than her' etc. you just want them back, but after 1 year, I was 'Meh' I'm glad I don't have her around anymore.

 

[Eyerollbrainache]

@LateG0ssiper I really feel for you. Heartbreak is the most painful experience and it's being exasperated by the lockdown and isolation. I think that really honouring your feelings helps, when your sad it's ok to just be sad. Some times that's all we can do, and processing it is so much better than ignoring it.

I promise you one day you will feel better. I wish I could say something that hasn't already been said but it will get better. Xx

 

[LateG0ssiper]

@LateG0ssiper I really feel for you. Heartbreak is the most painful experience and it's being exasperated by the lockdown and isolation. I think that really honouring your feelings helps, when your sad it's ok to just be sad. Some times that's all we can do, and processing it is so much better than ignoring it.

I promise you one day you will feel better. I wish I could say something that hasn't already been said but it will get better. Xx

Thank you so much. I know that no one can really make it better but your words really do mean a lot. This thread has offered so much support and it does help a little to see that others have been through this too x

I totally get what you say. When I was ditched for another guy, I was bereft, almost like I had had a bereavement. Despite what my friends saying, 'You can do better than her' etc. you just want them back, but after 1 year, I was 'Meh' I'm glad I don't have her around anymore.

This is exactly how I feel - it's like a bereavement. To go from being together every day for so many years to suddenly not talking at all does feel like he's died. I know that's a terrible thing to say but I think that's why I'm struggling so much, it's the shock and suddenness of it all.

 

[Reverend]

This is exactly how I feel - it's like a bereavement. To go from being together every day for so many years to suddenly not talking at all does feel like he's died. I know that's a terrible thing to say but I think that's why I'm struggling so much, it's the shock and suddenness of it all.

I kept seeing her with her new guy, and with the benefit of hindsight she was using me as potential backup if it didn't work out with him.