It's not pathetic, I think that's only natural. I am doing the same thing as I don't want to contact him and push him further away but the less we have contact the more I think he's learning to forget about me.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I'm trying to think like that but I just can't do it. It is genuinely making me ill, I haven't slept more than a couple of hours each night and I'm not eating enough. It's not just that he's gone, I'm worrying over the future of the house, money, everything.
You can get nytol tablets over the counter. They are stronger than the ones the sell on the shoo floor. They will help you sleep. Dont turn to alcohol & maybe go out for a little walk & just take baby steps each day. Even the fact you woke up and went to work is great! Dont be soo hard on yourself
My ex decided to get in touch this morning to send condolences about my late sister as its the month she passed away and the build up to that day is always really difficult, he then proceeded to add how he has moved on and never wants to see me again, he wants nothing to do with me, never to contact him. I just don't understand. Why bother messaging me about my sister to appear actually the most decent he has came across in a very long time to then follow it up with telling me how he has moved on, surely to God you would just not bother?.. He clearly knows its a difficult month for me and I don't really need to wake up to fake condolences if its just so you can stick the boot in after about how you have moved on, want nothing to do with me etc. It is strange because I am just used to constant abuse from him, and him having moved on has given me a sense of freedom which I am not used to. Him sending me any form of message at all has really thrown me and I would love to see inside his brain for one day to see how it actually functions. What his game here? If he has moved on, great! I can finally live my life without having to pussy foot around anymore. Probably wants a reaction which I am fighting so hard to not give. ARGH
Thanks but I've tried, I've also had stronger stuff from the doctor. That's what gives me maybe two hours but that's it. I'm trying to get out every day, being at home so much makes it harder.You can get nytol tablets over the counter. They are stronger than the ones the sell on the shoo floor. They will help you sleep. Dont turn to alcohol & maybe go out for a little walk & just take baby steps each day. Even the fact you woke up and went to work is great! Dont be soo hard on yourself
That is awful, I'm so sorry about your sister. That seems very cruel of him.
My hair is falling out in clumps. I’m terrified to brush it. I know I look so awful but have no desire to do anything about it.
I think you need to spend 1 day crying and get it out of your system and start doing things for yourself. One small thing at a time and you’ll start to feel better I promise.
I’m struggling so hard today. I miss him SO much. I’m so close to texting him and telling him. I dream about him all the time and for the first five seconds I forget and then it all starts again.
I cry all the time, just not in front of anyone. I wait until I’m alone. I wish I could stop!
Sending you big hugs. It’s so incredibly hard.
I'm sorry about your sister. This guy sounds a total narcasist. He knew that you'd be thinking about your late sister rather than him and just had to put himself smack bang at the forefront of your mind again then as soon as your focus shifted he hit you with "never contact me again"
He wants to consume your thoughts so that you can't move on the way he has. Delete his number and never let him have that power over you again.Ladies trust me when I tell you that you're so much better off without these emotionally constipated little boys.
Thank you xo .. I know he is a narc big time, he had a hold over me for a long time, even when I had moved on, he would still be there in the background with his nasty tit. I keep telling myself he is somebody else's problem now and his ugly side will no doubt rear its head sooner or later but its not my problem anymore, I can finally be free to live my life now without worry or fear. I spend so much time reading about narc's and everything I read is just so, so spot on. Sometimes it is good to write on hear and get advice from other people, as I am such an overthinker, sometime I need told what I already know if that makes sense. xI'm sorry about your sister. This guy sounds a total narcasist. He knew that you'd be thinking about your late sister rather than him and just had to put himself smack bang at the forefront of your mind again then as soon as your focus shifted he hit you with "never contact me again"
Ladies trust me when I tell you that you're so much better off without these emotionally constipated little boys.
Yeah oh course hun, great that you're at the point where you're free of him
I do think you should block his number, block him on social media and don't let him take up another second of your time. Treat yourself to a new top or make up or whatever you're into and invest in building yourself back up again. He has drained you but now is your time You are amazing 
Hey there.
I've been reading along because I went through the same thing back in April last year. I was dumped in a final way pretty much out the blue by my partner of 10 years and father of my youngest. He said it was over and that he had made up his mind and he wouldn't ever change it.
I was broken, didn't get out of bed. Ended up on medication (propranolol) and was signed off work for 5 weeks. I didn't see how I could continue living. It was about 10 weeks before I could function properly without crying through the day. Even then I still chased him, text him, slept with him and then broke all over again when he said nothing had changed again the next day and it was just sex to him.
The relationship was a rocky one from the start, he prioritised everything above me, and he stonewalled in response to any kind of conflict or me enforcing boundaries or asking for my needs to be met.... we'd end up not speaking for days /a week until I begged him to come back to me and he put all the blame of everything that had happened on me and I took it apologising a million times. He used to shout "do you really think this is what love is? " just because I'd asked to see him a bit more
Therapy made me see what had happened wasn't normal in a relationship and that we were connected by a trauma bond not an amazing 'soul mate once in a life time' thing like my fantasy view of the relationship was.
Once I started to pull myself together a bit about 4 months later, I lost lots of weight and started posting on my social media about enjoying life again, he came back.... He was going through something and I supported him wholly through it. We officially got back together, however if I asked for more (more time / more affection / more support), no matter how I asked for it he took it terribly and again stoned walled and it would turn into a huge thing that id end up taking the blame for again. I was beginning to see through what was happening but I still held on.
4 weeks ago its happened again. He did something quite disrespectful to me and I called him out on it. I usually wouldnt have (I knew what would happen) but I was high on pain medication from the hospital after an accident and he walked out without saying a word and I've not heard from him since apart from single line texts to pick up his son to which I've replied civilly. I've also had a really poorly parent during this time. We didn't know if theyd pull through at one point, he knew and still didn't bother to get in touch.
I'm not spending my days crying, perhaps just a bit at bedtime but I'm hurting inside. I feel like I'm done with the relationship now, finally. But knowing that in your head and knowing that in your heart are two separate things and my heart hasn't quite yet caught up. I spend my days wondering what it's going to feel like when he finds someone new etc.
I hope you don't mind me posting on here. I know I'm not completely broken this time and I'm so sorry for what you are all going through, I know how it feels. I just needed to write this down and get it out, I thought it might help a bit.
Ive refused to play the game this time and go creeping back with my tail between my legs saying sorry for having needs so we've just gone completely silent. I don't understand how anyone could treat another person like this...
I've been reading along because I went through the same thing back in April last year. I was dumped in a final way pretty much out the blue by my partner of 10 years and father of my youngest. He said it was over and that he had made up his mind and he wouldn't ever change it.
I was broken, didn't get out of bed. Ended up on medication (propranolol) and was signed off work for 5 weeks. I didn't see how I could continue living. It was about 10 weeks before I could function properly without crying through the day. Even then I still chased him, text him, slept with him and then broke all over again when he said nothing had changed again the next day and it was just sex to him.
The relationship was a rocky one from the start, he prioritised everything above me, and he stonewalled in response to any kind of conflict or me enforcing boundaries or asking for my needs to be met.... we'd end up not speaking for days /a week until I begged him to come back to me and he put all the blame of everything that had happened on me and I took it apologising a million times. He used to shout "do you really think this is what love is? " just because I'd asked to see him a bit more
Therapy made me see what had happened wasn't normal in a relationship and that we were connected by a trauma bond not an amazing 'soul mate once in a life time' thing like my fantasy view of the relationship was.
Once I started to pull myself together a bit about 4 months later, I lost lots of weight and started posting on my social media about enjoying life again, he came back.... He was going through something and I supported him wholly through it. We officially got back together, however if I asked for more (more time / more affection / more support), no matter how I asked for it he took it terribly and again stoned walled and it would turn into a huge thing that id end up taking the blame for again. I was beginning to see through what was happening but I still held on.
4 weeks ago its happened again. He did something quite disrespectful to me and I called him out on it. I usually wouldnt have (I knew what would happen) but I was high on pain medication from the hospital after an accident and he walked out without saying a word and I've not heard from him since apart from single line texts to pick up his son to which I've replied civilly. I've also had a really poorly parent during this time. We didn't know if theyd pull through at one point, he knew and still didn't bother to get in touch.
I'm not spending my days crying, perhaps just a bit at bedtime but I'm hurting inside. I feel like I'm done with the relationship now, finally. But knowing that in your head and knowing that in your heart are two separate things and my heart hasn't quite yet caught up. I spend my days wondering what it's going to feel like when he finds someone new etc.
I hope you don't mind me posting on here. I know I'm not completely broken this time and I'm so sorry for what you are all going through, I know how it feels. I just needed to write this down and get it out, I thought it might help a bit.
Ive refused to play the game this time and go creeping back with my tail between my legs saying sorry for having needs so we've just gone completely silent. I don't understand how anyone could treat another person like this...
Thank you lovely, I won't. I think the only reason he made my life hell was he saw I had moved on and I was happy, so he would just make fake profiles to make sure he was still making me feel crap with the stuff he would say, sitting there in the background thinking if he abused me enough I would just go back to him... honestly I could write a book on how bad it was, the things he would say and do, he would even contact my boyfriends family on SM. I have him blocked everywhere though it has never stopped him as he just makes new profiles... I have said all along the only way he would truly quit is when he met someone else and now it seems he has.. It's sad too because it really didn't have to be this way. Contacting me and doing that so close to my sisters anniversary doesn't surprise me but is has confirmed he is narc scum and not worth upsetting myself over anymore. He has been in the background affecting my mental health and trying to ruin relationships and friendships for long enoughYeah oh course hun, great that you're at the point where you're free of him
Sorry to read this bellaboo and you are feeling this way. He sounds like a complete head, pardon my french. But look at how far you have come and how much stronger you are now compared to when you first broke up. Time is a great healer and the more he lets you down the stronger you get, one day it just makes sense and you think to yourself, I genuinely don't deserve this! Some men have a way of turning it round so you are the problem, you want too much, ask for too much.. My ex would see me every few weeks for a few hours and think this was ok? He was teaching me how to be ok, on my own.. As soon as they see you happy, that you aren't running after them and they see your smile return - they come out of the wood work to bring you back down. Just you keep putting yourself and your son first, you don't need him and you will find someone who really does deserve you, not someone who just keeps upsetting you, wasting your time and making you feel like this. xo
Last edited:
Of course you can post here. You’ve really been through it and it’s amazing that you don’t feel as broken as you once did. I know what you mean when you say your heart hasn’t caught up with your head. It’s cliche to say but in your case I definitely think you’re better off without him, the back and forth isn’t giving you any time to heal whatsoever. I hope your parent is doing better too
Thank you for posting. It actually really helps me to see that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling (although my situation is quite different to yours as times were nearly always great for us). Well done for being strong this time, I have a lot of admiration for you.
Thank you all for your responses
I remember being where you guys are right now. It's the worst feeling in the world. My advice would be to be around supportive people, to journal your feelings, to make baby steps of progress and not push yourself. Be really kind and gentle to yourself, loads of self care and just go with the flow and don't beat yourself up for not getting out of pj's for 4 days or not loading the dishwasher or for not eating a decent meal. I found it helped to talk to people going through the same thing or had been through it before and found happiness after.... So keep posting and supporting each other
If you feel like contacting him, write it in your phone notes. Write him letters if it helps just don't send them. I found it helped me process my thoughts.
I got so angry with myself because my mind was constantly giving me a highlight reel of all our best memories and it kills you but you can't stop it. Remember it's just your brain having lost its source of dopamine... Just like if you go on a diet all you can think of is food. Try to do something that takes your mind off it, watch something/read something/take up an old hobby. It stops being constant after about 4/5 weeks....
Also that's when I went back to work. I was due back after 4 wks but on the day I was due back had to get another weeks note as I just wasn't ready. The next week I felt better though and got there. I told people I didn't want to talk about it and they were extra kind to me but I knew if anyone mentioned it I'd cry and I wanted to try and be strong at that point. Going back to work really helped me gain some normality and purpose again. As much as having time off initially was essential(!!!).. Id definitely recommend going back as soon as you feel ready, it helped a lot.
Just a little end thing so it doesn't surprise you if it happens. I lost 2 stone over 6 weeks because I barely ate, I didn't take my vitamins, didn't sleep. Just when I was starting to feel a bit better exactly 12 weeks on, I started loosing clumps of my hair. I rang my doctor and she said my body was so traumatised by what happened that it had shocked my hair into not going into its next cycle. It came out in clumps when I washed / brushed for 3 month and then just as fast as it started it stopped when my hair went into its next cycle.
A good book is its called a break up because its broken. It took me a while to be able to read it though as I didn't want to accept what was happening.
I'm just going to keep being strong and try to move forward. Really appreciate your replies, they made me cry a bit. It definitely helped to get it written down so thank you for reading
I remember being where you guys are right now. It's the worst feeling in the world. My advice would be to be around supportive people, to journal your feelings, to make baby steps of progress and not push yourself. Be really kind and gentle to yourself, loads of self care and just go with the flow and don't beat yourself up for not getting out of pj's for 4 days or not loading the dishwasher or for not eating a decent meal. I found it helped to talk to people going through the same thing or had been through it before and found happiness after.... So keep posting and supporting each other
If you feel like contacting him, write it in your phone notes. Write him letters if it helps just don't send them. I found it helped me process my thoughts.
I got so angry with myself because my mind was constantly giving me a highlight reel of all our best memories and it kills you but you can't stop it. Remember it's just your brain having lost its source of dopamine... Just like if you go on a diet all you can think of is food. Try to do something that takes your mind off it, watch something/read something/take up an old hobby. It stops being constant after about 4/5 weeks....
Also that's when I went back to work. I was due back after 4 wks but on the day I was due back had to get another weeks note as I just wasn't ready. The next week I felt better though and got there. I told people I didn't want to talk about it and they were extra kind to me but I knew if anyone mentioned it I'd cry and I wanted to try and be strong at that point. Going back to work really helped me gain some normality and purpose again. As much as having time off initially was essential(!!!).. Id definitely recommend going back as soon as you feel ready, it helped a lot.
Just a little end thing so it doesn't surprise you if it happens. I lost 2 stone over 6 weeks because I barely ate, I didn't take my vitamins, didn't sleep. Just when I was starting to feel a bit better exactly 12 weeks on, I started loosing clumps of my hair. I rang my doctor and she said my body was so traumatised by what happened that it had shocked my hair into not going into its next cycle. It came out in clumps when I washed / brushed for 3 month and then just as fast as it started it stopped when my hair went into its next cycle.
A good book is its called a break up because its broken. It took me a while to be able to read it though as I didn't want to accept what was happening.
I'm just going to keep being strong and try to move forward. Really appreciate your replies, they made me cry a bit. It definitely helped to get it written down so thank you for reading
So so much invaluable advice there, thankyou.Thank you all for your responses
I remember being where you guys are right now. It's the worst feeling in the world. My advice would be to be around supportive people, to journal your feelings, to make baby steps of progress and not push yourself. Be really kind and gentle to yourself, loads of self care and just go with the flow and don't beat yourself up for not getting out of pj's for 4 days or not loading the dishwasher or for not eating a decent meal. I found it helped to talk to people going through the same thing or had been through it before and found happiness after.... So keep posting and supporting each other
If you feel like contacting him, write it in your phone notes. Write him letters if it helps just don't send them. I found it helped me process my thoughts.
I got so angry with myself because my mind was constantly giving me a highlight reel of all our best memories and it kills you but you can't stop it. Remember it's just your brain having lost its source of dopamine... Just like if you go on a diet all you can think of is food. Try to do something that takes your mind off it, watch something/read something/take up an old hobby. It stops being constant after about 4/5 weeks....
Also that's when I went back to work. I was due back after 4 wks but on the day I was due back had to get another weeks note as I just wasn't ready. The next week I felt better though and got there. I told people I didn't want to talk about it and they were extra kind to me but I knew if anyone mentioned it I'd cry and I wanted to try and be strong at that point. Going back to work really helped me gain some normality and purpose again. As much as having time off initially was essential(!!!).. Id definitely recommend going back as soon as you feel ready, it helped a lot.
Just a little end thing so it doesn't surprise you if it happens. I lost 2 stone over 6 weeks because I barely ate, I didn't take my vitamins, didn't sleep. Just when I was starting to feel a bit better exactly 12 weeks on, I started loosing clumps of my hair. I rang my doctor and she said my body was so traumatised by what happened that it had shocked my hair into not going into its next cycle. It came out in clumps when I washed / brushed for 3 month and then just as fast as it started it stopped when my hair went into its next cycle.
A good book is its called a break up because its broken. It took me a while to be able to read it though as I didn't want to accept what was happening.
I'm just going to keep being strong and try to move forward. Really appreciate your replies, they made me cry a bit. It definitely helped to get it written down so thank you for reading
The thing you said that hit the nail on the head for me was your mind playing the best memories. I get this with no warning. I will be doing anything and all of a sudden get what I can describe as a flashback! That, and when I sleep I constantly dream about him, and he's the best version he could be in it too. My mind is what tortures me. My situ is a bit different as I know my split was for the best, however I was planning to get married later this year and I felt like our decline was rapid. I'm very much still in shock.
The trauma bond part really resonated with me. I think my ex and me were exactly the same. We had what I thought was an amazing connection 'soul mate' style thing but in reality it was a relationship that was very problematic and we clung to each other because past traumas we had made it seem 'safe'. In actual reality it was the opposite. It was very manipulative and reactive.
I'm so glad you are feeling better. I have to say the third time he ended it I was the same. It's less soul crushing and breaking. 5 months down the line I actually feel better. I have just started reading 'the secret joy of being single' but it took me months to start it too. I've found regular exercise and keeping busy to help as well.
I really do feel for you all on here in the heartbreak stage, but I promise it does get better. One day you just stop being consumed by it all and you don't even realise at first. One thing I also found that helps is allowing my self a period of time each day to be sad and think about it. For example at the beginning I would say I could think about it and be said for 5 minutes every hour in the hour, then the next 55 minutes I couldn't. It was hard at first but a few days in I found that I didn't need it every hour and moved it to ever two hours ect, then slowly made the gaps bigger. It was just retraining my thoughts to be mine again and not on him.
I also agree with the posters who say we romantise the good and forget the bad.
It does get better and better days are ahead. - Status