For anybody struggling ❤

[allthingschocolate]

Had a really tough week, my daughter was in hospital for 2 nights thankfully nothing serious and she’s now home but I feel mentally and emotionally drained and obviously have not slept or eaten well this also meant spending time with my ex husband (we divorced 6 years ago) but we were both at the hospital for our daughter that we share together, having to make small talk with him was so awkward, he has remarried and had another child which has never bothered me, though he’s changed and not for the best, his wife is also vile towards my daughter and has not even messaged my daughter to send get well wishes and has never made any effort with her. Anyway I’ve not felt anything for him for years but being around him has made me feel really confused, I don’t know if it’s anger at the way he hurt me years ago or if there are feelings deep down that I have failed to accept will just never go away I just feel so sad about it all, I would never express any of this to him obviously but it’s so weird and wish I could shake this feeling off we normally never speak unless necessary and go months without seeing each other so maybe it’s just that? But it feels rather odd and I am really hoping this soon passes as I hate feeling this way especially about him maybe someone can relate?

 

[emmyg]

Hello all. I'm glad to have found this thread. I just feel in such turmoil at the moment. I have suffered with depression since I was 18, I'm 43 now. I have been on anti-depressants for most of that time, and feel like I have done every type of counselling/therapy possible. I just don't seem to be able to shake it off, it really is like having a black dog constantly following me around. I've had periods of feeling happy, but they don't seem to last very long before I return to my default of being depressed. Every day just feels like a battle against it all the time, and I'm exhausted. I am very unhappy in my marriage, but am not sure if that is because of my depression or peri-menopause, or because we aren't compatable. I find it hard to trust how I feel, because I worry the depression affects how I see things. My husband is not at all understanding of my depression. He is very unemotional, just says "I don't do emotions" and just shuts down when I try to talk to him about anything vaguely difficult, not just my depression, but our marriage, the children, when he lost his dad last year. I just feel so alone. I feel like I'm snapping at the children all the time, and am always grumpy with them, I'm not the mum I want to be. I try my best every day, but it isn't good enough, they deserve more / better, but I don't seem to be able to do any better. The house is such a mess because I just don't have the energy to sort it out. I just have no motivation to do anything. If I could I would just lie in bed all day. I've been trying to get more sleep, going to bed earlier but that doesn't seem to make any difference. I've been taking B vitamins, but that hasn't made any difference. I just feel so stuck in this enormous black hole.

 

[Dotty Merton]

My mother died by suicide too, it’s hardly a “ditto!!” moment, but it’s always strangely comforting to know I’m not the only one. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, yet conversely I’m glad I’m not alone (and neither are you.)

I've never talked directly with someone whose Mum died by suicide before and have really wanted to, so a very big Helloooo. Mums have so many expectations put on them, it's really difficult to be one and to loose one. For us it's like being in a tribe not of ones choosing. What has helped you Squit?

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Hi all. Really glad I've found this thread because I feel like I just need somewhere to get all my thoughts out.

I hope you don't mind.

On sunday it was 17yrs since my big sister passed away. I was only 16 when she died. She actually died on a Sunday too so it felt like I was back there reliving every second.
Yesterday I went with my mum to the hospital, she had to get tests done. She has been waiting for this appointment since pre covid and I don't really know much about it. The doctor said its a bit of a mystery, my mum hasn't got any symptoms or anything. It could be her bones so she has to get a bone scan. I think Vitamin D deficiency was also mentioned. It was a clinic called Endocrinology. I'm aware it might be nothing serious but all I can think is the worst and its really upsetting me. She is my best friend.
Then when she got home, my stepdad was in a bit of a dark place so she took him to the doctor, who then referred him to the hospital for blood tests. that was at 5.30pm yesterday evening and they are still sat in A&E at 10am today!
Lastly, my dad is awaiting on results since mid January to see if he potentially has lung cancer.
I just can't stop worrying about everyone.
I have quite bad anxiety at the best of times so when stuff like this happens I just obsess over it and I can't stop overthinking the worst - creating scenarios in my head of things that hasn't happened and getting upset.
I'm trying to keep strong and remind myself thoughts are not facts but I'm currently just typing this in tears because I just feel useless.
I just want everyone to be okay.

Thankfully i WFH so I don't have to face anyone.

Its helped a little to get that off my chest xx

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Hey all,

I came here from another thread which has since closed. I didn’t say much on the last thread just comments here and there. I know tattle gets a bad name but literally the group of women in that were so so lovely (most of them) I’m a new mum but def think I’m suffering with PND. I’m so glad this thread has been set up

Please don’t just keep going alone if you feel you have PND. Please please book an appointment with your GP as soon as you can. You can usually do an econsult on their website so you can put it all on there at a time you feel able and then it’s easier when they speak to you because you don’t have to say it all.

There’s also #pndhour on Twitter on Wednesdays at 8-9pm. I used to join in every week but haven’t in ages, it’s so so welcoming and really kind people.

PND is a bitch. Don’t struggle alone
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An extra special hug for you Dolls, you’ve been so supportive to so many over the last couple of weeks xx

Thank you but I really didn’t do any more than anyone else

I haven’t read properly in here yet, I don’t have the capacity right now, but I will over the next day or two xx

 

[qwikti]

I'm so sorry to hear your feeling this way if you ever feel like you need on the spot help but don't feel ready for a full on talk (or because its either late at night or early hours of the morning) there's a text chat helpline called Shout that you can literally post your message with whatevers worrying you and a professional (real person with training) will text you back with advice and they keep texting/chatting with you until you feel ready to end the conversation - text Shout 85258 .
Xxx

Thank you, you amazing kind person For now I'm just sitting down with a pen and paper and figuring out what I can do in how much time I've got, trying to face the challenge head on, as I really want to be able to in a few months look back and think 'I did the absolute best I could'

 

[absolutpink]

I haven’t posted in this thread before. Sending love to everyone here

We had to say goodbye to our dog suddenly just over a week ago. He was an older dog, but he was my faithful companion, I can’t even call him my best friend because he was so much more than that. He was always by my side and was such a huge part of my life.

I’m having a really hard time. I miss him so, so much. I’m not sleeping, I don’t want to eat. I’m just a mess. I wfh, but I’m finding it hard to get anything done.

 

[DrtCrl]

I haven’t read properly in here yet but I just opened the thread and yours was the first post I saw.

I’ve been there, 4 years ago. It’s hard and relentless but believe me, if I can survive it so can you

tag me any time you need a chat or if you have a question xx

An extra special hug for you Dolls, you’ve been so supportive to so many over the last couple of weeks xx

 

[Good Egg]

I’m currently recovering from surgery. In my period of leave I’ve realised I actually have no friends or anybody who looks out for me.

Nobody has been in touch. Nobody. I’ve posted on FB. It proves my point that if i didn’t reach out and make the first move, nobody would care. If I died in surgery. I doubt anybody would notice.

I’m feeling very down and low. (Overdramatic and true). I’m a single parent so put a brave face on it. I have to carry on regardless but man it hurts.

This friend, a guy, he is so special to me. Was always there. We got close and now he’s not the same towards me.

I feel as though people use me for what they need and discard me when I’m no longer needed. I’d do anything for anybody. I’ll always check in with people, I’ll always make sure others are OK. I make myself available to others.

This has been An eyeopening experience. I’m not going to reach out anymore.

Has anybody else experienced similar?

 

[hereforthebanter6]

Hello . I am so glad I found this thread. Just wish I found it sooner !

Yesterday was really hard for me . I don’t have any family as my mum and dad died a few years ago. I had messaged a friend in the morning saying that I probably wouldn’t be on my phone much but I did reply to my friend when they messaged as I didn’t want to be rude. At one point I had messaged saying how hard I was finding it without family and how I had been to the cemetery and the reply I got back was “ ok x”. In some ways , the “ok” hurt far more than no response would have. I just wanted to be understood and heard . Today my friend has messaged saying they were concentrating on being present and their dinner etc . I now feel a total burden and my heart is sore . Maybe I shouldn’t have messaged at all. Maybe I need to deal with it all myself. Thanks for listening .

 

[Pumpkin84]

I think it's fair to say that for some people talking therapies aren't always the right route at certain times or because of trust issues, I hear you @InTheDollsHouse - having to build up trust with someone in the same profession as may of caused the trauma originally is a right old head feck. There are so many different types of self care and therapy.

* Hypnotism for anxiety really helped me after my friend went missing/killed and stopped the feelings of threat. A friend has hugely good credentials in it so I was very lucky.

* PTSD/CPTSD? Gabor Mate - He rocks

* There are some vids on youtube about Childhood PTSD which they call CPTSD in the US sometimes to confuse matters. Another tattler put me on to them. She identifies what experiences in childhood would affect us in adulthood unhealthily, how and what you can do about them. Handy. She's called the Crappy Childhood Fairy which is a name I imagine puts people off, a shame, she dunnae mention fairies ok and she really put my head straight on a few matters which a traditional counsellor just won't do.

Thanks I'm definitly going to check these things out. Kids are on half term break this week so hands are full but will start having a look next week. I'm also going to read up on perimenopause, as I think it's effecting me too. I ordered a load of vitamins the other day and they came today. Got full spectrum magnesium, vit d, zinc and ashwagandha and some highstrength, full spectrum cbd capsules, so I'm hoping they help somewhat as I know how crucial they are and our bodies very often lack these things. I ordered a cbd oil that you spray under your tongue which came yesterday and I got a much more restful sleep lastnight. I recommend it to anyone who is struggling to sleep.

 

[50sGirl]

Morning all.

 

[Jwren]

Oh my god !! This is me over the past month. I’ve pulled out all the stuff I’ve bought over the years that is cluttering up cupboards/ under beds etc and if it don’t fit or I don’t ADORE it…. It went in recycling. Now only have a few beautiful dresses to get into and if I don’t … off to the charity shop !! It truly was a fab afternoon. But my sisters were truly shocked at how many bags of stuff there was…. Then I felt bad … but on balance I know I’ve just wasted all this money on these items and I’d rather they went to charity now. I do not feel good about it, but I sort of do at the same time. I feel pretty shit talking about it on here tbh as others may be struggling to even buy clothes and …..I have wasted tonnes of money.

Well done you!!
We don’t do feeling shit on here unless it was some of the clothes I bought It’s called having a blip and you should be really proud of yourself xx
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every time we try and talk it descends into an argument. It’s like we don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. He chooses to bury his head in the sand though and I need him not to. I know that much.
---

You are right. And not a naggin mother at all. I know I’m not getting enough of anything. At most I can eat a few safe foods. But even that is a struggle. I know if I can get on top of it things will settle but I just don’t even know how to xx

If you can manage it I would get a good multivitamin and also some digestive enzymes, they help you to digest vitamins and stop you feeling nauseous after taking them, as you‘re not eating much but always check they are right for you.

Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and put yourself first. Might it be helpful to put some of your feelings down maybe on your phone, or tablet because sometimes when you write down your feelings it frees your mind a little.

Also if you haven’t already I would speak to your GP, as they will/should have your best interests at heart and if they don’t you find one that does. When my head was in an absolute mess I had a wonderful GP who said your mind is a bit like a clock ticking over, but he said at the moment all your cogs are going at once and don’t know how to get back on track, he was not wrong. I liken it to going to the library, pulling out a book and the whole library of books came down on top of me and sometimes we need a little help to find our way back.

It really will get better I promise you. I have been to hell and back in my lifetime, I’m now in a very good place and have been for quite a while and able to deal with things I wouldn’t in the past and I never thought I‘d ever say that on my darkest days.

And then when you‘re in a better place it will be easier to make decisions. xx

 

[DrtCrl]

Thinking of you all single mum with a newborn baby, it’s difficult.

Sending hugs. I’m a single mum and have been since my daughter was tiny. It is tough, I won’t sugar coat it, but believe me it gets better and it’s so worth it

 

[justonemorepage]

I struggle a lot with New Year's. Always have, but then we lost a very special family member on one New Year and it absolutely broke me. It took me a long time to even be able to say the words "happy new year" back to someone when they said it to me, because no new year could ever be happy when we had that insurmountable loss hanging over us. I still feel it now, it's always there. It's like a darkness that creeps in and I spend most of the day crying like the tears just pour from me I can't control it.

I currently have a newborn and I'm in the thick of post partum and everything is heightened. No one truly understands why I'm so sad and why I struggle with this time of year, even though many of them went through it with me, but I am more emotional than most and an empath so everything gets to me. I'm super sensitive and take everything that is said to me the wrong way. I always wish I could just hibernate during the new year period and wake up when it's all over. I've argued with my whole family today and I've felt so overwhelmed and frustrated. I feel like I'm in one of those slumps that is hard to get out of and I'm exhausted and annoying myself for not being stronger. Anyway, I just needed a space to get this all off my chest. Thank you to anyone who has read this far and I wish you all a happy and healthy new year. You are all amazing. It's so lovely to have such a supportive community here. I honestly haven't had many places to turn to lately but this little corner of the internet has helped me so much. Sending you all love into the new year

 

[Maid22]

Need to say this somewhere, first time today I've actually left my home for weeks, first time today I've actually drove my truck for months, it's been very hard, but I needed to do it for my oh, am mentally exhausted now.

 

[FakeSmile]

come back on here and tell us when you’ve messaged them x

however you feel afterwards is okay. You might feel relieved, scared, or nothing at all and it might feel a huge anticlimax. There’s no right way to feel. We can hold your hand from here!
---

I don’t have very much support around me and that just touched my heart, thank you

 

[Jadejones9596]

Sorry to post on here but life is just such a struggle right now.
2023 was looking great after a sad and difficult 2022. I took a new job and had a new boyfriend all great.
In the last week the boyfriend literally messaged to say let’s call it a day and I’ve heard nothing from him since and the new job is horrific.
I cry all the time, I don’t have an appetite and I just don’t see how I can ever feel myself again.
I started a new anti depressant last week so I hope that helps but I’m so desperately unhappy right now

 

[HotMessCentral]

Firstly, thank you for this thread I was looking for a breast cancer thread but gave up. Had a terrible few months, relationship problems, family problems. All the while I have (TMI coming) a REALLY itchy left breast, it’s excruciating and keeping me awake at night. I don’t have other symptoms like dry skin/ eczema or mucous so put it off but called GP Friday 8am and I was in there by (1pm- they’re fantastic!). On the cancer pathway for a mammogram and/ or ultrasound which should be within 2 weeks. I have no one to talk to about it or anything else, I feel very low. I’m not close with my siblings, boyfriend is quite dreadful at the moment, dad has passed and mum has kidney cancer. Most friends disappeared during lockdown and only one who I could go to gets married 27th Aug so obviously I can’t go to her right now. Anyway…. I was looking for the thread to see if anyone else had experienced that symptom. Google just comes up with eczema which is not present.
Feel bloody lost, hopeless, lonely, pathetic. It’s all a bit much, I can’t breathe

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

I’m glad I think anyone who has gone through something can easily teeter over into disaster planner territory and can become on constant alert. It’s more than being just “a worrier” isn’t it? the fears and anxieties can just consume you, particularly on bad days. I should think it’s why a lot of us from the other thread felt so strongly for Nicola and became so absorbed in what had happened to her.

When the worst has happened, you know it can happen.