For anybody struggling ❤

[FlowerPower987]

I lost my identical twin girls almost 7 months ago. I was 15 weeks pregnant when they unexpectedly passed away, I had to deliver them, it was absolute worst day of my life.
The trauma and grief is destroying me, I have lots of other added stresses too i.e potentially facing homelessness with 4 children, an unsupportive partner who is also in so much debt that we have had bailiffs knocking on the door, a dick of an ex husband who still makes my life difficult, a narcissistic mother who I am unable to turn to for support, I have given up my job as a nurse because I am unable to go back to the hospital due to the trauma of losing my twins there.
I am isolated and lonely, my anxiety is debilitating.
My partner refuses to acknowledge my fragile mental health, he will change the subject when I try to talk to him about it.
I feel like I am going mad.
I’m going to bite the bullet and contact my GP tomorrow as I can’t cope with life anymore.
I am absolutely crap at asking for help as I’m so used to being the “strong one”, but I need intervention before I crumble .

 

[Good Egg]

I have recently been better at managing a lot of feelings, but I think I repressed so much in the last months, that it all exploded today.

In the last 3 months, everyone around me has achieved something big or a dream of theirs. 2 weddings, 1 engagement, 2 promotions, pregnancy announcements, people buying properties etc.

Meanwhile, my life has not really moved since 2022. My dad passed at the very end of 2021, so I spent 2022 & 2023 dealing with family matters on my own and exposing myself to my mother’s narcissistic tendencies all while dealing with an equally narcissistic manager.

2024 has been an absolute toss so far.
- Everyone in my team has gotten promoted or moved to a more senior level & I’m still stuck at a rather junior level.
- My siblings have been acting wishy washy because they clearly don’t like the fact I’m not speaking to my mother. I sent my sister a congrats message on her exams, never got an answer.

While I don’t necessarily want to get married or get engaged or have kids, I feel nothing positive is happening in my life. I’m not really living. I’m 34 this year, and don’t know where I’m headed or what my purpose is. I barely have any friends and I can’t really say I have a tight knit family.

Honestly, if this is what life is about, I’m not sure it’s really worth it (no self-harm thoughts).

I’m older than you early forties. You are still so young and still have time to smash those goals. As someone who also has a narcissistic mother and toxic family I wonder if we are programmed to ‘not feel good enough’ and we put so much pressure on ourselves? You have lots of time to smash those goals. What do you want from your future? What would you like to achieve? What can you put in place to achieve those goals? What do you need to work on. It’s all achievable. You are still so young!

I get that feeling though. I get it too. I’m a single mother. Been single nearly two decades. Feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. Feel sad how life has turned out really. I haven’t had a proper relationship. I haven’t bought a house. I don’t have a career as such. I don’t earn a good wage. I don’t really socialise. I don’t have a wide circle of friends. I don’t go on big holidays. I’m just me. Pootling through. I do have my health, a child who I love more than anything else and a roof over our heads and food in my belly. Of course I’d be lying if I didn’t want those other things but, I’m working on it. Life is a race but really we are only competing with ourselves, so, enjoy the journey. Set those goals. Focus and see where it takes you.
I wish you well and I hope you are having a better day xx

 

[MacPishFlaps]

Been in bed since Xmas night. Not had one merry Xmas message from anyone. How did my life get so pathetic. I’m so fucking tired.

Xmas is over rated anyway. I moved between the bed and couch all day! I'm sure your life's not pathetic. You've got us, we're here for you

 

[mee43]

I just don’t know how to cope with looking out for my Mum.
She was widowed 18 months ago and I’m trying my best to keep on top of everything that needs doing in her home and her life, as well as looking after my own home, and working and grieving.
OH and I rarely have any time together. My Mum has more of a social life than me and will often leave me doing jobs in her house while she’s out.
She only asks when she’s gonna see me if she has a week with little going on.
She constantly says after she’s been out, that she can’t be bothered going out with the friends that have rallied round her and she might stop doing it.
She’s having a lot of redecorating done, but because she has to wait in for a delivery this morning she’s fed up with life, the house gets her down and she might move (she won’t - she wouldn’t move away from her friends) the pro kw really is that I can’t take a day off to see it in while
She goes out.
She has problems with her knee and needs a drs appointment but I can’t make one for her while I’m at work and she won’t do it. Then she tells me that she’s had enough, and I feel like I’m not doing enough for her.
She’s always been a bit like this, even while my Dad
Was here, but she just dumps it all on me and half an hour later she’s peeled up and I feel like im in the pits.
I try and tell my Brother but he shrugs it off and says she seemed fine when he last spoke to her - which could be up to a week ago!!
Sorry - I know this isn’t fair of me but just needed somewhere to offload.

 

[Layla29]

Hi all, reporting in from a now closed thread (that I actually miss because although the subject matter was tragic, the people in there were lovely). This thread is a lovely idea and I’m reading through posts in here and hope everyone is ok Hang in there.

I’d also like to recommend Samaritans. I was very low about this time last year and they really helped me. The number is 116 123.

I actually miss it too. There were lovely laughs amongst the sadness

 

[Jwren]

I’m really sorry to use this thread for this as people really do have it so much worse - I KNOW that’s not how it works but I do feel guilty having read what I have. You’re all marvellous and brave people.

I felt I wanted to talk about this since reading about Nicola and all the threads about her but didn’t want to put it in her thread. It’s not even a huge thing really.

I was adopted as a baby and over the last couple of years I’ve been on a journey of reuniting with birth family and gaining access to my adoption records. It has been difficult and emotional but led to some very positive relationships with my grandmother, an aunt and an uncle.

I found out that my birth mother passed away in 2006 after being desperate to reunite with me (difficult for me to find peace with this). She loved me immensely but had struggles including struggles with alcohol. It’s why I find it hard to see a woman painted as “just” an alcoholic or “just” anything. The media, and some people, have such a blinkered view.

some of the harsh realities I have learned include the fact that she would leave me as a baby to go and drink and would be gone for days at a time. When she was sober and feeling well she couldn’t bear to be parted from me. So it was not straightforward but obviously the ultimate decision was made to keep me safe which I understand, and I was taken from her against her wishes.

I feel so much love and sadness and compassion for her especially because I think it’s such a complex illness.

someone said in a previous post there’s no such thing as a perfect mother, we are all just imperfect humans with struggles doing the best we can at the time.

There actually is no point to this at all, I have just felt this bubbling inside me for a few days and needed this space to let it out. Nobody needs to reply but I thank you for listening to me

I found your post really touching and insightful.
I’m so sorry you didn’t get to meet you birth mother for both you and her. I’m sure she would be immensely proud of the beautiful person you are, so understanding and caring of others even though it’s been far from easy for you. Thank you for sharing xx

 

[princessmaire80]

I almost feel a little ashamed typing this as there’s so many on here with bigger problems than mine; but I’m absolutely at the end of my tether.

I’m exhausted. I suffer from a multitude of disabilities, and I’m carer for my husband who has psychosis. Husband can look after himself, he doesn’t need physical care but needs a huge amount of emotional support. He can prepare himself a ready meal or sandwich, wash and dress himself, look after his car etc but when it comes to ‘life admin’ he can’t deal with it. I need to pay the bills, run his bank account, talk on his behalf, sort his medical stuff out etc. I’ve literally had to change my work shifts to align with his (he doesn’t work Fridays and because I WFH, he kept bursting in when I was trying to work demanding unimportant stuff be done right that very second; one time I literally had to take two hours away from work to try and sort out an issue that cropped up when the mail arrived)

I had to increase my hours from 25 hours (5 x 5 hour shifts) at the end of last year due to the postal strike. I’m now doing 30 hours (4 x 7.5 hour shifts) plus often due to a certain roster arrangement and overtime I’m working either 9 or 10.5 hour days. Even 7.5 is too much for me and it’s making me ill. My manager is spectacularly unsympathetic; she doesn’t understand my carers arrangements and wonders why I lose my rag with her when she doesn’t make the allowances she is supposed to. She is also spectacularly unsympathetic when it comes to my disabilities- I was off for just under four weeks with depression and she was ringing me constantly when I was off, making it quite clear that she thinks depression is not a reason to be off work. And now I got the news that my work are going out on strike. On the one hand I’m relieved as it’s a day I don’t have to work; but then on the other hand it’s a day’s pay I can’t afford to lose.

I had the opportunity to apply for teacher training but I’ve abandoned that idea thanks to my mother telling me that my crappy dead end job that has precisely zero prospects is ‘far better than trying to better myself as I couldn’t cope with the stress’

We are deep in the mire financially; we’re behind on most of our bills. The new council tax bill has just come in; we’re on a vastly reduced arrangement at the minute for this years but it’s got another 6 months to run on on top of the new bill. The utility bills are ridiculous- I’ve literally had to cancel the DD again as I can’t afford the £400 they want.

I won £500 at the bingo the other week (they sent me an offer for a free session so I took it up) plus I got £125 compensation as the house insurance made a mess of the policy but aside from some stuff I bought on Vinted it all went on bills- stuff that otherwise wasn’t going to get paid last month.
I had to pawn my engagement ring last month to pay for bills; I paid for the ring myself back when I had money and it’s been in pawn more than it’s been on my finger.

My brother is on benefits and spends all his money on tattoos and exotic holidays, like his impending holiday to Barbados. (He’s going on 4 other holidays this year. My mum paid for me and my husband to have 4 days in Somerset as she felt bad- hardly two weeks in Barbados that she paid for for my brother is it?) He rings me up to complain that he’s had to buy so much new stuff; he says buying second hand is beneath him! He’s just rang me to boast that he’s going to try and blag them first class seats on the flight out. Now I’m crying again.

My mate (also on benefits) has just come back from five days in Rome! I think what is the actual point in working myself into the ground?

I used some of my win to buy some clothes on Vinted. I bought some cheap Superdry trainers and when they arrived I cried my eyes out- they were pretty trashed. But the very cheap, often poor condition stuff is all I can afford. It sounds selfish but I used to buy new stuff all the time- now I would just love something that isn’t someone else’s trashed cast offs. Even my phone is the phone that my brother had for four months and got sick of; so just took out another contract on a better phone! My phone was broken so I took over the payments- but I’ve never liked it.

My dad died three years ago last week and I miss him so much. He passed away five days after my wedding- I hate this time of year; it’s so hard. I know there’s so many people on here have far worse problems than me; I just needed to unload.

 

[evie1975]

TW - sexual assault/eating disorder

I hope I’m ok to post here, I just need to offload, I’ll try and keep it as short as I possibly can.
So basically, I’ve been with my partner for a few years now, and we have recently welcomed our baby girl.
She’s our first baby together, but I have 3 older children from my first marriage and he has 1 child from his first marriage.
Looking back, there were a fair few red flags when we first got together, but I chose to overlook them (as you do),
The biggest red flag for me was that he repeatedly cheated on his ex wife for the whole 16 years that they were together (he has been completely open about this, and she still has no idea to this day), he also pressured me into having sex with him by crying constantly (even though I was still recovering from being chronically sexually assaulted by my ex husband).
There was other stuff too, like not really being there for his young son, and lying to his ex wife to get out of looking after him.
Anyway, I guess I could say that I was love-bombed in the beginning, and as I was very vulnerable at the time (still recovering from my abusive marriage), I stupidly ignored the red flags and fell for him.
In the time that we’ve been together, he has hurt me multiple times (insulted my weight despite knowing that I’ve struggled with an ED), lied to me about another woman which I’m pretty sure he’s cheated on me with, and criticised me as a parent.
He is very critical of my children and never has anything nice to say about them, it’s like he uses anything as an excuse to moan about them.
His son has learning difficulties, and my partner is very inconsistent with him, doesn’t make the effort to engage with him, and is slack with the boundaries that he so desperately craves.
It feels that 99% of the time, it is me having to constantly “parent” his son, and it is just exhausting.
Our baby was very much planned and wanted, but during the pregnancy, my partner became very unsupportive (physically and emotionally), and I spent the majority of it mentally struggling (so much so that I was referred to Let’s Talk). He used to gaslight me by saying it was my hormones and that I was imagining it (regarding his unsupportive attitude).
During my labour and birth, he was equally unsupportive and I don’t remember him once holding my hand or being nice to me, and after our baby was born the only thing he kept telling people about, was the “funny” things that i apparently kept shouting out when I was on gas and air.
There was no praise from him or admiration,
all he did was laugh about me.
For the first week that our baby was here, he was very helpful and supportive, but after that, he was back out 3-4 times a week doing social stuff and sports “commitments”, and I was left to manage with a newborn, plus my other 3 kids, and I’ve had to look after his son whilst he’s been out, who due to his LD has complex needs and behaviour, and it’s hard work.
He rarely contributes financially and offers very little practical help with the baby (I’m breastfeeding, but he could still offer to do other things).
I suffered a painful birth injury, and yesterday (after putting it off for months) I finally saw my doctor about it, my partner begrudgingly came along with me and he could see how anxious I was beforehand, not just because I knew the examination would hurt, but because it would be triggering due to my previous sexual abuse from my ex. Whilst I had the examination, I was crying out in pain (it was just as bad as I though it would be), and my partner just sat there (didn’t hold my hand or anything), and afterwards he didn’t even ask me if was ok or gave me a hug.
This has been the last straw for me and I’m so hurt by it all. I can feel myself getting more and more depressed, and I’m so anxious that I feel sick.
When I’ve tried to speak to him about his behaviour and how he makes me feel, he never takes any accountability and will always deflect.
He just says stuff like “well, I’m a man, I don’t know I’m doing this stuff” .
I know how pathetic I sound writing all of this down, I’m actually an intelligent person and I just feel so stupid that I’ve let a man treat me like this.
I thought I had found Mr Right after my awful ex husband, but it just seems that I’ve gone from one toxic relationship to another.
I love my new baby so much, she’s beautiful and not for a second do I ever regret having her , I just feel so sad that I’ve brought her into these circumstances and that she’s unlikely to grow up with a decent father.
I almost feel like I’m loving her for both of us, and I vow to give her the best childhood despite her likely to be growing up with separated parents.
I haven’t spoken to him about wanting to end it, I haven’t plucked up the courage to yet. He says he loves me more than anything, but I’m not sure if he will ever have the emotional capacity to step-up, even if I give him an ultimatum.
Im terrified of being single, as I’ve always had to “rely” on a man, but being single and alone, has got to be better than this .
Deep down, I already feel alone anyway, I feel like a single mum -as he’s living the single man life.
I know I shouldn’t care what other people think either, but I’m terrified of people judging me and all of the “told you so’s”…
I’m so sorry this is a long post!!, thanks for reading of you got this far xx

In life people come and go - you are the only one that remains. Learn to love you and the rest will follow. You are an amazing human who has survived all your worst days so far. If someone else was telling this story - you would offer kind words and support. Time to aim those kind words and support at yourself!

 

[al255]

Does anyone else find Christmas Day overwhelming? I hate all the big fuss for one day! I've got a 4 year old and whilst I love the magic of Christmas I'm so over it all, everyone goes mad for one day! Urgh

 

[Purple star]

Fuck cancer

(Friend #1 has documented her experience of it on FB, friend #2 has just told me she has it and it's the 10th anniversary of my grandfather dying from cancer and not far from the second anniversary of my grandma dying from it)

I hate cancer 2...It took my dad away from me and I miss him like crazy

 

[Elliesmum13]

Been in bed since Xmas night. Not had one merry Xmas message from anyone. How did my life get so pathetic. I’m so fucking tired.

 

[Sazza25]

Oh god luv I'm so so sorry I truly am. I don't even know how to word what I'm gona write I have a lump in my throat after reading ur post and I hope I don't offend u with anything I say sometimes im not so good at wording what I mean. I'll tell u one thing u certainly do have, is morals! How a family can disown u and choose money over family is disgusting!! I'm sorry you don't have any support. makes me absolutely sick these folk who have no idea what a hard life is playing the victim. You show up every day for ur daughter u keep going for her and for that you should be proud! You sound like a great mum who puts her child first. I know we are all just strangers on here but I'm always open to chat away from here even if u just want someone to vent too. If there is any way in which I can help I will. I really wish the best for you and ur daughter. This thread and others do have many members who are very supportive and kind and we are all here to support u it may not be much from behind a screen but If even a daily rant or chat helps then I'm sure many others agree we are all here and will listen

I completely echo this @Elliesmum13 I just wanna give you a big hug! I'm so proud of you. 🩷

 

[Barbie2020]

Finally feel ready to leave my horrid gaslighting husband but I have no job, I don’t really have any specialist qualifications to get anything other than a dead end job and wouldn’t even know how to start to be able to provide enough to give my daughter a decent life.

My mental health is shattered, I haven’t really told my family about wanting to leave as there are all other sort of personal issues going on with family illness etc. I’m worn down and don’t know how to carry on, if I didn’t have my daughter and little doggy I probably wouldn’t bother trying to carry on to be honest

 

[Jwren]

Hi everyone

I’m a nurse and mum of 8. Three of the children are mine and I also have a baby boy who passed away at six months from a congenital heart defect. The other 4 are my sisters children. She was killed by a drunk driver in 2021 just before Christmas. I had to identify her.
My mum died a few months later and now my dad is on end of life care with cancer. He’ll pass away in the next few days.
Needless to say, I’m struggling massively. Sending love to all of you who are also struggling xx
Please send hugs my way xx

I‘m so sorry for all you’re going through and have been through.
I cannot imagine the heartbreak you’re dealing with.
I hope you are getting help through various services but I know that will never be enough and won’t change, or make better all that’s happened to. Your children are blessed to have you.
Sending love and hugs your way. xx

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I feel the need to tell someone but I'm not ready for it to be anyone in real life just yet. Although I will be open with a small number of work colleagues at some point (one of them has an account on here anyway, although I'm not sure what threads they follow). So given everything that people, me included, shared on the other thread, I'm going to put it here...

At work recently we had some psychological questionnaires and I was quite honest in answering. That flagged up that I needed a follow up and today I had that appointment. The upshot is that I've been recommended to have some EMDR therapy, although we've agreed that now isn't the right time because it will be too much so will revisit the idea in six months.

I've spent many years suppressing all sorts of stuff, not necessarily deliberately, its just a coping mechanism I've had since childhood and for years I didn't even see it as problematic. Being in a relationship with someone who used my fears, flaws and negative life experiences against me didn't improve that either because there was never a safe space.

I've been having counselling for the last few months anyway but today I really admitted the problems and I'm on a path to get help with it. I'm not broken, defective or mad. The world didn't fall apart and I don't feel weak. In fact I feel empowered (so I'll enjoy that for a wee while until I feel overwhelmed again).

Posting this feels a bit self indulgent but the shared stories in the last thread strengthed my resolve to take the steps needed and hopefully me posting this might help reassure others in a similar situation.

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Hey guys, sorry for jumping in just to complain, but I'm in a place right now where I don't feel i can talk to anybody 'real' and need to let some thingws out. I've never felt as crap as this in 25 years of dealing with depression and anxiety

I mentioned on the Jack Monroe thread that this year has been about the worst of my life and it just seems to keep getting (or I keep making it) worse. In January I got fired from a job I loved due to a personality clash with my boss. 2 days later, my wife's best friend died suddenly and unexpectedly, she was also a close friend of mine. My band broke up in April (we weren't pulling up any trees but it's something I put a lot of time and creative energy into).

We rescued a dog in February also, but his issues proved too much for us and we had to return him in August after he attacked me 5 times (I still loved the little bugger). September all my freelance work dried up in a matter of weeks so money has got tighter and tighter. I've been jobhunting since February and have been passed over after a 2nd interview and an experience day on 3 occasions. The last one was a few weeks ago and I really wanted/needed that. I didn#t deal with it well and went a bit self destructive for a bit. Nothing too wild, just going out too late and getting a bit too drunk on a weekend.

Now, after one too many times coming home later than I said, my wife hasnt spoken to me in 5 days. Literally nothing. Every time I try to talk to her she turns away and leaves the room. I know I did this, I know that she'll want to see a change rather than hear words but how long can this go on? I've basically gone incognito from the rest of the world since a week ago, my phone has been off and I#m now too terrified to turn it on for fear of what#s waiting.

I think I just wanted to throw all that into the ether and hopefully feel a bit better.

 

[whisperchat]

I am really struggling today, I feel so low and I can't get out of it..

 

[Icbaaaa]

I feel so stuck in a rut that sometimes I just wish I could disappear for a bit.
I'm really starting to hate my job and get such horrible anxiety going there, but I don't know what I want to do anymore.
I just feel sad overall and cant pinpoint an exact reason.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

@☆MagicRoundabout☆ this thread was created towards the end of the NB ones, for those of us in there who wanted to carry on wider discussions because it was such a supportive and amazing group

Menopause was a hot (no pun intended) topic so I’m certain the ladies here will be able to help you xx
---
p.s. I’m off to the psych in a min but will check in properly later. Hope everyone is okay-ish

 

[rainbowlemon]

This cost of living crisis is really getting to me now. For the first time ever we’re really struggling to the point where I’m sitting here writing a list of the cheapest meals I can possibly think of just to get us through the next week. Seriously considering using a food bank which we’ve never ever done. It depresses me so much every time I go shopping. We’ve tightened our belts as much as we can but still it’s just relentless, there’s always something else needs paying for and honestly I’ve had some dark thoughts, albeit fleeting, over the past few months because I’m just so fed up of struggling

If you need help from a food bank please go. There's a reason people donate. Your situation is a real need.