For anybody struggling ❤

[Poppysmimi]

Hi everyone

I’m a nurse and mum of 8. Three of the children are mine and I also have a baby boy who passed away at six months from a congenital heart defect. The other 4 are my sisters children. She was killed by a drunk driver in 2021 just before Christmas. I had to identify her.
My mum died a few months later and now my dad is on end of life care with cancer. He’ll pass away in the next few days.
Needless to say, I’m struggling massively. Sending love to all of you who are also struggling xx
Please send hugs my way xx

 

[Toffeebythesea]

This thread is created for anybody struggling as a safe place for discussion and support.

 

[Elliesmum13]

I might be the only one to actually be jealous of NOT HER but what she has! Have no one! No family, not any good friends. I do have an amazing daughter though. I’m so sick of her and her bullshit attempts at feeling sorry for herself. It’s Christmas and I have nothing/not one thing! No one to ask for help, no one to go to. I do have have family, really wealthy family actually. But they cut me off years ago for telling my truth about my step father, but they chose to believe him and stay in the money loop. My sibling lives in a massive 5 bed house, drives beautiful cars and goes on 4-5 holidays every year. I was left (I walked away really) with my kid and now live in a tiny wee flat that I hate, I never leave the place. I haven’t had a holiday in over 6 years only been 2 holidays my whole life 45 years. I couldn’t even afford an advent calander this year. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been EVER, I’m only here because of my kid and that’s because without me she has no one. A has her mum/dad/sis all there everyday. I would love to take my kid on holiday but there’s never enough money left. I have no idea how I’m gona do Xmas and the thought of another lonely day watching all these families is killing me. If the worst I had was some stranger on the Internet telling me to unalive myself then I’d think I was ok/pretty lucky. She never ever will think herself lucky in life, will always be the victim. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking why is life so hard. Yet this tool gets everything handed to her in life! Aimee just stop for one day and realise how lucky you are.

 

[gossipgal21]

I’m really sorry to use this thread for this as people really do have it so much worse - I KNOW that’s not how it works but I do feel guilty having read what I have. You’re all marvellous and brave people.

I felt I wanted to talk about this since reading about Nicola and all the threads about her but didn’t want to put it in her thread. It’s not even a huge thing really.

I was adopted as a baby and over the last couple of years I’ve been on a journey of reuniting with birth family and gaining access to my adoption records. It has been difficult and emotional but led to some very positive relationships with my grandmother, an aunt and an uncle.

I found out that my birth mother passed away in 2006 after being desperate to reunite with me (difficult for me to find peace with this). She loved me immensely but had struggles including struggles with alcohol. It’s why I find it hard to see a woman painted as “just” an alcoholic or “just” anything. The media, and some people, have such a blinkered view.

some of the harsh realities I have learned include the fact that she would leave me as a baby to go and drink and would be gone for days at a time. When she was sober and feeling well she couldn’t bear to be parted from me. So it was not straightforward but obviously the ultimate decision was made to keep me safe which I understand, and I was taken from her against her wishes.

I feel so much love and sadness and compassion for her especially because I think it’s such a complex illness.

someone said in a previous post there’s no such thing as a perfect mother, we are all just imperfect humans with struggles doing the best we can at the time.

There actually is no point to this at all, I have just felt this bubbling inside me for a few days and needed this space to let it out. Nobody needs to reply but I thank you for listening to me

 

[Rolandtherat]

I might be the only one to actually be jealous of NOT HER but what she has! Have no one! No family, not any good friends. I do have an amazing daughter though. I’m so sick of her and her bullshit attempts at feeling sorry for herself. It’s Christmas and I have nothing/not one thing! No one to ask for help, no one to go to. I do have have family, really wealthy family actually. But they cut me off years ago for telling my truth about my step father, but they chose to believe him and stay in the money loop. My sibling lives in a massive 5 bed house, drives beautiful cars and goes on 4-5 holidays every year. I was left (I walked away really) with my kid and now live in a tiny wee flat that I hate, I never leave the place. I haven’t had a holiday in over 6 years only been 2 holidays my whole life 45 years. I couldn’t even afford an advent calander this year. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been EVER, I’m only here because of my kid and that’s because without me she has no one. A has her mum/dad/sis all there everyday. I would love to take my kid on holiday but there’s never enough money left. I have no idea how I’m gona do Xmas and the thought of another lonely day watching all these families is killing me. If the worst I had was some stranger on the Internet telling me to unalive myself then I’d think I was ok/pretty lucky. She never ever will think herself lucky in life, will always be the victim. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking why is life so hard. Yet this tool gets everything handed to her in life! Aimee just stop for one day and realise how lucky you are.

Oh god luv I'm so so sorry I truly am. I don't even know how to word what I'm gona write I have a lump in my throat after reading ur post and I hope I don't offend u with anything I say sometimes im not so good at wording what I mean. I'll tell u one thing u certainly do have, is morals! How a family can disown u and choose money over family is disgusting!! I'm sorry you don't have any support. makes me absolutely sick these folk who have no idea what a hard life is playing the victim. You show up every day for ur daughter u keep going for her and for that you should be proud! You sound like a great mum who puts her child first. I know we are all just strangers on here but I'm always open to chat away from here even if u just want someone to vent too. If there is any way in which I can help I will. I really wish the best for you and ur daughter. This thread and others do have many members who are very supportive and kind and we are all here to support u it may not be much from behind a screen but If even a daily rant or chat helps then I'm sure many others agree we are all here and will listen

 

[Dancing_in_the_dark]

My marriage is crumbling and I just don’t know what more I can do. I am scared to end things as I truly adore him, but it’s just not good at the moment.
I can’t talk to anyone about it as, well you Know, when you say it out loud it becomes real and something I have to deal with.
then on the other hand I’m not even sure if the issue is me or my marriage. My anorexia is back, and it’s absolutely wrecking me but I can’t let go.Everything feels so messed up right now

 

[Squittel]

I've never talked directly with someone whose Mum died by suicide before and have really wanted to, so a very big Helloooo. Mums have so many expectations put on them, it's really difficult to be one and to loose one. For us it's like being in a tribe not of ones choosing. What has helped you Squit?

Honestly, therapy. Therapy to help me realise how serious losing my mum was. I was young when it happened and as I became older I built this fortress around it where I could talk about it without much emotion and told myself that although it was tragic it didn’t effect me too much.

The fact that I didn’t allow myself to get too close to my own daughter in her first year on this Earth? Nope. That had nothing to do with being scared of leaving her. The fact that I worry constantly about people in my family dying and if they don’t answer the phone straightaway I would assume they were dead? Nope. Completely normal. The fact that I used to spend a good portion of my time worrying that my daughter would die? Nope. Nothing to do with my mum.

Therapy actually drummed into me that it’s ok that it hurts. That I am a disaster planner and that I sometimes need to stop imagining all the worst case scenarios but also that it’s natural that I do because what is the worst thing a child can imagine? Losing their mother usually. And the worst thing did happen to me, so why shouldn’t it happen again? I had to always feel constantly prepared for EVERYTHING and that was exhausting.

Therapy also helped me realise that my mother loved me and it wasn’t a choice she made. It was also not my fault, that I wasn’t a “bad” child which I had believed for a long time. It helped me to grieve for her a second time, but this time more healthily. It helped me to speak to her sisters (my aunts) about her instead of just never talking about her and find out more about her as an adult and what she was like, without the last few months of her life hanging over me.

Last year I became older than my mum when she died. That was a weird one. But it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could never imagine being older than her. I felt certain I would die somehow too. But I didn’t. I’m still here.

What about you? How have you coped?

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

Thank you for the thread. Life is tough. Life is complex. So many tricky situations to negotiate.
I have decided to seek help for emotional eating and compulsive shopping / spending and hope to start some therapy soon ! I have childhood based emotional issues I think. I’m ok and fortunately I’m working a LOAD of extra hours to afford my spending but I am embarrassed by my spending actually.

 

[Lollyy]

Thinking of you all single mum with a newborn baby, it’s difficult.

 

[shadowcat5]

Thank you for the thread. Life is tough. Life is complex. So many tricky situations to negotiate.
I have decided to seek help for emotional eating and compulsive shopping / spending and hope to start some therapy soon ! I have childhood based emotional issues I think. I’m ok and fortunately I’m working a LOAD of extra hours to afford my spending but I am embarrassed by my spending actually.

im in a similar position. I have been trying really hard with the emotional eating. Some days are better than others and like you it embarrasses me. I am very small (vegan and very active) so I think people don’t realise how bad it can get. Whenever I hear someone say how disgusting fast food is I cringe inside.There’s been days where both of my meals have been from fast food restaurants cause I need the comfort/dopamine hit. Sometimes it’s all I can think about and I’ve taken my break early to eat it. 2023 was the year I decided to crack it but it’s so hard and I don’t people realise how addicting that can be. The days were I don’t eat it can feel so flat. Ive been suffering so bad with anxiety and depression recently. Im hoping the doctor can help.
Sorry to go off one. I wish you all the best in your journey

 

[PhallusSizeMedium]

Hi all new to this thread was directed from another where alot of people seemed kind hearted on there bless you all. Sorry for everyone struggling right now you are not alone. I have been struggling alot recently, my childhood friend was tragically murdered on Xmas eve, thankfully I wasn't there but it's affected me massively. The GP put in a referral to a counselling service as I've suffered cptsd in the past and I was afraid this would trigger it. They said I can have one to one talks with my go fortnightly so they can keep an eye on me but that was in December and they haven't called me once to check if I am ok and I'm not really okay most nights I struggle to sleep it's alot to take in and with kids I can't find time space to grieve or process what has happened part of me doesn't want to process it for sure not really sure how to deal with it I try and stay positive most days but it's hard. I really am sorry to anyone struggling right now xx

 

[Rosie glow]

I struggled silently, I never told my husband or family how bad I was feeling there were times I had suicidal thoughts too.
I was the person who slapped on a happy face and pretended everything was OK. I carried on as normal got up every day went to work etc even though I felt like I was dying inside.
Somehow I'm not sure how I managed to get myself through those dark times and out the otherside. I still have days where something could be anything an advert or maybe a song will set me off and I go and have a cry to myself but no more dark thoughts. I feel grateful for everyday now.
That's probably come our as a ramble, sending to anyone out there who is struggling it can get better.

 

[Dancing_in_the_dark]

Well tonight has totally imploded. Mr dancing came home and it defended into the biggest row we have ever had. I’m now sat in one of the children’s rooms and don’t think we will make it. I think it’s gone too far this time. My heart is broken beyond compare.

 

[Jwren]

My shopping/buying also got out of hand, not sure how helpful this is but here goes.
I had so many clothes I’ve never worn and never will, still with tags on to the point my cupboards/closets were stuffed full of them. It really got me down, I was continually thinking I can’t get rid of them as it would be such a waste of money. Then one day I decided enough was enough and I needed to face my problem head on, so I got EVERY item of clothing out. I was so upset with myself at the time seeing it all and the money I’d wasted, but I sorted through all the clothes and put the ones I would wear to one side and the others I bagged up, I filled two cars to the brim not just in the boot and took them to charity shops and I can honestly say it was the best thing I did. It made me realise how much money I’d wasted and I could no longer brush it off by shutting them away, trying to brush it under the carpet and it also helped some charities along the way.

Around the same time I sorted my closet out I heard Trinny Woodall say don’t buy anything to wear unless you’ve tried it on and that really helped because often I would do that and get home and look absolutely shite in my purchase
I also love up-cycling, whether it’s things for the home or clothes, so I now buy more from charity shops and TKMaxx as you often find a bargain and some of my buys I’ve turned into profit by selling them online.

I appreciate it’s not an easy one to deal with but just take one day at a time and perhaps even make notes of why you bought something and how it made you feel and see if there is a pattern that you can change, or even little goals you can set yourself xx

 

[Tiifapuds]

I might be the only one to actually be jealous of NOT HER but what she has! Have no one! No family, not any good friends. I do have an amazing daughter though. I’m so sick of her and her bullshit attempts at feeling sorry for herself. It’s Christmas and I have nothing/not one thing! No one to ask for help, no one to go to. I do have have family, really wealthy family actually. But they cut me off years ago for telling my truth about my step father, but they chose to believe him and stay in the money loop. My sibling lives in a massive 5 bed house, drives beautiful cars and goes on 4-5 holidays every year. I was left (I walked away really) with my kid and now live in a tiny wee flat that I hate, I never leave the place. I haven’t had a holiday in over 6 years only been 2 holidays my whole life 45 years. I couldn’t even afford an advent calander this year. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been EVER, I’m only here because of my kid and that’s because without me she has no one. A has her mum/dad/sis all there everyday. I would love to take my kid on holiday but there’s never enough money left. I have no idea how I’m gona do Xmas and the thought of another lonely day watching all these families is killing me. If the worst I had was some stranger on the Internet telling me to unalive myself then I’d think I was ok/pretty lucky. She never ever will think herself lucky in life, will always be the victim. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking why is life so hard. Yet this tool gets everything handed to her in life! Aimee just stop for one day and realise how lucky you are.

Oh my gosh this is heartbreaking but I am so proud of you (even as a stranger). I’d love to help you, even just a little so if there is something I can get for your daughter as a little Christmas gift then please do let me know. If you have an Amazon wish list I would gladly buy something from it. You are so brave, and you’re showing your daughter every good reason to always ensure her safety. People who stay in situations like that for money can’t ever be truly happy, even despite the obvious showings of wealth. You are worth 1,000,000 Aimees.
Keep strong my lovely, you have an army of support on here.

 

[Layla29]

Hey all,

I came here from another thread which has since closed. I didn’t say much on the last thread just comments here and there. I know tattle gets a bad name but literally the group of women in that were so so lovely (most of them) I’m a new mum but def think I’m suffering with PND. I’m so glad this thread has been set up

 

[c40]

Wish tattle wasn't anonymous as I would love to meet up with you for Xmas drink for those who are alone and needs someone to talk too! Xmas is hard for majority. Love to you all

 

[Squittel]

Hi all, reporting in from a now closed thread (that I actually miss because although the subject matter was tragic, the people in there were lovely). This thread is a lovely idea and I’m reading through posts in here and hope everyone is ok Hang in there.

I’d also like to recommend Samaritans. I was very low about this time last year and they really helped me. The number is 116 123.

 

[Poppysmimi]

Off to register my dads death tomorrow. This is the third family member in 14 months I’ve had to do it for.

None of my siblings are stepping up so everything is on me to deal with (and pay for)

I keep seeing all their “devastated posts” abouton Facebook but they never visited him once I made the hard decision to place him into a care home. They never provided anything for him. They didn’t visit whilst he was dying. (I stayed right to the end)
When I phoned them to tell them, the first words out of all their mouths was “I can’t afford to help out”.

I took on my sisters 4 children when she was killed as well as having 3 of my own. I can’t claim anything to help as I’m not on benefits and dad was over state pension age. He has no assets at all.

People on here have offered me more support than my own fanily

 

[Poppysmimi]

You are literally wonder woman! Sending you lots of love xx

My dad passed away yesterday