For anybody struggling ❤

[HaloGirl]

Just want to send to anyone who needs it now and today. You are all amazing.
---

I haven’t read properly in here yet but I just opened the thread and yours was the first post I saw.

I’ve been there, 4 years ago. It’s hard and relentless but believe me, if I can survive it so can you

tag me any time you need a chat or if you have a question xx

Thank you Dolls for all the threads. Sending you lots of .

 

[Squittel]

@Squittel thank you, really truly thank you for writing that. I’m having a really hard shitty day and reading your words - although not actually what’s happening here - really helped.

Sharing the honesty of the constant worry just made me feel a little less alone.

Thank you x

I’m glad I think anyone who has gone through something can easily teeter over into disaster planner territory and can become on constant alert. It’s more than being just “a worrier” isn’t it? the fears and anxieties can just consume you, particularly on bad days. I should think it’s why a lot of us from the other thread felt so strongly for Nicola and became so absorbed in what had happened to her.

 

[Dancing_in_the_dark]

It’s been months. And things were getting better with me and mr dancing but it really is over now. I can’t breath for tears. I’m broken. I can’t take much more. I just want to be heard. How many times can you say something to somebody without them listening before you just stop?
i don’t want to give specifics but I just want to scream it into a void. I love him beyond words but it’s so broken I don’t think there is anything anyone can say or do now to fix this. It’s gone too far. I’m now everything I never wanted to be in life. A single mother, depressed and utterly utterly miserable.

 

[Be kond]

Hi everyone! I don’t comment often on many threads but you will usually find me on the hinch or mario threads.
I’m so glad this thread has started.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just feel lost. No happiness in anything, i don’t have anything I enjoy. I am certain I have PND. I had a really traumatic birth wirh my son 4 years ago- I was on life support afterwards. But surprisingly I was fine and didn’t struggle being a mum to him. I have a daughter now, who’s 10 months and to be honest she’s a very difficult baby. I know full well I’ve struggled to bond with her because she is so difficult. Almost like I don’t feel anything for her? Or, I can’t believe I’m saying this, i don’t feel for her how i do my son. And that breaks my heart to admit. I suppose knowing what is causing this feeling (that she’s so difficult) is better than not knowing why I feel this way. I’m stuck in a circle of wanting to get fit, look after myself and my appearance, try to help my mental health, but also not having the head to do it. Vicious cycle really. I do kind of mourn my old life, I’m only 23 and none of my friends have children, and only one has stuck around since I had my son. My partner is brilliant, he helps so much. But really he’s the only support I have. My mum is full of little digs constantly, won’t hear off her for weeks etc, if I didn’t take my kids to see her, she wouldn’t see them.

I’ve really waffled on, for what reason I don’t know but I suppose a problem shared is a problem halved

 

[mee43]

I could use one of those courses too.
I’ve honestly never felt so unloved and lonely and taken advantage of, in my life.
Years of trying to keep everyone else happy have left me feeling so miserable and resentful.
I’ve honestly become a non person; people/my family forget I exist until they want something done that no one else wants to do.
I’m facing a Christmas that’s going to be stressful and exhausting and I just keep getting dumped on.
And to top it all off, my OH seems to have something missing emotionally. I could really do with someone who gives me a hug and tells me he loves me at times like this. Who supports me and stands strong for me.
But he’s doing his best to avoid me this morning and is acting like I haven told him that I hate getting up each day at the moment because I just feel so done
Am honestly sending very best wishes to everyone who is struggling because it’s such a lonely place to be x

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Thank you for the advice on here, I’m gutting my house today and tomorrow and tackling my problems on Thursday. I always feel like I can’t think with a messy house.

 

[beefcake40]

I might be the only one to actually be jealous of NOT HER but what she has! Have no one! No family, not any good friends. I do have an amazing daughter though. I’m so sick of her and her bullshit attempts at feeling sorry for herself. It’s Christmas and I have nothing/not one thing! No one to ask for help, no one to go to. I do have have family, really wealthy family actually. But they cut me off years ago for telling my truth about my step father, but they chose to believe him and stay in the money loop. My sibling lives in a massive 5 bed house, drives beautiful cars and goes on 4-5 holidays every year. I was left (I walked away really) with my kid and now live in a tiny wee flat that I hate, I never leave the place. I haven’t had a holiday in over 6 years only been 2 holidays my whole life 45 years. I couldn’t even afford an advent calander this year. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been EVER, I’m only here because of my kid and that’s because without me she has no one. A has her mum/dad/sis all there everyday. I would love to take my kid on holiday but there’s never enough money left. I have no idea how I’m gona do Xmas and the thought of another lonely day watching all these families is killing me. If the worst I had was some stranger on the Internet telling me to unalive myself then I’d think I was ok/pretty lucky. She never ever will think herself lucky in life, will always be the victim. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking why is life so hard. Yet this tool gets everything handed to her in life! Aimee just stop for one day and realise how lucky you are.

You have got more than she will ever have. Deep inside. I would love to help you if I can? Like another has said if you have a wish list or something we can buy your daughter or you! Stay strong you have got this! 🤍

 

[MacPishFlaps]

I made the choice to spend Christmas alone following a dreadful year. I found my best friend dead last month and today I feel truly dreadful. I feel as if everyone expects me to be over it by now and no one seems to get why I wouldn't be in the mood to celebrate. We seen or spoke to each other everyday and we did so much together. I miss him so much and no one understands. I just feel so sad today that I'll never see him again and I honestly can't face going into the New Year.

I should probably add that I lost my husband 6 years ago in January and I moved away to start a new life. Just a few weeks before my best friend died, I was actually thinking that I felt happy for the first time in years. Tempted fate by saying that. I feel as if my only option is to move away and start another new life another 'new normal'.

Sorry to all of us who are struggling. Life can be so cruel

 

[I am undercover]

Just found this thread and feel like I should maybe share this because it’s anonymous and I’d be scared to say it to anyone I know as I’d come across heartless.

my dad has just been diagnosed with cancer, I don’t know much about it other than it’s spread and it’s not curable. My dad and I don’t have much of a relationship. He abused me growing up and it’s something he’s never been remorseful for despite giving him opportunities to hold himself accountable. I’ve always wanted a close family, to be loved by the people who were meant to love me but unfortunately he never changes.
anyway, he mentioned his diagnosis to me and I honestly felt nothing. He told me this a few weeks ago now and still, I’m not bothered.
I feel like a psycho for saying that but I need to get it out. I don’t love him. I don’t think I care about him. I used to until I had children myself and then I realised how terrible his abuse truly was.
he is in my life and is a fantastic grandad to my kids (would never leave them unsupervised) and they adore him too but I am simply numb to this news.
I’ve thought about what life would look like without him and it doesn’t sadden me..

im struggling more with the fact im NOT sad. I feel evil idk

 

[angiebabe]

Bothers me more than in the past 20 hours she’s posted all these photos of meals. As someone running a “community fridge”, surely she should know better than to brag about all the food they can afford? Maybe I’m just salty cos I’ve got 73p and trying to find a food bank open on NYD to feed the kids is impossible, but still, is it really necessary? Food pics are so 2018.

View attachment 2661511View attachment 2661512View attachment 2661513

I worked last week (support role) & the amount of families that were struggling was heartbreaking. All our local food banks have been closed from 23rd Dec until 2nd Jan. I applaud the work they do but I struggle to understand at the hardest time of the year people can’t access the basics
If there’s anything us trolls can help with pls let us be there for you

 

[hannahsaurusrex]

Thank you for starting this thread. I’m reading everyone’s messages and sending love to those that need it.

I’m also struggling. Lost my brother to suicide 2 years ago, within weeks, his wife had moved on, was engaged to another woman within a year and is now married. Feels like she’s forgotten my brother ever existed. My parents and I are getting frozen out of my niece’s life piece by piece and she’s the only link to my brother we have left. I’ve gone from having a sibling to being an only child and knowing that when anything happens to my parents the responsibility is all mine. And then there’s the fact that, as a sibling, your grief is often overlooked. I don’t know, it’s all a mess and I’m trying to move forward, but all I ever do is ruminate and feel bitter about how quickly he has been forgotten, and how much her actions are hurting my poor parents. The anxiety I have now from trying to find my brother when he was missing is unbelievable- I’m constantly worried and imagining worst case scenarios for my children and loved ones. I manage to function in work and with the children but keeping that mask on is utterly draining, and most evenings I’m so exhausted I can’t talk. I don’t expect any advice but it’s nice just to type it all out and say it as it is.

 

[SquiggleWings]

I feel like I’m going to talk into the abyss a little bit…

last year my fiance died suddenly in a car accident, he was only 24. It’s been over a year and I still can’t comprehend it. I still cry for him and the future he will never get to have on most days.
My mother wasn’t an emotional support to me, she didn’t visit me, didn’t phone me for weeks at a time. I’ve been no contact with her for nearly a year (this was just the final straw). I don’t feel close to anyone. There’s no one I can put down as an emergency contact because there’s no one that will drop everything for me.

I have no fight in me anymore. I just can’t. It hurts every day and I just can’t be in this much pain. I feel so insignificant, unimportant, unloved.
I just wanted to be loved.

 

[witchtwiccan71]

@Elliesmum13 don’t ever feel alone, come on here at anytime, one of us is usually awake to chat.
You are a good person, you told the truth, it’s the ones who didn’t that are bad. There is nothing more I can add that’s been said here already by this lovely bunch. Sending hugs

 

[Dotty Merton]

Hi all, I was missing you all. The other thread finished so quickly and with the turn of events at the end I wanted to come by and say hello as the story started to get rather close to home on a personal level for me. As some will know already, my Mum died by suicide some years ago. I also have a friend who went missing and was murdered and one of my besties died young #fuckcancer just before crimbo too.

Hi all new to this thread was directed from another where alot of people seemed kind hearted on there bless you all. Sorry for everyone struggling right now you are not alone. I have been struggling alot recently, my childhood friend was tragically murdered on Xmas eve, thankfully I wasn't there but it's affected me massively. The GP put in a referral to a counselling service as I've suffered cptsd in the past and I was afraid this would trigger it. They said I can have one to one talks with my go fortnightly so they can keep an eye on me but that was in December and they haven't called me once to check if I am ok and I'm not really okay most nights I struggle to sleep it's alot to take in and with kids I can't find time space to grieve or process what has happened part of me doesn't want to process it for sure not really sure how to deal with it I try and stay positive most days but it's hard. I really am sorry to anyone struggling right now xx

Phallus (!) I'm so sorry about your friend, when we loose friends to extreme circumstances it can make life feel very scary and very surreal. Have a look online for 'low income counselling' or 'low cost counselling' in your area. We have a service that accepts donations and no need to prove income. Do you have any friends/fam you can chat with that could maybe have the kids for an overnighter? I know how hard it can be to get a little time for a good wail and sometimes that's just what we need. I'd also recommend having a look at youtube vids or podcasts with Gabor Mate. He is the leading expert in CPTSD/PTSD and has a wonderful honest way about him. Please try and find time for self care, even if it's just a big bubbly bath with the kids stuck in front of the tv with treats for a wee while. It's a shocking thing to loose a friend in the way you have, please don't forget to take care of you even on a tiny level each day. Holler/tag me if you need a chat

 

[Pumpkin84]

@Squittel I know that feeling all too well, having to feel prepared for anything and everything is mentally and physically exhausting. I don't feel ready to talk about my own past and the issues that it has caused me in adult life as I get scared that if I do I'll start spiralling. Reading everybody else's struggles, and seeing many others feeling the same way I do makes me feel less alone though. I think you are all amazing and stronger than you may know

My nan used to say "this too shall pass". And whenever I've been through dark spells, I would hold on to that, almost like a mantra because its true, better days will come.

 

[Squittel]

Hi all, I was missing you all. The other thread finished so quickly and with the turn of events at the end I wanted to come by and say hello as the story started to get rather close to home on a personal level for me. As some will know already, my Mum died by suicide some years ago. I also have a friend who went missing and was murdered and one of my besties died young #fuckcancer just before crimbo too.

My mother died by suicide too, it’s hardly a “ditto!!” moment, but it’s always strangely comforting to know I’m not the only one. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, yet conversely I’m glad I’m not alone (and neither are you.)

 

[DrierThanANunsNasty]

Hey all,

Long time lurker on so many threads here - my anxiety makes it impossible to even post on an online forum

I followed so many of your stories through the NB threads and really felt like this was a safe space, so thank you for creating it.

That’s as much as my anxiety will let me post right now haha! I hope I can feel brave enough to open up soon, but for now just wanted to say hi and thank you for creating this thread.

 

[Womblewoo]

@Elliesmum13 I really wish we could all get together and help in some way. We are all here for you lovely if you ever need to chat. Please don’t feel like you’re alone. Sending you a massive hug

 

[smb]

I might be the only one to actually be jealous of NOT HER but what she has! Have no one! No family, not any good friends. I do have an amazing daughter though. I’m so sick of her and her bullshit attempts at feeling sorry for herself. It’s Christmas and I have nothing/not one thing! No one to ask for help, no one to go to. I do have have family, really wealthy family actually. But they cut me off years ago for telling my truth about my step father, but they chose to believe him and stay in the money loop. My sibling lives in a massive 5 bed house, drives beautiful cars and goes on 4-5 holidays every year. I was left (I walked away really) with my kid and now live in a tiny wee flat that I hate, I never leave the place. I haven’t had a holiday in over 6 years only been 2 holidays my whole life 45 years. I couldn’t even afford an advent calander this year. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been EVER, I’m only here because of my kid and that’s because without me she has no one. A has her mum/dad/sis all there everyday. I would love to take my kid on holiday but there’s never enough money left. I have no idea how I’m gona do Xmas and the thought of another lonely day watching all these families is killing me. If the worst I had was some stranger on the Internet telling me to unalive myself then I’d think I was ok/pretty lucky. She never ever will think herself lucky in life, will always be the victim. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking why is life so hard. Yet this tool gets everything handed to her in life! Aimee just stop for one day and realise how lucky you are.

I can't add anything that the other twattlers haven't already said but just to agree that we are all here if you need to talk or vent. I would also love to get something for you and your daughter for Christmas. You sound like you deserve the world unlike other 'mums' we know of. Does anyone know of a way we can do this irl? I'm happy to forgo my tattle anonymity if it means I can help? Xx

 

[mRsKbRoOkS]

Lots of love to you all dealing with stuggles in your lives, you are all warriors

I have my own issues but I’m not ready to accept them or even acknowledge them. I push it all to the back of my mind. So well done everyone here Maybe I’ll talk one day for now I’ll listen to your stories and perhaps they will give me the courage to confront mine