For anybody struggling ❤

[Jadejones9596]

Christmas Eve was horrific and ruined
So was New Year’s Eve

And I just can’t be here anymore. I have no one left now and I’m done with my life

 

[Justmechan23]

I’m struggling at the moment to decide whether to continue in my relationship with my partner.

We have an 8 week old and he is in the military. Obviously I knew what I signed up for when I got together with him nearly 4 years ago but at the beginning he was determined that regardless of his job, we could make a family life work. He even wanted to have kids with me quite early on, about 3 months into our relationship but I was not ready.

Fast forward 3 years we had discussions about children and he then said he put the thought of kids on the back burner when I wasn’t ready but this didn’t mean that he didn’t want kids at all. He’s 42 and I’m 33 so I made it clear I was ready. Months had passed and we had the discussion about me coming off the pill, I mentioned the risks in me getting pregnant and his words were ‘whatever happens we will deal with it’ it took about 3 months from me coming off the pill for me to fall pregnant.

During my pregnancy he was deployed overseas so after my 12 week scan, he wasn’t back until a few days before my labour. I did go out to see him in my second trimester for a few days but that was about it.

During my pregnancy our relationship was rocky. Arguments about stupid things that just never got resolved and it caused him to emotionally withdraw from me. I’m sure the long distance didn’t help either. He missed out on most things pregnancy related due to the deployment.

He’s quite a stubborn guy too so anything said out of line in the heat of an argument, he holds onto for a long time. We had a huge argument before I flew out to him overseas over something simple and since then, he has been emotionally distant with me meaning the affection that he would normally show, has gone for example the ‘I love you, I miss you’ texts, the flirty conversations, talking about the future… just anything affectionate basically! I often would bring it up to him and he would say that everything is fine or if I really pushed it, he would say that the reason he has pulled back is because I often made it feel like he isn’t good enough in the relationship.

The lack of affection lasted all the way through my pregnancy and even on my labour day, he brought his work laptop into the labour room and was still working! In terms of his work, he is a service man and I understand that they are always on call but he didn’t even get his paternity leave. He was literally with me for two days before having to return to his unit (he’s back in the U.K. now). He’s constantly invested in work and since baby has been born, he’s been home only one weekend. Every time I ask for him to request some time off, he says his unit is putting all the pressure on him to be constantly on duty. They said he can take paternity leave but this will need to be at a later date…. they have other service men in his unit but all work seems to be put on him or so it seems.

Basically with our relationship issues, his job and now him barely being around for the baby. I’m struggling as to where to go with this. As he’s been absence frequently, I’ve been expecting for him to help in other ways like buying nappies, wipes the day to day stuff but because of his low ranking and having poor financial management I’ve been providing for our baby mostly financially. He’s brought the odd thing here and there but as I sit down and calculate things, it doesn’t come close to what I’ve contributed. He could be doing more… I’ve had to lend him money (quite a lot) to clear debts and I think it’s now all putting a strain on the relationship. If I bring up heavy topics like this, he shuts down and we get nowhere. Our communication is dire at this point. I’m trying to be a supportive partner with his career and ambitions but his family life is suffering. It’s like all he cares about is work and moving up the ranks.

I’m struggling and not sure how to approach this with him without it getting into a big argument as we now have a 8 week old to think about. I do love him but the way he is at the moment I am really seeing him in a different light, which is sad as I was expecting to marry this man at some point in the future but we have so much problems at the moment, it’s looking unlikely.

Sorry for the long post but I feel I can’t talk to anyone about this as it’s slightly embarrassing.

 

[Good Egg]

This is probably a ridiculous problem but anyway, I’ve mentioned my husbands fling/affair on other threads and I constantly have a nosy at her Insta on a burner account. Not healthy I know and she’s announced she’s pregnant and I’m furious, it’s not my partners btw he blocked her straight away. But like she gets to sleep with a married man (I know he’s to blame as well) and still gets her happily ever after?! Might just go nuclear and sleep with her boyfriend myself. I’ll be nice and wait till she had her baby like she waited for me to have mine.

I understand how you feel. Holding onto anger is like drinking the poison yourself and expecting the other person to die. Let go of the anger and resentment. People like this woman will always get their comeuppance, maybe not today or tomorrow but it will bite them hard on the back side believe me.
You are a good person and you deserve the world and all that’s in it. Forget her instagram. Move forward with you. I know it hurts like hell. I know how painful it is to be betrayed. You are worth so much more. Believe it x

 

[DaisyLou23]

I might be the only one to actually be jealous of NOT HER but what she has! Have no one! No family, not any good friends. I do have an amazing daughter though. I’m so sick of her and her bullshit attempts at feeling sorry for herself. It’s Christmas and I have nothing/not one thing! No one to ask for help, no one to go to. I do have have family, really wealthy family actually. But they cut me off years ago for telling my truth about my step father, but they chose to believe him and stay in the money loop. My sibling lives in a massive 5 bed house, drives beautiful cars and goes on 4-5 holidays every year. I was left (I walked away really) with my kid and now live in a tiny wee flat that I hate, I never leave the place. I haven’t had a holiday in over 6 years only been 2 holidays my whole life 45 years. I couldn’t even afford an advent calander this year. My mental health is the worst it’s ever been EVER, I’m only here because of my kid and that’s because without me she has no one. A has her mum/dad/sis all there everyday. I would love to take my kid on holiday but there’s never enough money left. I have no idea how I’m gona do Xmas and the thought of another lonely day watching all these families is killing me. If the worst I had was some stranger on the Internet telling me to unalive myself then I’d think I was ok/pretty lucky. She never ever will think herself lucky in life, will always be the victim. I cry myself to sleep every night thinking why is life so hard. Yet this tool gets everything handed to her in life! Aimee just stop for one day and realise how lucky you are.

Hugs to you .
I wish we weren't anonymous on here,I could have sent you some resources to help out .
Youre stronger thank you think ,and your daughter will see the strong ,capable caring mum that you are xxx

 

[qwikti]

I am the same
I have to buy stuff every day. I think I crave dopamine

I am the exact same. It's getting awful. Whether it's junk food (that I immediately gobble up), or otherwise, I have to buy something. I feel empty otherwise, like my day hasn't gone properly. I haven't 'treated myself' and it's ruining my finances....

I'm under a lot of stress this month, and next week is absolutely the worst, studies wise, I've had in a very long time, and I've just frozen up. Not been preparing at ALL. Just absolutely frozen up in the face of all the assignments and work, but you can bet that I've been out treating myself, day in day out.

I can't let myself crumble (again) for reasons I can't get into, but I just feel like I'm teetering on the edge on 'salvageable' and 'too far gone'... That should wake me up, but I feel like I'm sleep walking right into a huge crisis if I don't wake up now.

Gonna hit the books now and see what I can manage, as I really can't give up yet.

 

[wtafisthis1980]

Literally

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

Update to my previous issues- my 16 year old had refused to leave the house completely for 9 days. I can’t get him into school or even out of his room. He’s lost his phone computer and Xbox and it made zero difference and I’ve had to report him to the police for criminal damage to my house. I’m 31 weeks pregnant with pre eclampsia and I’m at the end of my rope I can’t take this mess anymore.

 

[Longtimelurker xoxox]

Hi all, not sure if this is the right place so will put a TW - I have bipolar cptsd eupd I’m in a really bad place right now. Will give a bit of background, the past few years I have been in and out of psychiatrist wards, in hospital for OD’s currently have a mental health team (who are off till the new year) and in intense therapy for severe trauma that happened when I was young. I have a good family but I know they are getting sick of my constant crisis. just want to scream and tell them try living with it every single day! I’m on lots of sedative medication which does shit all apart from numb me and make me tired, oh and gain a shit load of weight so I hate myself even more! And I’m just tired right now of life and existing. I dread waking up right now i can’t find the motivation to do anything even the thought of killing myself feels to much effort I just want to lay in bed and just sleep but I can’t as I have priorities. I just am so unhappy I hate suffering from flashbacks and I despise the fact I have to recover from something I never asked to happen to me. I feel so alone I feel like an outsider of my family, a weirdo and i just don’t want to carry on anymore. Really sorry if I posted this in the wrong thread and really sorry this is depressing.

 

[evie1975]

struggling more with the fact im NOT sad. I feel evil idk

There is no obligation to love someone because you have their DNA.
The fact that you are struggling with not being sad speaks volumes- it shows what a great person you are. Having him in your life for the sake of your children’s relationship with him is courageous and selfless. You will be sad when the inevitable happens because you know how it will hurt your children. Sending a virtual hug

 

[Angrysue_]

It’s been months. And things were getting better with me and mr dancing but it really is over now. I can’t breath for tears. I’m broken. I can’t take much more. I just want to be heard. How many times can you say something to somebody without them listening before you just stop?
i don’t want to give specifics but I just want to scream it into a void. I love him beyond words but it’s so broken I don’t think there is anything anyone can say or do now to fix this. It’s gone too far. I’m now everything I never wanted to be in life. A single mother, depressed and utterly utterly miserable.

It really does feel like it right now. My wife cheated on me 10 weeks ago and I am now going through a divorce. I honestly felt like my world had ended, my whole life ripped from under my feet literally over night. It's a bumpy ride and it isn't easy but it gets easier and better. I have a new lease of life and living a life I didn't even know was needed. The turn around is insane but its like you can start fresh and it's all part of life which makes you so so much stronger. Pick yourself up and be the best Mam to your kids and let the world map it's self out for you Always here for a chat xxx

 

[Dotty Merton]

@Squittel I know that feeling all too well, having to feel prepared for anything and everything is mentally and physically exhausting. I don't feel ready to talk about my own past and the issues that it has caused me in adult life as I get scared that if I do I'll start spiralling. Reading everybody else's struggles, and seeing many others feeling the same way I do makes me feel less alone though. I think you are all amazing and stronger than you may know

My nan used to say "this too shall pass". And whenever I've been through dark spells, I would hold on to that, almost like a mantra because its true, better days will come.

Totally understand the fear of spiralling. I have developed the saying 'One step at a time and don't forget to water the plants.'

That’s amazing that nature helps you, I think it would help me too if I went outside more I often manage to get very involved in artsy projects and find them very relaxing. I have ADHD so having an outlet for that extra creativity really helps. I’m so glad you got grief counselling at the time! That’s so important when you have so many feelings floating around and you’re trying to make sense of things. I think I probably should have had something like that as a child but my family just had no idea what to do. Everyone was just in shock and they just kind of tried to carry on as normal. They did what they thought was right but it did have some ramifications.
---

I know that exact feeling about spiralling, I have to be in a very particular mood to talk about it and sometimes even to read others problems as when I am not feeling up to it I know how easy it is to spiral and get into a bad place. I also like the “this too shall pass” quote, it’s a good reminder.

Yep, adhd too, there is a suggestion it is trauma related and connected to our need to prepare for the worst, i think that theory has some value.

Nature teaches us that things die and regrow. It gave me understanding and control. I could keep the plants alive. It's also suggested that earth has anti depressants in it and gardening proves highly beneficial for many. Lemme find that article, a great excuse to get muddy or just get a few extra pot plants. Sometimes it's the little things that make all the difference like a wee violet in spring or that teeny tiny bud on that rare cactus I bought which peeked out at the weekend, I can't wait to see that bloom.

Dotty prescribes mud (and dunkable biscuits) for all wibbles. Plant things, feed things, watch that beauty you grew. Repeat. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/66840#1
---

Everyone sharing and helping others so selflessly here are amazing you were all so inspiring and compassionate through the NB threads and it’s really lovely to see some of you over here with a healthy sprinkling of new posters too. The experiences and advice you can all share is invaluable, it really is.

For me, while life is good right now - as in today, it’s all about to go to shit. I might post about it later if I’m feeling brave. But for now I’m watching and admiring you all from the sidelines.

I hope you’re doing ok today - however that looks for you.

Hammock out for you should you need it Raspberry

 

[ImDavidBrent]

Sorry to jump on but just need to get this out. I’m so down and miserable at the moment. I feel a shadow of my former self. The one thing that keeps me going is my toddler at the moment. I think I’ve got a touch of post natal depression (if a touch of PND is a thing), I work so hard at my job and very long hours and yet I don’t feel appreciated, quite the opposite, I feel micromanaged and personally picked on and now I feel disillusioned. My husband at home is not pulling his weight financially, the burden of finances is on me which makes me feel trapped in my current job as I can’t afford to leave and take a pay cut. I have always had money anxiety and this all makes it worse. Which means I’m really snappy at him, some times I can’t bear to even look at him. I don’t feel happy or 100% present in other peoples company like my family and friends. I feel like an exhausted empty shell.


Sorry to waffle on. I’m not looking for advice or anything, I just needed an anonymous place to pour that out. I know there are much worse things happening in the world right now and little woe is me, but that’s just how I’m feeling.

 

[karmadrama]

Thank you for this thread, it’s a great idea
Personally I’m absolutely terrified of going through the menopause after reading some of the comments in the NB thread. I’m in my late thirties so it’s probably on the horizon and I’m so scared that it’s going to be awful!

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Thank you and @Jwren too xx
Just everything at the moment I feel so lonely although I have a great partner and I have great friends and people around me I don’t feel happy. Sometimes I sit and think like when will it end.. will it end. Will I forever feel like this i can’t see a way out of it. I feel like a burden most of the time. I live with my mum because she went through a really messy divorce through the first lockdown and we moved in together.. got a mortgage together and when she was struggling I was the only one there. We did loads of stuff together and now she’s got this new social life with these new weird friends I’m a second thought. I come home from work and just sit in my room. I’m scared to ask her to go out with me because she always gives me a frosty reception or if we go out she’s always on her phone or she’s always got someone else she’d rather be taking too. My close friends all work and have busy lives. I only see my boyfriend at weekends because we live about 30/40 mins away from eachother now and it’s not practical during the week anymore. I don’t know I just feel like if I disappeared it wouldn’t matter.
Sorry for the long rant. I should have probably put it behind a spoiler.

Firstly don’t say sorry, you haven’t got any need to apologise for anything in here

Secondly it would matter if you disappeared.
I know you might not believe that. I really do understand that you might read those words and think they’re not true. Or you might not even be able to take them in. I really do understand.
But I promise you that it would matter.

You don’t have to answer any of these questions, I’m going to ask them but you can ignore them - okay?

How long do you think you’ve been feeling like this?
Do you think it’s been the same sort of feeling for a while, or have you begun to feel better, or worse?
Have you spoken to anyone at all about how you’re feeling?

It’s really brave of you to share it here with us. I truly mean that.

You did a wonderfully kind thing for your mum, and now it’s time to take care of you x

 

[Tishtushmush]

I'm just feeling sad. Right now, same as every morning, I'm trying to keep the kids quiet so their Dad can sleep. I feel bad to be resentful about it as he has ME...but I just feel like on this one day we put on a brave face for the kids to be as excited as they want to be - instead I had to usher the kids out of the room after opening stockings as he was lying in bed barely engaging with them.

He didn't sleep well and asked me to keep the kids from going in but I refused to do it later than 6.30...they were so excited. I'm feeling really ill with a rotten cold and barely slept because of him and then kids being up in the night...but I'm pretending to be fine...because its Christmas.

I know he'd love to be up with the kids early but I'm just so tired of life being this way. I haven't asked him to get up with the kids for more than three years after he had a panic attack about it when I asked him...after it probably being well over a year since I last asked him. Our kids don't sleep and are always up early, and I'm up regardless of how rough I feel (and I've been really ill in that time) and I just wish it might cross his mind that it might be nice to give me a break from time to time.

Sorry for anyone reading this who has ME or another chronic condition, I'm aware how crippling it is and how horrible I must sound - I do care and I do everything I can to support him. I feel guilty for feeling like this and saying what I've said but I have nowhere to offload and just need to this morning. I just feel really sad for my kids that they can't be like all the other kids and be bouncing off the walls early Christmas day.

 

[Dancing_in_the_dark]

I completely get that. Honestly I do. It's so hard to describe as well isn't it. Can you talk to your husband about it? I know its helped my partner by me opening up as he's been able to do some research about ways to support me etc.

every time we try and talk it descends into an argument. It’s like we don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. He chooses to bury his head in the sand though and I need him not to. I know that much.
---

Please ignore me if this isn’t right for you and I don’t want to come over like a nagging mother ….but are you making sure you‘re getting enough nutrients if your anorexia is coming back my lovely. I only say that because if you are depleted that will make stress and anxiety so much worse. And I just wondered if you weren’t already doing that it might help if you could take a multivitamin. I know to some it will sound shit crazy but it’s really important for your mental wellbeing as well as your physical health and stress depletes nutrients further, so building those back up can help make a difference. xx

You are right. And not a naggin mother at all. I know I’m not getting enough of anything. At most I can eat a few safe foods. But even that is a struggle. I know if I can get on top of it things will settle but I just don’t even know how to xx

 

[Shimmering]

I've just had enough. Not like that. Just the drudgery of life and I'm not feeling gratitude etc even though in so many ways I'm very blessed.

I've had a family member critically ill in hospital since November and now recovering but changed forever and who basically has become like a newborn baby due to their illness. There is a small glimmer of hope of further recovery but it will be a long and very difficult road ahead.

So my life has been hospital based for months now and I'm completely burnt out. This is in addition to working full time and attempting to parent one teen and one pre teen who seem to have to be shepherded through every step of their daily routine.

My manager has been exceptional and I've had paid time off and reduced work pressure but no chance of rest because free time is spent with my family member.

I've started staying up late again because my mind whirs. I get over stimulated and I love lots of alone time and down time and I haven't been able to have that.

My husband is dealing with a crisis in his family too that takes a lot of mental energy so we are both just very drained and worn out and feel like life is a struggle and finding it difficult to keep going. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning but I force myself.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

 

[InTheDollsHouse]

Oh bless you. Take the time you need, and see how you feel from then. Nobody would blame you for choosing somebody different either if you feel you need to. Remember it's a service that's for you, so it has to suit you.

I’ve been with her a couple of years, it’s not the fit that’s wrong, it’s that she’s a trauma therapist and I’m clearly not ready to face the trauma.
We’ve been doing sessions anyway, she’s been holding space and helping me more widely, but she’s right in what she says that she can’t keep doing that indefinitely when it’s not actually helping me with the trauma.
What I need is a more general counsellor to talk to and then when I’m ready, go back to her.
But I don’t want to go to someone new. That fills me with fear. My trauma is medical so it’s a massive thing for me to be able to trust someone like that, although obviously talking and physical medical are very different I know.

I’m just a mess today, I was sort of expecting it but at the same time I wasn’t prepared.

 

[ThisIsMyDragName]

My physical and mental health are in the absolute bin at the moment. I’m a manager and I don’t think I’m really fit to do my job. My own self doubt is enough without having to deal with the toxic people that have infested the team I’ve worked in. I’m supposed to magically fix all their problems that they don’t want to tell me about. And god forbid any of them take a second to think about the things I’ve fought really hard to bring in to try and make things better for them, like fairer pay. The fact that I try not to micromanage, that I try to have their backs even if it means I end up looking like a useless prick. The fact that I try to be fair and flexible with everyone, acknowledge when they’ve worked late so they can leave early one day or take an extended lunch or whatever. But no, I’m not a mind reader or a miracle worker so I’m a shit manager.
I have so much work, it’s completely overwhelming. The past I don’t know how many weeks have just been relentless deadlines flying at me. I’ve been ill most of the year which is pretty unlike me. Tonsillitis that hung around for weeks till I got antibiotics. Went on a dream holiday and got food poisoning which shit me up (maybe the pun is intended?!) for months. And for the last 2 weeks I’ve had a nasty cough that has left me exhausted. Im living off paracetamol every 4 hours and as much hydration as I can keep in before my bladder bursts. There’s nobody else to do my job. I have to keep going in.

I came off my SSRIs for anxiety in April so my husband and I could TTC. Coming off my SSRIs was the biggest mistake of my life. My anxiety has been horrendous. Worse than ever. I’ve never felt as bad as this for as long as this before and it’s horrible. I can’t focus myself on actually doing all the work that is required. So it piles up, and my anxiety piles up. I’ve gone back onto my SSRI but it’s only been a few days and I need to taper up so god knows when I might even remotely level out. I was offered some mental health support through a local charity so I jumped at it and thankfully there was basically no waiting list so my short spell of sessions starts this week. Work is just nuclear in every which way, everyone is complaining, everyone is unhappy, everyone is hoping to put the blame firmly on me. And yeah. You know what, I definitely hold responsibility. I’m definitely not perfect. But I’m one bloody person, and the demands that everyone is making on me are too fucking much. I dunno what happened to us being a ‘team’. I don’t think it’s worth the effort (I’m not a very well paid manager), but it’s not like there’s a billion jobs out there for a burned out sickly wreck like me.

Sorry. Rant over.

 

[Dancing_in_the_dark]

Hey everyone it’s been a few weeks xxxx hope everyone is doing okay.

Things here are doing better. Me and mr dancing are still together, his family member I reached out to really helped that night. It’s not perfect but we are doing okay, trying hard to make time for each other.
I’ve been trying really hard to work on getting better from my ED, and so far as much as it’s been hard I do feel better, I don’t feel quite as depressed and distant.

I just want to thank everyone who had such kind words, you really did hold me up as I was tumbling. That kindness will never be forgotten. Xxx