EmmyLou Loves #40 My life’s a mess, buy my body confidence dress, what size you’ll be

[YellowFingerDustforDays]

First Aaron, now Leah.

 

[b!tch_eating_crackers]

Ok, I went to a funeral a couple of weeks ago and the Bible verse mentioned filling cups and I was forced to think of Sezzy Kearnts. Then another funeral today and you won’t believe what was mentioned in one of the eulogies.. ox tail! I shit you not. I can’t explain the context of it but I had to look around for Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew.. felt like I was being punk’d.

 

[SnarkyTart]

 

[Platenipples]

Soz, clearly bored. Nothing works harder than model Lou's arm.

 

[SnarkyTart]

I'm confused - did she end up in Geelong yesterday, or did she just fang up the highway to get a bottle of water from her favourite petrol station and then turn around and go back home?

 

[00ps_I_did_it_again]

Sorry to change topic: My sisters cancer treatment is not working

I'm so sorry...my husband has just finished radio and chemo for stage 4 throat cancer...fingers crossed for all of us x

 

[Super Cute]

I’m honoured Fezzas. Thank you *tips hat*

Congratulations @greacea

 

[SnarkyTart]

Happy birthday @Drama Filled Llama I'm getting you EL's Obus llama dress.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the two dresses on the left were gifted to her by Obus and she's selling this bundle for $300. Fucking scammer.

 

[Platenipples]

Here's ya farkin medal for buying your kids a basic necessity. You're a farkin' inspiration

 

[ChunkyCustard]

I know looks aren't important, but what other qualities does she have that would attract a partner?? Imagine meeting someone on tinder then them asking you to film her creaming her pants over a sexy creme caramel?? It's madness!

Australian citizenship?

 

[SnarkyTart]

Maybe she is moving into A-loves apartment building so she can have a childminder on tap!

This is a brilliant suggestion Mea Culpa! ALove will never suspect a thing when Mrs Dumbfucker arrives - she's even got the disguises at the ready

 

[SmallDickEnergy]

Genuine question - why is she wearing an emergency blanket?

 

[BlanchtheSausages]

Screams money flow issues doesn't it. Aaron must be asking for his half of the assets. The investment property will be up for sale before we know it (I check occasionally )

I love that none of us Fezzas try to hide when we do a deep dive internet stalk. Seriously next time someone goes missing the police should just post it here and we'd find them in no time.

 

[Super Cute]

Gewwwwwd mornin! Just buying some apples for $12.99kg cos that’s so in touch wiv ma tribe yo yo Then it’s off to Dumbarse and Fuckit for a mochachinnolatte since Bradles still has his rags on wiv me

They are those rocket apples. The small ones perfect for kids. I’ve only seen them in a tube. Expensive

She cooks a lot of starchy products.

Let’s be honest….It wouldn’t appear that her kids eat apples though? We’ve heard about the packet crap and sweet biscuits they have on the reg. We’ve seen what she wants us to think they have in their lunchbox eg cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks but I really think that’s not the reality.

No shade on kids not eating fruit though…I gave my son an apple every day for school lunches and when we moved home, I found about a years worth of them stashed in the chook shed and in the bushes under the front tap!

 

[cashedupbogan]

Haha love this, friend was not interested in the hideous fire hazard dress

 

[ActiveLies]

I love clothes. I thought I had heaps of clothes. Most people would consider I have heaps of clothes. Shopping and reckless spending is a judgement free zone for me…. BUT WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HER ABSURD COLLECTION OF CLOTHES ALL ABOUT?! Racks and racks of clothes that look like art smocks. Why did she ever buy them? When did she ever think “jeez the 85 garishly patterned sack dresses just aren’t enough, I’d best pop into Gorman and spend $300 on another one”?!?!

She’s sooooooo weeeeeeeird.

Was thinking the same thing. Lol

I’d say she’s applying for finance to start her next hare-brained adventure

 

[larderorpantry]

Hasn’t showered, wearing a dirty jumper for the ?4th time this week telling us how she’s all bloated & puffy because she drank some water. Sorry I don’t understand what you’re talking about but please wash yourself. You’re bloated and puffy because you literally only eating meat, potatoes & cheezels.

 

[Cachia’s Fried Hair]

Gewwwwwd mornin! Just buying some apples for $12.99kg cos that’s so in touch wiv ma tribe yo yo Then it’s off to Dumbarse and Fuckit for a mochachinnolatte since Bradles still has his rags on wiv me
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Let’s be honest….It wouldn’t appear that her kids eat apples though? We’ve heard about the packet crap and sweet biscuits they have on the reg. We’ve seen what she wants us to think they have in their lunchbox eg cherry tomatoes, carrot sticks but I really think that’s not the reality.

No shade on kids not eating fruit though…I gave my son an apple every day for school lunches and when we moved home, I found about a years worth of them stashed in the chook shed and in the bushes under the front tap!

I ask my sons Apple and/or Banana if they enjoyed their trip to school every day as I unpack his lunchbox

 

[Michy02]

Mmmmmmm delicious! Canned satay sauce oily slop. Me no understanding why baby girl no wanna eat!!!

New thread already? I’m sorry. I’ve been mad dog busy travelling with work. I only just got off the plane. I haven’t been vibing with humour this week. I feel like a need to move to a visual platform with my humour. The chair leg says it all. Let it all hang out.

“Mumma lovin had me a blast
Mumma lovin happened so fast”

Ya girl has been on the dating merry go round! Innuendos for all *giggles* We’re safe in the knowledge the closest thing she’ll get to a root is at the bottom of the weeds in her garden. We may soon get to hear about T. Is it the real thing? Does their love burn with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection?.

Munchausen booked herself in for a sneaky lap band removal. When asked if she could size down on the hospital gown and the ‘ladies’ obliged, in exchange for a face mask. Performing her trademark Emmylou sultry butt wiggle in to theatre, the anaesthesiologist gave the theatre team a lil something to get through the next couple of hours.

After waking up and taking her singing lessons, the model patient called up the ABC talkback line. Barricading herself in the hospital chapel she waited on hold over an hour for Raf Epstein to take her call before hanging up and getting a hankering for 2 minute noodles. Shame. She was hoping to sing A Whole New World with him, even if she does sound like a cow giving birth to farm equipment.

Eliza Donothing launched a new dress and tells us we can wear it to the races. Blubbergastered, we’ve all put in our preorders for Christmas. I’m gonna look like a stuffed turkey. Like my 10 year old at the toilet bowl, EL misses the target every time. I hope Bec Judd returns the favour and models it though. Even Brighton Salvos will refuse to take it. Sorry Preston, it’s your turn.

Swollen and unable to help move the warehouse across town, our girl did all the right things for recovery. Like bounce on the trampoline. Trying to get a summer body since two winters ago is hard work.

Somewhere is South Melbourne, an ex boy bander shed a tear. Relief that she’ll be frequenting some unsuspecting cafe in Collingwood instead.

Thank you for the re-crap @Sure…Media! On point as usual! Sorry about the title it was too long

 

[Johnnygirl]

I have a few questions El if you could address sometime next week.Where have the beaudiful hot air balloons gone? We havent seen any since you grifted your free ride.Why do you not serve the children healthy dinners? Meat, rice and either no veg or a tiny piece of one veg is not good enough.Its your job to encourage their growing bodies to eat a balanced diet.Why are your bins always full? Why does the front gate look ..never mind the whole house looks like a dilapidated mess.Finally , why does your 20kg weight loss look like a 30kg weight gain? I will be awaiting your stories containing the answers.