You don’t need that kind of non committal bull tit!
Petition to have you have wine every friday and dispense blunt advice here
honestly these time wasters drive me insane. Everyone on here is so eloquent and articulate and witty like everyone is a catch, so why are we wasting our mental space on these dickheads!You’re right, I do not!! If he doesn’t want to see where it goes, he shouldn’t have said.
he’s just playing and it isn’t fair at all. He probably fancies the pants off you but like 60% of these blokes is too immature to know what he really wants and it’s not on you to carry that burden
Honestly, you’re taking the words out of my mouth! He goes fancy me and I’m very much sexually compatibly with him. But you’re right, he is immature and very guarded x
See where it goes is code for “I’m not telling you I don’t want a relationship because then you won’t have sex with me again so I’ll pretend to be open to the idea of it without committing in any way which will mean I’m more likely to just get the sex I want from you when I want it like all the other times, but I’ve not agreed to anything specific so I’m totally blameless.”
Oh no.. How are you feeling?
Is this what he’s usually like or did you just expect more since your ‘see how it goes’ chat?I asked prison guy asked if he wanted to try and see each other this weekend and he replied going “unfortunately I’m busy all weekend x”
no ‘can’t this weekend but what about Monday?’ And he hasn’t text asking how my day was or explained what he’s doing. While my friends are saying “lads think differently, lads don’t like we do!” but I then text going “ok no worries. I’ll leave it upto You then to organise when we’ll see each other.” NOTHING BACK!!!
But to hear nothing?! NOTHING. One of my values is involvement - I like being involved, and someone involving me in their life and vice Versa. And with what everyone was saying on here- he isn’t interested. He can be as guarded and so am I, but I’m willing to be open and try. And work on my behaviour.
So I’m just gonna leave him be, I’m not gonna message, delete his number, delete our chat and when he messages, I’m gonna match his tone!duck making an effort. I’m a bloody catch!! And he’s old enough to know better that if he carries on, I won’t be here & I’ll be enjoying my peace x
I have a fear of just settling out of loneliness too. And in recent days I've been reevaluating my choosing choices on the apps. I've spoken to lots of really nice guys and dismissed them because they aren't quite tall enough or attractive enough etc all shallow reasons with hindsight. Some I've friendzoned and actually they have been consistent in their messaging and being bloody nice to me and we are now 'chatty' friends. It is a really good question as to why we do that ? Why do we reject the nice guys in favour of the idiots ?So I realise I am drawn to the least available. They’re tots catnip to me. Ignore me and I’ll adore you. Be available and I bore immediately. What kind of strategy is this!? Terrible!
last year I matched and chatted with a man who I felt was too lovely. Genuinely that was the reason. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was willing to travel to meet me and I thought oh no this is too much. Unmatched immediately!
i saw him on hinge again yesterday and with a little more self awareness decided to match him again. I’m meeting him for a coffee later today.
I married my ex husband because he loved me even though I didn’t love him. I think he knew, too. I don’t think he thought he deserved love tbh. And I thought the strength of his feelings were enough. I wasn’t remotely attracted to him. I ended up breaking his heart. (Who saw that coming!?). And I fear doing the same to anyone again.
but I shouldn’t assume that everyone who is kind and decent and available is going to be a doormat. That self respect can’t also accompany kindness!
this is turning into a bit of a dear diary! But it’s actually been an enlightening few minutes of writing
Dude, re first lad, he is boring you, why do you even want to see him again?
What @Carapop said! Invest your time and energy in the men that invest it back to you. Its ok to say this isn't working for me and to wish them well and move on. The holiday guy seems to be prepared to put the effort in even though there is the distance factor, nurture that relationship and put the timewaster in the bin!
It's so obvious and we all know it but seeing this comment written down is worth absorbing. Even if it frees up your mind to ponder on it. I can categorically say that my past is littered with men I tried to analyse and they all went their merry sweet way. I didn't change anything about them.
Boring doesn't even get on the scale!
after the coffee date I was willing to see him again purely as I thought maybe the fact he didn’t ask much was down to nerves. But then as we’ve continued to chat whilst I’ve been away it’s just got worse. I now don’t think I do want to see him again I’m just unsure how to approach that? I don’t want to ghost him as I don’t think that’s fair. Do you think something along the lines of not feeling a romantic connection?
Be honest and be kind. It's ok to say this isn't working for me. You don't have to list all his shortcomings just say how you feel and wish him well. You won't be able to control his response, he may send you a nice message back ..lots don't in my experience but just be prepared for that.
So I realise I am drawn to the least available. They’re tots catnip to me. Ignore me and I’ll adore you. Be available and I bore immediately. What kind of strategy is this!? Terrible!
last year I matched and chatted with a man who I felt was too lovely. Genuinely that was the reason. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was willing to travel to meet me and I thought oh no this is too much. Unmatched immediately!
i saw him on hinge again yesterday and with a little more self awareness decided to match him again. I’m meeting him for a coffee later today.
I married my ex husband because he loved me even though I didn’t love him. I think he knew, too. I don’t think he thought he deserved love tbh. And I thought the strength of his feelings were enough. I wasn’t remotely attracted to him. I ended up breaking his heart. (Who saw that coming!?). And I fear doing the same to anyone again.
but I shouldn’t assume that everyone who is kind and decent and available is going to be a doormat. That self respect can’t also accompany kindness!
this is turning into a bit of a dear diary! But it’s actually been an enlightening few minutes of writing
I read "Women who love too much" a while ago, and while it is more geared towards women who stay in abusive relationships, I think this could speak to both of you. The unavailablility feels safe. The nice person, the unexciting person, the stable, "boring" guy is not triggering that anxious excitement that some of us associate with "falling in love".
This is how it always feels to be texting someone who doesn’t ask questions. It’s all down to you to keep the conversation going and try to move it forward or in a different direction, while they literally just reply to the last thing you said and offer nothing more. It’s like screaming into an abyss, it’s bleeping draining.
Just send a message like:
