i read this late last night but am finally able to get my thoughts together to reply to you
i too am a thirty-something (a little older than you though!) who has never been in love and never had a “proper” relationship. this never really bothered me because i kinda understood why - i’m shy, like my own company, don’t make much of an effort to talk to men because a lot of them irritate me (
) but in some egotistical way i always thought “oh when i start really trying it’ll be fine” and have found that is absolutely not the case.
it’s really hard to deal with sometimes because, like you, most of my friends are in long-term relationships or easily and happily dating and getting loads of interest on apps and such, and it sometimes feels like i’m looking through a window into a room where everyone else is having a great time and in love and i’m outside under a raincloud or something.
on the flip side, i know that it’s a dangerous thing to start associating self-worth with romantic interest. it is also true, as
@Sprottish says, that love can happen at any time, at any point in life. love can also come from anywhere, and i would rather be happy with my friends than unhappy in a relationship. self-love is the most important thing because your most important relationship is the one you will have with yourself.
however, i do also feel very bitter and why can’t that happen to me instead sometimes
i’m sorry that guy treated you like that but i am also proud (and you should be too!) of your reaction to it. you seem like an awesome person and it’s absolutely his loss. life is too short for mediocre men.