Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.

[Belle123]

@LaBlonde hope you feel much better soon.


@Belle123 hope you are doing ok too ?

Hi everyone. I’ve been enjoying the wonderful weather! Hope you’re all ok. I’ve had a quick read through and a lot seems to be going on! @LaBlonde get well soon x

@Bagpuss7 I’m ok thanks! I’m sorry to hear that hole did exactly what you predicted. Keep moving forward - you’ll get to where you’re meant to be. I hope you’re enjoying the weekend with your children x

 

[Kimmylookatme]

@candyland_ too many new posts for me to go back and find yours to quote it haha. I just feel worried, frustrated and sad tbh It’s so hard not to take personally even tho I know it isn’t personal at all. And it’s probs just a case of riding it out and it’ll be better again in a few weeks

Just seen this, seemed relevant!

 

[candyland_]

@candyland_ too many new posts for me to go back and find yours to quote it haha. I just feel worried, frustrated and sad tbh It’s so hard not to take personally even tho I know it isn’t personal at all. And it’s probs just a case of riding it out and it’ll be better again in a few weeks

Just seen this, seemed relevant!

I’m sorry to read you are feeling this way
How are things at the moment?

 

[Kimmylookatme]

I’m sorry to read you are feeling this way
How are things at the moment?

It’s just quite a bad combo of personality types unfortunately haha. Like he’s more inclined to be introverted etc anyway and enjoy quiet time anyway. If he’s down then he wants me around (or so he says) but there will be very little engagement. And I’m a crazy over thinker who instantly reads that as ‘he’s bored of you.’

 

[candyland_]

It’s just quite a bad combo of personality types unfortunately haha. Like he’s more inclined to be introverted etc anyway and enjoy quiet time anyway. If he’s down then he wants me around (or so he says) but there will be very little engagement. And I’m a crazy over thinker who instantly reads that as ‘he’s bored of you.’

Snap..
I often worry about not hearing from mine for a couple of days but it’s such a minor complaint and nothing to how he is with me the rest of the time.. He will treat me like a dream but as soon as he needs some quiet time I start thinking he’s lost interest.

I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m spoilt and need 100% attention at all times

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Snap..
I often worry about not hearing from mine for a couple of days but it’s such a minor complaint and nothing to how he is with me the rest of the time.. He will treat me like a dream but as soon as he needs some quiet time I start thinking he’s lost interest.

I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m spoilt and need 100% attention at all times

Haha I think that is me too. Like I’ll go round and I can instantly tell he’s having a down day. And he wants me there but has openly said he just feels a bit trapped mentally but it helps to just sit there silently side by side or whatever. But my mind just screams ‘he bloody hates you you boring prick’

 

[boomska]

I over thought it way too much with prison guy. I messaged him asking what he was up to and he was like “laid in bed you?”
I just saw red. I basically said oh cool. Let’s just forget about seeing where it goes.
And he texted back going “why? X” CAUSE YOU DONT MAKE AN EFFORT IN SEEING ME OR TALKING TO ME.
So I kindly said “I think we have different expectations of seeing where it goes” and then I texted him about my feelings.

and guess what?!! He didn’t reply and I still haven’t heard from him (yet!)

amd I just feel so sad and stupid for a number of reasons

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@boomska Well this was on the cards wasn't it? I'm sorry you're hurting but the writing was clearly on the wall. I know it's so hard to see when your needs are very strong but seriously do you think some counseling may be in order here? Someone to help you pick through all this especially the compulsive need to overthrow your inner sense of happiness in the pursuit of a hopeless case. I do hope I'm not hurting your feelings further today but possibly some CBT to help you think more clearly. All the best. I'll say no more.

 

[Bagpuss7]

I over thought it way too much with prison guy. I messaged him asking what he was up to and he was like “laid in bed you?”
I just saw red. I basically said oh cool. Let’s just forget about seeing where it goes.
And he texted back going “why? X” CAUSE YOU DONT MAKE AN EFFORT IN SEEING ME OR TALKING TO ME.
So I kindly said “I think we have different expectations of seeing where it goes” and then I texted him about my feelings.

and guess what?!! He didn’t reply and I still haven’t heard from him (yet!)

amd I just feel so sad and stupid for a number of reasons

Never call yourself stupid, your emotions and feelings are always valid but ..always a but, you can't attach relationship emotions to a situation that from his pov was just sex. Nothing you posted here indicated that he was interested in you for anything other than sex, I'm really sorry you are hurting but in this instance you really do need to listen to what he said and how he behaved towards you. Draw a line under it now, absolutely no point continuing to message him as he's made it very clear he doesn't care. Hold onto that dignity gal and move on.

 

[TillyMiffin]

I over thought it way too much with prison guy. I messaged him asking what he was up to and he was like “laid in bed you?”
I just saw red. I basically said oh cool. Let’s just forget about seeing where it goes.
And he texted back going “why? X” CAUSE YOU DONT MAKE AN EFFORT IN SEEING ME OR TALKING TO ME.
So I kindly said “I think we have different expectations of seeing where it goes” and then I texted him about my feelings.

and guess what?!! He didn’t reply and I still haven’t heard from him (yet!)

amd I just feel so sad and stupid for a number of reasons

You honestly don’t need to feel stupid in any way, take it as a lesson learned, next time match their energy text by text. You’ll soon weed out the ones who are a waste of time.

 

[Clementine]

Sorry to just dump this in here without contributing much. I always feel like a bit of a fraud. I’d been seeing someone, that I mentioned in these threads. He was/is wonderful. It finished nearly 2 months ago, due to both of us being overwhelmed with our life circumstances/mental health. It’s all been respectful and understanding.

I just miss him so much. I joined Tinder for about 5 mins but I know that’s not the way to go and to be honest, nobody really compares. I feel like a pathetic 14 year old mooning over a crush. I’m fortyfuckingtwo! Gah. I haven’t really spoken much to anyone about it because I’m embarrassed I think. Thank you letting me vent!

 

[candyland_]

Sorry to just dump this in here without contributing much. I always feel like a bit of a fraud. I’d been seeing someone, that I mentioned in these threads. He was/is wonderful. It finished nearly 2 months ago, due to both of us being overwhelmed with our life circumstances/mental health. It’s all been respectful and understanding.

I just miss him so much. I joined Tinder for about 5 mins but I know that’s not the way to go and to be honest, nobody really compares. I feel like a pathetic 14 year old mooning over a crush. I’m fortyfuckingtwo! Gah. I haven’t really spoken much to anyone about it because I’m embarrassed I think. Thank you letting me vent!

I’m a firm believer in saying duck it and going for what you want.. Drop him a text asking how he’s doing?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Clementine I hear you. It's so hard to get over these connections. I'm two years on & it accompanies me every day. I know some say get under a new man to get over the other but it's time in the end you have to take.

I’m a firm believer in saying duck it and going for what you want.. Drop him a text asking how he’s doing?

Yes especially as it ended so respectfully.

 

[Clementine]

Ah no. We’ve chatted on and off since we split and I think he’s firmly decided that it’s not fair on me to have him and his ‘issues’ in my life - he feels his feelings v. deeply. I’ve added some of the things he’s said, which I think kinda sum it up.

Thank you though, and yes time is what’ll get me through.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Yes you're best to step away. If there's a tiny chance of him wanting to get back it's the only thing you can do. It's letting go of the hope that's hard. Take care.

 

[TillyMiffin]

At the end of another thread and not much has changed has it? How bloody depressing I am still on Bumble but go a week or so without checking in. Refuse to pay so can’t see if anyone decent has liked me. Got a lot going on at home so not focusing on it right now, it’s really liberating!
From seeing what you lovely lot are going through it’s no big loss, same idiots seem to be out there. Thought I’d cheer you up with a couple of pics of what’s on offer in my town:

 

[prinnygrace]

Well I've got myself into a right little pickle. 3 years ago I matched someone on Tinder and we spoke a lotttt. He always used to say he was scared of commitment due to previous experiences and so I never pressured anything just enjoyed talking to him but eventually had to pull back a bit because I knew we were never going to meet in person and the more we spoke the more I liked him and although he used to say he liked me, I knew it was never going anywhere. We used to have so many of those deep 1am chats and generally just told each other absolutely everything. Then he ended up dating someone from work, pretty much right after telling me that he was scared of commitment. He messaged me to tell me and apologised for how tit it looked considering what he had told me about being scared of a relationship. I was really hurt by it but it was what he was... I was happy if he was happy.
I also ended up meeting someone so him and I didn't speak much, respecting each others relationships.. just the odd reply to an insta story checking in on each other and what not. it was nice and we were still good friends. I went through some rough life stuff and found that it was him I was wanting to speak to about it (like we used to in all the deep chats we had) rather than my boyfriend so I decided to end things with him. About 6 months later he messaged me asking for some advice because he was struggling with some things with his girlfriend and wanted my opinion (turns out she was cheating.. he'd noticed a load of and wanted to know if he was just being silly).
So, about 3 months ago we both found ourselves single. At this time, I had accepted a new job offer and knew I was due to move 2.5 hours away (now in 2 weeks time!!). We instantly fell back into old ways, chatting all the time both about absolute rubbish and deep chats, many of them being about 'what if' he had given it a chance 3 years ago... bearing in mind at this point we still hadn't met (my best friend calls him my penpal hahaha).
Last week he asked if we could meet, not wanting me to move and us just to have spent 3 years talking and being there for each other through a looooot and then that be that. We went out for some food and it was literally like we had known each other in person all that time. We've now seen each other 4 times since, and ended up sleeping together. It's very obvious we both really, really like each other but we both know we only have 2 weeks of it before I move away.
I don't regret getting involved with him after 3 years at all, but even more than ever I'm sat like well what if this had been 3 years ago, where would we be now It's going to end up being a hard goodbye in a couple of weeks and it's just so typical of my dating life that something feels really really right but can't happen.
SORRY for the rant i just needed to get it off my chest hahaa.

 

[candyland_]

I over thought it way too much with prison guy. I messaged him asking what he was up to and he was like “laid in bed you?”
I just saw red. I basically said oh cool. Let’s just forget about seeing where it goes.
And he texted back going “why? X” CAUSE YOU DONT MAKE AN EFFORT IN SEEING ME OR TALKING TO ME.
So I kindly said “I think we have different expectations of seeing where it goes” and then I texted him about my feelings.

and guess what?!! He didn’t reply and I still haven’t heard from him (yet!)

amd I just feel so sad and stupid for a number of reasons

Has he ever been good at texting or keen to make plans to see you?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@prinnygrace 2.5 hours away doesn't seem a massive problem if it's as great as you say? Weekends until he decides to move to where you are. Will he make that effort? It seems a shame if you both get on so well.

Sorry if I missed it but is he still with the gf?

 

[prinnygrace]

@prinnygrace 2.5 hours away doesn't seem a massive problem if it's as great as you say? Weekends until he decides to move to where you are. Will he make that effort? It seems a shame if you both get on so well.

Sorry if I missed it but is he still with the gf?

I don't think he wants to relocate and after 6 years living away from my family (i'm moving back home) I'm not wanting to settle here either. We've kind of just said it'll be what it'll be, we'll see each other when we can and if things work out then great but we aren't putting any labels/pressure or anything like that. just going to enjoy it for the 2 weeks and see what happens but I'll be super sad to say goodbye.

No they broke up a little while ago, she was cheating on him with his mate