Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.

[Bianca Del Rio]

@Bagpuss7 Now begins the bullshit pantomime where you have to feign sympathy while waiting for the inevitable. Trés predictable. 🥱 Maybe enquire after his Nan’s general health too, head that one off at the pass.

 

[TillyMiffin]

I’ve been inspired by the last thread in which someone mentioned manifestation. I did do this last year and met someone who ticked all of my boxes but I just didn’t click with. And he ended up acting in an odd way. (Christmas man) so maybe it’s not foolproof! But it’s worth a go right? I’m starting a strict meal replacement diet after half term, I’ve put so much weight on in last two years and I’m at the point that it’s making me unhappy. So heading into summer feeling a bit more optimistic. Come on my lovelies, let’s leave the ghosters, waste of time chatters, slow faders, indecisive idiots behind and raise our collective bar! Manifest what we want and raise our standards so that when we do let someone into our lives we make sure they’re worthy of us

 

[boomska]

I said I wouldn’t post in this forum but I need to help and need to talk to people in similar situations and just moan basically.

but I went on this date with this lad in February. And saw him again in March and that’s where he basically insinuated that he wasn’t looking for a relationship (which we all know that He isn’t looking for a relationship with me) But we said we would be friends. Well, hingsight that was bullshit. We didn’t talk for a bit then he messaged me and started flirting. Well I got caught up in and started flirting Back.
I then I tried to see him but here came the excuses- “I’m in a weird mood atm” “my grandads are in, my sister is in hospital” and that’s serious so you don’t want to call him a liar…but anyway. I basically started feeling like something was off and he finally came clean tonight that he was seeing someone.
And I honestly feel like such a MUG!!!! Because I give people benefit of the doubt and I get shitted on and in some way, I feel like I ask for it aswell. I don’t want to become guarded or cycnial, but Then in the past,I have done that and become too guarded/cycnical and just not me.

but I guess my moan is that I’m sick of attracting these losers, and being taken for a mug and being the one before The One and just overall, feeling hopeless and that I’m forever going to get it wrong, forever single and I’m 32 this year- never been in a relationship, never been in love (the happy way!). And I’ve put the work with my behaviour, toxic behaviour and being attached to unavailable men.

but I’ll be honest- I just want to be loved and in love. Is that too much to ask for?

I’m ranting now but thanks for listening.

 

[Clickbait]

Congratulations to @TillyMiffin on the winning thread title. Bit of a mixed bag in the last thread, sadly the frustrations outweighed the successes, and some apathy has set in but there seems to be a lot more recognition of self worth and not putting up with subpar behaviour which can only be applauded.

 

[al255]

that’s @al255! tagged her so she can see you were asking after her

Omg, sorry I’ve been MIA!! I didn’t even realise fully we had a new thread thank you for asking over me Tilly xx

So I decided to delete M and keep him deleted, the guy who wanted to see me Thursday I kept him in my phone and he’s changed his WhatsApp profile photo to him posing in the mirror with no top onI’ve deleted him now! EW. Major ICK!!!!

Anyway I’ve decided to have a break from the apps for a month or so. I realised I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind for dating and gunna enjoy a hot gal summer with my friends

 

[Sprottish]

The best piece of advice I can give girls is stop fixating and checking when people are online I know only too well the gut wrenching moment when you see them online, not read your message, been left on blue ticks - you will drive yourself mad.

Turn your read receipts off and stop looking at their chat. I know it’s annoying when you’re trying to make concrete plans (and @al255 this isn’t aimed specifically at you!) I’ve seen a lot in the last couple threads saying “well he’s been online and not messaged me.” Save yourself the agony and just don’t look. I don’t look or even think about it anymore, same as I forbid myself from looking on social media.

It’s advice for no other reason than for your own sanity!

 

[Jadejones9596]

Morning all!
Hope you lovely lot are doing well!

I have to share something with you because honestly I am bursting with pride for myself right now...

So, as per my last post me and the guy who messed me up earlier this year spoke and patched things up. Then he invites me out today to walk the dog. My instant reaction a couple of days ago when he asked was a resounding yes.

But then I'm lying there this morning remembering how horrific my life was earlier this year because of him. The anxiety, the depression, the self loathing. And I'm thinking I don't want that in my life anymore, I've come such a long way and realise now that my peace and happiness is far too precious... so I cancelled on him! I never thought I would do that and up until we started talking again I had been missing him. I see this as a lesson to show me that I don't need him back in my life and more importantly I've made such progress to know I deserve better

I'm on cloud 9 my lovelies! I'm spending the day relaxing in the garden with my new self help book x

 

[boomska]

I asked prison guy asked if he wanted to try and see each other this weekend and he replied going “unfortunately I’m busy all weekend x”

no ‘can’t this weekend but what about Monday?’ And he hasn’t text asking how my day was or explained what he’s doing. While my friends are saying “lads think differently, lads don’t like we do!” but I then text going “ok no worries. I’ll leave it upto You then to organise when we’ll see each other.” NOTHING BACK!!!

But to hear nothing?! NOTHING. One of my values is involvement - I like being involved, and someone involving me in their life and vice Versa. And with what everyone was saying on here- he isn’t interested. He can be as guarded and so am I, but I’m willing to be open and try. And work on my behaviour.

So I’m just gonna leave him be, I’m not gonna message, delete his number, delete our chat and when he messages, I’m gonna match his tone! fuck making an effort. I’m a bloody catch!! And he’s old enough to know better that if he carries on, I won’t be here & I’ll be enjoying my peace x

 

[freshhead]

Ok so I was anti dating.
But...An unexpected date is happening tomorrow evening.
Started talking on hinge over the weekend, and he suggested a picnic at a reservoir near me. The weather seems to be in our favour, it’s something I’ve never done before (it’s always been a dinner or drinks date when I dated years ago) He is almost 10 years older than me, seems to have his shit together, and seems to be on the same page as me with not wanting to rush in to anything with someone.
I have absolutely no idea what I’m expecting or want out of it, but just a nice conversation would be great!

 

[millsymilsean]

Hi ladies! A little update. I went on the date with the guy I know from (shock!) real life. That was last Friday (not yesterday). It was amazing. The best date of my entire life!!! The chat, physical chemistry, the spark, everything. I’ve seen him one more time since and were texting too. I have a great feeling about this

 

[Bagpuss7]

What I think is really scary is just how naturally manipulative some (most) men are! It's not even calculating in many cases, just in their DNA or something. I just don't believe women generally are in the same proportion. I'd like to throw a bucket of algae & pigs excrement over Bagpuss7 latest prince from Badooland! As he cock of the walks out of his office. Yep I'd like to go real Fledgling Psycho over this specimen.

And I would stand and applaud! It did cross my mind that the so called odd ball may well have experienced what I did with him and rather than rolling over like I have she tracked him down. Its not my style especially when there could be children involved but I absolutely get why some women don't take it lying down and demand answers/ closure. I'm puzzled and curious and would love answers as to why but I've learnt the hard way you just don't get an answer so it's better for me to just move on. Which I have done. Do I think he may pop up again when the dust has settled? Quite possibly but equally may never hear from him again and I'm ok with that too. I'm becoming more and more resigned to being alone and I'm actually finding a lot of peace with that.

It's my child's birthday this weekend, the first one since we lost their dad. They are my priority and the absolute light of my life so I'm going to continue to be a bloody good mum and all round good egg for their sake

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

@Losa53 “We can chat in a few weeks”
The fucking AUDACITY.

 

[misunderstood]

Morning guys
I’ve been quietly lurking in the past threads . Is anyone burnt out with the apps or dating in general?

I’ve matched with a few guys moved on to chat on WhatsApp when I suggest meeting up they said yeah sure I would love it , then when it’s time they don’t bother to message the whole day no apology no nothing.

I am just tired of it all , this bank holiday has made me realise that I need to make more of an effort to make new friends as all mine are married with kids , enjoying spending time and doing stuff together. And then there is me watching Netflix and catching up with sleep

 

[Wowitsme]

My mate suggested I send a ' Hey' message as we haven't spoken since that message.

Least I know where I stand and I won't be wondering was he just in a bad mood View attachment 1336045

Wow who the hell does he think he is. I’m fuming. Delete his number and block this disgusting person

 

[Clickbait]

You’re right, I do not!! If he doesn’t want to see where it goes, he shouldn’t have said.

See where it goes is code for “I’m not telling you I don’t want a relationship because then you won’t have sex with me again so I’ll pretend to be open to the idea of it without committing in any way which will mean I’m more likely to just get the sex I want from you when I want it like all the other times, but I’ve not agreed to anything specific so I’m totally blameless.”

This guy’s first response to your text showed how interested he really was. I’m sorry it’s not what you wanted from him, but he’s shown you who he is. If you can just use him for sex and not get attached then do that when it suits you but don’t be having the sex hoping it’ll magically change his mind about wanting more.

You deserve better!

 

[Bianca Del Rio]

Mr Saturday date has been absent from Badoo since 30/6 when we last spoke. Badoo is telling me he's alive as he was online an hour ago but no message to me, no apology/ nothing.

I’m wondering if this is also what he did to the so called “oddball” who FaceTimed his child (if we believe that story or if indeed the oddball exists..) Not everyone will go quietly when they’ve been led up the garden path and subsequently ghosted.

The first man I ever met from an app told me on our first date that he’d been on one date with a woman, let her down gently when he realised he wasn’t feeling it and she then turned up at his work and started kicking up a stink to his secretary, demanding to speak to him while he hid from her in his office. I went on 3 dates with him and he ghosted me after I’d slept with him for the first time. After my naive, 2018 self recovered from the trauma of that happening, the story he’d told me about the woman came to mind, along with how expertly he’d manipulated me into believing he wanted a relationship. Ever since then I’ve seen any such stories of “oddball” or “psycho” women as the stonking red flags that they usually are.

 

[Pink blancmange]

I feel like I've just had a lucky escape.
Swiping away on Tinder and matched with someone. Got chatting a little then I realised when I was going through his tinder pics he had uploaded a tiktok. Searched the tiktok account, it belonged to a family member. She had posted a tiktok last year with his prison number etc for people to write to him.
I then googled his name and he had been done for harassment and for beating a female. He had asked to meet tomorrow night. He's now blocked.

 

[Sandor]

The only way that would work is if every Apple device in his household is connected to his accounts eg if I get a call on my phone, my iPad will ring too. But I don’t know anyone who’d set their children’s phones up with their own Apple ID unless they’re unbelievably not tech savvy.

And even if it was true, one bad/weird experience should have made him change those settings, not judge other women by one woman’s behaviour. So if he hasn’t safeguarded his children after that, there’s something seriously wrong. Plus, if it was true, surely he’d have known his kids routinely answered calls meant for him

I’m not sure I would believe anything he’s told you at this point. None of it makes any sense.

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Ok Tennis boy was lovely. Really polite, attentive and sexy. Paid the bill before I even had a chance to protest and didn’t even look at it. Just whipped his card out and tapped the machine without even seeing how much it cost…..it was £71 including service.
Has already texted to check I got home safely and to say that I’m gorgeous and he really likes me……eeeeeek!

Thank god I’m going to Corfu on Thursday with my best mate for a week, or I might have booty called him. Aaaaargh! I’m excited for this. I feel it’s very promising.

 

[Carapop]

Folks, I’ve been dipping my toes back in dating waters after spending two years of pandemic isolation with my pensioner parents! I’m a bit too comfortable with my own company and getting very selfish with my time. This is important context!!!

A man matched me on hinge last Sunday. He told me during the week that he cancelled a date he had with another girl on Monday. We are due to meet tomorrow. He’s…intense. Heart on sleeve. We haven’t even met and he’s convinced I’m his perfect woman. I’m very wary of love bombing. Too many experiences of men who are all excited for a week and then suddenly they’re ghosting me. I also have commitment issues so maybe I subconsciously seek them out?!

anyway, he’s working today but keeps alluding to something he might do after work if he has the energy. I am very very concerned he’s planning on coming to see me. He lives half an hour away.

is it romantic for someone to do this? Am I selfish for being horrified at the notion of him landing on my doorstep uninvited and unplanned? He’s never asked if I have plans. And I hate hate hate unexpected visitors!

I took advice and told him I had plans tonight. He just sent me his location and he is 1km away with some chocolate for me. He is being very cute about it all and I am now quite sad that he’s confirmed all my suspicions and now I can’t meet him because he’s clearly batshit.