Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.

[Tangent Tiger]

Whatever happened to falling in love and having the same values?

I dislike all this confusion and have gone firmly celebate as I have other things to get on with. If someone blurs your boundaries it's easy to get swayed.

If they make you feel confused they are not worth your energy. But I understand the need to talk and be close to someone.

 

[al255]

I agree with the issue about them clearly soft ghosting you but don’t want to face up to the fact you aren’t right for them. SO. Manchester Man is soft ghosting me for sure, he doesn’t check in with me and if I ask him what he’s doing / how he is, he doesn’t really ask me. Anyway. I’m not going to text him today and he will probs tell me he’s rough! I think we are better suited as friends for sure.

Anyway I’ve got my date with Channing Tatum lookalike tonight, I’m excited. I’m driving so I won’t have anymore than one wine but it’ll be nice to get out

I’ve also been talking to this guy who is REALLY full on, he works right near my work too. He asked me on Friday if I wanted to meet for lunch and I just said I couldn’t cos I was so busy. He is really complementative towards me but not in a weird way as if I’d think it’s a red flag- he said I’m beautiful and he doesn’t get how I’m single& he’s glad we matched. I just was honest and said I’m really all or nothing and it can put people off, which I am! And he said he is too and some women see it as a bad thing. I think I need to find someone who is similar with me and neediness

He wants to take me out on next Saturday so I will just see what happens tonight. I am enjoying going on dates again and meeting new people. However I’m struggling slightly to keep up with talking to 3 men at once!! (Younger me would say “don’t hate the player, hate the game”)

 

[TillyMiffin]

I agree with the issue about them clearly soft ghosting you but don’t want to face up to the fact you aren’t right for them. SO. Manchester Man is soft ghosting me for sure, he doesn’t check in with me and if I ask him what he’s doing / how he is, he doesn’t really ask me. Anyway. I’m not going to text him today and he will probs tell me he’s rough! I think we are better suited as friends for sure.

Anyway I’ve got my date with Channing Tatum lookalike tonight, I’m excited. I’m driving so I won’t have anymore than one wine but it’ll be nice to get out

I’ve also been talking to this guy who is REALLY full on, he works right near my work too. He asked me on Friday if I wanted to meet for lunch and I just said I couldn’t cos I was so busy. He is really complementative towards me but not in a weird way as if I’d think it’s a red flag- he said I’m beautiful and he doesn’t get how I’m single& he’s glad we matched. I just was honest and said I’m really all or nothing and it can put people off, which I am! And he said he is too and some women see it as a bad thing. I think I need to find someone who is similar with me and neediness

He wants to take me out on next Saturday so I will just see what happens tonight. I am enjoying going on dates again and meeting new people. However I’m struggling slightly to keep up with talking to 3 men at once!! (Younger me would say “don’t hate the player, hate the game”)

Blimey you’re deffo getting your money’s worth from bumble!
Make sure you take some time out to emotionally process what’s going on, I know you say you’ve lost interest in Manc man but you may have been quite emotionally invested to sleep with him, so being soft ghosted might hurt a little. I’d say tread a bit careful with ‘full on’ man too, just in case. xx

 

[LaBlonde]

Blimey you’re deffo getting your money’s worth from bumble!
Make sure you take some time out to emotionally process what’s going on, I know you say you’ve lost interest in Manc man but you may have been quite emotionally invested to sleep with him, so being soft ghosted might hurt a little. I’d say tread a bit careful with ‘full on’ man too, just in case. xx

i second all of this

tbh al i can only give you credit for being able to keep up with everyone! you definitely go all in and give your full heart and focus, which is a lovely way to be, BUT like tilly says: make sure you’re fully taking time for yourself before being on to the next. your open nature definitely seems to attract very full on men, judging by the stories you’ve shared, but full on can sometimes cross into too much.

look after yourself and also take your time!

 

[D.W's Library Card]

i bet it is i’m sorry, i wrote my original replies mid-walk and didn’t mean for them to read so to the point. it’s difficult when you invest time in someone and they won’t fully engage with what’s going on, especially if your feelings are clear. hope you’re okay

Oh no don't worry at all, they read perfectly fine.
I'm currently waiting for the right moment and I'm just gonna ask whats going on.

 

[Losa53]

@al255 cant believe he ghosting you after all that.
I used to sleep with men on the first dates as well but I've stopped now as made the rejection 10x worse for me.
There Nothing new with me at all, I dont even have any dates lined up, think I've lost my motivation for dating atm

 

[Sheabutter]

Has anyone gotten their pictures taken professionally for their dating profile?

 

[Laughalong]

Has anyone gotten their pictures taken professionally for their dating profile?

No. I feel like pictures should be more natural, out at a restaurants / bar? On holiday? With friends? At a concert/event/party/festival maybe. Just a good old selfie or mirror picture also works. Mines a mix of some of those suggestions

Getting it professionally done might just look a bit too much

 

[Losa53]

Has anyone gotten their pictures taken professionally for their dating profile?

I tend to swipe left on professional photos as it screams fake accounts unless there is a mix of both
I try and do some pictures on my own and 1 or 2 with friends and I have 1 picture where I have no makeup on

 

[candyland_]

Would you be offended if someone said this to you..? “You’ll be a filthy old woman soon.”

I was out yesterday and the girls set up one of those dirty quizzes for one of them that’s getting married. I sent him a pic of it and that was his reply. I didn’t take it well and it looks like we’ve fell out over it.. Not getting on at all.

I’m early 30s if it makes any difference.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I made a list of things I bring to a relationship, and it's made me feel a lot better, that I am a catch. I think I've been focusing too much on the negative (tuning into tit FM) and this is focused on my dating life. I need to remember I'm a babe, a fab partner & being single isn't the cause of any of my problems, so being in a relationship won't solve them.
I think I've unintentionally been coming off a bit desperate to friends & family IRL so focusing on the inner work as that's definitely lapsed.

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Would you be offended if someone said this to you..? “You’ll be a filthy old woman soon.”

I was out yesterday and the girls set up one of those dirty quizzes for one of them that’s getting married. I sent him a pic of it and that was his reply. I didn’t take it well and it looks like we’ve fell out over it.. Not getting on at all.

I’m early 30s if it makes any difference.

I wouldnt personally be offended; I wouldn’t really give it a second thought tbh i don’t think (like in a relationship, not a random date.) Is it his usual sense of ‘humour’ (admittedly not particularly funny here.) is it the old bit or the filthy bit that’s pissed you off? Maybe I’m just being dense and missing context, only had 3 hours sleep

 

[boomska]

Would you be offended if someone said this to you..? “You’ll be a filthy old woman soon.”

I was out yesterday and the girls set up one of those dirty quizzes for one of them that’s getting married. I sent him a pic of it and that was his reply. I didn’t take it well and it looks like we’ve fell out over it.. Not getting on at all.

I’m early 30s if it makes any difference.

100%! I would be soooo offended! I once kicked off when a bloke said that I should start thinking about kids and I’m in my early 30’s too. If you wouldn’t say that to a man, don’t say it to me

 

[Sandor]

Would you be offended if someone said this to you..? “You’ll be a filthy old woman soon.”

I was out yesterday and the girls set up one of those dirty quizzes for one of them that’s getting married. I sent him a pic of it and that was his reply. I didn’t take it well and it looks like we’ve fell out over it.. Not getting on at all.

I’m early 30s if it makes any difference.

Was it not a joke because you were doing a dirty quiz? I mean it’s not funny but I don’t think there was ill intent, it sounds like it was in context of what you’d sent him?

But also, you’re allowed to get offended by anything. I imagine this is more because you’re both feeling quite vulnerable right now? So it’s a symptom rather than the cause

 

[easyliketuesdayafternoon]

Would you be offended if someone said this to you..? “You’ll be a filthy old woman soon.”

I was out yesterday and the girls set up one of those dirty quizzes for one of them that’s getting married. I sent him a pic of it and that was his reply. I didn’t take it well and it looks like we’ve fell out over it.. Not getting on at all.

I’m early 30s if it makes any difference.

I kind of would be but I know I'm quite sensitive (if that's the right word) to men being weirdly obsessed with women's ages. Depends on if there was any other context or background, like an in joke between you or something?

 

[LaBlonde]

Was it not a joke because you were doing a dirty quiz? I mean it’s not funny but I don’t think there was ill intent, it sounds like it was in context of what you’d sent him?

But also, you’re allowed to get offended by anything. I imagine this is more because you’re both feeling quite vulnerable right now? So it’s a symptom rather than the cause

i second this @candyland_

you’ve mentioned a few times over the past few weeks that aspects of his behaviour have hurt or upset you. it could be it’s a joke that didn’t land, but in the context of how you’re feeling with regards to him right now, it hurt.

i think you both need to have a good talk tbh. i know that you feel deeply for him and it’s lovely when you talk about how excited you get about his texts and seeing him - but it also appears that other aspects just don’t gel and you both seem to pull away from each other.

 

[candyland_]

Usually I would laugh because I am naughty but not filthy He was joking and I did overreact but nobody wants to be told they are gonna be old soon. I think we just need some quality time together this week to clear the air.

 

[Jadejones9596]

Morning all!
Hope you lovely lot are doing well!

I have to share something with you because honestly I am bursting with pride for myself right now...

So, as per my last post me and the guy who messed me up earlier this year spoke and patched things up. Then he invites me out today to walk the dog. My instant reaction a couple of days ago when he asked was a resounding yes.

But then I'm lying there this morning remembering how horrific my life was earlier this year because of him. The anxiety, the depression, the self loathing. And I'm thinking I don't want that in my life anymore, I've come such a long way and realise now that my peace and happiness is far too precious... so I cancelled on him! I never thought I would do that and up until we started talking again I had been missing him. I see this as a lesson to show me that I don't need him back in my life and more importantly I've made such progress to know I deserve better

I'm on cloud 9 my lovelies! I'm spending the day relaxing in the garden with my new self help book x

 

[candyland_]

Morning all!
Hope you lovely lot are doing well!

I have to share something with you because honestly I am bursting with pride for myself right now...

So, as per my last post me and the guy who messed me up earlier this year spoke and patched things up. Then he invites me out today to walk the dog. My instant reaction a couple of days ago when he asked was a resounding yes.

But then I'm lying there this morning remembering how horrific my life was earlier this year because of him. The anxiety, the depression, the self loathing. And I'm thinking I don't want that in my life anymore, I've come such a long way and realise now that my peace and happiness is far too precious... so I cancelled on him! I never thought I would do that and up until we started talking again I had been missing him. I see this as a lesson to show me that I don't need him back in my life and more importantly I've made such progress to know I deserve better

I'm on cloud 9 my lovelies! I'm spending the day relaxing in the garden with my new self help book x

Aww.. Good for you! Enjoy your day

 

[LaBlonde]

Morning all!
Hope you lovely lot are doing well!

I have to share something with you because honestly I am bursting with pride for myself right now...

So, as per my last post me and the guy who messed me up earlier this year spoke and patched things up. Then he invites me out today to walk the dog. My instant reaction a couple of days ago when he asked was a resounding yes.

But then I'm lying there this morning remembering how horrific my life was earlier this year because of him. The anxiety, the depression, the self loathing. And I'm thinking I don't want that in my life anymore, I've come such a long way and realise now that my peace and happiness is far too precious... so I cancelled on him! I never thought I would do that and up until we started talking again I had been missing him. I see this as a lesson to show me that I don't need him back in my life and more importantly I've made such progress to know I deserve better

I'm on cloud 9 my lovelies! I'm spending the day relaxing in the garden with my new self help book x

i am SO PROUD of you jade

this shows how far you’ve come in only a few months. well done, and enjoy your relaxing day