Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.

[al255]

The best piece of advice I can give girls is stop fixating and checking when people are online I know only too well the gut wrenching moment when you see them online, not read your message, been left on blue ticks - you will drive yourself mad.

Turn your read receipts off and stop looking at their chat. I know it’s annoying when you’re trying to make concrete plans (and @al255 this isn’t aimed specifically at you!) I’ve seen a lot in the last couple threads saying “well he’s been online and not messaged me.” Save yourself the agony and just don’t look. I don’t look or even think about it anymore, same as I forbid myself from looking on social media.

It’s advice for no other reason than for your own sanity!

SO!! I had it turned off and it helped for sure so don’t know why I’ve turned it on again🫠 I annoy myself! Anyway. Will see…

 

[boomska]

So I had a first date the other night. He was nice, conversation flowed & he asked me out for date 2 that same night! But my own personal victory is I didn’t kiss him or sleep with him (backstory- I went on a couple of first dates that were great and I ended up in bed with them! Not the worst thing but when it “ended” I blamed sleeping with them too soon So I’m trying a new tatic!)

But it has given me an insight into rejection though, and you really shouldn’t take it personally. For example, I don’t think I should be dating cause of my mental health atm (depression/anxiety has flared up), I’m enjoying being with friends and building stronger friendships, focusing on me, so dating/relationship is at the bottom of the list but doesn’t mean this guy did anything wrong- it’s just chemistry/biology/life etc, not HIM if that makes sense?

 

[freshhead]

Date update! Lovely guy, but I’ve told him I only want friendship at the moment.
He’s happy with that and still keeping in touch today, doesn’t feel awkward either.
He’s invited me over for a bbq next week, but I’m on the fence about it.
I don’t have many friends so not sure if I should turn down opportunities to have some, just not sure if he’s thinking friendship could grow in to something else?

 

[Tangent Tiger]

So I had a first date the other night. He was nice, conversation flowed & he asked me out for date 2 that same night! But my own personal victory is I didn’t kiss him or sleep with him (backstory- I went on a couple of first dates that were great and I ended up in bed with them! Not the worst thing but when it “ended” I blamed sleeping with them too soon So I’m trying a new tatic!)

But it has given me an insight into rejection though, and you really shouldn’t take it personally. For example, I don’t think I should be dating cause of my mental health atm (depression/anxiety has flared up), I’m enjoying being with friends and building stronger friendships, focusing on me, so dating/relationship is at the bottom of the list but doesn’t mean this guy did anything wrong- it’s just chemistry/biology/life etc, not HIM if that makes sense?

Yes makes sense to stay clear if there's too much else going on. Wish you well.

I should start a no men thread as I'm out of sync with dating!

Date update! Lovely guy, but I’ve told him I only want friendship at the moment.
He’s happy with that and still keeping in touch today, doesn’t feel awkward either.
He’s invited me over for a bbq next week, but I’m on the fence about it.
I don’t have many friends so not sure if I should turn down opportunities to have some, just not sure if he’s thinking friendship could grow in to something else?

Who is the BBQ with? I love them so I'd race along! If you feel comfortable go but think of it as a social event not romance

 

[al255]

So I had a first date the other night. He was nice, conversation flowed & he asked me out for date 2 that same night! But my own personal victory is I didn’t kiss him or sleep with him (backstory- I went on a couple of first dates that were great and I ended up in bed with them! Not the worst thing but when it “ended” I blamed sleeping with them too soon So I’m trying a new tatic!)

But it has given me an insight into rejection though, and you really shouldn’t take it personally. For example, I don’t think I should be dating cause of my mental health atm (depression/anxiety has flared up), I’m enjoying being with friends and building stronger friendships, focusing on me, so dating/relationship is at the bottom of the list but doesn’t mean this guy did anything wrong- it’s just chemistry/biology/life etc, not HIM if that makes sense?

I slept with Manchester Man on the weekend and I regret it slightly. I don’t know if anything would have changed if I didn’t? he’s replied to me, just said he’s really busy at work & not much service. Whatever!!!!
My new tactic also was DO NOT sleep on the first date but I’d had wayyyy too much wine and I was keen x

Date update! Lovely guy, but I’ve told him I only want friendship at the moment.
He’s happy with that and still keeping in touch today, doesn’t feel awkward either.
He’s invited me over for a bbq next week, but I’m on the fence about it.
I don’t have many friends so not sure if I should turn down opportunities to have some, just not sure if he’s thinking friendship could grow in to something else?

Go to the bbq!! It will be fun and like you said it could be a slow burner xx

 

[Thank(space)you]

My sister likes this new guy, but awkward because he messaged me asking me on a date (he's friends with my sister & I met him at a group thing) I've obviously said no & told my sister but why does this have to happen.

 

[al255]

SO. My date replied and said he’s been called into work and he wants to reschedule. That’s fine i didn’t massively want to go cos im tired, but seeing my friend for a brew instead. If we reschedule and he bails that’ll be it! I’ve known him for over a decade so i guess it’s ok to be abit flakey.

 

[Kimmylookatme]

@candyland_ did you ever have a chat?

 

[candyland_]

@candyland_ did you ever have a chat?

Yes.. I spoke to him about it on Sunday.
He doesn’t want us to take a break.. He said it upsets him and makes him feel down that it’s something I considered but I only suggested it to gave us space to deal with outside issues.

In the end we decided to just ride it out and let it pass over

 

[boomska]

My anxiety is flared up that I’m never gonna meet someone and where I am, I’m hardly going to meet someone and my ex was the one and that maybe I should settle!

I slept with Manchester Man on the weekend and I regret it slightly. I don’t know if anything would have changed if I didn’t? he’s replied to me, just said he’s really busy at work & not much service. Whatever!!!!
My new tactic also was DO NOT sleep on the first date but I’d had wayyyy too much wine and I was keen x



Go to the bbq!! It will be fun and like you said it could be a slow burner xx

if you were feeling it, you’re feeling it!! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it!! I just know what I’m like I can’t do it anymore! X

 

[TillyMiffin]

Hi lovelies Not much to report my end, other than job hunting, house hunting, loads of stress in general. Chatting to a guy from bumble who seems nice enough. Not knocking my socks off but we’ll see. At times I think I’ll never meet anyone I’ll get in with like I did my ex. (Not that I’d ger back with him etc,) just seems unlikely that I’ll meet someone on my level. Never say never though eh ladies? Looking forward to a quiet weekend with my teens and a house viewing! x

SO. My date replied and said he’s been called into work and he wants to reschedule. That’s fine i didn’t massively want to go cos im tired, but seeing my friend for a brew instead. If we reschedule and he bails that’ll be it! I’ve known him for over a decade so i guess it’s ok to be abit flakey.

So

I slept with Manchester Man on the weekend and I regret it slightly. I don’t know if anything would have changed if I didn’t? he’s replied to me, just said he’s really busy at work & not much service. Whatever!!!!
My new tactic also was DO NOT sleep on the first date but I’d had wayyyy too much wine and I was keen x



Go to the bbq!! It will be fun and like you said it could be a slow burner xx

As far as the sleeping with Manchester man goes I wouldn’t worry, we have all made impulsive decisions under the influence I’m sure, you’ll never really know if it was a factor in him not seeming keen to take things further, hugely hypocritical of him if it was.
Maybe don’t drink as much next time so you can make the decisions with a clear head?

 

[freshhead]

Yes makes sense to stay clear if there's too much else going on. Wish you well.

I should start a no men thread as I'm out of sync with dating!


Who is the BBQ with? I love them so I'd race along! If you feel comfortable go but think of it as a social event not romance

It’s with a few of his friends and their children. Does sound lovely. Just not sure if I’m ready for something so social. Im ok with a wine in hand but a bit awkward without

 

[Tangent Tiger]

It’s with a few of his friends and their children. Does sound lovely. Just not sure if I’m ready for something so social. Im ok with a wine in hand but a bit awkward without

When is it? This weekend? It sounds like fun to me but only you know your limits and what you're comfortable with. Keep us updated anyway x

 

[freshhead]

When is it? This weekend? It sounds like fun to me but only you know your limits and what you're comfortable with. Keep us updated anyway x

Next Friday. I’ve got a bit of time to think about it. Knowing me I’ll swerve it. I can just see it going tits up because I honestly think when you tell a man you just want friendship they see it as a challenge that they’ll crack you eventually. I really don’t want a relationship or a slow burner. I don’t even want sex. My dating profile says just for friendship but that wasn’t really the vibes I got on the date. I don’t know though. Feeling a bit overwhelmed so probably wasn’t the right move for me to go on a date

 

[al255]

Haha it’s not the first time anyway, I’ve got a date with a guy tomorrow. We met years ago and I don’t know what happened but we never met up again. I think I ended up meeting my daughters Dad and the rest is history. He’s WELL out of my league, he’s like a twin of Channing Tatum. We’re just meeting for a few drinks in our local so nothing special. Just gunna ride the dating wave and see what happens!

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Next Friday. I’ve got a bit of time to think about it. Knowing me I’ll swerve it. I can just see it going tits up because I honestly think when you tell a man you just want friendship they see it as a challenge that they’ll crack you eventually. I really don’t want a relationship or a slow burner. I don’t even want sex. My dating profile says just for friendship but that wasn’t really the vibes I got on the date. I don’t know though. Feeling a bit overwhelmed so probably wasn’t the right move for me to go on a date

It doesn't sound like it's right for you at the moment.

 

[LaBlonde]

Next Friday. I’ve got a bit of time to think about it. Knowing me I’ll swerve it. I can just see it going tits up because I honestly think when you tell a man you just want friendship they see it as a challenge that they’ll crack you eventually. I really don’t want a relationship or a slow burner. I don’t even want sex. My dating profile says just for friendship but that wasn’t really the vibes I got on the date. I don’t know though. Feeling a bit overwhelmed so probably wasn’t the right move for me to go on a date

i honestly don’t think i would go.

if you were getting non-friendship vibes from him on the date, and generally feeling like he might want more, then going to what appears to be a family and close friends event with him only amps that up imo. you’ve only been on one date with him, yes? to me it’s both an intense second date and an event you would only take a date to if you were hoping for more. if it’s worrying you, don’t go. you don’t owe this man anything.

 

[freshhead]

i honestly don’t think i would go.

if you were getting non-friendship vibes from him on the date, and generally feeling like he might want more, then going to what appears to be a family and close friends event with him only amps that up imo. you’ve only been on one date with him, yes? to me it’s both an intense second date and an event you would only take a date to if you were hoping for more. if it’s worrying you, don’t go. you don’t owe this man anything.

I have to agree with you. Just feeling a bit down today as I really would love some company, but just friendship. Most of the time I entertain myself, I’m always doing something or starting a new little project, plus I have a teen and a toddler, a business and home to run so I’m never exactly bored!
I think maybe I’ll just see this year through and continue to heal. I have this fear it’ll be years before I want to have anything with anyone again, but I’m also 36 so worried I’ve let the best years of my life pass me by. Bit heavy for a Friday morning, sorry guys! Thank you for being an ear, hope we all enjoy the today!

 

[Bagpuss7]

I have to agree with you. Just feeling a bit down today as I really would love some company, but just friendship. Most of the time I entertain myself, I’m always doing something or starting a new little project, plus I have a teen and a toddler, a business and home to run so I’m never exactly bored!
I think maybe I’ll just see this year through and continue to heal. I have this fear it’ll be years before I want to have anything with anyone again, but I’m also 36 so worried I’ve let the best years of my life pass me by. Bit heavy for a Friday morning, sorry guys! Thank you for being an ear, hope we all enjoy the today!

You are under no obligation to this man and what he wants or needs but what you are obliged to do is say what you mean and mean what you say ? All the dithering just creates unnecessary drama and causes you anxiety. It seems to me that he still thinks he has a shot with you so he clearly hasn't got the email!!

 

[Sandor]

I agree with the others @freshhead. I think after one date it’s safe to say this is him trying to get a second by stealth. And it’s a pretty intense one at that, I think having to ‘perform’ in what would be a garden full of people you don’t know, including him, will be too much for you right now. If he’d said, come play squash with me etc maybe, because that’s more of an immediate shift to friendship, but I’d be worried people there would know exactly how you two know each other and it might be a bit weird, like they’ll just assume you’re together?

Maybe you needed to go on the date so you knew you didn’t want to date. That’s definitely what I’ve learned from the one I went on a couple of weeks ago. And I sort of knew already but I had to make myself do it so that I could really know it.

Have you tried the BFF setting on Bumble? I don’t have experience of it but I know it works for some people.

Also, I’m the same age as you - I know what you mean but you only have to look around to see that for a lot of people this is still young and they’ve not even really got going yet. I’ve had to really shift my thinking on that. I get to live life all over again on my own terms now, f what anyone else thinks about that.