Childfree

[bubbletea123]

Anyone else childfree?

Childless = can't have children for whatever reason, could be medical, etc.

Childfree = someone that chooses not to have children.

I am an only child and have known since I was quite young that I didn't want children. It can be quite annoying as I am at that age where people are having kids, and people feel like it is their business to ask when I will have kids. There almost still seems to be a taboo against women who choose not to have children which is frustrating.

Let's keep this civil

 

[Suzyfickle]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

 

[bubbletea123]

I’m childless however even if I could have kids I wouldn’t.

Right. I think the most frustrating part, is people that say I am selfish for not wanting children. That doesn't make any sense. It would be selfish of me to have a child that I didn't want.

 

[Doobeedoo]

Right. I think the most frustrating part, is people that say I am selfish for not wanting children. That doesn't make any sense. It would be selfish of me to have a child that I didn't want.

This! People (before they know I can’t have kids) , tell me I’m missing out, I’m selfish, you don’t know love until you’ve had a child. Yet when I say I would like a dog, they all say “it’s too much responsibility , think of the cost etc”

People just need to bloody butt out and mind their own business

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

If one doesn’t like to be judged for not having kids, why so many judgey comments about people that do have kids We should just let everyone make their own choices without the judging. I used to wonder how people could even think about not having children (until I had my own And realised what a sacrifice it was) and I never saw it as rude to ask, but I’ve educated myself and would now never ask someone those questions anymore

If you have children, then maybe this thread isn’t for you? This is a place for child free people to openly discuss the reasons why they don’t want children.

The difference is, no one would go up to someone with a child and judge them for having a child, yet when you don’t have children you have to face the judging comments to your face all the time…

I wouldn’t go on a thread full of mothers and get offended by people judging those that don’t have kids, because I chose to read the comments, but that doesn’t mean I’d like to have those comments said to my face, just like I wouldn’t go over to someone with a child and start criticising their choice to reproduce.

 

[Manbitch]

Once you have children you never stop worrying.

 

[Anne1448]

This absolutely does my nut in. *Man changes nappy* "OMG, he's so great with kids!" Same goes with the fawning over men who do basic household chores.

Huh this reminds me of a funny story. My father used to be a stay at home dad for a few years. When other mothers saw that he was dropping my brother every day they complimented him. One day my mother and I dropped my brother and one mother said "It is nice of your husband to drop your child. You are very lucky.". My mother being the very direct woman that she is replied "He is a father, that's his job. Do you clap for a fish when it is swimming too?".

At the time I couldn't understand what she meant but being an adult now it makes so much sense.

 

[Deleted member 14542]

Childfree (41) - knew since mid 20s I wasn't up for it. Always looked like a massive fackin ballache to me.

 

[NitrousOxide]

Childfree for loads of reasons, not least that we don't have long before we will physically face an environmental catastrophe so why would anyone bring another life into the world to suffer that? Incredibly cruel.

 

[Pixipoppy]

Lol imagine if I went up to a pregnant lady and said “are you sure you want that baby? You’ll regret it when you’re older!” We’re not judging those who have kids, we’re just saying why we don’t want them.

 

[bubbletea123]

I think there are judgemental opinions happening here on both sides.

If you're happily childfree, why feel the need to come and wax lyrical about it? Smile smugly when you get catty comments from people, and go and live your life quietly on your own.

I don't think now is the time to really be debating something which in truth, is not a priority for most people right now.

For what it's worth, I am working from home with 3 kids on my own (other half is a very important key worker). Am I frazzled? Yes. Am I laughing heartily at all the frazzled parent memes? Yes. Do I look forward to our 90 mins outdoor exercise, followed by dinner, bedtime and WINE? YES!

But can I think of anything more dull than sitting in my quiet house, watching Netflix, having a nice run and then a sit down all day.... For weeks.... Or months..... No. I can't.

We all make our choices, if not wanting to be tired or stressed sometimes is what stops you from having kids then great, it's obviously not for you. But own that decision and live your life accordingly. Threads which end up as catty as this one aren't right.

Peace out folks

Because this is a thread that I created for childfree (people who choose not to have children) folks. I am sure there is one for parents too.
We are expressing how happy we are to not have children and are free to talk about that. Some parents have come in and we have had great conversations without anyone being condescending.

Here's a breakdown of my day
Up at 7 am and have coffee
Go and exercise for an hour
Have breakfast, shower
Walk the dog
Video call family
Read a book / watch a tv show / clean the house / paint
Start cooking dinner
Husband and I eat dinner together
Feed dog
Go for a walk
Self-care
Bed

Far from dull for me.

 

[annanuttall]

I'm childless as my body can't handle pregnancy. My body goes into a state of shock and I develop early pre-eclampsia. I have never been pregnant for longer than 20 weeks.
However, we (husband and I ) we see it as a blessing as we love our 'free time' too much and love travelling and doing our own thing.
I still get the most awful comments from people asking me when will it be my turn and it isn't fair on my parents on not giving them grandchildren - I kid you not. People really should mind their own business.

 

[bubbletea123]

I would never say never, as you don't know how you will feel in the future but I'm approaching 30, have been in a relationship for nearly 10 years and I'm 99.9% sure I don't want kids, for various reasons.

What bothers me though is that wanting to have kids is seen as the default position, and you're seen as abnormal if you don't want kids. This is such a weird concept to me, as having kids is such a life changing decision to make, and is literally the one thing in life you can't change once it is done; the default should be not having kids, and the decision to have kids only made once the person is 100% sure that it is what they want and they are aware of the consequences.

So many children are brought into the world just because it is billed as the thing people do, and probably end up resented or neglected because their parents hadn't thought about whether it is what they truly wanted, they were just doing it by default.

It is the "life script" people are brainwashed to follow. Marriage and then kids. We got asked if we will have kids and I said our dog is our kid. Hahahah. I also hate when people ask "are you going to have a family?" People without kids are family too.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

It's not selfish at all. What's really selfish is people having kids just because 'it's the done thing' and not caring about them, not loving them and showing no interest in them.

My parents are a prime example. They should never have had kids but in the 70s and 80s, the rest of their families were having kids so they did too. Shame they didn't bother to give a shit about their kids afterwards.

 

[Grey15]

I’m new but had to register after seeing this thread. YES!!! I have never wanted kids, I’m 35 now and I’m going through a very confusing “well it really is now or never” phase. Has anyone else been through this? It’s all I can think about right now. ESP as I’ve been so adamant when ppl say I’ll change my mind and I’ve been internally furious....and now, I feel like I can’t change my mind but I don’t even know if I want to change my mind UGH it’s the most confusing thing. Glad to have found a thread where other people are childfree and I can relate to them



I agree with this entirely. I often think the worst and let alone environmental catastrophe what about war type environments. It could happen. And I’d have trouble enough keeping myself safe let alone someone else who’s dependant on me.

This is exactly how I feel at the moment. I'm 33, married for 10 years and child free by choice. I have always been adamant that I definitely don't want children and deep down I know I am happy with my decision, it's everyone else with their "you'll make a great Mum" "you'll love your own kids" "I can't imagine a life without children" "you'll regret it when it's too late" that really gets to me and makes me doubt myself People really need to realise how rude it is to question people about having children, I would never dream of asking someone with children why they have them! When I look at people with children I don't envy their life at all, so I think this proves to me that I am doing the right thing.

 

[Satisfying Click]

We just got upgraded to business on our flight home as we overheard the check-in staff give our seats to a young family that needed to be sat together. God bless the children

 

[Yel]

With the state of the world I find it bizarre that people do question those that choose not to have children. The world is way too overpopulated leading to so many issues. Lots of scary predictions about the ability of drinking water in the coming decades.

People talk about having their life back once children move out. I'd rather just enjoy life and not put off things. We've all got to do what will make us happy.

 

[Keikochan]

I'm more afraid of regretting having a child then of not having one.

 

[Meg1912]

I wish people would mind their own business, period. Not just asking about kids, but also relationships wise. If we want to talk about something, we will. I find it beyond invasive and I sometimes struggle to keep my shit together and not tell people to f*** off. It's a problem. [emoji51]

 

[Satisfying Click]

I've never really thought about regret, because my quality of life is guaranteed to decline with children. Pregnancy would wreak havoc on my body and mental health. Chronic sleep deprivation. Worry about the effect of social media & early exposure to pornography, lad culture. OTHER PARENTS. Years of the school run, parent-teacher meetings, stressful family holidays. Affording higher education and knowing my children would likely spend their 20s/30s and even 40s in houseshares. The impact of an increasing population and the environment.

Regret? I breathe a sigh of relief this is not my life.