Childfree

[Debarkle]

Love this from Clara Amfo!https://metro.co.uk/2021/04/27/clar...ingle-than-appeasing-some-dudes-ego-14479880/

Also, Bella Mackie shared this last night which I found useful https://www.vox.com/first-person/22...decide-start-family-parenthood-kids-childfree

I’m 30 and always thought I would have children (by now) but as I get older the more I think what is the point? I generally love my life now and would miss holidays in term time! I’ve been with my boyfriend for half a decade and he’s quite ambivalent. Think he’d go with what I decide to do.

 

[Suzyfickle]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

 

[Saddlesoap]

I love it when this thread pops up again and I read the new posts and just nod at the comments thinking yep.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

It's not selfish at all. What's really selfish is people having kids just because 'it's the done thing' and not caring about them, not loving them and showing no interest in them.

My parents are a prime example. They should never have had kids but in the 70s and 80s, the rest of their families were having kids so they did too. Shame they didn't bother to give a tit about their kids afterwards.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

It certainly is not. You're living life how you want and there's nothing LESS selfish. You're not hurting anyone else and nobody else is depending upon you.

 

[Suzyfickle]

It's not selfish at all. What's really selfish is people having kids just because 'it's the done thing' and not caring about them, not loving them and showing no interest in them.

My parents are a prime example. They should never have had kids but in the 70s and 80s, the rest of their families were having kids so they did too. Shame they didn't bother to give a tit about their kids afterwards.

It certainly is not. You're living life how you want and there's nothing LESS selfish. You're not hurting anyone else and nobody else is depending upon you.

Yes I think you're right! I suppose selfish isn't the word really - when I read back what I'd written it sounded very "me, me, me" which = selfish but it's not necessarily the same thing at all

 

[Ineededausername]

I was late to the thread too & really liked reading others posts. I agree with your points, I wish I knew dogs were like children before I got them and stupidly lumbered myself though haha.
I'm opposite side of the scale, same boyf since I was 15 (now in my mid 30s) but I just enjoy my lazy life and thankfully other siblings have sacrificed their genitals for me over the years

 

[Notworthy]

Yes I think you're right! I suppose selfish isn't the word really - when I read back what I'd written it sounded very "me, me, me" which = selfish but it's not necessarily the same thing at all

You're allowed to be me, me, me when it's only you,you, you to think about.

I was late to the thread too & really liked reading others posts. I agree with your points, I wish I knew dogs were like children before I got them and stupidly lumbered myself though haha.
I'm opposite side of the scale, same boyf since I was 15 (now in my mid 30s) but I just enjoy my lazy life and thankfully other siblings have sacrificed their genitals for me over the years

Pets are a bigger tie than children IMO. When I was growing up I always assumed I'd have a dog and a horse but I've realised as I grew older what a commitment they are, atleast with my Son I could tell him to bugger off and leave me alone, can't really say that to a dog or a horse as they are entirely dependent on you to feed them, water them and exercise them, by the time he was 3 my son could feed himself something out of the cupboard.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Pets are a bigger tie than children IMO. When I was growing up I always assumed I'd have a dog and a horse but I've realised as I grew older what a commitment they are, atleast with my Son I could tell him to bugger off and leave me alone, can't really say that to a dog or a horse as they are entirely dependent on you to feed them, water them and exercise them, by the time he was 3 my son could feed himself something out of the cupboard.

I agree with this. We just have a cat and we're very lucky because if we go away our neighbour looks after her and if he's away we do the same for his cat.
Also 'looking after' someone's cat really just requires feeding, making sure they're okay and changing the litter tray as cats are so independent. A dog is a much bigger commitment and obviously requires more care.

 

[AlanBanan]

I like babies and children but only when I can hand them back.

Sometimes I get it into my lonely mind to have a baby but then realise I’m a selfish person and like my life too much to even accommodate to a child.

I will look after your child if you’re unwell or if you just want a night away. But a life commitment is just too much for me.

 

[Anne1448]

I like babies and children but only when I can hand them back.

Sometimes I get it into my lonely mind to have a baby but then realise I’m a selfish person and like my life too much to even accommodate to a child.

I will look after your child if you’re unwell or if you just want a night away. But a life commitment is just too much for me.

I am in the exact same position. In all honesty I only like kids because I know that their parents will eventually pick to them up.

As someone who struggled with depression and an eating disorder the simple thought of going through hormonal and physical changes would destroy me. Every time I try to explain to people that I shouldn't destroy my mental and physical health for another human being they call me selfish. As if I was not a person with a conscious and capable to decide what's best for me.

I sincerely believe that people do not like childfree women because it would force them to realize that women are not so different than men. If childfree women break the stereotype that women are "naturally caring" and "are born with a mother instinct" then less and less women would want to have kids.

Let's be real there are more cons than pros with kids. And most pros are emotional while the cons are rational. I can't even think about a single family member who had a child because of a rational reason. They all had them because they were in their 30s and thought that it was "the right thing to do".

 

[ElectricDreams]

I'm babysitting my 3 year old nephew tonight. I'm laid here in bed at 11.40pm knowing full well he'll be wide awake and jumping on me at half 6 in the morning but then I remember that this is a once every couple of weeks occurance for me, my poor sister has it every single day, as well as working 12 hour shifts as a nurse. I couldn't do it. He's adorable and I love him to bits, but I love giving him back!

My partner and I were discussing pets earlier and we decided we'd like to remain dog free as well. One positive thing about kids is they become more independent as they grow up and need you to do less and less. Dogs are far more demanding and only need more of your time as they get older we might get a cat... They're pretty independent yeah?!

 

[Sazie1]

I didn't know this thread existed, I've just read all 18 pages

I'm childfree, relationship free and pet free. I've never had any interest in "settling down", I can't think of anything worse than living with a partner who's there all the time. I don't want to have to consider any other thing or person, I can go to gigs/sports/holidays/out out without having to arrange for someone to look after the dog/child. It's often easy to get better tickets for things if you just want one than if you need two! I love doing stuff alone.

I'm not a high powered career person either - I have a good job that allows me to have my holidays and enjoy the things I want, because all my money is for me. I don't have to think about buying pet food or accounting for potential vets bills, my disposable income is my own and I feel so in control.

I got out of bed at 11.45am today, a few weeks ago it was quarter to two in the afternoon on weekdays I get up at 8.40 to start work at 9 and even before WFH I was lucky enough to work a short walk away so when some of my colleagues were already at work for an 8.30 start I'd just be rolling out of bed to start at 9. I can't bring myself to get up early enough for breakfast let alone sort out a child or animal. I'm in my pyjamas now since I finished work for the weekend at 5 last night and I intend to stay in them until Monday

If anyone asks me if I want children my reaction is genuinely "oh god no - I can't think of anything worse." I say it jovially but it generally stops the questions!

I'm 36 and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on any dates because I'm just not interested.

I know this is selfish but it's perfect for me. My great aunt recently died aged 91 and she had never married or had children, up until the last few years when she developed Alzheimer's she was still travelling and enjoying herself, she was completely fulfilled. That's the life I want!

This! You are exactly saying what I’m thinking

 

[Oblivion]

I'm 26 and absolutely do not want to birth children. I was very surprised to read that people are called selfish for not wanting children, I really believe it's the other way around. For us, with my husband and I's effed up genes with a high probability of passing on depression, cancer, diabetes, etc, it would be thoroughly selfish of us to have children. We both can't relate to this narrative of leaving a legacy behind, it feels like an exercise in narcissism, creating a child in your image to look after you in your old age. It's completely beyond me They'd be a person in their own right who would owe absolutely nothing to us. Our hypothetical biological children with my husband's bright eyes and my wild curls would be lovely, kind, polite humans in our imaginations, which is where they'll stay.

Aside from wrecking my body with childbirth and extensive post-birth complications, childbirth doesn't feel right either because of how overpopulated this world already is. There are already too many children in an abysmal foster care system who already need love and safety. We hope to foster and adopt children in the future when we're ready (along with more cats and dogs). We're just saving up to get there. They'll be ours in every sense of the word, it just doesn't make sense to birth more children.

Thank you for all the differing opinions on this thread, I feel very passionately about this and I've really enjoyed reading everyone's experiences/thoughts.

 

[DowntoearthDawn]

I'm 26 and absolutely do not want to birth children. I was very surprised to read that people are called selfish for not wanting children, I really believe it's the other way around. For us, with my husband and I's effed up genes with a high probability of passing on depression, cancer, diabetes, etc, it would be thoroughly selfish of us to have children. We both can't relate to this narrative of leaving a legacy behind, it feels like an exercise in narcissism, creating a child in your image to look after you in your old age. It's completely beyond me They'd be a person in their own right who would owe absolutely nothing to us. Our hypothetical biological children with my husband's bright eyes and my wild curls would be lovely, kind, polite humans in our imaginations, which is where they'll stay.

Aside from wrecking my body with childbirth and extensive post-birth complications, childbirth doesn't feel right either because of how overpopulated this world already is. There are already too many children in an abysmal foster care system who already need love and safety. We hope to foster and adopt children in the future when we're ready (along with more cats and dogs). We're just saving up to get there. They'll be ours in every sense of the word, it just doesn't make sense to birth more children.

Thank you for all the differing opinions on this thread, I feel very passionately about this and I've really enjoyed reading everyone's experiences/thoughts.

I admire and respect anyone who admits they don’t want children.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

Yeah, who's more selfish? Childfree people or the bleeping Radfords cluttering up the universe and wasting resources because they have an obsession with creating children.

 

[Notworthy]

I just find it weird that anyone thinks it's their business whether an individual has children or not. It's not as though it isn't a huge undertaking these days. Gone are the days when you popped out a child every year and considered yourself a decent parent if you fed and clothed them, now it's incredibly time consuming and expensive and you're surrounded by people telling you you're doing it wrong.

 

[Kim Mild]

I agree with this. We just have a cat and we're very lucky because if we go away our neighbour looks after her and if he's away we do the same for his cat.
Also 'looking after' someone's cat really just requires feeding, making sure they're okay and changing the litter tray as cats are so independent. A dog is a much bigger commitment and obviously requires more care.

This sounds horrible, but I am looking forward to the time of being pet free after the cat and dog we have now are no longer around. I may get pets again in the future but I'm looking forward to no pet hair and not having look after pets.

Although, the North east is quite a dog friendly Place so people can take their dog to the pub on an evening, which you can't do with kids ( it's like up til 9pm for them , or something)

 

[Melian]

I'm glad a thread like this exists. I can't have children due to being on medication and due to genetics. Fed up of getting judged. (Not in the habit of disclosing why I don't have children. Parents know and so does a relative)

 

[1001 others]

I don't have children, mainly because I had such an awful childhood that I was worried I might unwillingly repeat the experience for any children I brought into the world (if that makes sense?). Also, I live in a very expensive country - I don't know how I could afford them!

It's not that I don't like children - on the contrary, I'm an aunt (a favourite aunt in at least one case), and a godmother to a dear friend's son ... although he calls me 'SecondMum' as my dear friend passed five years ago when he was in his early teens and he's come to stay with me during the school holidays ever since.

I have lost friends* and jobs** as a result - people just think it's a really weird decision to have made. Oh well; that's their problem. My mother-in-law will often make a nasty little comment such as, "I don't know why you bothered to get married" ... again, that's her problem, not mine.

* Even people I've had decade-long friendships with - after having kids, they've suddenly ghosted me (ironically though, an ex-friend contacted me out of the blue a few days ago - it's been 20-odd years since I last left a message for her and she never responded - to say her kids have flown the nest so it's time for us to catch up ... um, no ... I wasn't good enough for you at any point in the past 20 years so you can bugger off!
** Usually at interview stage ... things have gone really well up until the point of being asked if I have children and as soon as I've said no, the whole mood of the meeting has changed