Exactly this! Absolutely terrified of having one and regretting it because I am so unsure. I can't decide if I don't want them and social pressure is making me question my decision or if I am actually considering it some day. But I follow other threads where the person the thread is about is pregnant and the amount of people writing "oohh they may lap it up now. They won't be doing X Y and Z when the baby comes" and I'm like jesus some of them make it sound like prison! They make it sound awful. It scares the living daylights out of me and then I think it's not for me!
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Oh my God don't get me started on the baby urge in the middle of nowhere and for no reason. I had it when I turned 25. You know by looking at videos online and when I see parents with a stroller.
However when I actually think about the reality of it : body transformation, financial strain, no holidays abroad 3 times a year and men who abandon women? I'm good.
I talked about it before in this thread but no matter how prepared you are if your partner decides to leave you are fucked as a woman. I work in the Tech industry as an engineer and the impact of a child would ruin my career.
I almost have the opposite. I have no biological clock ticking, no broodiness, no urge whatsoever but I almost wish I did… because growing up I always imagined having children and in an abstract way I do want them but I just don’t have any actual urge. I thought I’d hit 30 and feel something maternal but I didn’t. I just assumed that’s why people had kids.. because their brains suddenly just changed one day. It never really occurred to me that maybe some people just aren’t wired to have a baby
I think if I had this overwhelming desire to have a child I could reconcile my anxieties around the whole thing, but without that urge I’m just left with a very strong aversion to the idea of becoming pregnant and being a “mother”
I’m early 30s and still waiting for that biological clock to start ticking. So far nothing. I’ve got PCOS maybe that’s got something to do with it.
I feel a bit like if I regret not having had a child, there are other things I can do to mitigate that in later life - I can adopt, I can volunteer, I can enrich my life in other ways to cheer myself up about that regret and do my best to move past it.
If I have a child and I regret it, it's 100% going to destroy my life and also probably my child's.
@Keikochan Popping above the parapet here but I felt a deep sense of regret for the first six months of my eldest's life. Both my partner and I are quite open and we both discussed our feelings. I also sought out help as becoming a parent placed a big old light on some existing anxiety issues. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I do miss my childfree days but I am enjoying the process more.
But I was absolutely full of self loathing and regret for the first 18 months of my eldest's life. I wouldn't wish those feelings or that experience on anyone.
Disclaimer: former childfree woman who crossed to the dark side and had kids.
But I was absolutely full of self loathing and regret for the first 18 months of my eldest's life. I wouldn't wish those feelings or that experience on anyone.
Disclaimer: former childfree woman who crossed to the dark side and had kids.
This is me. Always imagined children but I’ve never once had the urge.I almost have the opposite. I have no biological clock ticking, no broodiness, no urge whatsoever but I almost wish I did… because growing up I always imagined having children and in an abstract way I do want them but I just don’t have any actual urge. I thought I’d hit 30 and feel something maternal but I didn’t. I just assumed that’s why people had kids.. because their brains suddenly just changed one day. It never really occurred to me that maybe some people just aren’t wired to have a baby
I do think about possible regret, but I’d much rather regret not having them than having them.
I've never really thought about regret, because my quality of life is guaranteed to decline with children. Pregnancy would wreak havoc on my body and mental health. Chronic sleep deprivation. Worry about the effect of social media & early exposure to pornography, lad culture. OTHER PARENTS. Years of the school run, parent-teacher meetings, stressful family holidays. Affording higher education and knowing my children would likely spend their 20s/30s and even 40s in houseshares. The impact of an increasing population and the environment.
Regret? I breathe a sigh of relief this is not my life.
Regret? I breathe a sigh of relief this is not my life.
Thanks for everyone's answers - good to have a response to those "concerned" relatives who say I will regret it.
My anxiety level increased with every line of your post that I read.
It’s all just one big “nope!” Isn’t it.
Same here, was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries when I was 18 from an ultrasound scan and my periods have never been regular (although never experienced excess facial hair etc) so I've always thought even if I did want to get pregnant, it would probably be difficult. It sounds strange but I've just never thought I was wired to have kids, both physically and mentally.
Those are my thoughts too. A couple of aunts never had kids and they're well into their 60s now and spend their days gardening, seeing friends, volunteering, going on dog walks, going on holidays...I think they're very content with life. I just see it as a different path in life.
There was a funny tiktok I saw the other day and it was a girl clapping with the caption "Having your kids young so you can enjoy your 40s" and then transitions to her dancing where it says "Being childfree, so you can enjoy your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s ...."
The amount of bitter comments ("Have fun dying alone"), unrealistic comments ("Having kids doesn't even change your lifestyle") and just plain ridiculous ones ("Oh sure, don't have kids just so I can sit around and drink all day #childree") was insane. With threads like this, which even include very honest and non judgemental parents, you do sort of forget that there are still so many people who validate the existence of threads like this one.
The amount of bitter comments ("Have fun dying alone"), unrealistic comments ("Having kids doesn't even change your lifestyle") and just plain ridiculous ones ("Oh sure, don't have kids just so I can sit around and drink all day #childree") was insane. With threads like this, which even include very honest and non judgemental parents, you do sort of forget that there are still so many people who validate the existence of threads like this one.
Funny thing is, you can have children and still die alone. There’s no guarantees. I always think that the people who make those sort of comments are just bitter because they’re miserable since having children!
Yeah you never know how kids will turn out, even with good upbringing they can turn out to be tit people or they could just move away like a lot of people do, to another country etc. So definitely no guarantees
I wonder this too sometimes, maybe it's just fear after our conditioning that kids are the 'natural thing to do.
But I think it's about building a fulfilling life of your own so you don't feel like you're missing anything. I spend time with kids in our family but otherwise there are options in future if I have regrets e.g. we could get pets, adopt or foster children, or even volunteer or work with young people in some way.
The grass probably looks greener sometimes but in reality it is a huge change in lifestyle to have kids - just reread @Satisfying Click 's comment above if you have doubts
I don't want children. However, I have one worry. Who will look after/care for me when I'm old. I watched 24 hours in A&E and two stroke patients were found by their children and I just had a moment where I thought "tit! Who would find me?!"
I plan on telling my nieces and nephews that whoever occasionally checks in on me when I'm older will inherit everything
I'm an only child and my husband doesn't speak to any of his familyI plan on telling my nieces and nephews that whoever occasionally checks in on me when I'm older will inherit everything
I'll tell you my plan B - pooling resources with female friends and living together if our husbands depart the world before us. Shady Pines for Gen YI'm an only child and my husband doesn't speak to any of his family
I’m the same, but ultimately it reminds me that regardless of you have kids who to say they’ll be around or want to look after you. They have no obligation to. My husband won’t be looking after his mum that’s for sure.I'm an only child and my husband doesn't speak to any of his family
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