Yes totally and you’re doing better than me because sometimes it’s my kids uniform!Having a bit of a mare today. Somehow managed to not wash any of my own trousers. I have pyjama trousers but nothing I could leave the house in. How does this even happen? Had to get my partner to take our daughter to her friends party because of it. I mean it sounds funny when I’ve typed it out and I suppose it is but it’s also a symptom that im feeling overwhelmed and can’t keep up. Never hear of other adults not keeping on top of their washing to the point they run out of an item of clothesI always make sure the kids and my partner have clothes washed, especially uniforms but then end up neglecting my own needs. It’s now resulted in me feeling really useless and bad about myself. Anyone relate?
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I've self referred to a mental health assessment team in my area because I've had no luck getting a Dr's appointment. Whatever is wrong with my brain, it's ruining my life and I feel like I spend most of it just paralysed in my own body while I actually want to be doing things. With the rare day here and there where I actually am productive and sociable. Just so exhausted and overwhelmed constantly. Just worried they're going to laugh it off or keep telling me it's depression and anxiety. I actually think it's ADHD and when I get burnt out from pretending to be a normal human, the depression and anxiety presents itself as a result. Been thinking back to myself as a child and wondering how on earth no one saw it. But I internalised everything and did well academically so suppose I wasn't enough a problem.
How is everyone?
How is everyone?
Oohhh just found this. I got diagnosed in 2019 aged 40!
I don’t think they had adhd when I was at primary school. I’d probably have slipped through the net anyway as I was well behaved and academically good, lots of friends, no problems!? Apart from the temper outbursts from time to time.
I don’t know how to help - I still get overwhelmed and I’m not even working, I live alone and only go out once a week, still get stressed out
That’s exactly how I am. Feeling paralysed in my own body with the odd day here and there where I’m on the ball and get tit done. Good luck with your referral. I’m still not sure whether it’s worth seeking diagnosis for myself although it would be nice to know either way.
At the moment, I’m stressing at the prospect of looking for part time work after being a stay at home mum for the last few years. I know it’s something I have to do eventually and I think even a few hours a week might actually help me feel less useless and ashamed of my existence, but I’m terrified. I have zero self esteem, a big gap in my cv, not very good at selling myself In interviews and I had a terrible time with jobs before I had kids, working full time mostly customer facing in retail which was a terrible fit for me in hindsight. And I’m scared I’m going to get hired somewhere and have the same problems I had before. We do ok on my partners wage and he’s fine with me working or not working but I just feel like I don’t bring enough to the table at this point, yet I’m absolutely terrified of trying to. My confidence is on the floor I think.
I just feel lost about it all. Supposed to be a grown adult in my 30’s ffs. I’m so embarrassed to talk about any of this in real life.
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Oh my goodness, thank you for saying all this because I feel so similarly and I find it very hard to be open about. I have always had a very hard time with work and my confidence is absolutely battered.
I’m fed up of being at home with the kids all the time and I would love to find something that works for me. I’m terrified of not being able to cope though, I feel like such a crap grown up!
I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
You’re definitely not alone. I have been at home with kids for 6 years after a lifetime of random jobs that don’t make anything approaching a cohesive CV. 6 months here, a year there, no progression or obvious timeline and no real skills acquired on the way. A mish mash of everything. I wish I could just write at the top ‘I used to be a shambles but actually I take strong medication that helps and could probably do what you asked me to if you gave me a chance.’
Definitely not alone. I quit my job a couple of weeks ago because I couldn't cope. Again. Sometimes all I get done in a day is the school runs and that's because I literally have to. I constantly feel like I'm lazy and a tit excuse for a human being. Today is the first day this week I haven't gone back to bed after the school run and even that feels like an achievement. Is anyone else constantly exhausted?
I've got an interview on Monday for a job which is only 4 hour long shifts so I'm hoping if I get it, it will be manageable. Will be a big drop in pay from my last job but my thinking is that its better to do a job I can carry on with rather than keep getting burnt out and quitting.
I've got an interview on Monday for a job which is only 4 hour long shifts so I'm hoping if I get it, it will be manageable. Will be a big drop in pay from my last job but my thinking is that its better to do a job I can carry on with rather than keep getting burnt out and quitting.
Same. Done a bit of everything for a few months each. How do you find medication? Actually helpful? Side effects?
I am so glad I’m not alone but so sorry you’ve had the same struggles. Can relate to every word. I felt a bit nervous about sharing because there’s a bit of stigma attached to admitting that you struggle with working, I think some people assume you’re looking for excuses not to work, but I’m glad people on this thread get where I’m coming from. I wish I was one of those people who just got on with work and didn’t let it overwhelm them. Life would be so much easier, we’d have more money, I’d be setting a better example to my kids, I’d worry less about the future regarding pensions etc.
Literally me. My limit for most jobs is, or was back before kids, about 3 months. After that I tend to start crumbling and getting awful anxiety that would just get worse and worse. Longest I’ve stayed in a job was 9 months and that was because it was temp contract and knew there was an end point. I started to genuinely hate the place towards the end though and it was a struggle to see it through. Felt so ungrateful because it was a decent job and I was lucky to get the experience, but I just hated it to the point of tears every day.
Good luck with your interview. 4 hour shifts definitely sounds like the sort of hours I could cope with. I find long shifts so daunting.
I do the thing where I go back to bed after the school run too, and yes the school run/kid care is literally all I get done in a day too only because like you say it has to be done. It’s such a bad habit I’ve gotten into but sometimes I either can’t deal with all the things I need to do around the house that day or feel terribly depressed so I hide away. Which of course makes everything worse and makes me feel worse, yet I never learn.
It was scary bringing up the work thing I must admit, it’s not something I’ve seen talked about a lot so I honestly thought I was alone in feeling like this and that people would tell me I needed to suck it up and stop being lazy. I’m glad people can relate but it really sucks we feel like this in the first place and it affects our lives so much.
Gosh we could be the same person! I get the same with work and it feels like it's for no reason at all. I just start getting so panicky at work, before work, I'll feel ill at the thought of going. One of my jobs I walked out there and then because I couldn't hold it together another minute! With kids and a messy house as well, if its been an overwhelming day and there still a shift at work to do, it's not happening. I feel much better if I get some cleaning done at night so that it's not there to start the day with in the morning but I've even stopped doing that now. When the depression hits, it's all just impossible isn't it.
Do you struggle with the boring, repetitiveness of jobs/life as well? I hate routine and knowing every day is pretty much the same drives me insane. Its like I want spontaneity, excitement, adventure but also need to stay on the sofa wrapped in a blanket?!
Yes I do struggle with it. The idea that for example I have to keep cleaning my kitchen over and over, sometimes more than once a day just makes me despair. It sounds dramatic but the idea of doing these tasks perpetually for the rest of my life just makes me feel really weird and it’s the same with working. I don’t feel like I have it in me to work until I’m 70 or even for forever? I don’t know how people manage it. I don’t know why I can’t manage it. If I could come into some money somehow and not even have to worry about working then that would be half the battle, but I doubt that’ll ever happen
I hate routine, but it’s like I like/need it at the same time. The times I have tried to set myself a checklist for the day, it has worked really well for the week or so I keep it up for but then it comes back to the whole losing motivation and not being able to maintain things issue again. I feel like I need a bleeping minder or something to keep me on track. It’s ridiculous. I often think back to how being at school was easier because it was all on rails if that makes sense. Once I got thrust into the real world, it’s been a complete tit show.
Sorry I keep waffling on, don’t meant to!
Waffle as much as you want! I relate to you so much which like you said it's rubbish we feel this way but comforting to not be alone. I'm sure we look like we have it together to people in day to day life.
Cooking dinner is brain scrambling as well. Having to know what we're all going to have, shop for it, know whats in the cupboards, actually think of meals and then cook them every single bloody day. Aaaah. And laundry as well.
Starting to make sense now why anything on top of the very basics is too much lol. If I've been around people, pretending to be a functional human, I have to come home and do the equivalent of taking my bra off but with my emotions. Aaaand breathe. But it lasts days.
Cooking dinner is brain scrambling as well. Having to know what we're all going to have, shop for it, know whats in the cupboards, actually think of meals and then cook them every single bloody day. Aaaah. And laundry as well.
Starting to make sense now why anything on top of the very basics is too much lol. If I've been around people, pretending to be a functional human, I have to come home and do the equivalent of taking my bra off but with my emotions. Aaaand breathe. But it lasts days.
Yes yes yes to all of this! So so so bored by routine, I avoided it for decades. Now I realise how good structure is for me and my family but I still struggle to organise and implement it then once something starts working I get bored of it all.
How much simpler would life be to just do the things and not have to recover after normal every day tasks.
I have walked out of jobs too and still feel the shame years later. The constant physical anxiety and concentration on not crying in front of customers in some jobs was so painful. Self employment hasn’t gone very well either!
How much simpler would life be to just do the things and not have to recover after normal every day tasks.
I have walked out of jobs too and still feel the shame years later. The constant physical anxiety and concentration on not crying in front of customers in some jobs was so painful. Self employment hasn’t gone very well either!
Meds help me focus and stop me being so impulsive - buying stuff I don’t really want or need and can’t afford, eating the whole packet of biscuits instead of just one etc. I don’t get upset or angry as quickly or as easily as I did. I don’t drink anymore as I just don’t fancy it - I would need to open the wine at about 3/4 o’clock most days just to feel like I could cope with my kids.
Ultimately the only thing I have to focus on in the day though is my toddler and housework. Which I don’t want to do. So being really effective at doing a load of washing and hanging it all out straight away and mopping the floors and hoovering isn’t making me that happy. My son is two and very active so it’s just chasing him around and playing - which I don’t need medication for. When he’s at nursery I’m sorting out the house. It’s much better generally but I’m still just so unbelievably bored and it takes all I have not to resent my friends who have actual careers. Things they have trained for, things they’re good at, things they can be proud of. I am literally a housewife who is tit at housework and I’m so ashamed.
I would love to not have that impulse to interrupt or to be blunt, or talk about my own experience over someone else, it’s not because I think I’m great or interesting, I just can’t help but do it!
Now I’ve got PIP I want to go private for an assessment, in a few months, as will get a hefty back payment.
Now I’ve got PIP I want to go private for an assessment, in a few months, as will get a hefty back payment.
Can’t edit my post but want to add - I have nothing but respect for stay at home parents. Or people who struggle with working outside the home for any reason. My situation is that I never earned enough to cover London nursery fees, I could’ve gone back to my old job but it was an hour away and paid very little.
I didn’t want to sound judgey saying ‘housewife’. I know parents of both sexes who’ve decided to do that and it works well for them. It doesn’t feel like a choice for me that’s all.
I didn’t want to sound judgey saying ‘housewife’. I know parents of both sexes who’ve decided to do that and it works well for them. It doesn’t feel like a choice for me that’s all.
The interrupting! Like if you don’t get that thought out immediately something terrible will happen! And you know it’s not even funny or interesting but you have to say it. I think I’ve stopped doing that so much but I honestly don’t see enough people these days to know.
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This post came up on Facebook and I found it really relatable.
Absolutely. I’m feeling a lot of anger at the minute that I have had to put up with these feelings my whole life. Along with soooo many other people. And yet still I feel like maybe I’m making it up?? Such a head duck.
My parents just aren’t interested in talking about it. I can see why and they are wonderful in so many other ways but it just feels like they are letting me down all over again. And I feel guilt for feeling this. I need support from somewhere. And yet I don’t have a diagnosis so is ADHD even what my issues stem from??
But I’m a grown woman now and a parent myself so I have to trust my own judgement and peace with it all somehow.
Just sharing some innermost thoughts with you guys (cos no one IRL wants to hear them) hope that’s ok, love you Tattle x
If you do anything today.. please have a Google of 'complex PTSD'. Xx
I too had the weird rage/grief/anger that this has been my life and I didn’t know. I just kept trying, or beating myself up, or accepting I was depressed.
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