Women with ADHD - diagnosis in adulthood

[hiya_hun]

Wondering if anyone has experienced this.

After a few events last year I faced up to something that has been on my mind for a while and contacted my doctor about a diagnosis for ADHD.

I was struggling at work and at home and when I was faced with performance reviews and risked losing my job I looked online and all the problems I was having (from my managers perspective) were textbook for ADHD - particularly in adult women. It explained all the problems I was having at work and to be honest I was always a really high achiever in school but had problems the whole way through and was almost sent to a specialist behaviour school at one point. I've never been 'hyperactive' like you would assume. But I do think a diagnosis would explain a huge chunk of my life.

My husband is super supportive and agrees that the personality and behaviour traits typical of ADHD are very 'me'.

Since last year I've quit my job (really lucky to be able to do this I know!!) and I am looking for new work. I told my old employer that I had spoken to a doctor about this diagnosis as part of my performance reviews but to be honest by that point, I was just so unhappy there and that's when I handed in my notice. I probably could of tried to get their support more but due to the nature of my role and the way I had been treated thus far, I didn't want to pursue staying there. The amount of adaptions to suit me just wouldn't work and also how could I expect them to do this without a formal diagnosis.

I am currently on the waiting list having been referred by my doctor but aparently there is only one specialist in the whole of the north west that does adult ADHD diagnosis and his wait list is 18 months. I was considering going private a couple of months ago but now I'm not working it's not really feesable. All I did to get referred was send my doctor every document my old manager put together as part of my formal performance reviews with a letter from me. Everything on there is a symptom of ADHD in adult women.

Here is the list on the NHS website of symptoms in adults.

- carelessness and lack of attention to detail
- continually starting new tasks before finishing old ones
- poor organisational skills
- inability to focus or prioritise
- continually losing or misplacing things
- forgetfulness
- restlessness and edginess
- difficulty keeping quiet, and speaking out of turn
- blurting out responses and often interrupting others
- mood swings, irritability and a quick temper
- inability to deal with stress
- extreme impatience
- taking risks in activities, often with little or no regard for personal safety or the safety of others – for example, driving dangerously

Basically - I wanted to just start this post to ask the following.

Do any of you out there have ADHD and did you get diagnosed later?
How did it affect you?
How do you manage the symptoms?

Obviously as im now not working I'm considering a career change that might be more suited to me but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice or experience of this in adults I would really really appreciate please!!

 

[SDee123]

Hey, I’m 22 and I’m going through the same thing at the moment. I’m doing my masters and I’m struggling so much I’ve been referred but I’ve been told 19 months and I don’t feel like I can wait but I also can’t afford private it’s so horrible I wish I could give you advice. Hopefully if one of us hears back we can let each other know how we get on. Where abouts in north west if you don’t mind me asking?

 

[hiya_hun]

I believe the specialist is somewhere in Liverpool but to be honest I don't even know for sure. But a 19 month wait sounds about right. The place in Manchester that you can pay to go private is £500 - I think when I get another job I will pay and do it.

What's your masters in? I was considering maybe going back to uni and doing a masters as part of retraining to do something more suited to me. If I had the diagnosis and could manage my symptoms and get more support I think I could do it. Worried that even when I get another job, if its similar to all my previous ones and on the same level of pay I will just stay in the same cycle of problems.

X

 

[pittertitter]

I was diagnosed as an adult in my early twenties. It was actually quite a quick process in terms of getting the diagnosis because it was affecting my life so much. But my partner and my mum and myself all had to fill out assessments and questionnaires. Now I'm back at uni as a mature student and it's helped so much because I get so much support - i do medicate but I also have other conditions that mean it's not always possible to medicate as it causes side effects

 

[hiya_hun]

That's amazing!

I've heard that my mum might have to answer questions on my childhood but I don't want to tell her about all this yet. It's affecting me massively though obviously because I've basically had to leave my job because of it.

What is the support at uni like and what is the medication like if you don't mind me asking please? Really interested to hear! xxx

 

[pittertitter]

It doesn't necessarily need to be your mam but could be a sibling or close family member, or I think anyway! I had to do two, my partner did two and my mam did one.

Uni support is amazing there's a lot of funding for extra support and that includes tech and tutors, I genuinely wouldn't be able to get through it without the extra support.

I take methylphenidates but only on the days that I am doing work. I also suffer from TS so if i take the meds for ADHD too regularly my TS is out of control. Happy to answer anything else too regarding work etc!

 

[hiya_hun]

Yes that's what I read - I don't want to tell my mum as I think she won't beleive it. Although she would have a lot to say about my time at school I think as I had a terrible time the whole way through - even though I've always done well in exams, I was a nightmare.

I'd really like to go back to Uni and maybe do a masters to retrain in a different profession. I think I could do it with more support but Obv I don't know what that would be. What's it like?

What is the medication like? The thought of being able to focus for a long period of time without making mistake is weird!

Thank you for replying to me!

 

[Guacamole123]

Hi I’m 21 and I think I match the criteria too! I know this sounds awful, but I’ve always previously associated ADHD with ‘naughty children’, although I know ADHD kids now that don’t reflect this.
I can’t concentrate at work AT ALL, urgent deadlines don’t even motivate me to start a task. I can sit for hours doing sweet duck all and then spend 10 minutes rushing things. And it’s not like I can’t be bothered, it’s just that I can’t concentrate for that long, or end up getting distracted. I also find myself INCREDIBLY stressed and overwhelmed at work, even though the average person would probably look at my work load and find it more than manageable. I also cringe at myself after conversations sometimes as I know I’ve just completely spoken over people or changed the subject topic for no apparent reason!

 

[eSsExBiRd]

I’m that I have ADHD. My Son is diagnosed 6 years ago and during the process ISAs “Yep, that’s me” I’ve not been diagnosed and I’m in no hurry, I have a good job and I’ve learnt over the years to manage it. Back when I was a child it wasn’t something that’s was recognised like it is now x

 

[hiya_hun]

Hi I’m 21 and I think I match the criteria too! I know this sounds awful, but I’ve always previously associated ADHD with ‘naughty children’, although I know ADHD kids now that don’t reflect this.
I can’t concentrate at work AT ALL, urgent deadlines don’t even motivate me to start a task. I can sit for hours doing sweet duck all and then spend 10 minutes rushing things. And it’s not like I can’t be bothered, it’s just that I can’t concentrate for that long, or end up getting distracted. I also find myself INCREDIBLY stressed and overwhelmed at work, even though the average person would probably look at my work load and find it more than manageable. I also cringe at myself after conversations sometimes as I know I’ve just completely spoken over people or changed the subject topic for no apparent reason!

Yep I could of written this myself!!!!!

I've got like three spreadsheets from my former employer of problems I was having at work (performance review) and every single thing on the sheets is something on the list the NHS has (and other sources) as symptoms of adult ADHD particularly in woman!

I've never been hyperactive as such, which is maybe why I was never diagnosed but as already said it didn't used to be as big of a thing years ago - I'm 32 now so not even been in school for 16 years!

I’m that I have ADHD. My Son is diagnosed 6 years ago and during the process ISAs “Yep, that’s me” I’ve not been diagnosed and I’m in no hurry, I have a good job and I’ve learnt over the years to manage it. Back when I was a child it wasn’t something that’s was recognised like it is now x

I've read loads of things about adults getting diagnosed as they relate so much when their child is going through it!

 

[Guacamole123]

Yep I could of written this myself!!!!!

I've got like three spreadsheets from my former employer of problems I was having at work (performance review) and every single thing on the sheets is something on the list the NHS has (and other sources) as symptoms of adult ADHD particularly in woman!

I've never been hyperactive as such, which is maybe why I was never diagnosed but as already said it didn't used to be as big of a thing years ago - I'm 32 now so not even been in school for 16 years!



I've read loads of things about adults getting diagnosed as they relate so much when their child is going through it!

At least we’re not alone though! I think it never was diagnosed in me as a child partly due to me being ‘naturally clever’ so school never really had any concerns about me. However everything started to go downhill for me as soon as exams started, as I had no self motivation and lack being proactive. Although I managed to get myself through exams too from being naturally clever! The working world is just a whole other level of difficult though

 

[invisibleotter]

I'm a 26 year old woman & was diagnosed with ADHD at 22. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist who specialised in Adult ADHD. I have noticed in previous posts that people mention about a lack of attention & would like to point out that although attention deficit is in the disorders name, this is only a same part of the disorder and to have ADHD there are quite a number of other behaviours you have to exhibit in childhood and as an adult. Also to be diagnosed, your life has to have been severely & negativity impacted as a child, teen & adult due to your behaviours.

First of all I would like to point out ADHD isn't actually an attention deficit. It is the inability to regulate attention. There will periods you won't concentrate at all & then periods of hyper focus where you will be completely engrossed in something to the point you forget to eat, drink & in general care for yourself. To have ADHD you need both the deficit and the hyper focus.

The second aspect of ADHD is emotional regulation, people both make & female like with attention have difficulty regulating emotions, meaning they feel & express the full extent of an emotion. This will be from childhood, So a child with ADHD's behaviour may look like a tantrum or over excitement, but it's because they feel the full force of an emotion all the time.

Another aspect of ADHD is depression, anxiety, addiction & social ineptness. One or more of these are aspects of ADHD in both men & women. Adults ADHD usually goes hand in hand with depression &/or anxiety. This is due to the inability to regulate emotions & due to the persons brain working much faster. There are also high levels of addictive,risk taking behaviour in people with ADHD such as cigarettes, alcohol, drugs & gambling are all highly to be used , but it can also involved behaviour such as driving at high speeds, having unprotected sex etc. The reason for this people with ADHD are highly impulsive & find it very difficult not become addicted once a behaviour is tried once, as this gives a rush of dopamine which which is a chemical in the brain that people with ADHD lack.

Another aspect of ADHD which also isn't mentioned above is difficulty in social situations. You don't need to be hyper kids with ADHD often tend to be quite introverted in social situations, but social behaviours of people with ADHD appear from the time they are young kids and these behaviours are actually very similar to that of autism or sensory processing disorder. Although people with ADHD are highly creative and tend to excel in the arts, they actually work best in a structured environment with clear set processes & targets, as this allows the ADHD brain to relax, as it does not need to run through scenarios as structure takes away the uncertainty of situations.

As a woman who suffered with mental illness since early teens and suffered with undiagnosed ADHD for the majority of my education, who knows just how difficult a life with ADHD is & to have people not believe it a real disorder or not understand it, I ask not to self diagnose yourself, only an expert in this field can diagnose you & assuming you have it & have coped with on your own without any mental illness, negative behaviour means you don't have it & saying this diminishes the effect this disorder has on the lives of people who actually have it.

 

[hiya_hun]

I'm a 26 year old woman & was diagnosed with ADHD at 22. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist who specialised in Adult ADHD. I have noticed in previous posts that people mention about a lack of attention & would like to point out that although attention deficit is in the disorders name, this is only a same part of the disorder and to have ADHD there are quite a number of other behaviours you have to exhibit in childhood and as an adult. Also to be diagnosed, your life has to have been severely & negativity impacted as a child, teen & adult due to your behaviours.

First of all I would like to point out ADHD isn't actually an attention deficit. It is the inability to regulate attention. There will periods you won't concentrate at all & then periods of hyper focus where you will be completely engrossed in something to the point you forget to eat, drink & in general care for yourself. To have ADHD you need both the deficit and the hyper focus.

The second aspect of ADHD is emotional regulation, people both make & female like with attention have difficulty regulating emotions, meaning they feel & express the full extent of an emotion. This will be from childhood, So a child with ADHD's behaviour may look like a tantrum or over excitement, but it's because they feel the full force of an emotion all the time.

Another aspect of ADHD is depression, anxiety, addiction & social ineptness. One or more of these are aspects of ADHD in both men & women. Adults ADHD usually goes hand in hand with depression &/or anxiety. This is due to the inability to regulate emotions & due to the persons brain working much faster. There are also high levels of addictive,risk taking behaviour in people with ADHD such as cigarettes, alcohol, drugs & gambling are all highly to be used , but it can also involved behaviour such as driving at high speeds, having unprotected sex etc. The reason for this people with ADHD are highly impulsive & find it very difficult not become addicted once a behaviour is tried once, as this gives a rush of dopamine which which is a chemical in the brain that people with ADHD lack.

Another aspect of ADHD which also isn't mentioned above is difficulty in social situations. You don't need to be hyper kids with ADHD often tend to be quite introverted in social situations, but social behaviours of people with ADHD appear from the time they are young kids and these behaviours are actually very similar to that of autism or sensory processing disorder. Although people with ADHD are highly creative and tend to excel in the arts, they actually work best in a structured environment with clear set processes & targets, as this allows the ADHD brain to relax, as it does not need to run through scenarios as structure takes away the uncertainty of situations.

As a woman who suffered with mental illness since early teens and suffered with undiagnosed ADHD for the majority of my education, who knows just how difficult a life with ADHD is & to have people not believe it a real disorder or not understand it, I ask not to self diagnose yourself, only an expert in this field can diagnose you & assuming you have it & have coped with on your own without any mental illness, negative behaviour means you don't have it & saying this diminishes the effect this disorder has on the lives of people who actually have it.

Thanks for your input. I'm currently on an 18 month wait list to start the process of being diagnosed as the symptoms have built up to me literally having to leave my job, before I got sacked anyway.

Sorry for speaking up about something before I got a formal diagnosis. With such a long wait in front of me I was just looking for some advice from other people (women) who had gone through it.

I'll crawl back under my rock shall I ......

 

[invisibleotter]

Thanks for your input. I'm currently on an 18 month wait list to start the process of being diagnosed as the symptoms have built up to me literally having to leave my job, before I got sacked anyway.

Sorry for speaking up about something before I got a formal diagnosis. With such a long wait in front of me I was just looking for some advice from other people (women) who had gone through it.

I'll crawl back under my rock shall I ......

No, it's fine to ask advice, but just just cause you match the NHS list doesn't mean you have it, as ADHD commonly misunderstood as being about being forgetful & a lack of concentration.

I am just pointing out there are far more behaviours which people with ADHD exhibit and which have to have negatively impacted them all of their lives. As women tend not to cause trouble on school it usually in adulthood when they are diagnosed and this is only in the last 10 years as not much into adult ADHD or ADHD in females was researched in depth before this. But if you have reached adulthood without a diagnoses of ADHD and have not suffered with severe anxiety/depression or have impulsive behaviour which resulted in an addiction, then it is highly unlikely you have it. This is disorder of the brain & without the correct medication, therapy and being thought alternative life skills you won't get to adulthood without a mental illness or an addiction.

I'm sorry if you felt I was rude, but i have had to fight my own corner for so long and I get worked up when I see people saying they have ADHD without a full understanding of what it actually is or how it impacts one's life. I hope I have explained the disorder more in-depth in my previous post. If you do see that you may h alot of what I have stated above then I am more then willing to chat to you further on it, but if you haven't exhibited the behaviours I outlined then it's unlikely you do have ADHD & you may feel more at ease knowing that.

 

[Instamoron]

Thank you for starting this. I’ve been wondering if I have ADHD, although I’m not hyperactive at all, in fact I’m the opposite!
Every single symptom that was posted in the original post though, is me. To a tee. I’ve heard it’s difficult to diagnose in adults, especially women, so I haven’t bothered to go, but I would like to have a diagnosis. Just so I know really.
how long did it take you all to get diagnosed? Xx

 

[JCMSadie]

This is a really interesting topic. I've just done the NHS Incredible Years course being offered to parents with children who exhibit behaviours consistent with ADHD, as my 7yr old has been having issues both at home and school with things like emotional regulation, disruptive behaviour etc.

But throughout the course, a lot of things I have struggled with myself came to light. I don't know if I'm seeking diagnosis, but I might mention it when my next antidepressant review takes place.

 

[hiya_hun]

No, it's fine to ask advice, but just just cause you match the NHS list doesn't mean you have it, as ADHD commonly misunderstood as being about being forgetful & a lack of concentration.

I am just pointing out there are far more behaviours which people with ADHD exhibit and which have to have negatively impacted them all of their lives. As women tend not to cause trouble on school it usually in adulthood when they are diagnosed and this is only in the last 10 years as not much into adult ADHD or ADHD in females was researched in depth before this. But if you have reached adulthood without a diagnoses of ADHD and have not suffered with severe anxiety/depression or have impulsive behaviour which resulted in an addiction, then it is highly unlikely you have it. This is disorder of the brain & without the correct medication, therapy and being thought alternative life skills you won't get to adulthood without a mental illness or an addiction.

I'm sorry if you felt I was rude, but i have had to fight my own corner for so long and I get worked up when I see people saying they have ADHD without a full understanding of what it actually is or how it impacts one's life. I hope I have explained the disorder more in-depth in my previous post. If you do see that you may h alot of what I have stated above then I am more then willing to chat to you further on it, but if you haven't exhibited the behaviours I outlined then it's unlikely you do have ADHD & you may feel more at ease knowing that.

Everything you said in your first post, and this one, im familiar with. I really haven't taken lightly to going to a doctor about my symptoms. I am a 32 year old married woman, I've been to uni and until now I've battled through my working life until I've had to leave my job. Ive read countless articles about ADHD in adult woman and it was from reading all of the information myself I plucked up the courage to contact a doctor when things were getting desperate for me. I sent them the information I had and I have been referred to a specialist. There is nothing more I can do at this point which is why i have sought advice here.

Only my husband and my ex employer knows about this. I said previously on here that I'm scared to even tell my own mum! Because I'm worried that people won't 'think it's real' - I'm saddened that almost immediately im experiencing that exact reaction on this thread

I've taken recreational drugs for my entire adult life and I've smoked weed on a daily basis for as long as I can remember. Not sure if you would class that as addiction or not. I've also had (what i now know) is high anxiety since being a young child.

I experienced problems my entire school life. In high school I was almost sent to a specialist behaviour unit at one point and part of me wonders if I had actually gone then maybe I would of been diagnosed then. But at the same time so much less was known then particularly of ADHD in girls so maybe not.

Can I please ask what you do for a living now and how that works for you because that is what I'm specifically looking for advice on.

 

[invisibleotter]

Everything you said in your first post, and this one, im familiar with. I really haven't taken lightly to going to a doctor about my symptoms. I am a 32 year old married woman, I've been to uni and until now I've battled through my working life until I've had to leave my job. Ive read countless articles about ADHD in adult woman and it was from reading all of the information myself I plucked up the courage to contact a doctor when things were getting desperate for me. I sent them the information I had and I have been referred to a specialist. There is nothing more I can do at this point which is why i have sought advice here.

Only my husband and my ex employer knows about this. I said previously on here that I'm scared to even tell my own mum! Because I'm worried that people won't 'think it's real' - I'm saddened that almost immediately im experiencing that exact reaction on this thread

I've taken recreational drugs for my entire adult life and I've smoked weed on a daily basis for as long as I can remember. Not sure if you would class that as addiction or not. I've also had (what i now know) is high anxiety since being a young child.

I experienced problems my entire school life. In high school I was almost sent to a specialist behaviour unit at one point and part of me wonders if I had actually gone then maybe I would of been diagnosed then. But at the same time so much less was known then particularly of ADHD in girls so maybe not.

Can I please ask what you do for a living now and how that works for you because that is what I'm specifically looking for advice on.

I work in Grant adminstration for the public service in Ireland. It works well for me cause it's desk based so no moving abou, I know exactly what to expect everyday & I'm good at spotting continuity errors, but I have been here two years & am getting bored of the work as I have seen it all.

Problem is don't want to move laterally as I have alot of freedom to go for walkabouts during the day as my manager doesn't care what we do once the work is done, also alot of my colleagues know about my issues & are quite understanding. So moving from this would be difficult & moving up is difficult as I don't have a master's & can't see myself having the strength to do one & complete considering my undergrad nearly killed me.

I worked in a previous department before this and hated it as it was alot more out of the office organising workshops, everyday was different & I didn't know what to expect so was constantly on high alert, was anxious & I didn't particularly like the people I was working with.

I also worked in a bar during college which was fun, as I it was same tit different day, but the people I worked with were gas craic.

However, any of the desk jobs I have worked at, I have been medicated for and am on quite a high dose of vyvanse, so that helps slow my mind down enough to think clearly, without that a desk job would be difficult as my mind would be constantly spinning.

 

[hiya_hun]

I work in Grant adminstration for the public service in Ireland. It works well for me cause it's desk based so no moving abou, I know exactly what to expect everyday & I'm good at spotting continuity errors, but I have been here two years & am getting bored of the work as I have seen it all.

Problem is don't want to move laterally as I have alot of freedom to go for walkabouts during the day as my manager doesn't care what we do once the work is done, also alot of my colleagues know about my issues & are quite understanding. So moving from this would be difficult & moving up is difficult as I don't have a master's & can't see myself having the strength to do one & complete considering my undergrad nearly killed me.

I worked in a previous department before this and hated it as it was alot more out of the office organising workshops, everyday was different & I didn't know what to expect so was constantly on high alert, was anxious & I didn't particularly like the people I was working with.

I also worked in a bar during college which was fun, as I it was same tit different day, but the people I worked with were gas craic.

However, any of the desk jobs I have worked at, I have been medicated for and am on quite a high dose of vyvanse, so that helps slow my mind down enough to think clearly, without that a desk job would be difficult as my mind would be constantly spinning.

Thanks for confirming what I thought - that you have no authority, training or qualifications to say to someone 'you probably don't have ADHD'. Apart from you yourself having it and being formally diagnosed.

I must say I think you've been so lucky to receive a diagnosis at the age of 22 - as someone who is likely to be over a decade older than you when - IF - I get diagnosed, I believe my whole life may have been completely different, especially with regards to my career, if I had had some kind of understanding of my mental health and behaviour - along with treatment in my early twenties.

Thanks for your input though even though I did find it rather negative towards me.

 

[JNRS90]

I believe my whole life may have been completely different, especially with regards to my career, if I had had some kind of understanding of my mental health and behaviour - along with treatment in my early

I’m in my 40s and have realised I probably have it (classic - one of my kids is being “looked at”) and it explains SO much. In your shoes I would definitely pursue diagnosis and at least try medication to see if it helps.
I ended up doing a very intense job I don’t especially feel cut out for, because I literally CANNOT sit still for the appropriate amounts of time for a lot of other jobs.
Does anything like 999/teaching/social work appeal? There are horrendous downsides but things are right in front of you and hyperfocus is brilliant if it kicks in for report writing.