Women with ADHD - diagnosis in adulthood

[Droosie123]

Thank you for starting this thread.
I am 54 and was finally diagnosed a year ago, I also suspect I am autistic although the clinical psychologist couldn’t fit me well enough into that box. I have learned to mask effectively over the years. I suspect if I was a child now I’d be diagnosed autistic with ADHD.
My son who is 17 is also autistic with ADHD and a carbon copy of me as a child. In many ways this is good because I totally “get” him and understand why he struggles and how to help.
Trying to get a diagnosis though...oh my.
in the end I went private and saw a psychiatrist who is experienced in diagnosis of adults with ADHD.

I had to do a Qb test on a computer first which looks at focus, attention to detail and monitors movement. Then I saw the psychiatrist which was a one hour assessment wi5 lots of questions about my childhood and my experiences as an adult.

My Qb test was interesting.....compared with the control group I was in the bottom 1% for movement, focus and attention. Definitely ADHD.

 

[PineappleQueen19]

I recommend the book Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden. Informative with a supportive tone.

Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate is also good. Ignore the reviews/claims that say Mate is saying it’s reversible - it’s more about understanding it may not be hereditary for everyone and explores healing and strategies other than medication.

 

[hiya_hun]

I recommend the book Women with Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden. Informative with a supportive tone.

Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate is also good. Ignore the reviews/claims that say Mate is saying it’s reversible - it’s more about understanding it may not be hereditary for everyone and explores healing and strategies other than medication.

Thanks for this! I've heard of scattered minds before so I will make a note of these and get reading. I definately don't think it's hereditary for me either.

Thank you for starting this thread.
I am 54 and was finally diagnosed a year ago, I also suspect I am autistic although the clinical psychologist couldn’t fit me well enough into that box. I have learned to mask effectively over the years. I suspect if I was a child now I’d be diagnosed autistic with ADHD.
My son who is 17 is also autistic with ADHD and a carbon copy of me as a child. In many ways this is good because I totally “get” him and understand why he struggles and how to help.
Trying to get a diagnosis though...oh my.
in the end I went private and saw a psychiatrist who is experienced in diagnosis of adults with ADHD.

I had to do a Qb test on a computer first which looks at focus, attention to detail and monitors movement. Then I saw the psychiatrist which was a one hour assessment wi5 lots of questions about my childhood and my experiences as an adult.

My Qb test was interesting.....compared with the control group I was in the bottom 1% for movement, focus and attention. Definitely ADHD.

Thanks for this! Did people you know have to answer questions about you too? Or was it purely all 1-1 with you and the psychiatrist apart from the Qb test? I find it really fascinating but I also want to keep it really private at least until I get a formal diagnosis.

 

[TinyHighlander]

Wondering if anyone has experienced this.

After a few events last year I faced up to something that has been on my mind for a while and contacted my doctor about a diagnosis for ADHD.

I was struggling at work and at home and when I was faced with performance reviews and risked losing my job I looked online and all the problems I was having (from my managers perspective) were textbook for ADHD - particularly in adult women. It explained all the problems I was having at work and to be honest I was always a really high achiever in school but had problems the whole way through and was almost sent to a specialist behaviour school at one point. I've never been 'hyperactive' like you would assume. But I do think a diagnosis would explain a huge chunk of my life.

My husband is super supportive and agrees that the personality and behaviour traits typical of ADHD are very 'me'.

Since last year I've quit my job (really lucky to be able to do this I know!!) and I am looking for new work. I told my old employer that I had spoken to a doctor about this diagnosis as part of my performance reviews but to be honest by that point, I was just so unhappy there and that's when I handed in my notice. I probably could of tried to get their support more but due to the nature of my role and the way I had been treated thus far, I didn't want to pursue staying there. The amount of adaptions to suit me just wouldn't work and also how could I expect them to do this without a formal diagnosis.

I am currently on the waiting list having been referred by my doctor but aparently there is only one specialist in the whole of the north west that does adult ADHD diagnosis and his wait list is 18 months. I was considering going private a couple of months ago but now I'm not working it's not really feesable. All I did to get referred was send my doctor every document my old manager put together as part of my formal performance reviews with a letter from me. Everything on there is a symptom of ADHD in adult women.

Here is the list on the NHS website of symptoms in adults.

- carelessness and lack of attention to detail
- continually starting new tasks before finishing old ones
- poor organisational skills
- inability to focus or prioritise
- continually losing or misplacing things
- forgetfulness
- restlessness and edginess
- difficulty keeping quiet, and speaking out of turn
- blurting out responses and often interrupting others
- mood swings, irritability and a quick temper
- inability to deal with stress
- extreme impatience
- taking risks in activities, often with little or no regard for personal safety or the safety of others – for example, driving dangerously

Basically - I wanted to just start this post to ask the following.

Do any of you out there have ADHD and did you get diagnosed later?
How did it affect you?
How do you manage the symptoms?

Obviously as im now not working I'm considering a career change that might be more suited to me but I'm not sure what to do. Any advice or experience of this in adults I would really really appreciate please!!

Marking my place on a thread.
Will read some of these later as it’s fascinating.
Personally I am studying in university right now and didn’t get told I was dyslexic until I was 19. Have been reading blogs, reading different people’s stories with interest and it is like a lightbulb moment gone on it’s insane. It’s a bit of a relief really as it makes me feel more human? As weird as that may sound I have gone through life always feeling a bit different. I make friends easily but don’t have loads, just a few very close friends. I am quiet by nature and quite introverted but get so chatty when I go off on one
In my adult life it has been run by planners, notes, alarms and reminders all the time otherwise I forget or become late for everything. And have always inexplicably misunderstood when someone he finished speaking and the words come completely bursting out followed by a “oh tit sorry”

my good friends know I am not being rude but I panic incase outsiders find it irritating. It’s very interesting to read about the differences in ADHD and how it manifests between females and males and I can relate strongly to even the young child presentations right through to now.

My concentration is shocking and I cannot seem to finish tasks in time as I wind up starting several at once which means simple things end up taking longer to complete.
I am currently manically rushing an essay for submission soon as when I am focused that’s it. I always put it down to working well under pressure but the hyper focus thing does really relate too!

All of which can be denoted to dyslexia as well as my personality traits I know, but it really really shook me reading about the material on ADHD purely because it did genuinely make me feel almost like “Ahh so that’s what it could be and that’s how I’m maybe the way I am” . It was quite emotional actually, which sounds a bit bonkers in a way I know but I went through life always being a bit haphazard and impulsive. My dating history is shocking

I am awaiting testing for ADHD but I imagine these will likely be delayed with COVID.

I am sorry to say growing up too (I’m nearly 30) the only things I associated with ADHD was extreme hyperactivity. I did not realise there was so many things and different ways it manifests.

Phew thank you for reading if you got this far

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

Hi

I would recommend having a discussion with your doctor and ask for a referral if you meet the following.

Recommendations | Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: diagnosis and management | Guidance | NICE

www.nice.org.uk

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) - Symptoms

Read about symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which are categorised into inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

www.nhs.uk

I know the waiting lists for an assessment in my area was 18 months pre Covid. However, any patient had the right to chose their own treatment path under the nhs chose and book/right to chose service. I did some research and came across the following.

Right To Choose (ADHD) - Psychiatry-UK

Right to Choose Psychiatry-UK for adult ADHD NHS assessment and treatment in England - gives you the right to choose an appropriate healthcare provider if your GP agrees you need to be referred to a specialist.

www.psychiatry-uk.com

My GP agreed to the referral for assessment and then I spoke to practice secretary and sent an email with link starting this is the service I want to use. I then did research on the psychiatrists and found one I thought was best fit for me. Appointment made within a few weeks. It’s online so might not be fit everyone but a lot of nhs appointments are taking place over the phone or online so feels no different.

Take care and good luck x

 

[nightfeedz]

Hi everyone, thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m wondering if anyone on this thread can share some wisdom with me.

I’m in the process of gathering information for my referral for an ADHD assessment. I’m already under the care of my community mental health team and am lucky that my key worker is very supportive and is helping me with the referral. She has advised that I get my parents to write a statement about how they think adhd symptoms affected me as a child/teenager and now as an adult (I’m in my 30s).

My problem is that my parents are very dismissive of my concerns and although they have both reluctantly agreed to help me out, I know they don’t really want to and are avoiding mentioning it. I have left it pretty much til the last possible moment to remind them to do it and am getting quite anxious about it.

I think it would help if I pretty much spelled out what I need from them, like I’m thinking of going through the diagnostic criteria and pointing out examples of my behaviour over the years. Cringing even thinking about it. Has anyone else had a similar experience and/or can shed some light on what kind of info would be useful from them?

Have got myself worked up about this

 

[Isa Drennan]

I find it interesting how ADHD presents differently in adult women

"Waiting mode" is an interesting symptom, I do struggle with this but haven't been diagnosed with ADHD.

If I don't start work until 12pm, all I can think about that morning is work. I can't do anything else because all I do is fixate on the 12pm start. I really struggle focusing my attention elsewhere, or doing things before work/appointments at set times, because all I can focus on is getting the set task done!

 

[nightfeedz]

I find it interesting how ADHD presents differently in adult women

"Waiting mode" is an interesting symptom, I do struggle with this but haven't been diagnosed with ADHD.

If I don't start work until 12pm, all I can think about that morning is work. I can't do anything else because all I do is fixate on the 12pm start. I really struggle focusing my attention elsewhere, or doing things before work/appointments at set times, because all I can focus on is getting the set task done!

I had never heard of waiting mode before but I know what you mean. Working shifts used to drive me mad, the whole day was written off if I had an afternoon start.

 

[Isa Drennan]

I had never heard of waiting mode before but I know what you mean. Working shifts used to drive me mad, the whole day was written off if I had an afternoon start.

There are a few things like waiting mode and chronic procrastination which often make me wonder

 

[TinyHighlander]

Hi

I would recommend having a discussion with your doctor and ask for a referral if you meet the following.

Recommendations | Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: diagnosis and management | Guidance | NICE

www.nice.org.uk

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) - Symptoms

Read about symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which are categorised into inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

www.nhs.uk

I know the waiting lists for an assessment in my area was 18 months pre Covid. However, any patient had the right to chose their own treatment path under the nhs chose and book/right to chose service. I did some research and came across the following.

Right To Choose (ADHD) - Psychiatry-UK

Right to Choose Psychiatry-UK for adult ADHD NHS assessment and treatment in England - gives you the right to choose an appropriate healthcare provider if your GP agrees you need to be referred to a specialist.

www.psychiatry-uk.com

My GP agreed to the referral for assessment and then I spoke to practice secretary and sent an email with link starting this is the service I want to use. I then did research on the psychiatrists and found one I thought was best fit for me. Appointment made within a few weeks. It’s online so might not be fit everyone but a lot of nhs appointments are taking place over the phone or online so feels no different.

Take care and good luck x

Thank you so much.

Hi everyone, thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m wondering if anyone on this thread can share some wisdom with me.

I’m in the process of gathering information for my referral for an ADHD assessment. I’m already under the care of my community mental health team and am lucky that my key worker is very supportive and is helping me with the referral. She has advised that I get my parents to write a statement about how they think adhd symptoms affected me as a child/teenager and now as an adult (I’m in my 30s).

My problem is that my parents are very dismissive of my concerns and although they have both reluctantly agreed to help me out, I know they don’t really want to and are avoiding mentioning it. I have left it pretty much til the last possible moment to remind them to do it and am getting quite anxious about it.

I think it would help if I pretty much spelled out what I need from them, like I’m thinking of going through the diagnostic criteria and pointing out examples of my behaviour over the years. Cringing even thinking about it. Has anyone else had a similar experience and/or can shed some light on what kind of info would be useful from them?

Have got myself worked up about this

I am in the same boat. I’m wondering if it HAS to be parents? I have a friend I have known and lived with on and off since I was 12. I don’t think my parents will comply with giving information.

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

Thank you so much.



I am in the same boat. I’m wondering if it HAS to be parents? I have a friend I have known and lived with on and off since I was 12. I don’t think my parents will comply with giving information.

You can get a friend to write. You also wrote from your perspective as well. It does not need to be parents. I guess it’s easier for the consultant but some people are not in any contact with their families x

 

[nightfeedz]

Thank you so much.



I am in the same boat. I’m wondering if it HAS to be parents? I have a friend I have known and lived with on and off since I was 12. I don’t think my parents will comply with giving information.

It doesn’t need to be your parents, but any relevant information from when you were a child is helpful. I think something from your friend would be great.

I was told to gather as much evidence as I could as sometimes referrals won’t be accepted due to lack of information.

Thankfully I did eventually get a short paragraph from my parents. Good luck with the process.

 

[Knittinggoddess]

I was recently diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 32, and the the person who did it said she noticed a lot of ADHD symptoms too. They both came as a complete shock to me. I have had the dyslexia screening test now, and I’m considering contacting my GP to see about the adhd part of it.
It does explain so much about my life and the struggles I’ve had but it really shocked me that I have/could’ve had these things and no one realised.
I don’t really have any family members who could help with the evidence though so I’m reluctant to try.

 

[TinyHighlander]

I was recently diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 32, and the the person who did it said she noticed a lot of ADHD symptoms too. They both came as a complete shock to me. I have had the dyslexia screening test now, and I’m considering contacting my GP to see about the adhd part of it.
It does explain so much about my life and the struggles I’ve had but it really shocked me that I have/could’ve had these things and no one realised.
I don’t really have any family members who could help with the evidence though so I’m reluctant to try.

KnittingGoddess (Sorry if I have misspelt your user name)!!

I honestly feel the same! Dyslexia wasn’t talked about in school or in the media I imagine in the very early 90s. There was two boys I knew of in school with dyslexia but there’s was more pronounced? If that’s even the right terminology?
Sounds so stupid but I didn’t even realise that losing your place on pages and getting overwhelmed with things such as big texts written and having to follow the narrative was signs of it? Obviously there’s loads more to it but general day to day life things I genuinely thought was normal

My head really struggled to take in information from paper and screens are even worse. I manage now and have adapted I suppose!

It was a relief having the diagnosis as all my life I felt genuinely stupid up until the diagnosis and used to get frustrated at mundane things, such as a set of directions to a certain part of a new hospital.

I always had to write it down and any verbal requests that involved a heap of informationI used to be mortified at having to get people to repeat stuff.

I struggle now to even tell people I am dyslexic initially in work, but this has gotten a lot better in the last wee while.

You can request information to be given by close friends I believe.

I emailed the university team today regarding ADHD just to make them aware and although it needs to be done via a GP, I’m worried it won’t be taken seriously. I know it’s the least of their troubles now.
I want to pursue it really but feel like the email I got back was quite dismissive and almost it had a “don’t bother” type tone to it.
Let me know how you get on if you pursue it personally.

 

[nightfeedz]

I was recently diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 32, and the the person who did it said she noticed a lot of ADHD symptoms too. They both came as a complete shock to me. I have had the dyslexia screening test now, and I’m considering contacting my GP to see about the adhd part of it.
It does explain so much about my life and the struggles I’ve had but it really shocked me that I have/could’ve had these things and no one realised.
I don’t really have any family members who could help with the evidence though so I’m reluctant to try.

Don’t let the evidence thing put you off if you are otherwise keen, so many people must be in the same boat. Particularly if a professional has noticed you have symptoms. I’m sure your gp or whoever you contact will be able to give you an idea of what information could be useful.

It’s weird, I also feel like it explains so much and I have read many other people also having that ‘lightbulb moment’. But it’s not easy looking back at your life through that lens. I’m a similar age and I suppose so much has changed in the field since we were children, it is a shame our struggles weren’t picked up on.

 

[Knittinggoddess]

KnittingGoddess (Sorry if I have misspelt your user name)!!

I honestly feel the same! Dyslexia wasn’t talked about in school or in the media I imagine in the very early 90s. There was two boys I knew of in school with dyslexia but there’s was more pronounced? If that’s even the right terminology?
Sounds so stupid but I didn’t even realise that losing your place on pages and getting overwhelmed with things such as big texts written and having to follow the narrative was signs of it? Obviously there’s loads more to it but general day to day life things I genuinely thought was normal

My head really struggled to take in information from paper and screens are even worse. I manage now and have adapted I suppose!

It was a relief having the diagnosis as all my life I felt genuinely stupid up until the diagnosis and used to get frustrated at mundane things, such as a set of directions to a certain part of a new hospital.

I always had to write it down and any verbal requests that involved a heap of informationI used to be mortified at having to get people to repeat stuff.

I struggle now to even tell people I am dyslexic initially in work, but this has gotten a lot better in the last wee while.

You can request information to be given by close friends I believe.

I emailed the university team today regarding ADHD just to make them aware and although it needs to be done via a GP, I’m worried it won’t be taken seriously. I know it’s the least of their troubles now.
I want to pursue it really but feel like the email I got back was quite dismissive and almost it had a “don’t bother” type tone to it.
Let me know how you get on if you pursue it personally.

Yes yes yes to how you describe it!! Because I read well, it was never picked up. But although I read words well I don’t take anything in, my eyes kind of scan and jump around sentences but the words don’t, like usually expected in dyslexia.

I can get to the end of a book and have absolutely no idea what it was about or who the characters are My husband reads big textbooks and novels, and I could never understand why, because I thought everyone would get to the end and not remember it lol he was so confused when I asked him about it.

I realise now that I have been hardcore masking all my life, using so many different systems to stay organised and hide my awful spelling and writing style. Sometimes even spellcheck doesn’t understand what I’m saying and I have to try to pick a different word to say what I want. I have loads of notes on my phone where I write out emails and texts before I send them so I can check several times before I send them. As well as lists of so many different things. Even a list of the clothes I have because I struggle to remember what I have without looking through everything I set alarms and timers for everything too, even picking up the kids from school. Now because were homeschooling I have to have a chart of the kids zoom/teams sessions and although it’s been exactly the same for 2 weeks, I have to look at it all day and set timers and alarms.
the adhd/dyslexia explains so many issues I’ve had, including depression and anxiety that hasn’t changed with several different medications and cbt. My husband has said I’m like a different person in public and I just didn’t understand, I would try to hide my issues.

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

Hello, I really relate to the discussions going on here, I was diagnosed with ADHD last month (combined type) and I’m currently trying to learn as much as I can. I’m in my early thirties and a lot of the issues I was having in terms of anxiety, mood swings and feeling overwhelmed, plus addictive behaviours now seem to be due to untreated ADHD rather than just anxiety and depression.

I was wondering if anyone has tried either using an ADHD coach or CBT specifically aimed at people with ADHD? Both were recommended by my psychiatrist but she made it clear that it would need to be funded privately.

 

[bolimepipi]

oh my god, the waiting mode... it's like someone just explained my whole life

 

[Blurp]

I've just turned 60 and have fucked up my whole career with my problems working. On all the tests, I score very highly for ADHD, for both symptoms and affecting my life but have been diagnosed with Borderline/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder instead which just doesn't seem to fit, going according to the criteria on every medical website that I can find - the only one which matches is self-harming which I always use as a coping mechanism. According to my psychiatrist, I can't have ADHD as I'm not hyperactive despite telling her about all my micro-fidgets learned to cope in school and the military reserves such as wriggling my toes or my tongue to a rhythm or tune, drawing patterns with my finger on my leg or table, doodling, etc. I'm never actually still but you sometimes have to look closely. The mental health team in my area have refused to treat me as they say I do not engage, miss appointments and generally have a chaotic lifestyle. I contend that 40 years of antidepressants, hospital admission, several breakdowns and talking my brain out have done absolutely no good and that my chaotic lifestyle comes from my problems not vice versa.

I'm currently off work and have been for over a year. I actually got to the stage a year or so ago of thinking of staging a fake suicide attempt at a bridge just to get some mental health care. I've been signed off for BPD/EUPD as a catchall by my doctor and am waiting for PIP assessment and appealing for ill health retirement. I was refused it earlier because the OH doctor said I could be treated but now I have the letters saying that the health board mental health team refuse to even give me a care contact.

I'm going to talk to my GP practice to see about going elsewhere, either to a neighbouring health board or funded private practice. I can also see my MSP after the elections next month. The only second opinion my health board will give me is a second psychiatrist reading the first one's notes, neither of whom are experts in ADHD. In my area, all diagnosis is done by educational psychologists in schools and there is no expert in adult ADHD.

I'm at my wits' end with it all. I didn't expect to be in this state and skint at this stage of my life, having struggled all my life. I've been seeing psychiatrists off and on since I was a student and ended up in hospital. It's all been based on how I'm feeling and none of them ever asked about all my problems with organisation, timekeeping, procrastination, living in a tip, etc.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I've just turned 60 and have fucked up my whole career with my problems working. On all the tests, I score very highly for ADHD, for both symptoms and affecting my life but have been diagnosed with Borderline/Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder instead which just doesn't seem to fit, going according to the criteria on every medical website that I can find - the only one which matches is self-harming which I always use as a coping mechanism. According to my psychiatrist, I can't have ADHD as I'm not hyperactive despite telling her about all my micro-fidgets learned to cope in school and the military reserves such as wriggling my toes or my tongue to a rhythm or tune, drawing patterns with my finger on my leg or table, doodling, etc. I'm never actually still but you sometimes have to look closely. The mental health team in my area have refused to treat me as they say I do not engage, miss appointments and generally have a chaotic lifestyle. I contend that 40 years of antidepressants, hospital admission, several breakdowns and talking my brain out have done absolutely no good and that my chaotic lifestyle comes from my problems not vice versa.

I'm currently off work and have been for over a year. I actually got to the stage a year or so ago of thinking of staging a fake suicide attempt at a bridge just to get some mental health care. I've been signed off for BPD/EUPD as a catchall by my doctor and am waiting for PIP assessment and appealing for ill health retirement. I was refused it earlier because the OH doctor said I could be treated but now I have the letters saying that the health board mental health team refuse to even give me a care contact.

I'm going to talk to my GP practice to see about going elsewhere, either to a neighbouring health board or funded private practice. I can also see my MSP after the elections next month. The only second opinion my health board will give me is a second psychiatrist reading the first one's notes, neither of whom are experts in ADHD. In my area, all diagnosis is done by educational psychologists in schools and there is no expert in adult ADHD.

I'm at my wits' end with it all. I didn't expect to be in this state and skint at this stage of my life, having struggled all my life. I've been seeing psychiatrists off and on since I was a student and ended up in hospital. It's all been based on how I'm feeling and none of them ever asked about all my problems with organisation, timekeeping, procrastination, living in a tip, etc.

Keep on fighting for the correct diagnosis.

I'm not sure of your gender from your post but research has shown that historically there has been a high rate of incorrect diagnosis of BPD in females, when in fact they actually have ADHD or ASD (or both). This is thought to be due a lack of understanding from professionals in how differently the conditions present in women.

Similar misdiagnosed, but with different conditions, not so much BPD, can happen with men too, if the presentation of traits and nuances of ADHD/ADD in that person are not recognised by professionals. It's just missed less often in males.

In terms of the research about BPD v's ADHD, I don't have any specific details of the research papers (sorry) but there is a lady who has a Facebook page, who has ASD and ADHD, who seems very knowledgeable on the subject. Her page is called Ausome Charlie. She posts links to loads of different research and info that you may find helpful.