Women with ADHD - diagnosis in adulthood

[Blurp]

Keep on fighting for the correct diagnosis.

I'm not sure of your gender from your post but research has shown that historically there has been a high rate of incorrect diagnosis of BPD in females, when in fact they actually have ADHD or ASD (or both). This is thought to be due a lack of understanding from professionals in how differently the conditions present in women.

Similar misdiagnosed, but with different conditions, not so much BPD, can happen with men too, if the presentation of traits and nuances of ADHD/ADD in that person are not recognised by professionals. It's just missed less often in males.

In terms of the research about BPD v's ADHD, I don't have any specific details of the research papers (sorry) but there is a lady who has a Facebook page, who has ASD and ADHD, who seems very knowledgeable on the subject. Her page is called Ausome Charlie. She posts links to loads of different research and info that you may find helpful.

Thank you for this. There's some great links on her page.

I'm female and cisgender. They did consider autism as well before going for the BPD diagnosis but wouldn't let me access the autism diagnosis pathway as 'no one had ever considered autism before in all the years I'd been engaging with their services'. Again, I score highly on all the tests available. I am dyspraxic (picked up in the 1960s before there was a word for my problems!) and have had emotional abuse from childhood which they say led to BPD. I suspect that it's not as clear as X leads to Y; my traits led to constant criticism which led to trauma, etc.

 

[Zanzi202]

I'm a 26 year old woman & was diagnosed with ADHD at 22. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist who specialised in Adult ADHD. I have noticed in previous posts that people mention about a lack of attention & would like to point out that although attention deficit is in the disorders name, this is only a same part of the disorder and to have ADHD there are quite a number of other behaviours you have to exhibit in childhood and as an adult. Also to be diagnosed, your life has to have been severely & negativity impacted as a child, teen & adult due to your behaviours.

First of all I would like to point out ADHD isn't actually an attention deficit. It is the inability to regulate attention. There will periods you won't concentrate at all & then periods of hyper focus where you will be completely engrossed in something to the point you forget to eat, drink & in general care for yourself. To have ADHD you need both the deficit and the hyper focus.

The second aspect of ADHD is emotional regulation, people both make & female like with attention have difficulty regulating emotions, meaning they feel & express the full extent of an emotion. This will be from childhood, So a child with ADHD's behaviour may look like a tantrum or over excitement, but it's because they feel the full force of an emotion all the time.

Another aspect of ADHD is depression, anxiety, addiction & social ineptness. One or more of these are aspects of ADHD in both men & women. Adults ADHD usually goes hand in hand with depression &/or anxiety. This is due to the inability to regulate emotions & due to the persons brain working much faster. There are also high levels of addictive,risk taking behaviour in people with ADHD such as cigarettes, alcohol, drugs & gambling are all highly to be used , but it can also involved behaviour such as driving at high speeds, having unprotected sex etc. The reason for this people with ADHD are highly impulsive & find it very difficult not become addicted once a behaviour is tried once, as this gives a rush of dopamine which which is a chemical in the brain that people with ADHD lack.

Another aspect of ADHD which also isn't mentioned above is difficulty in social situations. You don't need to be hyper kids with ADHD often tend to be quite introverted in social situations, but social behaviours of people with ADHD appear from the time they are young kids and these behaviours are actually very similar to that of autism or sensory processing disorder. Although people with ADHD are highly creative and tend to excel in the arts, they actually work best in a structured environment with clear set processes & targets, as this allows the ADHD brain to relax, as it does not need to run through scenarios as structure takes away the uncertainty of situations.

As a woman who suffered with mental illness since early teens and suffered with undiagnosed ADHD for the majority of my education, who knows just how difficult a life with ADHD is & to have people not believe it a real disorder or not understand it, I ask not to self diagnose yourself, only an expert in this field can diagnose you & assuming you have it & have coped with on your own without any mental illness, negative behaviour means you don't have it & saying this diminishes the effect this disorder has on the lives of people who actually have it.

Who on earth are you to tell others if they have it or not. Get over yourself. You work in admin, you’re not a doctor. Your post was self righteous and rude. This is supposed to be a supportive thread not posters saying ‘they have it worse than others’ and downplaying other’s symptoms.

 

[Everybody]

Hi

I would recommend having a discussion with your doctor and ask for a referral if you meet the following.

Recommendations | Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: diagnosis and management | Guidance | NICE

www.nice.org.uk

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) - Symptoms

Read about symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which are categorised into inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

www.nhs.uk

I know the waiting lists for an assessment in my area was 18 months pre Covid. However, any patient had the right to chose their own treatment path under the nhs chose and book/right to chose service. I did some research and came across the following.

Right To Choose (ADHD) - Psychiatry-UK

Right to Choose Psychiatry-UK for adult ADHD NHS assessment and treatment in England - gives you the right to choose an appropriate healthcare provider if your GP agrees you need to be referred to a specialist.

www.psychiatry-uk.com

My GP agreed to the referral for assessment and then I spoke to practice secretary and sent an email with link starting this is the service I want to use. I then did research on the psychiatrists and found one I thought was best fit for me. Appointment made within a few weeks. It’s online so might not be fit everyone but a lot of nhs appointments are taking place over the phone or online so feels no different.

Take care and good luck x

Hey,

how

Hi

I would recommend having a discussion with your doctor and ask for a referral if you meet the following.

Recommendations | Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: diagnosis and management | Guidance | NICE

www.nice.org.uk

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) - Symptoms

Read about symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), which are categorised into inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness.

www.nhs.uk

I know the waiting lists for an assessment in my area was 18 months pre Covid. However, any patient had the right to chose their own treatment path under the nhs chose and book/right to chose service. I did some research and came across the following.

Right To Choose (ADHD) - Psychiatry-UK

Right to Choose Psychiatry-UK for adult ADHD NHS assessment and treatment in England - gives you the right to choose an appropriate healthcare provider if your GP agrees you need to be referred to a specialist.

www.psychiatry-uk.com

My GP agreed to the referral for assessment and then I spoke to practice secretary and sent an email with link starting this is the service I want to use. I then did research on the psychiatrists and found one I thought was best fit for me. Appointment made within a few weeks. It’s online so might not be fit everyone but a lot of nhs appointments are taking place over the phone or online so feels no different.

Take care and good luck x

hey thanks for sharing this. I done my pre-checks over a month ago now. I haven’t even recieived an acknowledgement from my GP or the ADHD service to offer me an appointment. How long did you wait for an appointment date?

I think I might follow this up and try to check it out

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

Hey,

how

hey thanks for sharing this. I done my pre-checks over a month ago now. I haven’t even recieived an acknowledgement from my GP or the ADHD service to offer me an appointment. How long did you wait for an appointment date?

I think I might follow this up and try to check it out

Did assessment with GP and then chased up with medical secretaries. Took maybe 3 weeks max x

 

[Everybody]

Did assessment with GP and then chased up with medical secretaries. Took maybe 3 weeks max x

I think they forgot to process it all . Literally I can’t cope with an 18 month wait. I’ve lost 3 bank cards in 2 months it’s embarrassing now. I had to lie and tell them one didn’t arrive because they literally asked me if my one arrived earlier this week

 

[nightfeedz]

I’ve been told I’ll probably be waiting a year or more to have my actual assessment just want to know the score and get on with my life!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Hello just chiming in...I asked my GP about ADHD three years ago, the first one laughed at me (of course) the second said she “just can’t see it in me”. I am hoping to come into money in the next year, and go private.
I think like others have said I read about ADHD, then adult women and everything clicked.
I was a high achiever at school and so “got away” with bad behaviour- undermining teachers, turning up hours late etc. As I got older I have a trail of falling outs, underachieving, being fired, anxiety, depression and stress, heavy drinking leading to job loss, drug taking, but also the constant duck ups! Losing keys/purse/phone, leaving shopping on the bus.
Being late for work, snapping at someone at work and ruining the latest “streak” of being competent and reliable by saying “ yes Barbara I will do it, as I’ve already said three times in the past five minutes, but I can’t do it and speak to you at the same time” then having a total breakdown and crying for days at how unfair it is that I try so hard and I snap once because I’m stressed, but Barbara who does tit all can just needle me and that’s fine, and everyone hates me because rejection sensitivity!
being so totally stressed by the state of the house that I’ve called in sick (!) even though I could have tidied it at the weekend but I decided to relax aka procrastinate.
Having now been unemployed for a year, I can stress myself out trying to organise shopping and cooking, still no task is ever really complete the issue is my brain, not my job.
I know I’m going to get diagnosed with EUPD if I pursue it with the GP. It’s all so much emotions.
I do feel really weird like my whole life has kind of been a lie as well, because ADHD fits so well and I thought I was fairly clever and a bit quirky and a great multitaskers but I was just a bit bright and masking a lot.

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

Hello just chiming in...I asked my GP about ADHD three years ago, the first one laughed at me (of course) the second said she “just can’t see it in me”. I am hoping to come into money in the next year, and go private.
I think like others have said I read about ADHD, then adult women and everything clicked.
I was a high achiever at school and so “got away” with bad behaviour- undermining teachers, turning up hours late etc. As I got older I have a trail of falling outs, underachieving, being fired, anxiety, depression and stress, heavy drinking leading to job loss, drug taking, but also the constant duck ups! Losing keys/purse/phone, leaving shopping on the bus.
Being late for work, snapping at someone at work and ruining the latest “streak” of being competent and reliable by saying “ yes Barbara I will do it, as I’ve already said three times in the past five minutes, but I can’t do it and speak to you at the same time” then having a total breakdown and crying for days at how unfair it is that I try so hard and I snap once because I’m stressed, but Barbara who does tit all can just needle me and that’s fine, and everyone hates me because rejection sensitivity!
being so totally stressed by the state of the house that I’ve called in sick (!) even though I could have tidied it at the weekend but I decided to relax aka procrastinate.
Having now been unemployed for a year, I can stress myself out trying to organise shopping and cooking, still no task is ever really complete the issue is my brain, not my job.
I know I’m going to get diagnosed with EUPD if I pursue it with the GP. It’s all so much emotions.
I do feel really weird like my whole life has kind of been a lie as well, because ADHD fits so well and I thought I was fairly clever and a bit quirky and a great multitaskers but I was just a bit bright and masking a lot.

This really resonated with me, there’s been many times when I’ve had to call in sick to work because I’ve got to a level of being completely overwhelmed and disorganised and I’ve had to take a day off to try and get my head straight and sort the house, which leads to a lot of guilt and shame.
I had to quit my job and go freelance a couple of months ago because the level of multitasking and interruptions was making me ill. It was so frustrating because I could do the ‘hard part’ of my job, i.e. the people side, with no issue, but I was really, really struggling with the admin side and getting really stressed and resentful when colleagues chased me up on tasks I’d been procrastinating on. I read an article about how being asked to do ‘just one more thing’ when you have ADHD and are already overwhelmed can lead to a full on meltdown and it made so much sense to me. It’s never made sense to me that I’m supposedly bright yet seemingly can’t handle updating my records or getting basic admin done, even though I want to do it. I’m hoping that medication and maybe some CBT will help, it’s awful to live with constant self loathing and frustration at myself.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Urgh the one more thing thing. I had the same issue in my last job where the actual work was fine- I knew my stuff- but the interruptions, the game-playing. I found it crazy making.
(there was a toxic culture, in particular about feigning knowledge/ignorance so someone would fail to do something, tell their boss they had been waiting on me, I’d get it in the neck for holding things up then would have to evidence I was actually up to date and was waiting on the person who threw me under the bus, after which we would all decide it was a mistake but now the work was late so could I just help the person with doing it....)
Although even “not working” I can get stressed out by keeping on top of cooking and cleaning. The problem is definitely “me” although that was hard to know as I’d been in toxic work soup for so long.

 

[DeathToCovid]

I’m so happy someone has a thread like this on here, I’ve had so many struggles with my 12 year old, and recently found out more about ADHD and it’s really given me so many lightbulb moments. I’m still fighting to get my 12 yr old diagnosed but she ticks every single box there is to tick I can’t believe I’ve never realised it before, I can see why though, because I’m about 99% sure I have it too. I also have to point out I have a 13 yr old with learning disabilities, ASD and likely ADHD too, I’m just lucky she’s in an SEN school and her issues were noticed from a toddler so she’s got her EHCP. My eldest is 18 and has anxiety (probably from her childhood) but is mostly neurotypical.

I’ve been a terrible parent, really struggled despite wanting to do my best and when I look back it’s because I’ve lived 36 years with undiagnosed ADHD! ( pretty damn sure - I just need to save to get the private diagnosis, NHS are crap)

I’ve had years of failure at EVERYTHING, years of being told I’m tit, unsuccessful employment - sometimes even just walking out and never returning because it’s all just too much, I’ve never had a career, years being told I’m awful and need to do better & I’m an awful parent - I know I need to do better, but I just can’t, it’s like I’m stuck in a cycle of hyperfixating on the computer or my phone or getting distracted and hitting walls, I can never seem to get anything done I always find something else more interesting to be doing.

Housework is a nightmare I’ve drowned so badly under the mess before when my girls were younger, my house was an absolute state and it made me feel worse but I just couldn’t fix it and I didn’t know why. I struggled to get my girls to appointments, had so many missed ones which ended up with SS involvement because I was seen to be neglectful, and maybe I was, but its like I knew it and hated myself for it, but I just COULDNT level up, I tried, I became burnt out and depressed which made it all worse. I had all these different services involved but nobody ever said let’s get you sorted I was just seen as this awful neglectful parent by everyone. I’ve been to the GP so many times about feeling depressed down and anxious but it’s like it was these cycles of depression rather than being consistent if that makes sense, If I had exciting things to do or planned it’s like it disappeared but as soon as I had that crash from excitement it came back full pelt!

I did some CBT but didn’t find it that helpful. I also have OCD but the intrusive thoughts type which I developed because of an abusive relationship many years ago and it’s mostly under control but it’s recently fixated on choking and other health issues.

All in all I feel like I’ve just flown under everyone’s radar for years and years and labelled as a terrible chavvy lazy neglectful young single mum.

I’ve brought my girls up basically alone but I have a partner now and my inability to complete household tasks, organise, get things done, or just be PRESENT is taking its toll on us. He likely thinks I’m just lazy or forgetful. I forget everything, I even use my iPhone reminders, they go off, I click off and 2 mins later I’ve forgotten again and this really annoys him.

Sorry for my massively long rant I just feel like after so many years I find where I FIT into life after feeling on the outside of everything, always.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Totally know what you mean! I love it when people say “set a reminder” like ok but I have to remember to do that. If I set a reminder for everything the day is just me switching off reminders every ten minutes. Distracting m from doing the thing I had the last reminder for. Or I just turn it off. And forget to do the thing. Or make a list and lose the list. Or make a list on my phone then forget to look at it.

 

[DeathToCovid]

Totally know what you mean! I love it when people say “set a reminder” like ok but I have to remember to do that. If I set a reminder for everything the day is just me switching off reminders every ten minutes. Distracting m from doing the thing I had the last reminder for. Or I just turn it off. And forget to do the thing. Or make a list and lose the list. Or make a list on my phone then forget to look at it.

It’s honestly like you can’t win isn’t it. We start out with all the right intentions but it’s like being Mike Tyson fighting peewee Herman. Impossible.

My latest argument with my bf is because I forgot the punishment I’d dealt out to my daughter for being late, I forgot to put it in my phone and completely forgot about the whole thing, till he reminded me and then I had to explain I’d forgot to put it in reminders, but he’s just all like “you need to remember these things it’s important” like I don’t know it’s important, it makes me feel so pissed off with him because I feel like I’m being constantly criticised sorry for again ranting I feel so annoyed today because we’ve not spoken for 2 days.

 

[twizzle38]

I’m so glad I discovered this thread. I struggle with so many of the things I’ve read here but I’ve been really struggling with “one more thing” or “can you just do this for me please” lately. I think it’s amplified by working from home and feeling like I can’t say no. I try to cope with workload/organisation by making a list of the urgent things I need to get done each day and blocking out time in my calendar to do each one which I’ve found does work, but the downside of that is that I really can’t cope at all when somebody gives me a task that isn’t on my list or if I get out of sync with my planned day. Sometimes just one little email asking me to do a five minute task is enough to send me into a complete breakdown and when that happens there’s very little chance of being able to get anything else done for the rest of the day.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

Can relate to this thread so much! Been reading for a while but can never figure out what to say myself but I’m going to give it a go. Looking back, I’ve always had ‘issues’ and been a little bit different. There was a period of time in primary school where I was really volatile and would throw chairs across the classroom, hid under tables and refused to come out, hit other children and things like that. At the time it was put down to the fact that my uncle and aunt were splitting up and my cousins, who I was very close to were moving away, and I was reacting badly to that. Which seemed plausible but I think because I was doing fine academically (always been a very average student) it was just brushed off really. I did stop that behaviour and then kind of vanished into the background, I’ve never really felt ‘seen’ if that makes sense.

I’ve always had this annoying habit of leaving things till the last minute. My coursework at secondary school was always done the week/night before, I’d leave it as long as I realistically could and I always managed to just about scrape through and get an average grade. I’m still like this today. I always thought it was just laziness and that I wasn’t a ‘good student’, now I feel I’m not good enough as a person because my house is never tidy and I can’t keep on top of my laundry pile for longer than a week, also had a terrible time with jobs and just can’t seem to cope at all

It’s only over the last few years I started reading into adhd and also autism in women and girls and realised a lot of things especially with regards to add/adhd fit me to the letter. I’m just not quite sure what to do with the information now really. I’m not sure about seeking diagnosis and I don’t like to ‘self diagnose’ but it has given me some insight into why I’m the way I am. There’s also that fear that I am actually neurotypical and am just looking for excuses for being a mess as a person. I’ve only told my partner in real life what I think and I think I’ll keep it that way for now, he seems to get where I’m coming from and has seen how I am for himself for over a decade. But it’s not really something I talk about a lot. I often feel like a duck on water where I seem fine on the surface and even somewhat organised but underneath my legs are working hard to stop me from drowning.

Anyway, it’s so great to read other womens experiences, I feel there’s a lot of us who have slipped through the net. It’s only relatively recently I’ve actually seen it being talked about in the news and things.

 

[DeathToCovid]

It’s so nice to hear others stories on this, it’s definitely good not to feel alone in this stuff, I’ve felt abnormal for many years and never really fitted in, I mean I have friends but a lot of the time I feel SO different to them and honestly they bore me a lot of the time which is really bad to say, I seem to thrive off interesting and creative people, that’s probably why I’m with my partner.

I was the same in school Bitofthebubbly, I really hated school, I was always described as daydreamy and lazy at parents evening. I was always zoned out thinking about other things, school was boring to me, I’d avoid it at all costs because I was always in trouble and there were always things more interesting to me so I could never focus. I need to be stimulated at all times and that brings its own issues, I hyperfocus frequently and when I should be listening during my HF episode people get annoyed - I don’t hear them when they talk it’s like I know they're there but my brains put them on mute? Not only when I’m hyper focusing either I especially do this with people that bore me like my mum lol she even took me for a hearing check when I was little she thought I was deaf I wasn’t I just zoned her out. I have a lot of CAMHS reports from being a kid, when I read them I’m like WOW how did no one pick this up? I think they did to my mum what they did to me -boxed her into neglect because she grew up in care and had the same struggles as I do. They say ADHD is hereditary, most of my mums side of the family are diagnosed. I wonder how different my life could have been with a diagnosis and meds.

All in all it’s a CONSTANT battle to stay afloat, now my girls are older my house is just about clean and tidy - it’ll never be 100% I’ve come to terms with that “good enough” is ok with me. It really is true what you said about being a duck on water, it’s exhausting and I wonder why I’m always mentally exhausted. I think this is the answer. Not to self diagnose but it all fits so so well.

Anyway I just wanted to say I SEE you all

 

[HotesTilaire]

The ADDitude website is good, it’s American but has good webinars and articles

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

Does anyone else really struggle with change or when things don’t go to plan? I was supposed to go food shopping after dropping the kids off this morning, got myself all prepared because I wanted to get it done and out the way at the beginning of the day. But I couldn’t find the bank card anywhere. It’s really thrown me off for the rest of the day and now I’m sitting here crying over a bloody bank card???

 

[nightfeedz]

Does anyone else really struggle with change or when things don’t go to plan? I was supposed to go food shopping after dropping the kids off this morning, got myself all prepared because I wanted to get it done and out the way at the beginning of the day. But I couldn’t find the bank card anywhere. It’s really thrown me off for the rest of the day and now I’m sitting here crying over a bloody bank card???

Yes, I can definitely relate to this, it’s a horrible feeling.

I’m struggling with parenting at the minute, just never ever feel on top of things and am very aware my eldest child may have similar problems to me as she is showing some signs.

However, as I haven’t actually been diagnosed (waiting to see psychiatrist) I am also paranoid that I’ve made this whole thing up and I’m actually just shite at life and there’s nothing wrong with my daughter I’m just a terrible parent.

Then when I think logically, I am being self aware and proactive about my own health and I am seeking appropriate treatment. If my children do have similar issues they will have a knowledgeable and supportive parent helping them.

Then I get upset about how different things could have been for me if I had the support I needed growing up. It’s all so complicated!

I think having somewhere to talk about these experiences with people who understand can be so valuable so thanks everyone for sharing.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

Yes, I can definitely relate to this, it’s a horrible feeling.

I’m struggling with parenting at the minute, just never ever feel on top of things and am very aware my eldest child may have similar problems to me as she is showing some signs.

However, as I haven’t actually been diagnosed (waiting to see psychiatrist) I am also paranoid that I’ve made this whole thing up and I’m actually just shite at life and there’s nothing wrong with my daughter I’m just a terrible parent.

Then when I think logically, I am being self aware and proactive about my own health and I am seeking appropriate treatment. If my children do have similar issues they will have a knowledgeable and supportive parent helping them.

Then I get upset about how different things could have been for me if I had the support I needed growing up. It’s all so complicated!

I think having somewhere to talk about these experiences with people who understand can be so valuable so thanks everyone for sharing.

I could have written this post! I am always struggling with parenting and keeping on top of things. The guilt eats me up as I never feel like I’m doing a good enough job. I have these days where I’m really productive and whilst I’m doing stuff I’ll be thinking to myself “this isn’t so hard, why can’t I keep this up all the time? It would make me happy to keep the house tidy and have my tit together more” But I can never keep it up and the next day or a few days later I’m back where I started

A few years ago when my kids were young, I did a far better job at keeping on top of things than I do now, it wasn’t perfect and it got messy, but I always found that motivation to sort it out. Now things get left for an embarrassingly long time. I was proud of myself at the weekend because I’d managed to get the kids uniforms washed, dried and hung up on the same day instead of just leaving it clean in the washing basket and fishing stuff out throughout the week. I mean, it’s hardly a big achievement is it? I’m 30 ffs, this is embarrassing.

I am scared to try and seek diagnosis In case it turns out to be nothing in the end and I’m left with no answers. I worry I’ve made it all up too! I’ve always been like this, before I saw a doctor about my depression for the first time, I was so scared that they would somehow ‘see through’ me and accuse me of faking it - obviously I wasn’t faking it but I have this weird fear of not being believed or taken seriously, more so when it comes to mental health rather than physical, as with physical you can often see the problem, or they can run tests and get a concrete answer (most of the time) there’s actual ‘proof’ if that makes sense.

I think this thread will definitely be useful. I do apologise if I end up posting too many random annoying ramblings here in future.

 

[gashlycrumbtiny]

Agree with the ADDitude recommendation, there’s a lot of useful articles and downloads available.

Feeling very frustrated with myself at the moment - this is a quiet time for work so I should have loads of spare time to keep on top of the house, and it’s worse than ever. I just can’t seem to maintain a decent level of tidiness, which feels ridiculous for a grown adult to say, but I know I’m not the only one. I had to do a manic tidy yesterday to prepare for a workman coming round today and it occurred to me that a lot of the mess seems to come from uncompleted tasks or unfinished thoughts - I start a task like putting away laundry or repotting a plant and get distracted.

The other thing that’s really irritating me is my current inability to focus on doing things I enjoy - I love reading and watching movies, and I’ve been completely unable to sit through a movie basically since the pandemic started. I’ve managed to get through a couple of books recently after months of being unable to read anything. I should be able to enjoy my break and do things to relax and it’s just not happening, I’m too restless.

Both of these issues are made worse by the fact I’m not currently in a relationship - I’m much better at being tidy when I live with someone else because I don’t want to stress them out with my mess, and I can generally sit down and watch a movie with someone else (although looking back my ex would always complain about how fidgety and distracted I was). I worry because I’d really like to get married and have kids in the future and I worry that I’m just going to be completely hopeless.