What is your biggest regret?

[Renegadedancer]

Everyone is writing such beautiful and heartfelt ones. And mine is not having shagging the total ride I had a massive crush on for years but bottled it.

Mine is very similar! Liked someone for around ten years in my younger days. We worked together. Not until I was moving away with now husband did he tell me he had liked me for years too but never said anything. Im very happy but often think of the one that got away.

 

[Pegsypog]

For me it was not spending more money on travels/clothes/fun stuff ten years ago.
I was always very worried for the future and be very sensible with money. I am now married and with a serious job and good amount of money but wish i had a bit less money and more memories!
I was born old

 

[Snoopdog]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. To go through losing a very premature baby but still having to be strong for your son must of been so tough for you.
Have you received counselling or spoken about how you feel?

Edited to add - Your little boy sounds a real fighter.
Myself and my sister were born 11 weeks early back in the late 80s . My mum was told that I may not achieve things in life because I had a brain haemorrhage and mild hydrocephalus. But I never let that hold me back and if I couldn't do something I tried again and again until I succeeded.
Dont ever blame your self for events that unfortunately we have no control over.
You sound like a great mum and your son will see this as he grows up.

Thank you He means everything to me, he is amazing. He was a 25 weeker, he too had a brain bleed, grade 4 - so the most severe it could be. We were told the usual he may not walk etc and will have disabilities - however it took until 3.5 to diagnose his Cp and that was mostly because I really pushed for it because he will need a bit of extra support in school due to his balance. His speech is ‘ahead’ for both expressive and receptive and he never ever stops talking. He’s awesome and although it was horrendous when we lost his sister, I was lucky to have him, because so many parents left the unit with no babies. He’s literally living for the two of them and has double the mischief, fun everything to show for it. I never had counselling, although the gp gave me a number to call once - but for the most part, things are good. Just this nagging ache that I could have done more xx

I don't know how old you are but loads of people retrain to become midwives in their 40s and 50s. You still have loads of time left before pension age you can do it!

I shelved the midwifery plans, and I’m off to work in a school in September, as a 1:1 with a reception aged child - I’m hoping I will love this x

 

[tskiry56]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

I don't think you are selfish I think you went through a very traumatic experience after having your son early. It wasnt the birth you planned or imagined.
I know you say you haven't told anyone but you may have PTSD.
It's not until you go through such an emotional experience that the trauma can hit you later when life sees like its moving on.
I would speak to your GP and hopefully they can help you.
Edited to add - My parents had me and my sister 11 weeks early back in the late 80's and honestly anyone who can go through such a rollercoaster ride deserves a medal

Also I was 'diagnosed' with PTSD last year after leaving an abusive relationship 2 years prior. I thought at the time PTSD was only something soldiers used to have after going to war. But I think it's because I didnt acknowledge what happened to me I wanted to forget it all. I kept everything hidden for so long and didnt talk about how I felt.

Telling people and getting the support will be like a weight has lifted off your shoulders.

 

[Instagram Sham]

Honestly - spending too much time worrying about things I regret

we can’t change the past, when I make mistakes or bad things happen I try to look for all the positives which may just be making sure I learn not to make the same mistake again. Life is short.

 

[La_frenchie]

I've had a partying lifestyle in my twenties and early thirties and now I'm worried it might be too late for having children, however I still want to travel so I'm having a constant internal debate which exhausts me. I regret being too nice and not standing up for myself more because I hate conflicts. I regret having spent too many years in a job because the pay and benefits were good whilst the atmosphere was toxic, some colleagues backstabbing me and not utilising any skills I had learned. Thankfully I have moved to a city I love and my current job is miles better with kind people in my team. Funny how the lockdown had me made reflect the past even more than I usually do.

 

[CrimeJunkie]

I have two:

Lying about something stupid at school and as a result fell out with all of my friends. I would love to still see/speak to them now.

Moving out on my own at the age of 17 and getting myself into debt trying to live independently.

 

[abitfairytale]

Settling down too early...

Been with my husband since we were 18... (we're now 36).

Our (limited) sex life is very plain and vanilla.. I love him to the moon and back but wish I'd settled a little later, and hopefully had a more adventurous sex life.

 

[Londoncailín]

Wow, well done. That's amazing

I've just finished my level 5 management qualification. I didnt struggle academically. I just cant apply my self, I was like it at school and seemed to have got worse as I've got older.

I fully understand this. I didn’t apply myself until I found a degree subject that I was genuinely interested in, and could see a wide scope for my future. This motivated me hugely. I also think my age was a big factor. The educational choices I would have made at 17 and the informed choice I made at 37, were polar opposites.

 

[Boredofthegram]

I also went back to work fulltime when my son was nearly 5 months out... I feel like I missed out on so much and have no real memories of his first year of life. ( I think my mind blocked out so much because I was in an unhappy relationship)
I'll always regret that and always think if I'm not lucky enough to have another child I'll never have positive memories.

I had to do the same and regret that however this time in lockdown with just my 4 year old and me I feel like I’ve now made up for that time I missed when he went to nursery so Young and we’ve had an extra change of a few months at home together. Probably the only positive out of lockdown!

 

[Barbs89]

I wish I had gone to uni and got a job I love doing. But even to this day at nearly 30 theres nothing I really want to do.

I'm in my thirties and wish I'd have gone to uni, but I had no idea what career path or course to choose then and I'm still not sure now! I have felt for years that I wasted my a levels and always feel embarrassed when I see a good friend of mine, she was not as bright as me but knew what she wanted to do and worked really hard, she now has an amazing career and I know she thinks I could have gone somewhere if I had put my mind to it! I have a beautiful family and a wonderful life but I often think about this

 

[Bobbleowl90]

I have a few regrets but then part of me thinks that without those decisions, I wouldn’t have the life I have now with my fiancé and baby.

I regret being so timid when I was younger and putting up with years of endless bullying from my so called friends because I was too shy to leave them and make new friends. This lasted over 10 years and it wasn’t until I met my partner than I realised and cut ties. They all hate me now But the feeling is mutual and I’m happier without.

I also regret not sticking it out at my original uni. I hated living away from home and moved back to go to a uni closer to home. I wish I’d have had that uni experience now but again, on the other hand, my mum died not long after I started my new course and if I moved away I wouldn’t have spent her last moments with her.

I also regret my degree. I wish I’d have done something totally different and I’d love to go back now but I can’t afford.

But I’m also a person who regrets that last bit of chocolate or buying a dress

 

[JOHN1967]

I regret everything about my life which is horrible.
I hate my life...I am not happy with any of it!
I hate my house. My mum and dad dragged me up they are completely selfish.
My two sisters are stupid and I cant have a decent conversation with them about anything.
My children just drain me...emotionally...financially. I constantly feel guilty because I feel like a bad mother.
My husband panders to me and enables me to wallow in my self pity. He is useless and would happily live in this shit house and watch TV all day every day if he could.
If I didnt have my kids I would probably just kill myself tbh.
I dont have any close friends either.

I liked your post, but it wasn't really a like. What I meant was I feel for you. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

I don't know what to say, I wish I could do something to help.

 

[Ladymuckx]

You know what, this is going to sound mad - but I regret not going off the rails a bit more when I was younger. I never really had that “rebellious” phase and I was always very sensible and focused on getting good grades and not upsetting anyone! I just wish I’d been a bit more wild when I could get away with it. Bit embarrassing to be trying to re-live my youth at the age of 31

I can relate to this! I had my daughter at 18 and although I don’t ever regret having her everything I do is for her. I’m a single parent working shifts and feel guilt for her having to stay elsewhere 3 nights a week for this that my life is work and home to her. She’s now nearly 13 and unbelievably hard work at times. I’m sure she’s autistic but every avenue I go for support we get a door slammed in our face (ASD is massively under diagnosed in girls). As much as I love her I want a life. I regret never going wild.

I also regret pushing my ex away after my mum died. Over 5 years on and I’m still in love with him while he’s married and living in another country.

Another...I regret thinking I was fat when I was a curvy size 8. Had a great figure! Now I’m a size 20 and keep eating my feelings away

 

[Kam2243]

I wish I had not been such a pushover and people pleaser, I could have done so much better at school and college than I did. I Just couldn’t be bothered. My college didn’t even call me or my mum ONCE when I didn’t show up for weeks at a time. I got pushed into doing things I didn’t want to do all the time, because I was desperate for people to like me. Looking back I think I was depressed. I got zero support or affection from my mum from childhood and used to wish I was dead quite a lot.

 

[Snoopdog]

I really regret not having a career before kids. I had them young, due to health reasons. Always wanted to be a midwife, had a place to start when my little girl was 2, and my dad told me it was ridiculous - I was 23. Now 5 kids later, I’m still trying to figure it out.
Also, my last babies were born very prem And our daughter only lived for 3 days. Her brother is now 4, and has mild cerebral palsy - he’s absolutely amazing and honestly I wouldn’t change a single thing about him - and he couldn’t give two hoots about his rubbish balance, he loves life more than anyone I’ve ever met and delights in the most brilliant things, like swimming in the sea or playing on the beach or in the woods - he truly means the whole world to me, he’s my inspiration - but I’ll always blame myself for the fact he doesn’t have his twin here, and that he will have struggles in his life because I couldn’t keep him safe

 

[tskiry56]

I really regret not having a career before kids. I had them young, due to health reasons. Always wanted to be a midwife, had a place to start when my little girl was 2, and my dad told me it was ridiculous - I was 23. Now 5 kids later, I’m still trying to figure it out.
Also, my last babies were born very prem And our daughter only lived for 3 days. Her brother is now 4, and has mild cerebral palsy - he’s absolutely amazing and honestly I wouldn’t change a single thing about him - and he couldn’t give two hoots about his rubbish balance, he loves life more than anyone I’ve ever met and delights in the most brilliant things, like swimming in the sea or playing on the beach or in the woods - he truly means the whole world to me, he’s my inspiration - but I’ll always blame myself for the fact he doesn’t have his twin here, and that he will have struggles in his life because I couldn’t keep him safe

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. To go through losing a very premature baby but still having to be strong for your son must of been so tough for you.
Have you received counselling or spoken about how you feel?

Edited to add - Your little boy sounds a real fighter.
Myself and my sister were born 11 weeks early back in the late 80s . My mum was told that I may not achieve things in life because I had a brain haemorrhage and mild hydrocephalus. But I never let that hold me back and if I couldn't do something I tried again and again until I succeeded.
Dont ever blame your self for events that unfortunately we have no control over.
You sound like a great mum and your son will see this as he grows up.

 

[Welsh1]

I'm in my thirties and wish I'd have gone to uni, but I had no idea what career path or course to choose then and I'm still not sure now! I have felt for years that I wasted my a levels and always feel embarrassed when I see a good friend of mine, she was not as bright as me but knew what she wanted to do and worked really hard, she now has an amazing career and I know she thinks I could have gone somewhere if I had put my mind to it! I have a beautiful family and a wonderful life but I often think about this

It's never to late. I joined uni at the age of 28. I had a 2 year old, a full time job but felt I needed to do something educational again. I'm due to graduate this year with a 1st class honours (obviously delayed due to corona). Never to late, go for it.

 

[Likkleone]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

this must be really really hard. I can’t say I can understand how you feel as I’m not a mother but I know that must be painful. Have you thought about therapy to talk this through with someone? Perhaps there’s an underlying thought pattern or maybe this is a side effect of something else. What I do know is you are still you regardless of being a mother. You can want to do different things and have bigger aspirations for yourself and you should never feel guilty for that.

stay strong x

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Wasting time on people but I loved them and it felt right at the time. Now when people are awkward I just say ok and remove myself from them/the situation and don’t let it affect me.