What is your biggest regret?

[Carmen 6]

Not being able to communicate with my mother. She had a disconnected childhood, which made her unable to be a warm mother herself.
There was nothing I could do and I'm still struggling to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault.
I miss so much the relationship we should have had, and she's passed now so it's too late.

 

[cushtybert]

Not standing up for myself sooner. I’m too much of a pushover, some “family” members have treated me appallingly, I’ve cut them out of my life now but I wish I had done it sooner

 

[Notothefakes]

I know that feeling. I used to think I was a patient person until my child presented with ASD. Now my second baby is on the pathway to assessment. On the outside I’ve just been getting on with it but inside I feel heartbroken to be going through it all again with another child.

I get this. My son has adhd and he exhausts me and reminds me in my actions daily how I’m failing him. Then I had s as daughter who shows no signs but we then had a surprise baby who’s a boy and I’m terrified I’m going to have to go through it all again . ADHD is more prevalent in boys in believe and I suspect my husband has it (he manages his well, is successful in his job etc) people say to me oh but now you know
What to look out for and I just want to cry but I don’t want to have to look out for it. My son is amazing, his perception on the world just amazes me daily how he sees things but he exhausts me and he can be violent. So I totally get you and sending you lots of hugs. You’ve got this even on the days you don’t think you have x

 

[Prgirl_cesca]

I wish we weren't on an Interest only mortgage for so long and therefore we would had paid off more by now or been in a much bigger house. Husband bought his house at in 2004. We continued to have very low interest payments until we switched in 2014. 10 years potentially paying it off.

I would like to say we were on low income and couldn't afford more, or we at least had amazing holidays and enriching experiences, but truth be told my husband just bought a new stupid car every year and we went out A LOT. So much went on beer

 

[Clementine479]

Divorcing my husband. He was a good and kind man, and I threw it all away for some hot bit of stuff without any empathy or kindness at all. I was such an idiot.

 

[LittleMy]

I get this. My son has adhd and he exhausts me and reminds me in my actions daily how I’m failing him. Then I had s as daughter who shows no signs but we then had a surprise baby who’s a boy and I’m terrified I’m going to have to go through it all again . ADHD is more prevalent in boys in believe and I suspect my husband has it (he manages his well, is successful in his job etc) people say to me oh but now you know
What to look out for and I just want to cry but I don’t want to have to look out for it. My son is amazing, his perception on the world just amazes me daily how he sees things but he exhausts me and he can be violent. So I totally get you and sending you lots of hugs. You’ve got this even on the days you don’t think you have x

Thank you. It’s good to be able to chat with other parents going through similar things. I don’t know many other SEN parents. I totally get you, I hated that I kept watching my second boy and over analysing everything instead of enjoying the milestones when he was a baby into toddler, but I couldn’t help it. He presented so differently to his brother that for a while we thought he couldn’t be, until recently when we noticed certain behaviours were becoming more prevalent. He hasn’t been diagnosed yet but I just have that gut feeling he will be. Sending hugs to you too, it’s not easy but they are worth it.

 

[LifeOfRiley]

I wish I’d been content on my own, I was so keen to meet someone I met right doofus men.
However when I met my husband I had given up and he just appeared.

 

[Instawhut!]

Staying with my ex for so long (7 years), thus wasting most of my 20’s with that loser. We never went anywhere, basically went to work and stayed in the house and that was it. It is all working out though, I have met a new partner who likes to go out and do all the same fun stuff that I like to do and have lost some of the weight I put on when I was with my ex. So i guess things work out in the end.

Good for you sweetie, im in the process of leaving my current BF who never wants to go out and do anything, so glad you are happier and healthier

 

[birdiefly246]

I think the mum guilt is very real. You have the basics covered and she’s happy and not being harmed, that’s all you can do. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The fact that you worry about these things at all means you’re a good mother. I doubt a bad mother would even bother, they’re usually selfish/narcissistic anyway.

I just want to say for all the "bad mothers" of the thread. As the child of an abusive, narcissist... bad mothers don't worry about being bad mothers!

I try not to have regrets in fairness.

Went to Uni and studied a subject I don’t use in working life. However, having a degree has helped me progress in my current company and succeed with further study. I’m considering studying for a masters in my field or an undergrad (p/t) in engineering. So kind of wish I did engineering at uni BUT I 100% would have packed that in at 18/19.

My only real regret is being so shy and self conscious in my teens/early 20s. I genuinely thought I was ugly, unworthy, a freak etc. But I was not. At all. Have worked very hard on confidence, self love and assertiveness and I’m a very different person in my 30s. Which is great.

Just really wish I didn’t spend my teens and early 20s feeling so fucking badly about myself. That’s the biggest thing I think youngsters (esp girls) need to be educated and coached on: loving themselves for who they are. I truly believe this would reduce the number of girls being taken advantage of and ending up with toxic or abusive partners.

Every woman is a Queen. And needs to own that power and not let (usually men) get the hooks in young and make us question our worth.

As someone who is about to turn 24 and has spent the last few years figuring things out and feeling lost, you have no idea how much I needed to read this. I've only recently started booting people out of my life who weren't treating me properly (not just men, friends as well).

 

[tskiry56]

I regret going to uni and doing the course I did.
I also regret staying with my abusive ex for so long and letting him change my personality.
Although I may not of been the person I am today if i didnt go through what I did.

 

[max]

I regret not listening to my gut instinct and NOT walked down that aisle would have saved so much heartbreak

 

[LittleMy]

I wish I'd done the usual tried harder at school, been better with money, not wasted ed time on a dick ex.
But, I wish I hadn't have had a child just because it was the 'next step' expected of me... She's 15 now and I am a truly crap mother. If I knew then what I know now I would have stayed childless..

I bet that’s not true. There are no perfect mothers, we’re all just trying our best, it’s not like they give out instruction manuals when you have your kids (I wish they did ).

 

[Mickybrowneyes]

I’m a wannabe plus size model.. always told myself next year next year... we’ll now I’m 33, divorced, no kids and I have nothing to my name. My whole life is one whole regret tbh

 

[Caramel Latte]

Not the biggest regret but i was just thinking how i kinda wasted uni years being shy/getting used to people instead of making stronger friendships and having fun. But I'm always shy at first when i meet new people/go to new places.
That's why I'm hoping when i relocate (go back to my home country i left 13 years ago) i get to make friends easier and get used to it!

 

[chocolate choux]

I’m another one who regrets putting up with people treating me like shit. The amount of effort and time I wasted on people who wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire

I regret having my daughter in the circumstances

I wish I’d been less passive with medical professionals during pregnancy and after my daughter was born. Often I think about how we could have gotten help sooner if I’d made a nuisance of myself. I’ve learned not to blindly have faith

It’s so easy to wallow so I try to remember things could always have been worse

 

[KateESJ]

*Sorry if triggering*

Having an abortion at 17. I wanted to keep the baby but didn't feel like I'd have any support from my family and my boyfriend was petrified so we didn't tell anyone and I went alone to a clinic to have a surgical abortion. It was decades ago and still haunts me to this day. I know many people have abortions and don't regret them but for me it was the worst decision I've ever made.

I am so sorry.
I had an abortion last year and I regretted it. It's a horrible feeling. I'm lucky that it doesn't haunt me as much anymore but to begin with it was the worst feeling ever.
Sending hugs xx

 

[Wishwash]

I have lots of regrets but one of my biggest ones is that in my early 20s after uni I started going out with a guy who was black. At the time I was friends with a really toxic group of people who just weren't pleasant but because we had been through uni together and worked in the same field I was really preoccupied with staying friends with them. They were all couples and very stuck up and were also very racist as became apparent.

Their constant digs and judgement meant I broke things off with him. Not saying he would have been the love of my life or anything like that, I mean who knows? But I am so angry with myself sometimes when I think about it that I let this horrible group of people influence me like this because that wasn't my opinion, or values. I'm Irish as well and they used to be so horrible about it I was basically the running joke of the group.

What I don't regret is "falling out with them"...the world didn't end and after a few months I realised fuck them they were awful people. I often pay too much attention to what people think but this is my biggest regret that instead of just telling them to fuck off I dumped this poor guy and he was lovely!!! And gorgeous! And I liked him! That should have been enough!

Please don't bash me I've done it enough to myself over the years!

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Ah, thank you. It wasn't a pity post, I just genuinely don't think I am cut out for motherhood.

Nor do i. I thought id be a natural, but im not. I cant really explore those feelings or ill crumble.

 

[Meh]

I have lots of regrets but one of my biggest ones is that in my early 20s after uni I started going out with a guy who was black. At the time I was friends with a really toxic group of people who just weren't pleasant but because we had been through uni together and worked in the same field I was really preoccupied with staying friends with them. They were all couples and very stuck up and were also very racist as became apparent.

Their constant digs and judgement meant I broke things off with him. Not saying he would have been the love of my life or anything like that, I mean who knows? But I am so angry with myself sometimes when I think about it that I let this horrible group of people influence me like this because that wasn't my opinion, or values. I'm Irish as well and they used to be so horrible about it I was basically the running joke of the group.

What I don't regret is "falling out with them"...the world didn't end and after a few months I realised fuck them they were awful people. I often pay too much attention to what people think but this is my biggest regret that instead of just telling them to fuck off I dumped this poor guy and he was lovely!!! And gorgeous! And I liked him! That should have been enough!

Please don't bash me I've done it enough to myself over the years!

I don’t think anyone would bash you for this.

I’m sorry this happened to you and him. That’s really unfair.

it’s great that you have got that toxic group away from you: they weren’t friends and you definitely don’t need them.

Can completely understand you beating yourself up over the years but please don’t. By your post you clearly don’t hold those views and sought to remedy the situation by getting rid of that friend group. Now you know that if you ever met a black/POC man and were interested in a relationship that nothing would hold you back.

 

[Herefortheteeeee]

I regret not living abroad for a year or so when i was younger-maybe pre uni.
I would have benefitted from taking a year out before uni to up my ucas points to get me on the course i actually wanted to do rather than my third subject choice. I dont regret this though. I got a cheaper degree (as it went up x3 the following year for fees).

I feel like I wrote this comment???? I did the exact same thing. Did you finish 6th form in 2005? I had the exact dilemma. I ended up doing a course which was a total waste of time. But I made that choice on results day and moved away 2 weeks later. I stayed living away for 10 years!

Another one... Over the years I've drifted apart from friends, I know this happens but when I look at all these friends they are all still so close to others who we were friends with too. It's the case with most of the different groups, I've obviously come to realise it must be me I don't know what I do wrong, I wish I knew what it was

This happened to me too. My only friend from a large group of friends at uni died 2 years ago and I don’t speak to anyone else. I have made the effort to contact people who I no longer speak to and they don’t bother responding so I assume it’s me. I personally think social media is to blame for this feeling. If I didn’t see them socialising with the same people, would I feel the same?