What is your biggest regret?

[LM1]

I regret always caring to much what people think. I'm not so bad now. I'm also the type of person who doesn't like to upset anyone and never think my ideas/problems/feelings are a big enough deal to be mentioned so just plod along.

 

[prpkw]

That I was a terrible girlfriend to my little girls Daddy, resulting in us separating. I just couldn’t seem to get my sh*t together, keep the house tidy, cook dinner. It all fell apart. I was a terrific parent but a terrible girlfriend. I’ll always regret that.

 

[imaginedragon83]

I regret not moving to Australia years ago.
I have family there and visited a few times and just wish I could move there. I donr have a career on the skilled job list though and too old for the regional work visa now.

I also wish i had a better career. I never finished uni. At the time I just told everyone I hated my course and would do baxk eventually but really I was CRIPPLED with anxiety and couldn't face anything.

At that time anxiety wasn't even called anxiety. Nobody talked about it. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I was a teen now with plenty of mental health awareness. I'm still scared by everything but not as much as I was. And now I'm more open about how things make me feel, like just be honest if I am too anxious whereas years ago I'd never admit it.

I still remember that overwhelming feeling of wanting to scream at everyone how scared I was but instead making out i was fine. Even typing this out feels good cos I still have never really talked about it properly

 

[Lalla]

I try to regret as little as possible. Sure there are things I would have done differently with a second chance, but I try not to beat myself up too much.

My biggest regret is losing touch with my best friend. She was like a sister to me. She had it all - married young into a v weatlhy family so she didn't need to work, lovely home, children. Whereas I had no money, single parent, slogging it out. I felt too poor, too working class to compete with all her rich, public school educated pals. So I stopped contacting her. I said to myself I would, once my life was better, when I was thinner, richer, etc. It was never the right time. She didn't do social media, but she had a v unusual name and once a year or so I'd Google her, I thought she might start working again when her kids were teens, or finally join FB or something.

Except what came up the last time I googled her was that she'd died, she was only in her early 40s It's a few years on now since I found out, and that was nearly a year after she died. And I still can't quite believe it. I've lost many others close to me but hers is the one I feel the most regret about.

Not having driving lessons when I was younger. I was so much more confident then. I'm almost 47 and in i couldn't even think about having lessons now. No confidence at all

If you can afford it please, please don't write off learning to drive. I tried in my teens, couldn't get the hang of it at all. Told myself I just couldn't do it.

Then a few years ago when I was 42 my partner said why didn't I learn, why let the past hold me back? And I did it. Took me 3 tests and a lot of lessons but it's changed my life. You don't realise how amazing it is being able to drive until you can. And honestly if I can pass I'm sure anyone else can do it too

 

[KateESJ]

I’m so sorry Hun. What a heartbreaking read
You chose what you chose under the worst circumstances imaginable.
please try not to be hard on yourself.
You son is always with you and you sound like an amazing mum.

I lost my little boy at 7 months pregnant last year. I did everything I could throughout a difficult pregnancy. I practically lived on the maternity assessment ward and was in constantly over any little issue. It was negligence by the hospital that ultimately led to his death. But I’ll always feel I didn’t do enough

Thank you I'm so sorry for your loss... that's horrible. I am sure you did everything you could for your baby boy and I'm sure he felt your love and still does everyday Sending love to you.

Therapy helped me get over this, a lot. It made me realise I wouldn't have been happy either way - I didn't want to bury him because I didn't want him alone, I was so against him being in a box and buried alone down there. I would've felt exactly the same way had we done that, it's just me focusing my grief on one aspect and thinking that was why I felt so awful. In reality I just wanted him. The cremation regret wasn't the root of how I was feeling. It was just a consequence.

 

[Boredinstagrammer29]

Not standing up for myself with a work bully. This person went mental at me and I just sat there and took it, I also ended up losing my job due to this person. Afterwards, I cried for 6 months every single day. It ruined my self-esteem and confidence. Looking back I should have stood up and said my piece, but I wasn't strong enough. It did teach me that I shouldn't let people walk all over me and to be more confident with myself.

Absolutely Anna. Even if you have to fake it. I stood up to a bully above me at work and calmly told her the next day that it was inappropriate to be spoken to like that and next time she needs to be more polite. My voice kept cutting out, does this weird thing when I’m nervous but I did it.

 

[Jam-sandwich]

My biggest regret is being sucked into the world of online gambling. The debt it left me with is like a noose around my neck, not to mention how it wrecked with my head mentally. At my weakest I gambled and lost £1700 in one night, makes me sick to type it I know people out there have far worse stories but for me that's a lot.

I've been completely free for just over 2 years (almost 4 if I don't count a small blip in 2018) thanks to a combination of willpower and signing up to Gamstop. I honestly wish I could go back in time to that first time I did it and just show myself how deep I would end up getting sucked in.

 

[Branched]

Always doing what I felt I "should" do and getting sucked into the "right" way of going through life. Resulted in me studying a subject that I didn't really care for at uni but that everyone said was a sensible and useful option, then not swapping onto the course I actually wanted to do because it was a "waste of another year". Took a graduate job I pretty much hated (but was respected by others) for the same reason. Buying a house was my next goal because that's what society told me I should be doing.

I've now completely re-evaluated my entire life and I'm now placing my own happiness and actually living life above everything else.

 

[navybluewolf]

Not getting my degree. But it's quite a long story so feel free to skip lol.

In the second year of uni I was bullied by my tutors, to the point where I went to the head of year to complain about their behaviour. She was their friend irl and did nothing. I stopped going in, and failed my second year. I had 6 weeks to do extra work to make up the marks. I asked slightly less cunty tutor to tell me exactly what they needed, in bullet points. I did every one of these bullet points to the letter. Work came back with a lower score then before. I couldn't face repeating the year with those awful cunts so I left, fully intending to transfer to a different uni. There happened to be one running the same course near my house. I went to speak to them and was told that I would need to repeat from year one. I couldn't get finance for another 3 years, at the time, not sure if it's still the case, student loans would only pay for 4 years of education. Starting from year one again would be 5, and I had no savings or anything. So I withdrew and dropped out completely. I wish I had stood up to those bastards but in those days I was an extremely shy person. I wish there was a way I could get a loan and go back and do another degree.

 

[LT31514]

I regret not going to university at 18. At the time I had a cushty Saturday job at a bank and they offered me a contract full time. It was fine while my friends were at uni and I was the one with a full time job and money but that soon changed and I was stuck pushing insurance on a till while my friends had careers. I’ve since met my husband and I moved abroad to live with him and I’ve done a university degree online so I’m looking to do a masters degree now. I say I regret this but I believe that every decision leads you somewhere so I may not have met my husband if things would have been different and I’d have gone to university at 18.

 

[TheJoanCollinsFanClub]

Many years ago I was raped by someone who I knew. I couldn’t tell anyone because of who the man is (powerful and well known). Would have been my word against his, and because this man is very very dangerous, I just know that he would have got off. So, that’s my regret. Sorry if anyone found it triggering.

 

[Everdene]

My best childhood friend and I spend pretty much all our free time and holidays together for 15 years. It was platonic but he was absolutely the most important person in my life and we were part of each others families. His grandmother would even give me heirlooms before she passed since her children didn't have a daughter of their own. Then he got himself a girlfriend abroad who was very insecure (his words). Because she didn't live in the same country she did things like making suicide threats publicly on Facebook if he hung out with me or things like faking pregnancy scares so he was an absentminded mess when she was gone. He stopped our friendship for her, mainly by ghosting me and it broke my heart even though I did get it for the most part. I didn't have romantic feelings for him and really wanted him to be happy with a life partner.

She dumped him shortly after but our friendship never recovered since she kept stringing him along and he felt like if he would not hang out with me he could win her back. It's silly because in the end we drifted apart so much. But I still feel sad at times that he never met my husband and that we couldn't all have been,at the very least ,friends. Now too much has happened.

 

[StairsAlwaysLeadUp]

I wish I'd done the usual tried harder at school, been better with money, not wasted ed time on a dick ex.
But, I wish I hadn't have had a child just because it was the 'next step' expected of me... She's 15 now and I am a truly crap mother. If I knew then what I know now I would have stayed childless..

 

[MissTeddy]

Lots of things unfortunately, main ones:
Not getting a chance to tell someone important to me that I was in love with him before he died
Moving away from my home town to a place I’m now miserable in but we’re trapped until my children finish school
Not having another baby
Staying in a job longer than I should have which effected my mental health

I have no idea what your personal situation is but if you’re miserable you don’t have to stay just because your kids are settled in school. Kids are super adaptable and people relocate all the time, it won‘t ruin their lives.

 

[Prince fan 1999]

Not having driving lessons when I was younger. I was so much more confident then. I'm almost 47 and in i couldn't even think about having lessons now. No confidence at all

 

[MissMissMissy]

This is such an emotional thread... sending a lotta love out to all you who need it.

For me there’s just a few

not pushing for more mental health support as a teenager

not having the ability to wait a little bit before Uni as I was a very young immature 16 year old so choosing a degree and location at that age was mad.

Getting married to the father of my two kids. We already had the kids. We weren’t right. We didn’t need the big £30k wedding that my family paid for.... but they pushed us to do it believing it was what we wanted and what we should have done... we really shouldn’t and the divorce a few years later was painful. Hearing my Mum say that I should have tried for longer because of how much the wedding cost really bothered me. Like I should have been suicidal and miserable and failing as a mother and a person for a few more years so that it was less embarrassing for her... fuck me.

I regret one or two friendships too. Getting over the end of a BEST friend was harder than my marriage break up. I still struggle with it. Getting stabbed in the back by someone who knows every piece of you is horrendous.
I got a criminal record when I was 18... such a stupid thing and I absolutely deserved it because I was wrong and stupid... but I should have known better. That small mistake is something I’m less shamed of now, unless I’m applying for a job in education (which is where I work) and I have to declare it, just makes me feel so so small. I was such an idiot.

Wish I hadn’t put my baby in full time childcare at 5 months old to return to work because everyone was telling me it was the right thing to do...


I wish I’d had CBT and much more therapy when I was younger. When I turned 30 and found myself a therapist it changed my life for the better.

 

[LittleMy]

Ah, thank you. It wasn't a pity post, I just genuinely don't think I am cut out for motherhood.

Is anybody really? Most days I feel the same, it’s so fucking hard now, I’m actually dreading the teenage years. I have two children with additional needs, I blame myself every day for their struggles even though I know deep down that I couldn’t have done a thing to prevent them.

 

[Caramel Latte]

Sometimes i regret cutting people out of my life when i was younger for stupid reasons, and now thinking of what ifs..

 

[Horatio]

Have been away from this site for a month or two for no real reason but reading this thread reminds me why it’s not just your average Internet forum. Peoples honesty for one thing and the kindness and solidarity in the responses. Really special guys (sorry to be cheesy)

Also interesting how many regrets stem from bad decisions made at leaving school age- either not saving or doing the wrong degree or not doing a degree. I feel like 16-18 year olds could be advised better in what’s right for them. It’s a difficult age. You do think you know it all. I have lots of regrets about wasting my twenties in various ways too and do feel worried about the future in the way I didn’t five or ten years ago (I’m 30).

 

[Jg182]

Letting people treat me badly, like a push over.
Not having the courage to cut toxic people out of my life sooner.