What is your biggest regret?

[bubbadabut]

@KateESJ my heart goes out to you. Xx

For me it would be not pursuing my interest in languages after leaving school. It was only years later that I continued my studies as an adult and after many years of combining work and studying, I ended up getting a job at the British Consulate in Madrid, where I had some of the best times of my life. It didn't last long as I had to come back to the UK for family reasons. I just wish I hadn't dicked about for so many years after leaving school.

 

[Isa Drennan]

Not standing up for myself with a work bully. This person went mental at me and I just sat there and took it, I also ended up losing my job due to this person. Afterwards, I cried for 6 months every single day. It ruined my self-esteem and confidence. Looking back I should have stood up and said my piece, but I wasn't strong enough. It did teach me that I shouldn't let people walk all over me and to be more confident with myself.

Don't beat yourself up, you do always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would make excuses for a woman being a c u next Tuesday to me in work e.g "she's maybe had a tough day" "I'll give her a chance to apologise" then noticed a pattern emerging so took it further

6 complaints from me to management, other colleagues complaining about her practice, many arguments between me and her, nothing seemed to change until 14 months later my manager caught her in the act being abusive. She's now sacked also facing a reprimand from the regulatory body!! What goes around always comes around for these nasty vile people

 

[prpkw]

I wish I’d been content on my own, I was so keen to meet someone I met right doofus men.
However when I met my husband I had given up and he just appeared.

See this gives me hope. I am content on my own these days, after far too many idiots.

 

[StairsAlwaysLeadUp]

I bet that’s not true. There are no perfect mothers, we’re all just trying our best, it’s not like they give out instruction manuals when you have your kids (I wish they did ).

Ah, thank you. It wasn't a pity post, I just genuinely don't think I am cut out for motherhood.

 

[MissMissMissy]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

it is a long journey... 13 months might seem like a long time right now but you have so many years ahead. Give yourself time and take no shame in admitting that you don’t like this part... I know many people say they would have more kids if they could birth them as a 6 year old...

You’ll find your role one day, don’t loose faith

 

[PineappleTopper]

I regret not living abroad for a year or so when i was younger-maybe pre uni.
I would have benefitted from taking a year out before uni to up my ucas points to get me on the course i actually wanted to do rather than my third subject choice. I dont regret this though. I got a cheaper degree (as it went up x3 the following year for fees).

 

[Flogger]

I regret not doing more before having kids. Mostly travelling.

 

[abitfairytale]

Two...

Getting into ridiculous debt and only having my 'lightbulb' moment a couple of years ago. Now in a DMP with about 5yrs to go. But an end is in (long distance) sight instead of robbing Peter to pay Paul each month.

Not travelling more when I was younger. Probably linked to the above problem realistically. I always said when I was a teen that my dream was to visit Australia (specifically Melbourne) before I was 21 (I was born there but brought up in the UK by Brit parents). I'm now 36 and still no where close to that dream. In reality I didn't get on a plane till I was 22... One day....

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

I went through similar. Please reach out for some support. It is hard. It is relentless. It is boring (when theyre very young). Its overwhelming not feeling what you thought you were meant to. Being a parent is a huge shock to the system and not everyone adjusts as easy. And thats ok. Ask for help x

 

[JoeBloggs]

Sometimes I regret not trying harder with friends, people just don’t seem to want to stay friends. I was bullied at high school and it pains me to still see them as good friends.

I also regret not trying harder in my last year at uni. I ignored my tutors advice and got a 2:2 when I was predicted as 2:1. Mind it’s made no difference to my career

I regret not losing weight despite trying for the last 8/9 years.

 

[TommyTBFC]

Since I was 5 I have always wanted to be a Police Officer, but never ever applied as I was too scared of not getting in and my dream being over. I’m now well into my thirties and got to face the fact that I will never be one. Wish I’d have took the plunge

 

[megsmagoo]

Most of my regrets actually stem from things I’ve done when I’ve been drunk which should probably be the reason I stop drinking but for some reason I can’t, I don’t drink regularly but when I go out I go OUT, I mostly have a good time, but it’s the next day when I feel terrible. I think it’s because of anxiety too, it makes everything seem worse then it actually is.

The one other regret I have is not learning to drive when I was 17! Im 31 now and learning and oh my days I hate it if I have children the first thing I’m doing when they’re 17 is getting them driving lessons whether they want them or not

 

[Belulah]

Mine is not having the physical energy to read a book or even watch shows I like. It comes from a dark period in my life where I felt so sad and so low I just slept and slept. Now I’m a million times better but I never, ever have any energy. We are a one parent family and I do work full time, and am learning to drive but I could easily do more. I could lean over and get my book but I can’t. And I have spent years beating myself up over it. I could have read a hundred books by now but instead I doze all evening and feel terrible.

 

[hrh89]

I'm 28 and I regret that I've spent most of my life hating my body, wishing I was thinner, doing stupid diets & binging. I regret that I have no confidence & very low self esteem. I feel I've wasted my life to look back on pictures of myself & kick myself for having nothing to worry about looks wise but then I'm still in the same cycle hating myself, it really holds me back in life. Sometimes I think if I was just confident & could tell the self doubt to sod off (& not worry about my body so incessantly) that I'd be much further ahead in life than I am now. I don't know. What's frustrating is, I hate this & keep telling myself I need to break the cycle but it's so hard.

This is me. I’ve missed out on a lot of stuff because of body confidence and low self esteem. I said no to things I wanted to do purely because I hated myself. I still hate myself now so nothing’s changed. This has affected me since I was 12 and started going through puberty. I see people of all sizes living their life and wearing what they want and I wonder why I can’t feel the same

 

[tskiry56]

This is such an emotional thread... sending a lotta love out to all you who need it.

For me there’s just a few

not pushing for more mental health support as a teenager

not having the ability to wait a little bit before Uni as I was a very young immature 16 year old so choosing a degree and location at that age was mad.

Getting married to the father of my two kids. We already had the kids. We weren’t right. We didn’t need the big £30k wedding that my family paid for.... but they pushed us to do it believing it was what we wanted and what we should have done... we really shouldn’t and the divorce a few years later was painful. Hearing my Mum say that I should have tried for longer because of how much the wedding cost really bothered me. Like I should have been suicidal and miserable and failing as a mother and a person for a few more years so that it was less embarrassing for her... fuck me.

I regret one or two friendships too. Getting over the end of a BEST friend was harder than my marriage break up. I still struggle with it. Getting stabbed in the back by someone who knows every piece of you is horrendous.
I got a criminal record when I was 18... such a stupid thing and I absolutely deserved it because I was wrong and stupid... but I should have known better. That small mistake is something I’m less shamed of now, unless I’m applying for a job in education (which is where I work) and I have to declare it, just makes me feel so so small. I was such an idiot.

Wish I hadn’t put my baby in full time childcare at 5 months old to return to work because everyone was telling me it was the right thing to do...


I wish I’d had CBT and much more therapy when I was younger. When I turned 30 and found myself a therapist it changed my life for the better.

I also went back to work fulltime when my son was nearly 5 months out... I feel like I missed out on so much and have no real memories of his first year of life. ( I think my mind blocked out so much because I was in an unhappy relationship)
I'll always regret that and always think if I'm not lucky enough to have another child I'll never have positive memories.

 

[ScrambledEggs]

Spending my early twenties with a small dick loser who cheated and lied & who's mother licked the plate .(iykyk).

 

[PoppyD]

I'm 28 and I regret that I've spent most of my life hating my body, wishing I was thinner, doing stupid diets & binging. I regret that I have no confidence & very low self esteem. I feel I've wasted my life to look back on pictures of myself & kick myself for having nothing to worry about looks wise but then I'm still in the same cycle hating myself, it really holds me back in life. Sometimes I think if I was just confident & could tell the self doubt to sod off (& not worry about my body so incessantly) that I'd be much further ahead in life than I am now. I don't know. What's frustrating is, I hate this & keep telling myself I need to break the cycle but it's so hard.

.

I understand this I've done the same and done alot of damage to my teeth due to an ED and I just wish I didn't care but i did and still do.

 

[Globe]

I regret quitting a job over a bully (who then left after me).
Wasting my 20s and 7 years on a relationship that just wasn't right.

 

[MakkaPakka]

I wish I hadn't had my son. He was planned and I was excited while pregnant (mostly). He was born prematurely and I wasn't prepared.
I didn't bond with him when he was newborn and now he's 13 months I love him and take care of him but don't experience that intense love that other mums talk about. Most days I find myself wishing I hadn't had him so I could do what I wanted. So selfish I know. I don't think I'm a mumsy person, I don't have any patience and I find it all so boring.

Sorry for oversharing but I haven't actually told another human any of this.

I understand how you feel - I felt the same and still do to a certain degree now (my son is 8). He wasn't even born prematurely, I had a super easy pregnancy, straightforward birth...and I know the first weeks, even years are hard for all parents, but I often thought "I really shouldn't have had a baby". And he was a lovely baby and is mostly a great kid. It's just..I don't enjoy being a mother. I don't think I was made to be a mother. I never really liked playing with him, I hate playgrounds and I often found activities with him excruciatingly boring. I love him, I really do - but I feel I would've had a great life without him, too. Sorry if this sounds mean, it's not supposed to be. I try my best to be a good mother and he's a happy child (I think!). I'm just glad I never had a second one. And yes, it does get better as they grow older. But I think it's also OK to admit having a child might not have been the best decision.

Edit: I did enjoy the lockdown with my son

 

[Aceofspades]

@KateESJ my heart goes out to you. Xx

For me it would be not pursuing my interest in languages after leaving school. It was only years later that I continued my studies as an adult and after many years of combining work and studying, I ended up getting a job at the British Consulate in Madrid, where I had some of the best times of my life. It didn't last long as I had to come back to the UK for family reasons. I just wish I hadn't dicked about for so many years after leaving school.

I have a similar regret too @bubbadabut I also worked in Madrid in a language role and I regret coming home. Some of my best memories made there I had the most amazing times. But things have changed and it's no longer really an option for me to go back, wish I'd stayed when I had the chance.