Unpopular opinions #16

[Ensay]

I rarely drink, but I don't make a point of mentioning it to people on nights out, mostly because they demand to ask why, like I'm some sort of nutter.

I live in the sticks, so I'm normally driving and that's the main reason. But, other than that, I'm just not really mad on the taste of alcohol (I'll drink beer/ale or wine but I'm not massively enamoured with it). Plus even just a couple of drinks can make me feel a bit sick/rough, so it seems pointless to drink something I don't particularly like the taste of and feel a bit dodgy on just to please other people.

I enjoy nights out, I just don't need to drink to enjoy them. That said, I don't look down my nose at people who do want to drink - to each their own!

 

[rainbowlemon]

Thank you for saying so. Honestly I mean that, whenever this kind of topic comes up I always get shook because there are always pious individuals who say they'd rather stick it out so the other person will feel loved and validated. That's not why we exist, to make people feel better about themselves at our expense.
I wouldn't be here if I didn't cut my parents out, their lack of basic human emotions and empathy left me so scarred and traumatised. They sadly didn't do the work to better themselves but I at least had a chance of a happy life without them

When I was younger I used to believe that love was all you needed. As I grew older I realized that love alone is not enough. You need a solid foundation of respect and trust too. There's no point in any relationship if those can not be met as a minimum.

Love alone can not cure an individual with bpd. Even the best therapists have to have years of training.

I think it's okay to put yourself first and you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm regardless of any significant mental health issues that co exist. Right now in this moment I know I wouldn't have the emotional energy to support anyone who was as ill as I was when I first started therapy (3 months post suicide attempt).

 

[Hmmm?]

a lot of chav parents want their kids to have something wrong with them for the extra benefits and support they get offered.

adults like a label because it makes them quirky and unique.

nowadays if you don’t have a mental illness or your not gay/bi/a man trapped in a woman’s body or visa versa
Your boring.

This whole neuro-divergent popularity drives me mad.

 

[Melian]

a lot of chav parents want their kids to have something wrong with them for the extra benefits and support they get offered.

adults like a label because it makes them quirky and unique.

nowadays if you don’t have a mental illness or your not gay/bi/a man trapped in a woman’s body or visa versa
Your boring.

And some of us who need a label (because I need to know why this is happening) are accused of faking it by medical professionals. It then took a few questions, a quick look in his medical book and a quick look at my test results to give me a diagnosis. One that isn't picked up by standard tests.

 

[Beverley Macker]

Rihanna’s maternity wardrobe looks cheap and tawdry.

 

[BattleAxing]

Just because a person has BPD is does not mean they can monopolise my energy or take me for granted!

Its all good the member throwing out text book adjectives about the disorder but it doesn’t sound like they have had actually had to live with someone with it. It honestly is soul destroying and almost like you are being gaslighted constantly as they can have a tendency to lie also and it’s usually running side by side with some sort of addiction and poor impulse control so trusting them can be very hard (I found it extremely difficult to trust my friend again after she stolen from another friends house) I also have an aunt with BPD too and have always viewed her as a very toxic character and seems to have the ability to manipulate the entire family so have stayed away from her for many years also. She’s poison. As I said I won’t allow anyone else’s mental health to disturb my own. If that makes me mean spirited tough tits. But I will echo myself and the others here who have said living with and investing so much of your time into someone with BPD is traumatic in itself.

I am not sure why my comment triggered an angry response. I just don’t get this whole culture where we must excuse everyone’s actions based on what label they’re carrying or mental health condition they have. Even at our own detriment.

People are accountable and have ownership for their own actions. And no one owes anybody else anything just because of them and I completely stand by that!

 

[Hmmm?]

UO - those long fake eyelashes that are so big that you can’t even see their eyes. They are so chavy and look ridiculous. I don’t understand how the person wearing them thinks they look good

 

[Idon'twanttobehere]

Just because a person has BPD is does not mean they can monopolise my energy or take me for granted!

Its all good the member throwing out text book adjectives about the disorder but it doesn’t sound like they have had actually had to live with someone with it. It honestly is soul destroying and almost like you are being gaslighted constantly as they can have a tendency to lie also and it’s usually running side by side with some sort of addiction and poor impulse control so trusting them can be very hard (I found it extremely difficult to trust my friend again after she stolen from another friends house) I also have an aunt with BPD too and have always viewed her as a very toxic character and seems to have the ability to manipulate the entire family so have stayed away from her for many years also. She’s poison. As I said I won’t allow anyone else’s mental health to disturb my own. If that makes me mean spirited tough tits. But I will echo myself and the others here who have said living with and investing so much of your time into someone with BPD is traumatic in itself.

I am not sure why my comment triggered an angry response. I just don’t get this whole culture where we must excuse everyone’s actions based on what label they’re carrying or mental health condition they have. Even at our own detriment.

People are accountable and have ownership for their own actions. And no one owes anybody else anything just because of them and I completely stand by that!

Ignore the angry response, you probably just hit a nerve. Anyone who knows and I mean REALLY knows (as in not just reading up on the condition) will know how soul destroying they are

 

[BattleAxing]

Ignore the angry response, you probably just hit a nerve. Anyone who knows and I mean REALLY knows (as in not just reading up on the condition) will know how soul destroying they are

I agree with whoever said it shouldn’t be encouraged that personality disorder sufferers to be kept in our lives! Quite frankly for people who want to get all “textbooky” there are some even more dangerous ones out there Narcissistic or Anti Social personality disorder to name a couple under that umbrella! And many prolific domestic abusers who go onto seek therapy will usually be diagnosed with one of those! Should an abused woman have to put up with abuse just because their partner suffers with a personality disorder and should therefore stand by him and support him instead at the cost of her own safety and well being? No. So why should keeping an emotional draining BPD sufferer - family, friend or otherwise any closer than arms length be considered differently?

 

[Idon'twanttobehere]

I agree with whoever said it shouldn’t be encouraged that personality disorder sufferers to be kept in our lives! Quite frankly there are some even more dangerous ones out there Narcissistic or Anti Social personality disorder to name a couple under that umbrella! And many prolific domestic abusers who go onto seek therapy will usually be diagnosed with one of those! Should an abused woman have to put up with abuse just because their partner suffers with a personality disorder and should therefore stand by him and support him instead at the cost of her own safety and well being? No. So why should keeping an emotional draining BPD sufferer - family, friend or otherwise any closer than arms length be considered differently?

Exactly, I couldn't agree with you more

 

[BattleAxing]

Good for you for actively going to therapy and taking medication (& I don’t mean it sarcastically) x

Though I don’t agree with the “you can’t help anyone who won’t help themselves”. Sometimes people cannot help themselves as they’ve had absolutely 0 support or direction in life. They don’t know that help is out there. They don’t know they need the help themselves as their reality is so warped.

But to have the diagnosis in the first place they would have had the direction to have sought help at some point surely? No? Unless of course they’ve decided to diagnose themselves. And I’m sorry but these people who won’t be consistent with the after care after a diagnosis strike me as those who are just happy to have a label and bounce on their merry way to either wear it like a badge or excuse all their crappy behaviour on.

Ultimately you can’t actually help someone not willing to help themselves. You can lead a horse to water but cannot force it to drink and all that.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

My neighbour has made my life hell for a very long time now. Every time I speak up for myself at housing/council and mental health team email meetings etc I am sadly told she has problems.

At the end of last year, I met with someone else from a different branch of mental health I mentioned in passing at the end of our meeting the lady next door and what I have to put up with. This lady was aghast and said no, that isn't right because no one has to put up with anyone else at the expense of their own mental or physical health. Strangely enough, since she contacted housing and local council etc I am being listened to and next door has gone strangely very quiet. I don't think it will last, but if she does kick off again I now know that I don't have to take it because some woke workers puts someone else's MH before mine.

The reason I say woke is everyone who said "oh that's very bad but sorry. nothing I can do". Had their pronouns in their emails.

 

[chapterthree]

Do English schools not put much effort into reading then ,my sons school is very strict when it comes to the reading they have to understand what the book is about not just read the words ,they're tested regularly on things like that.

As far as I’m aware from my cousins school, they do. Reading at school is a big deal, usually every day for 20 minutes or so, but it’s just book day is more about costumes as opposed to the actual reading and it just grates me as I don’t think the children learn anything and it turns into such a spectacle far detached from what the day is supposed to be about.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Ignore the angry response, you probably just hit a nerve. Anyone who knows and I mean REALLY knows (as in not just reading up on the condition) will know how soul destroying they are

BPD really does vary from one sufferer to the next. Your experience has clearly been horrid, but as someone with it, it does still hurt to see everyone lumped together as a bleep. I know of two others with BPD and between all 3 of us, we have displayed it differently.

Absolutelyyyy agree though, that if someone is causing you harm, draining you or toxic, cut cut cut! My friends laugh at how easily I cut people off but I worked too hard on myself to suffer through anyone elses lack of self awareness. Family shouldnt be no different, if theyre a bleep then theyre a bleep!

 

[L3moning]

Rihanna’s maternity wardrobe looks cheap and tawdry.

I'm not convinced the word "maternity" is necessary there

She does look good sometimes, but there isn't any need to be provocative 24/7.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

People who try to guilt me for still fondly remembering the music of a convicted pedalo or the show of another one while they still not only watch the BBC but pay to do so. Piss right off hypocrites

 

[justheretoread99]

People who try to guilt me for still fondly remembering the music of a convicted pedalo or the show of another one while they still not only watch the BBC but pay to do so. Piss right off hypocrites

 

[FenellaTheWitch]

I’m not a big drinker anymore at all really, went to Christmas market a couple of years ago with husband’s parents and they all got a mulled wine or tankard of beer. I don’t like either of those drinks so I said no thank you when offered and said I think I’ll get a hot chocolate from somewhere and my MIL was so pissed off and said I was ruining the day by not joining in. Don’t understand that attitude at all.

I just don't get this attitude at all. Some people just don't like it or like the effect it has on them. Some people don't like cheese. I think that's weirder

Here's an UO, if your non drinking friend is driving to a get together don't automatically think they can be your personal taxi. Nothing pisses me off more than someone saying 'Oh you're driving, can you give me a lift home?' . I hate it because if I'm driving and want to leave I feel obliged to perhaps stay longer because the other parties 'aren't ready to leave yet' and it inevitably is out of my way and makes my night longer. If I offer, that's one thing but don't think 'ooh Fenella's driving, That's my ride home sorted so I can get pissed'

 

[BattleAxing]

Everybody enmasse should cancel their TV licence. It is easily done by removing all implied rights of access. Nobody should be paying for it.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I just don't get this attitude at all. Some people just don't like it or like the effect it has on them. Some people don't like cheese. I think that's weirder

Here's an UO, if your non drinking friend is driving to a get together don't automatically think they can be your personal taxi. Nothing pisses me off more than someone saying 'Oh you're driving, can you give me a lift home?' . I hate it because if I'm driving and want to leave I feel obliged to perhaps stay longer because the other parties 'aren't ready to leave yet' and it inevitably is out of my way and makes my night longer. If I offer, that's one thing but don't think 'ooh Fenella's driving, That's my ride home sorted so I can get pissed'

I agree. I would say if they are ready to leave when I do then I will take them but wont wait for them

Everybody enmasse should cancel their TV licence. It is easily done by removing all implied rights of access. Nobody should be paying for it.

I cancelled mine a very long time ago.