I actually wish I was....You’re joking?. It’s all getting far too bandwagony now.
I always think people are older than they are so please don't ask me unless you wish to be offended lol
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Thank you for posting this.
I also have BPD. My saving grace is that I have always been high functioning and did have the ability to pay for years of therapy.
I grew up in a house with a lot of domestic violence and sexual abuse. You fracture in your attempts of coping and trying to stay afloat. I never learnt emotional regulation as a child- why would it be expected that I would suddenly have this skill as I technically turned into an adult? I self harmed because I thought I deserved it and because it worked. The fear of abandonment was because I had not learnt object constancy and I had been left behind repeatedly.
Poor mental health has never been an excuse for bad behaviour in my book.
Don't think there's any point in trying to explain what it was like to people who have always had a home where they felt safe.
I'm just glad that my therapists and friends were kinder.
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I don’t drink and I hate seeing people’s reactions to it cos they always seem to look at me like i’m hitler reborn, I’ve had friends try and force me to drink, holding the drink to my lips or physically moving my arms, reason being that apparently I’m boring. duck off and drink by yourself then, let me have my Coca Cola in peace!
I do get it that if you harp on about it it’s boring/irritating but eh
I do get it that if you harp on about it it’s boring/irritating but eh
World book day is a farce for children. Parents put more effort into their costumes than actually sitting down and reading books to them or taking them to the library / buying books.
Also, parents that let their child dress up as a non book day character is a joke. Spider man? Really? Just sit and read with your child as opposed to playing fake dress up for the day.
Soz. Rant over.
Also, parents that let their child dress up as a non book day character is a joke. Spider man? Really? Just sit and read with your child as opposed to playing fake dress up for the day.
Soz. Rant over.
OK yeah I get that but do you really think anyone is going to go round calling it Chicken K Viv or whatever? I still call Snickers Marathon ( admittedly in part because Snickers is such a stupid name) It's like when they change the name of pubs etc people always use the old one
I do drink but have obviously had a few nights out where I didn't bother, mostly because I didn't want to. I literally had one of my in laws one of these nights, who was a bit drunk but still, turn to me and say really nastily "You think your better than us don't you!" People get so wound up by others choices.
Do English schools not put much effort into reading then ,my sons school is very strict when it comes to the reading they have to understand what the book is about not just read the words ,they're tested regularly on things like that.
I’m not a big drinker anymore at all really, went to Christmas market a couple of years ago with husband’s parents and they all got a mulled wine or tankard of beer. I don’t like either of those drinks so I said no thank you when offered and said I think I’ll get a hot chocolate from somewhere and my MIL was so pissed off and said I was ruining the day by not joining in. Don’t understand that attitude at all.
I worked in an office for a while and the team responsible for emptying the sanitary bins used to find empty vodka bottles in amongst the stuff for incineration. Obviously someone had a drink problem but I never found out who.
Same thing happened to me at a Christmas market. Back when I drank I would only drinks spirits. I hate the taste of beer and mulled wine so I went off on a walk to find a bar that sold spirits. Got told I was pathetic for not having mulled wine. I was like “….No. what would have been pathetic would have been wasting my money on a drink that wouldn’t have gotten drank”.
Mine was basically the same story! We were at a beer event and that is literally all they were serving and I really cannot drink it at all.
My other pet peeve around not drinking is, as a woman and being fairly young, the second you mention not having a drink there are literally a million accusations of being pregnant. Sigh.
I've got to admit when someone says they don't drink when we're like out in a social situations my mind instantly asks 'why?'. But I'll always just say "fair enough" or something like that. Then just ignore them the rest of the night. (kidding, of course)
Look.... People who don't live with people who have BPD have no idea how awful, AWFUL these people can be to deal with. They may have had trauma in their lives etc. but speaking as a child who grew up with this tit, I can tell you that THAT was traumatic as duck!!!
It may be a mental health issue but it also shouldn't be other people's issue to put up with.
I only wish people knew more about personality disorders so that people would stop encouraging you to keep them in your lives.
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Look…. I live and work with people who have BPD. (Diagnosed)
I don’t think anyone is saying it’s other people’s issues to put up with. Because I agree, it certainly isn’t. I’d never excuse someone’s crappy behaviour, but explain to them how their behaviour can negatively impact others. Then the qualified mental health team can also deal with them and their support plan/medications.
Personality disorders are complex. No 2 sufferers are going to have the exact same behaviours, which is why most are diagnosed in adulthood.
I guess I’d rather support my loved ones the best I can rather than cutting them out of my life, invalidating their entire existence and letting the cycle of a traumatic childhood carry on and repeat down generations.
Wow, fair play, I have a very different take on it though. In order to ensure generational trauma stops and doesn't poison my children I cut my abusive bpd parents out of my life.
They were miserable with me in it they may as well be miserable with me out of it.
Also an important note, you cannot help anyone who won't help themselves.
I have cptsp and an anxiety disorder and go to therapy and get medicated. My kids don't have to put up with any crappy behaviour on my part.
That's how you end generational trauma.
You're allowed to leave relationships that no longer work for you at any point regardless of them being family. I wouldn't encourage a friend to stay in a situation they were unhappy in either.
I've been no contact with multiple family members- it's better for me despite the guilt.
I also started therapy in part because I didn't want to be a borderline mother if I ever eventually have a child.
This book also illustrated the impact and how you can wound your children : (I got it from the library).
Amazon product
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Good for you for actively going to therapy and taking medication (& I don’t mean it sarcastically) x
Though I don’t agree with the “you can’t help anyone who won’t help themselves”. Sometimes people cannot help themselves as they’ve had absolutely 0 support or direction in life. They don’t know that help is out there. They don’t know they need the help themselves as their reality is so warped.
Thank you for saying so. Honestly I mean that, whenever this kind of topic comes up I always get shook because there are always pious individuals who say they'd rather stick it out so the other person will feel loved and validated. That's not why we exist, to make people feel better about themselves at our expense.
I wouldn't be here if I didn't cut my parents out, their lack of basic human emotions and empathy left me so scarred and traumatised. They sadly didn't do the work to better themselves but I at least had a chance of a happy life without them
Congrats on being able to interact with these kind of individuals without becoming completely traumatised yourself. That's exceptional.
I was raised by two BPD's and it really fucked me up, I wouldn't be here if I hadn't walked away from them. Finally in my 30's I have some semblance of happiness in my life and I will take that over trying to make miserable people happy at my expense any day.
No MH illness should be anyone elses issue but thats often the nature of the beast, they're selfish and difficult.
Honestly, its just sad to still see so much stigma and a lack of understanding about BPD. Only depression and anxiety are palatable. (That's not specifically at you! Your experience and feelings are valid.)
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