Toddler advice thread

[watermelon sugar]

@al255 Omg my 2.5 year old is having the tantrums from hell atm it’s like he just spawns into a little devil at random times. Always seems to be when we’re on a day out. Like he’ll be fine in the house then soon as we leave and we’re in front of loads of people he’s like ‘I’m gonna show my mum up here and have a tantrum’ I have no advice with the going away and being out of routine but just know you’re not alone with these tantrums. I’m just telling myself it’s not forever

 

[nurseren]

My son is now 4 but he napped until he was 3. We still do “nap time” but it’s called quiet time. For an hour when he’s not at school he goes into his room with the lights dimmed, and he can play with his cars or books. It’s definitely stopped the ratty mood at the end of the day. We also had to move bedtime from 1930 to 1845.

 

[Definitelyme]

Chances are, it isn’t a learned behaviour but a genuine display of emotion. It isn’t anything you are doing wrong.

As adults, we’re conditioned to see anger as a ‘bad’ thing, and to think we should always keep our cool and be civil. Little people don’t have the brain development for that. They’re also going through huge developmental changes that quite often will trigger outbursts out of frustration, tiredness, stress or upset. Anger scares us as parents because these small people get really angry really quickly.

Redirecting anger is the way we chose to deal with it. A pillow to hit or grab, or shout into. Daniel Tiger’s “when you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a big breath and count to four” for slightly older wee ones. Absolutely no hitting or violence directed at other people or that would result in removal from the situation - “I can see you are frustrated but you do not hit mummy”. Being present and giving them the vocabulary to name their emotions helped us a lot - “I can see you are frustrated”, “I’m sorry you’re feeling so stressed”, “It isn’t nice to feel overwhelmed.” Plenty of cuddles afterwards - we all know what that come down from a meltdown feels like!

At the end of the day, anger is just as valid an emotion as being happy or being sad. Try not to see it as something you are struggling with, but as your son learning to express himself and the full range of human emotions - he’s learning! In return, a calm approach from you is also teaching him how to deal with someone else’s anger when he encounters it amongst his peers, and also reinforcing how to interact kindly with others.

I think this is so perfectly put, and love it. I struggle to remember this at times, and the reminder is always welcome so thank you

 

[miamae]

An unfortunate sooner-than-expected update, my friend has called me extremely upset tonight saying that the nursery/daycare are now involving a "case worker" from SS. The social worker will be coming to her place next Thursday, I will be going round to help tidy. I haven't said anything, seems like I'm too late. Thank you guys anyway xxx

I'm sorry but this isn't how it works. I've got a degree in social work (albeit never went into the profession but I have knowledge). The social worker, assuming this referral was from.the nursery, would get in touch directly with your friend to arrange a welfare check \assesment they wouldn't automatically be given a case worker. Unless you have missed out alot of key information, your friend is not abusive or neglectful, therefore there is no way she would be seen this quickly or seen at all. I also couldn't ever imagine a nursery suggesting parenting classes, that would be more down to SS themselves.

 

[nurseren]

When toddlers are grumpy, either stick them in the bath, take them outside or stick them in the car. Those are my 3 fail safe methods.

don’t worry @pinksunsetx91, little potato has had two massive meltdowns in his life. As in, crying and being unable to cope. The worst out of the two was at Typhoon Lagoon in Florida. Huge family holiday, all of us in one mini van to a water park. To cut a long story short he ended up hysterical which led to me being hysterical and sunburned. Husband ended up having little potato under his arm like a barrel, me holding his hand the other side and us both wailing. We couldn’t leave as that meant the entire family leaving so littlepotato and I laid down on the mini vans floor crying until we fell asleep, while my darling husband sat in the car missing out on all the fun.

don’t ever apologise to anyone, especially us, about your toddler. If you have IG check out biglittlefeelings, that really helped me get a grasp on gentle/responsive parenting and stopped me feeling guilty. I’ve been through a really bad time and some days were spent in bed with littlepotato just watching TV. I would feel so guilty, but littlepotato would say it was the best day ever as he was with me all day.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Another 4 year old whinger here too, let’s start a club

 

[Jellybean093]

I know a few of you cosleep with your toddlers. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant and I have to cuddle my daughter to sleep. She’s in her own double bed and I go in there when I’m ready to sleep. Currently panicking how it’s all going to work with a new baby. Doesn’t help my mum friends telling me I need to break the cosleeping now or I’m never going to sleep again.
Tbh it’s been really hard the last few weeks she’s been so clingy all day and bedtimes are a nightmare now, taking ages and rolling around and crying. My patience is very low and she’s probably feeding off me feeling crap and I’ve not been doing my best parenting right now, as being quite reactive. Basically I just need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok

My son (3 at the time) would always come in with us at night. When I was about 7 months, I said to him that he wasn’t able to sleep with us anymore as I was too big (tried to make jokes out of it) and that he would hate sleeping with us when the baby was here because he’d be kept up all night with him crying. Once we told him that, he never came in, and he was 6 in feb!

 

[pinksunsetx91]

Also.. to add.. my daughter used to have the BIGGEST meltdowns, over small stuff. Terrible twos for sure, in the last 2 months I’ve really tried to get down to her level and get her to speak to me when she’s frustrated so rather than getting frustrated with her when she’s crying or shouting etc I will say “mummy can’t understand you when you are screaming, speak to mummy and tell me what you want” , it’s really effective and works. I follow this amazing lady on tik tok about gentle parenting and alot of her techniques really work on my child. I know it isn’t for everyone as every child is different but it’s helped SO much defuse lots of tantrums and we hardly have any.



Yeah this is what I do. Generally we are out the door for days out by 8am and can have lunch out too and back for 12, asleep for half 12. My friends who have kids who dropped naps at 2 all don’t get it. Why would I force my child to stay awake over lunch so we can do something when she’s tired. I’d rather be out the door early and have chilled afternoon!! Anyway I better shush on that cos it winds me up haha.

I just wanted to say I have the same routine as yourself. We are up in the morning ready and out be it park or groups, lunch like yourself sometimes while we are out and back for nap at 12.30. I have a couple of friends who children are two also and tell me my life shouldn’t revolve around him napping and he should nap while I’m out. My son has a much more settled sleep when we are at home which is why during the week I’m more than happy to come home and let him nap. If we happen to be on a day out at weekend to farm park etc he will nap in his buggy but it won’t be as long. I also got told he would sleep better during the night if I dropped his nap. I couldn’t not let him nap as he’s very active and come lunch he is exhausted. My son sleeps ok during the night he’s never been one for sleeping 12 hours but I feel they are all different with sleep just like adults. He will sleep 8pm til 6am/6.30am. Sort of went off went on a bit but just wanted to say I’m the same as you and if it works for our children and us that’s all that matters

 

[peachhes]

really losing the will with everything lately. feel really let down by my sons HV. He just turned three this week and has speech delay. At his 2 year check which happened 5 months after he turned 2 (I know there is a back log since lockdown) but i expressed my concerns and she never followed it up, said he’d need more Time. And she’d ring back in a month. Never did … I rang loads and so did nursery. Still no help. Nursery decided to put him through their version can’t remember what it’s called… they said he’s too old as it’s only for kids up to 2?! and he’s still making no progess. And it makes me really sad. I just want to help him but feel I’m getting no where and can’t afford private just feeling A bit sorry for myself because he’s going through a really clingy stage. I go to work every day feeling guilty as hell cos he cries every morning at nursery / grandparents.

Sounds exactly like me!! My son has not long turned 3 and is not saying any words. I think he may be mildly autistic as there’s a list of things he does which would be seen as autism. Waiting for referral to be sorted for hearing/salt/autism test. But I was same with my HV… had 2 year check and she just kept saying to hold off for any intervening because of his age.. she’s now completely ignoring me so I went directly through my GP in the end. He’s starting nursery soon and I’m pretty confident they’ll also pick up what we have with the autism etc. Hope you get it sorted it’s a horrible feeling I’ve been crying over it for days worrying about it all x

 

[Jellybean093]

She’s 19 months old, I’m noticing things like head shaking, wanting to be upside down looking through her legs, playing with the wheels of a toy, she eats most foods in a certain way, (will eat meat first, then sides or whatever, will not mix the two) yesterday I noticed she started walking in circles, she has a speech delay (she babbles a lot but hasn’t said any words yet) and has an aversion to messy play (will touch things if I put them on her hand or put her hand into it but I can’t say she enjoys it?) she used to flap her hands but I can’t say I’ve seen her do that recently but I’m going to watch out for it today, it may well be that she’s still doing it and I’ve overlooked it.

I’m not sure about all of these, but they say if a toddler sticks their head between their legs is because of pregnancy and they’re looking for their brother or sister

 

[al255]

My daughter won’t eat a sandwich for me but will eat one for her dad and nursery she’s having me right on

 

[al255]

@al255 oh my little boy has been the exact same! He got sent home from nursery on Thursday with a high temperature and was crying, ever since he got home he’s had his hand in his mouth! He’s been sleeping rubbish also, constantly fidgeting and tossing and turning in his sleep. Hes also been waking up super early, woke up at 4.30 morning but managed to get him back to sleep until 5.45, every other morning it’s been 5.20/30! He’s been off his food too and won’t eat all his meals. I just offer him more snacks really and nice cold milk to soothe his mouth so I know he’s getting the fats. This is by far the worst teething we’ve had and it’s only been a few days!!

You do deserve a rest though. I’d speak to her Dad and be very stern and warn him beforehand and tell him how she’s been so he is prepared. I hope you manage to get some rest x

Owwwww I’m sorry your little boy is going though this again. I hope he’s ok soon I broke down last night, I felt like THE worst mum in the world, I literally used force to pin her down so she couldn’t wriggle her arms out to grab the calpol sringe out of my hands cos i couldn’t just leave her with a temp. What can you do! I just cried and led next to her and just stroked her head I want to take all her pain away but sadly can’t.

Also meant to be going out for bottomless brunch for my birthday today (it was on Monday) but I feel like complete mum guilt urghh

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Yeah when you look at her she thin, just a pot belly that's tiny
But is heavy it weight yet I can still carry her in one arm.
I just feel people judge too much that it's a dig at me as I'm overweight. My MIL is a bitch when it comes to my weight & feel she judge her grandchild.

I guess her weight is fine then. I need to be off baby site groups.

My FIL constantly comments on my daughter’s weight. “Has she put on a lot of weight?” “Oh she looks chubby” “it won’t hurt her to do some walking”

I just brush it off - I think it’s good for babies and toddlers to carry some weight because they need it as they’re growing constantly and if they get ill they tend not to eat so their extra weight is a bit of a saviour to them.

my daughter is deceptively heavy and we call her the little kettle bell but I am fine with it, I know she’s also very strong and healthy. The one thing I have committed to is not calling her heavy in front of her, I say I’m not feeling very strong today for a carry so that she doesn’t start to think her weight is something bad.

 

[Sailorontheseasea]

Ok guys and gals I will not try the nap earlier in the day and see how it goes. He’s just never tired at 12/1 unless he gets up super early my eldest dropped the nap at 2 but he’s generally a good sleeper and it didn’t affect him at all. My 2yo is a terrible sleeper and has been since birth, he suffers with breathing and feeding problems so it could all just be connected to that (my partner thinks he doesn’t want to go to sleep because he can’t breathe properly ) but for some reason when he doesn’t nap he wakes up hourly, I think his brain is just wired. At this rate I’m going to have him running laps round the garden at 6:30

He was doing this pre-baby so I’m almost certain it isn’t that but unfortunately I’m having a really awful time with recovery so keeping everything chilled in the evening is important at the moment as I literally physically cannot be fighting him into bed for 2/3 hours don’t have the abdominal muscles currently also my partner works until late in the day so handing over the baby isn’t really an option but luckily he goes down without a hitch so far so he’s generally not involved in bedtime at the minute so I can have 1:1 with my older two

Thank you lovely people xx

 

[WhatABore]

Yeah when you look at her she thin, just a pot belly that's tiny
But is heavy it weight yet I can still carry her in one arm.
I just feel people judge too much that it's a dig at me as I'm overweight. My MIL is a bitch when it comes to my weight & feel she judge her grandchild.

I guess her weight is fine then. I need to be off baby site groups.

I'm bigger myself and it's always been a big thing I've been paranoid about.
We took my second to the doctors when she was almost 1.
She's always been on the 90th+ percentile as I said before and she was born at 11lb.

My partner is slim. Both of us went to the appointment.
The doctor the whole time, whenever he mentioned her being 90th percentile, would look at me and speak only to me.
Talking about what to give her to eat, meals ect. All looking at me.
As if it's all my fault.
I may just be paranoid but with everything else, he addressed us both.
Can guarantee if she wasn't on the top end of the percentiles, it wouldn't be directed at me.
He also used the "We need to be setting examples to our children when eating"
Which I'm pretty sure was his way of telling me to lose weight

 

[Jellybean093]

Is there anything you did differently to bring on this progress? Mine was 2 in November and still only says Ga Da Ma Ba. He does only a few hours of nursery each week but I don’t know what I can do to help get just one word where he attributes it correctly. He understands me when I ask him things and so knows if I’m asking if he is hungry or wants water etc but has no desire to say anything other than his usual sounds.

My youngest doesn’t talk in sentences. He was 2 in September. We are currently going through hearing specialists who, in October said he had glue ear. He understands everything, but his speech (sentence wise) just isn’t there. He says quite a few words now, and has learnt to count to 10, can say his colours and recognises and tells me some shapes
My middle was the same, not as bad, but as soon as he started preschool, he didn’t stop talking! He was also very advanced in other ways

 

[monga]

To be honest I have no advice as my nearly 4yo has slept in our bed every night for about 6+ months, I’m not too hell bent on this not happening as I am other things as I don’t mind co-sleeping but we tried taking him back consistently, reward charts, semi threats (nothing serious obviously ), lying in with him and nothing worked. BUT, just this week he’s started sleeping in his bed. No rhyme or reason, no fuss made, just has started sleeping alone again. Thankfully he was quite a still sleeper so no head kicking (that comes from my 2yo instead) but sometimes they just need an extra snuggle I guess, it is really tiresome though I totally empathise and hope you catch some decent zzzs soon xxx

Once they start school they usually grow out of it ,baby cuddles are the best they grow up so quick we should savour every minute ,once they gain their independance they don't want to know anymore lol.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

How long should a 2 year old nap for? My little boy naps for 1.5 hours still and sometimes takes ages to get up that sometimes it stretches to 2 hours. Is this too long? Tia

Does he go off to sleep at night ok and at a reasonable time? If so, I think it’s probably ok for now. If you start to find he’s taking ages to settle to sleep at night or his bedtime Is any later than say 7.30/8pm I’d maybe try to cap the nap time to an hour max and see how you get on

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Hello all please can I get some advice? I've got myself in a bit of a state so I'm looking fo some kind of reassurance - if any. My little boy turned 2 in November and he is super sociable and outgoing, and such a cheeky little guy. He goes to nursery 2 times a week and I picked him up today and his nursery worker said "nothing to worry about, but I just wanted to let you know that he is struggling with transition with activities." She basically said that for example he will be playing lovely with other children on the floor and then they will say to him right, we're going to make cakes now and apparently he gets really upset and needs reassurance from them?
I have never really noticed this at home before, he has his usual 'tantrums' but all children are like that. I'm starting to blame myself now and wondering if it's my fault?! Also not sure what she was trying to get at and now I'm panicking that they think something is wrong with him. I think I am probably just making something out of nothing, but adding that into being a hormonal pregnant mess it's really not helping. If anyone has experienced this or has any knowledge I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you x

We had exactly this issue with my eldest when he was in nursery. He enjoyed playing with cars and role-playing that he was a paramedic. He didn't have much of an interest in any other nursery activities. His teacher mentioned it to me and at first it upset me a bit, but then I thought how unhappy would I be if someone was telling me to do something I didn't want to do?
I'll be honest, I ignored her comments and I asked her to leave him to it, he naturally transitioned himself when he was ready to do other activities after he got bored of what ever activity he was doing.
He wasn't or isn't a checklist child. He knew his own mind and he did exactly that.
He's now 9 and he's sociable and perfectly fine

 

[honey&lemon]

Our toddler has the meltdowns too after nursery. It’s totally normal (not that it makes it easier). The staff always say about the kids that they’re so well behaved all day and they tend not to have meltdowns in front of each other, but then loads of parents say they’re a little demon before/after nursery. It’s definitely a secure attachment thing, they know they can have their meltdowns at home because their parents aren’t going anywhere and will respond to it and they feel safe to do it.

for the evenings we try not to push too much and just offer a few alternative healthy snacks. Some days are better than others though for sure