Need some advice for a nearly 4 year old that is pushing me to my limits. I’m not even sure I need advice, just a vent
He’s never ever been a “warm” child. Enjoys the odd cuddle here and there, isn’t the first to go and make friends, prefers his own company mainly but his worst trait is being totally cold towards his brother (2 going on 5) who is the polar opposite and loves a cuddle, loves being loved, always looks up to his older brother for help and for affection/fun but my 4yo just shouts at him or tells him to go away, doesn’t want to cuddle him; doesn’t actually want him anywhere near him and if it is it’s usually on his terms. This isn’t a recent thing and he’s been like it since he was born tbh! His most recent thing in the past couple of weeks is getting right up in my toddlers face and speaking to him quite aggressively through gritted teeth. We have never EVER done this to him and don’t know anyone who has or anything he could have seen to teach him this but it’s HORRIBLE. It makes my toddler feel so scared, either that or he just hits him as if to say back off and then a full on fight/scrap breaks out and I sometimes physically have to separate them. I’m trying my best to remain calm and remove my 2yo from the situation until 4yo is calm as I don’t believe that shouting etc helps but today he really hurt my 2yo over a toy that wasn’t even his and I just lost it and sent him to his room (we were upstairs anyway so not too far away) because I just can’t condone his, quite frankly, shocking and crappy behaviour. I feel like I’ve failed him as a parent somehow because he can be so utterly vile but I don’t know where it’s come from aghhhhhh.
Also saying no all the time, jumping up and down and screaming the house down when he doesn’t get his own way (this could be up to 30 mins+), throwing things, he’s even taking to hitting me which is so unusual for him. He’s always saying he can’t do things without even trying for a second and he gets beyond worked up when I ask him to try. So stressful! Please tell me it’s just the age? ADHD/ASD runs in my partners side of the family quite predominantly so I am aware of signs something else could be happening but my god my limits are being tested. His vocabulary and communication skills are better than the 6yo’s I work with so I’m just so frustrated that he results to outbursts/violence about every little thing when he can just use his words !!!!
If you’ve made it to the end then thank you, send donuts.
He’s never ever been a “warm” child. Enjoys the odd cuddle here and there, isn’t the first to go and make friends, prefers his own company mainly but his worst trait is being totally cold towards his brother (2 going on 5) who is the polar opposite and loves a cuddle, loves being loved, always looks up to his older brother for help and for affection/fun but my 4yo just shouts at him or tells him to go away, doesn’t want to cuddle him; doesn’t actually want him anywhere near him and if it is it’s usually on his terms. This isn’t a recent thing and he’s been like it since he was born tbh! His most recent thing in the past couple of weeks is getting right up in my toddlers face and speaking to him quite aggressively through gritted teeth. We have never EVER done this to him and don’t know anyone who has or anything he could have seen to teach him this but it’s HORRIBLE. It makes my toddler feel so scared, either that or he just hits him as if to say back off and then a full on fight/scrap breaks out and I sometimes physically have to separate them. I’m trying my best to remain calm and remove my 2yo from the situation until 4yo is calm as I don’t believe that shouting etc helps but today he really hurt my 2yo over a toy that wasn’t even his and I just lost it and sent him to his room (we were upstairs anyway so not too far away) because I just can’t condone his, quite frankly, shocking and crappy behaviour. I feel like I’ve failed him as a parent somehow because he can be so utterly vile but I don’t know where it’s come from aghhhhhh.
Also saying no all the time, jumping up and down and screaming the house down when he doesn’t get his own way (this could be up to 30 mins+), throwing things, he’s even taking to hitting me which is so unusual for him. He’s always saying he can’t do things without even trying for a second and he gets beyond worked up when I ask him to try. So stressful! Please tell me it’s just the age? ADHD/ASD runs in my partners side of the family quite predominantly so I am aware of signs something else could be happening but my god my limits are being tested. His vocabulary and communication skills are better than the 6yo’s I work with so I’m just so frustrated that he results to outbursts/violence about every little thing when he can just use his words !!!!
If you’ve made it to the end then thank you, send donuts.