Toddler advice thread #4

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Whyyy when kids are tired do they just like to mess around. Mine was rubbing his eyes before and yawning whilst trying to stand up on his bed and laugh. He went off to sleep ok in the end but took me a while to get him to stay led down
He was in a bad mood all afternoon then comes Alive at bed time. It doesn’t make sense does it

oh and we even got a 6am lie in thismorning

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

So an update. Had the meeting with pre-school and we have agreed a plan of action where she will be checked in with a practitioner every thirty minutes, and agreed to a plan for managing her disregulation and overwhelm earlier to stop her getting to a point of extreme distress.

ADHD has been a concern of mine for a while so they’ve agreed to do a referral for that, but also want to do an ODD referral which I’m not so sure on. They’re also doing a referral to occupational therapy for her sensory sensitivities. I’ve been brushed off by health visitors for two years so glad I’m finally being listened to but worried it’s a bit heavy handed.
I really want her to have the adhd assessment which is why I’m sticking with the preschool for now.

The ODD signs is only evident at preschool but it could just be her pushing back as she’s not feeling understood. If I say no to that now will she then struggle at school if it’s just present in educational settings? The waitlists are so long I don’t want to say no as the opportunity is here now. So confused!

 

[Definitelyme]

So an update. Had the meeting with pre-school and we have agreed a plan of action where she will be checked in with a practitioner every thirty minutes, and agreed to a plan for managing her disregulation and overwhelm earlier to stop her getting to a point of extreme distress.

ADHD has been a concern of mine for a while so they’ve agreed to do a referral for that, but also want to do an ODD referral which I’m not so sure on. They’re also doing a referral to occupational therapy for her sensory sensitivities. I’ve been brushed off by health visitors for two years so glad I’m finally being listened to but worried it’s a bit heavy handed.
I really want her to have the adhd assessment which is why I’m sticking with the preschool for now.

The ODD signs is only evident at preschool but it could just be her pushing back as she’s not feeling understood. If I say no to that now will she then struggle at school if it’s just present in educational settings? The waitlists are so long I don’t want to say no as the opportunity is here now. So confused!

I definitely wouldn’t say no. If she’s assessed and there is no evidence of ODD then at least you know there is nothing there and it’s just a few hours of your time. Or if they do find something to support ODD diagnosis, then you’ve got all the help at your disposal.
I am a teacher (although secondary level) and kids having a proper diagnosis of SEN just makes everyone’s life sooo much easier. It allows parents to access many resources very easily (or more easily is maybe the right way to say it) and allows teachers and schools access to resources as well. It also means that schools can provide the right care. We have kids coming through and the parent says “oh they have ADD or ADHD” but they won’t get a diagnosis and we can really do nothing with it.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

I definitely wouldn’t say no. If she’s assessed and there is no evidence of ODD then at least you know there is nothing there and it’s just a few hours of your time. Or if they do find something to support ODD diagnosis, then you’ve got all the help at your disposal.
I am a teacher (although secondary level) and kids having a proper diagnosis of SEN just makes everyone’s life sooo much easier. It allows parents to access many resources very easily (or more easily is maybe the right way to say it) and allows teachers and schools access to resources as well. It also means that schools can provide the right care. We have kids coming through and the parent says “oh they have ADD or ADHD” but they won’t get a diagnosis and we can really do nothing with it.

Thank you. I was half expecting them to suggest it based on their feedback on how hard it is to get her to follow the rules there. I think I’m just feeling a bit worried about the next steps and don’t want to feel like I’m forcing a label on her. She’s always been strong willed and an “orchid” type of child. She needs a lot of nurturing which has been my privilege to provide. I guess it’s just scary now she’s going out into the world and not getting that understanding. Having a diagnosis will help with that, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed now it’s finally on the table.

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you. I was half expecting them to suggest it based on their feedback on how hard it is to get her to follow the rules there. I think I’m just feeling a bit worried about the next steps and don’t want to feel like I’m forcing a label on her. She’s always been strong willed and an “orchid” type of child. She needs a lot of nurturing which has been my privilege to provide. I guess it’s just scary now she’s going out into the world and not getting that understanding. Having a diagnosis will help with that, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed now it’s finally on the table.

I can’t imagine how scary it feels for you. But I know from everything I read, the advice you provide others, that you are a GREAT mum, and you will be there for her every step of the way.
Try not to think of any of these things as a label for her, but rather an better insight in to what makes her tick, how her little brain works, and therefore how you (and other adults in her life) can support her even more as she grows and moves on to the next steps in her life. A diagnosis of anything doesn’t mean anything bad - it just helps everyone understand her even more.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you. I was half expecting them to suggest it based on their feedback on how hard it is to get her to follow the rules there. I think I’m just feeling a bit worried about the next steps and don’t want to feel like I’m forcing a label on her. She’s always been strong willed and an “orchid” type of child. She needs a lot of nurturing which has been my privilege to provide. I guess it’s just scary now she’s going out into the world and not getting that understanding. Having a diagnosis will help with that, I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed now it’s finally on the table.

I second what definitely me just said. The “label” will make it easier for her at school. It doesn’t change who she is or make anything different. The next steps won’t be scary. My nursery have been amazing most of the time for my little boy helping us get his EHCP.
it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. I’ve been where you are. Bur honestly once you Start the next steps / support you will feel better.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

@Definitelyme @strawberrysunshine_x thank you both. I appreciate your replies and reassurance. Made me a bit teary earlier but it’s been a bit of a day anyway and doesn’t take much

 

[LilyRose1234]

So I’m not sure if this is a problem really or even a phase but my little one has become so clingy 24/7. She’s always been fairly independent (well as independent as a small toddler can be haha), but lately she’s stuck to me like glue, if I move slightly she whinges non stop and demands a cuddle, if I can’t cuddle her because I’m doing something (eg cooking) she bites me, I can’t be in a different room even if she can see me. I obviously love her to pieces and always want to cuddle her etc but it’s such a change of behaviour and the minute something else even slightly has my attention she’ll whinge and whine, it’s making me slightly worried about when the baby arrives, especially with the biting

 

[Definitelyme]

So I’m not sure if this is a problem really or even a phase but my little one has become so clingy 24/7. She’s always been fairly independent (well as independent as a small toddler can be haha), but lately she’s stuck to me like glue, if I move slightly she whinges non stop and demands a cuddle, if I can’t cuddle her because I’m doing something (eg cooking) she bites me, I can’t be in a different room even if she can see me. I obviously love her to pieces and always want to cuddle her etc but it’s such a change of behaviour and the minute something else even slightly has my attention she’ll whinge and whine, it’s making me slightly worried about when the baby arrives, especially with the biting

If she’s not usually that way I imagine it’s a wee phase. Keep the connection there and just meet her where she is. If you’re in the kitchen cooking, get her up beside you and chat to her while you do. I think she isn’t much younger than ToddlerMe and he loves chopping stuff with his knife, or splashing in the sink ()
With the biting, could her teeth be sore? If she tries to bite then I’d redirect her to something she can bite - a wet facecloth, a baby type teether. Sometimes TMe will try to bite if he’s very cross at us, so preempting that helps me be able to step back quickly and he’s never managed to nibble yet (I live in fear)
And it’s also ok to say “I will read you two books, then I have to make tea. You can come in with me, or you can play here” and keep those boundaries for yourself.
Don’t worry about when the baby is here. And I know you’ll be hearing “oh she can sense change is coming” because I heard it a million times and I think it’s balls

 

[LilyRose1234]

If she’s not usually that way I imagine it’s a wee phase. Keep the connection there and just meet her where she is. If you’re in the kitchen cooking, get her up beside you and chat to her while you do. I think she isn’t much younger than ToddlerMe and he loves chopping stuff with his knife, or splashing in the sink ()
With the biting, could her teeth be sore? If she tries to bite then I’d redirect her to something she can bite - a wet facecloth, a baby type teether. Sometimes TMe will try to bite if he’s very cross at us, so preempting that helps me be able to step back quickly and he’s never managed to nibble yet (I live in fear)
And it’s also ok to say “I will read you two books, then I have to make tea. You can come in with me, or you can play here” and keep those boundaries for yourself.
Don’t worry about when the baby is here. And I know you’ll be hearing “oh she can sense change is coming” because I heard it a million times and I think it’s balls

Thank you! I try and get her involved as much as possible but will look into getting her a little knife (she only seems to have a fork and spoon ). She’s got all her teeth now so I don’t think it’s pain, I think she just gets cross and sort of lashes out because she can’t fully express that she’s cross? I try to preempt and move away but she’s quick managed it the other day and it made her so cross she bit her own arm and then cried because it hurt..
Hahaha I’ve heard the sense change thing soo many times, drives me mad

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you! I try and get her involved as much as possible but will look into getting her a little knife (she only seems to have a fork and spoon ). She’s got all her teeth now so I don’t think it’s pain, I think she just gets cross and sort of lashes out because she can’t fully express that she’s cross? I try to preempt and move away but she’s quick managed it the other day and it made her so cross she bit her own arm and then cried because it hurt..
Hahaha I’ve heard the sense change thing soo many times, drives me mad

Imagine being cross because you bit yourself and it hurt

We have a knife like this. It allows them to cut easier stuff (mushroom, banana, strawberries etc) really easily, but the blade isn’t sharp enough to cut them. I do sometimes use it myself if all the knives are in the dishwasher

 

[LilyRose1234]

Imagine being cross because you bit yourself and it hurt

We have a knife like this. It allows them to cut easier stuff (mushroom, banana, strawberries etc) really easily, but the blade isn’t sharp enough to cut them. I do sometimes use it myself if all the knives are in the dishwasher

Oh that looks amazing! Will definitely get one of those! Think I’m going to get a little step ladder tower thing too so she can stand at the worktop.

Hahaha I know, I was like what did you expect pal toddler tantrums are hilarious though, she had some ice in a cup at the park earlier (leftover from my drink, I’m not limiting her to ice only haha), and she dropped a cube which obviously started to melt, and was inconsolable because her ice cube had melted despite the fact there were at least 5 more in the cup

 

[AllTheBest2022]

My son turned 3 in March and is still waking in the night. We're due another baby in October and really don't want to have 2 children waking for me in the night. Any suggestions? He is in a single bed and in his own room.

 

[al255]

My son turned 3 in March and is still waking in the night. We're due another baby in October and really don't want to have 2 children waking for me in the night. Any suggestions? He is in a single bed and in his own room.

My daughter sometimes wakes in the night for a wee or a drink, or if she’s having a bad dream she will wake up. I have to remember some nights I wake up and I can’t expect her to sleep through every single night when I sometimes wake up too!

Some nights she’s just awake cos of no reason. they have so much going on in their little minds

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I often wake up in the night. I’m a terrible sleeper sometimes.
But I defo wake up when my LO coughs or something like that.
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I often wake up in the night. I’m a terrible sleeper sometimes.
But I defo wake up when my LO coughs or something like that.

 

[AllTheBest2022]

My daughter sometimes wakes in the night for a wee or a drink, or if she’s having a bad dream she will wake up. I have to remember some nights I wake up and I can’t expect her to sleep through every single night when I sometimes wake up too!

Some nights she’s just awake cos of no reason. they have so much going on in their little minds

It's EVERY night though and is becoming extremely tiring I've never expected him to sleep through the night, especially not every night but he doesn't sleep through at all.

 

[Definitelyme]

It's EVERY night though and is becoming extremely tiring I've never expected him to sleep through the night, especially not every night but he doesn't sleep through at all.

None of mine would have been sleeping through at 3, well my eldest started at 3.5, but the others over 4.
Here, dad sleeps in with the toddler and I sleep in with the new baby. And we keep dad in with them until they are ready to sleep all night alone.
What happens when he wakes? Is he up for long or a quick resettle?

 

[LilyRose1234]

My son turned 3 in March and is still waking in the night. We're due another baby in October and really don't want to have 2 children waking for me in the night. Any suggestions? He is in a single bed and in his own room.

My LO turns 2 in a couple of weeks and we’re having a baby in October too. She currently wakes in the night, gets out of bed and gets into our bed for a cuddle and goes straight back to sleep and I’m so tired I can’t muster the energy to try and get her to settle back in her bed when she’ll just climb in to ours, roll over and start snoring haha. That said October is still a good few months away, so if you (or your partner!) is up for it, there’s plenty of time to put him back in his bed and settle him down, and just keep practicing it until he understands to stay in bed (so I guess a kind of gentle sleep training?)

 

[al255]

It's EVERY night though and is becoming extremely tiring I've never expected him to sleep through the night, especially not every night but he doesn't sleep through at all.

I find putting the humidifier on in my daughters room helps her go into a deeper sleep and I turn it off when I’m going to bed. I know how you feel, my child never slept through the night until 2 years old, she was constantly waking up. She was such a good napper though but it’s hard work even so

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

Had a really hard day again. Apparently she was fine at preschool. Was fine in the morning but did push back on going there a bit. As soon as I picked her up she was on one. The emotional reactivity is so high and I can’t do anything right. She tells me to stop talking, if I do anything other than sit and breathe next to her it’s wrong. I’ve cried a lot once she was in bed. I just read about the limbic leap, is this a real thing?