Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback on last week's recap, which also provided the winning thread title (with additional thanks to
@littlemuv for the suggestion).
Let's do it again, shall we?
Previously, on The Real White Trash of Lake Nona:
The last week sees our dynamic duo of powergrifters doing what they do best: bumbling through life, stumbling as parents, mumbling with their mouths full, grumbling when given the chance—all while their views continue tumbling.
Dim kicked things off with a low-effort Universal voog, where he repeatedly fails to pronounce the exotic foreign word
Cinnabon and pads out the video with his patented mixture of wild conjecture and woefully-incorrect Dimsplaining as he shuffles listlessly around the park. He only perks up to throw a tantrum about the humiliation of waiting 30 minutes to pick up his mobile order at Mel’s Drive-In, wherein he was forced to endure the indignity of watching his MELKshake melt in front of him whilst he stood in queue like a plebeian. Pissypants Dim is so offended that he instructs his loyal viewers to boycott Mel’s, but backtracks after admitting the fries had “a little bit interesting seasoning on there, not just regular ole.. salt”.
Next up, an especially unwashed and unkempt Jenn joins the rest of the clan at what has become a cherished annual event in the Tracker household: the Mount Dora Blueberry Festival. Predictably, Dimster and his waddling wife give copious shoutouts to their absolute dear friends at Black Bros Coffee for completely sincere and authentic reasons. The Trackholes succeed in making the day all about themselves despite having the offspring in tow, signing up for an estimate for a whole-house soft water filtration system and gorging themselves on a wide-array of foodBOOF grub of dubious quality. The pinnacle of the family outing occurs when dyspraxic Buddy spills his $13.00 two-pound box of blueberries on the ground, prompting Jenn to launch into quivering histrionics the likes of which have not been seen since she encountered her mother’s ghost on Guardians of the Galaxy nearly two years ago.
Homeslog #1 sees a pattern of constant failures: continuing to film in Publix without consent, the inability to follow the simple instructions on a cheap plastic ice-cream maker, ineffectiveness in curbing their hoarding habits in their garage, powerlessness in avoiding being grifted themselves by the slick-talking water filtration salesman, and ineptitude in addressing a long-standing and frankly embarrassing cosmetic issue in their bathroom.
Dimster manages to get “invited out” to a Disney media event: the 35th anniversary of Hollywood Studios. On-the-ball Tattlers predict this was a +1 from Nick, but time will tell if this is the beginning of the 1 Chainz redemption arc or simply a parasitical one-off. Either way, Dimster proudly shows off his coveted lanyard, which proves that he is a winner and thus better than you—the common viewer. The majority of the video is a boring corporate media presentation which was lazily filmed
in toto, bookended by Dim autistically repeating the phrase “opening day”
ad nauseam, and fingering “exclusive merch” which he can’t even pretend to be interested in. Nick takes a break from stuffing one orifice or another with a churro to join the Dimster for an overpriced lunch at the Brown Derby, where Dim dined on such delicacies as “wine cheese” and a Cobb salad which looked like it was covered in a layer of tri-coloured diarrhoea.
Homeslog #2 mainly centres on futureproofing the inevitable Tracker IRS audit by making sure the installation of the much-hyped whole-house soft water filtration system is the featured topic of the video. Jenn goes out of her way to tell us that the filter system 1) was very expensive and cuntcierge, which makes it not only a sound investment but automatically better than
your filter system, and 2) the filter was blessed by the Pope himself, allowing her to bathe in Holy Water which will miraculously transform her hair and skin into that of a younger, slimmer woman who eats healthily, exercises regularly, and actually loves her children. Worth every grubby penny.
The couch talk of Homeslog #2 forms the highlight of the week, as Tim and Jenn decide to publicly address the growing criticism they have been receiving from their dwindling stanbase regarding their completely inept and harmful parenting—specifically not telling Jackson “no” in response to his rude and shrill demands, and being untruthful when he is wrong about a fact or loses a game in order to prevent him from having extremely messy public meltdowns. Rather than take on board the constructive comments from their viewers, Tim and Jenn double down and inform their audience that they know what’s best for their child, and that is to let him have his way in public, but to address the issue later at home. Of course, anyone even remotely familiar with the lazy-as-
duck Bojos know there is no later, and as they continue to take the easy way out, the irreparable harm done to their obviously special-needs son grows exponentially. What else to expect from these two exploitive scumbags?
Dim wraps up the week with a snoozefest of a Magic Kingdom video in which he continues to transparently feign interest in Tiana's Bayou Adventure in the shameless hope of somehow reinstating his Disney grifting credentials.
All in all, it was a predictable week of steady decline and arrested development. With that being said, we're off, we'll see you all tomorrow, and now it's time for society to pay the price.
It's as simple as saying you're just going down together and it's not a race!
