ISABELLES 18TH BIRTHDAY SPA RETREAT CELEBRATIONS! 
Isabelle eats a cinnamon bun out of the packaging. They’re checking out of the cabin in half an hour so aren’t messing about with cutlery. They have to put the cake in the freezer as it won’t fit in the fridge.
Lazy and Isabelle are heading to the spa. Lazy is excited to spend the day relaxing.
Same shit, different day. She didn’t want Isabelle’s birthday to be all about presents as it’s also about presence. She wanted to do something she would remember. Isabelle is nervous for her massage.
Lazy is impressed her robe fits around her belly.
Would probably only just fit even if she wasn't knocked up. The spa has had to change her treatment appointment time. They’re hour long treatments. Lazy is out of breath after changing. Isabelle is worried about all the questions the lady will ask her.
Pools. Swimming. Shots of the massage room. Lazy is ready for her facial.
Lazy has been to heaven.
Her one and only visit because the way she treats her children puts her on a one way trip to hell. She’s had a head, chest, shoulder massage, all down her arm massage and a full facial.
The poor masseuse.
Isabelle is chilling. She’s been in the jacuzzi. She then went in the pool before spending 15 minutes in the sauna. She’s now chilling and has five minutes until her massage. Lazy cackles about her hair.
She looks like Heather Trott. Her face is like a big round tomato but it feels good. They’ll have to get showers before going back. Lazy almost fell asleep. She properly relaxed and enjoyed it. She didn’t want to be rude by staying silent but did and she properly enjoyed it.
Isabelle has just had her first legal alcoholic drink. Before this she’s been asking Lazy for little sips. They have Prosecco and cups of tea coming. This is everything Lazy dreamed of with having a daughter and more. She tells Isabelle to go steady on the Prosecco as she hasn’t had anything to eat today. Isabelle’s friend is a couple of weeks older than her but a year ahead of her at school. She and Isabelle were planning on going clubbing together. Isabelle doesn’t feel ready. She wants to go to a bar with her book but Lazy tells her no. Cackling. Isabelle can’t imagine just dancing. Lazy was never a clubby person.
She hit every branch of the chubby tree on the way down though. Isabelle is a geek and would prefer to go to a festival. She gets irate at people going to Leeds Festival as they don’t appreciate the music and just go to get drunk. Isabelle wants to go on her own but Lazy said no chance. Lazy doesn’t know what the cream tea is as Creepstopher booked it whilst they were at the White Rose.
Lazy is shocked at the size of the cream tea. Isabelle gets a pistachio “macaroon” aka macaron. The birthday cake isn’t what Lazy ordered. It was delivered to the manor the manor at 8am yesterday and Creepstopher said “that’s amazing, thank you”. Lazy asked for pink and gold leaf but it’s orange. She asked for a macaroon theme because that’s Isabelle’s favourite sweet treat. Isabelle thinks the champagne is nice.
Footage of the freebie caravan. Another hideous song choice. It’s 12:25pm, meaning they probably only got up at 11am. There’s fairy washing up liquid in the bathroom.
Creepstopher is catching what’s left of the sunset. Mila is now fully potty trained and is a G. She’s had no nappy on since she woke up and they didn’t need to train her, she just did it. Everyone is getting ready to head to an Italian restaurant Isabelle chose to go to. Creepstopher is starving and hasn’t had a good Italian for ages. He will get a pizza but it will be good because it will be proper Italian. You know what he’s saying.
Chatting absolute shite as usual.
Prezzo. Creepstopher films everyone through the window. Starters. As Creepstopher was outside filming a couple walked past. The woman said “oh what’s that guy doing? What a stalker.” Cackling. Creepstopher flipped around and said it was his family and his daughter’s birthday. The lady said “oh I’m so sorry lovie, sometimes I say things without thinking what I’m doing. So sorry.” Lazy can’t blame the woman. He has flip flops on. Cackle. With socks. Esme "and a beanie". Creepstopher couldn’t find the key as they were leaving so had to climb out of the window after locking the door inside. He wanted to slip his shoes off, throw them out of the window and put them back on outside. His boots were in the car ready but he forgot to change. Lazy has crocs on. Creepstopher’s flip flops are more comfortable to drive with.
Food shots to tacky ‘Italian’ music. Lazy takes a photo of a Isabelle wearing her plastic tiara.
Princess Catherine and Duchess Sophie have nothing to worry about.
Isabelle holds onto Safety Officer Jaceus Christ’s hand as she leaves the restaurant and crosses the road.
She could’ve had a nice boyfriend on her arm if she wasn’t incarcerated at HMP Rosabelle.
The Inghams are back at the caravan. Isabelle decorated the coffee table with confetti. Mila accidentally treads on Jace’s foot as she squeezes between him and Isla. He almost deliberately thumps her on the back before pulling a worryingly aggressive face. Then he sees the camera and looks at Creepstopher, who is holding the cake off camera, and jumps up in excitement. Isabelle had the real deal Prosecco but everyone else is having the non alcoholic low calorie alternative. Creepstopher is upset not to have a cork to pop. This will be Isabelle's third glass of bubbly today. “Bubbly”. Cackle. She’s spread them out a few hours apart. Creepstopher has a swig from Isabelle’s bottle of Prosecco. He leads everyone in a chant for Isabelle to chug it. He starts getting excited about the prosecco truffles and Lazy tells him to get off as they’re Isabelle’s. He says he’ll share. Jace says “give me one” but Lazy says he can’t have them. Isabelle is having one truffle but Creepstopher has three in his hand.
Lighting of the candles. Singing. Lazy tells Isabelle she hopes all of her hopes, dreams and wishes some true. Isabelle asks how to cut the cake. Creepstopher tells Isabelle to make sure she gets a good slice as he’s putting the cake in the bin tonight. Last year Creepstopher binned Isabelle's birthday cake before she had a chance to try it. It was a creamy fruitcake because Europe don’t have cakes. They thought everyone was finished with it but Isabelle hadn’t tried it.
Her cake cutting skills are about as good as Creepstopher’s medical skills. Isabelle tries the cake and likes it. Mila asks for some.
Lazy tells Jace he can have one tiny sip more of the prosecco as it’s hers. Jace says it’s not hers as they’re sharing. Lazy's favourite memory of Isabelle is from Ripley Castle, where Lazy and Creepstopher married, but way before they married. Isabelle went into the church (cackle) and Isabelle’s adorable squeaky little voice went “mummy mummy mummy will you film me, we’re in a church, doing this”. She ran over and knelt prayer cushion with her hands in a prayer pose.
Probably praying Creepstopher would be out of their lives soon. Isla’s favourite memory is of Isabelle driving the snowmobile.
Lazy has had a lovely jubbly day.
Yes because it's been all about her. She moans about the cake having no jam. Jace “I wuv beer”. Lazy quickly says the drink doesn’t have alcohol in it and they don’t give him beer. Cake moaning. Lazy has never known a cake to only have buttercream. The lady didn’t confirm what type of cake. Lazy assumed that it was only at weddings you get to confirm the type. They’ve got a sponge without the Victoria. Lazy tells Esmé Jace is licking the prosecco as he doesn’t like it. They have a whole week in the stoooooonin lodge. Creepstopher got up this morning and said today’s vlog was really cool. They went to Katrina’s but couldn’t get signal to upload. Today Lazy deleted the clips from that day as she needed space to film. Creepstopher hadn't rendered the vlog. He needed the memory card and the footage was gone. They found software to re-download the deleted clips. They booked this holiday through Grand Coastal Retreats and they’ve been so lovely. They’re private owners on the site with lodges in loads of different places. They’ve been helping the Inghams and got them the extra night last night.
The whole week has been lovely. Lazy didn’t realise that the band she booked was the band merchandise she got and the band restaurant Isabelle goes to with her friend. Lazy wants to take tomorrow off. Since they got back from the van trip it’s been go go go. They won’t have time to do much when they get home before Baby Waby is due. Lazy is so tired. Isabelle has been appreciating her edits and will film a clothing and birthday haul on her channel. It will probably be up by the time we watch this.
End of vlog
Homeschooling with TheGreenCow
Facial didn't really work did it? Did Creepstopher have to drag her out of a bush mid rant?
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A split second from pure rage to joy at seeing the cake.
I know he’s just a kid, but he looks fucking ridiculous!
Talk about scamming people
