The Depression Thread #2

[Silver Linings]

I always feel conflicted about celebrities who talk about depression because I get so jealous of them. Ruby Wax, Aaron Gillies, Frankie Bridge etc. I read their descriptions of how they felt and it resonates and then there’s an instant voice saying ‘Well, it’s alright for them’. If I had money or a life I could step out of and get actual help i would. So much of my life being shit is because it will never get any better so I don’t seek any help anymore. I may as well be miserable as life is pointless blah blah blah.

I am literally one half an hour at a time-ing it at the minute. Sorry for just dropping in and being grumpy. Love to all.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I feel worse than I think I’ve ever done. I feel like I can’t feel the way I do because I participate in threads, crack silly jokes and overuse gifs…but there’s something in that that makes me forget for a little bit.

I’m starting to despair about how I feel. I’m completely trapped. We are in a situation that I don’t want us to be in, I can’t accept we’re in it and can’t see how it can ever be positive. Celebrating small ‘victories’ now doesn’t even seem worth celebrating.

Work was always the place I felt in control and that I actually had even a small idea of what I was doing. Now it makes me feel like I’m drowning.

Spoiler: Thoughts of Suicide

Not a day goes by where I don’t feel like suicide is a viable option. I just don’t feel like I contribute to anything. My son doesn’t like me (he is Autistic/GDD). He’s fine when it’s just me and him but as soon as my husband is there, my son literally pushes me out the room. I don’t get affection from my husband or son and I just feel like an overweight, middle aged waste of oxygen.)

I have a telephone appointment with the Psychiatrist who oversees my care on Tuesday but there’s nothing he can do for me really. Why does life have to be so hard? Not just for me, for all of us. We all have things that have impacted on our life that we need to process and deal with and depression just makes it harder. I don’t understand what the point is.

 

[Penguin86]

Previous thread

The Depression Thread

I don’t know what’s up with me - I think it’s my hormones but I’m so up and down. One day I’m happy and telling my boyfriend I love him or having fun with my friends and then I’ll have a few low days where I’ll want to end my relationship, or cut certain people out of my life and just be on my...

tattle.life

This is essentially a place for anyone who suffers from depression and other mental health issues, or is just going through a hard time right now, to be open and say what's on their mind. Other posters can be a listening ear and offer support in any way they can. Obviously this is not a substitute for professional advice or services but it can be nice to have somewhere anonynous to vent. Let's try to keep it a judgement free zone and be understanding of each other.

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

Does anyone else just wish they could sleep all the time. I hate being awake it’s too painful. Wish I could just sleep all day but I struggle with staying asleep. I only get really bad broken sleep with a few hours here and there

 

[elliebee27]

I’ve been having a hard time lately, with depression, without reason. I haven’t felt like that in years. Then my mom passed away suddenly yesterday... I am a total mess. I feel numb and anything is setting me off. It's so hard. I didn't know it would be this hard. Especially when it shouldn't have happened.

 

[Kelmum]

I don’t know how to write this the only way I can do it is going to sound I’m just wanting attention honestly I’m not this is why I decided to post on a place no one will know me. I am at the end of my tether with life my wonderful husband died 18 mths ago I still cry when I’m alone because I miss him more than I can explai, I keep myself upbeat when I’m with my oBly child ( 27) because I don’t want to upset him, I don’t show my elderly parent I’m aching for my husband due to him being elderly and I don’t want to worry him I have a very good friend who I have fell apart once in front of her but she changed the subject to how her job was making her unhappy and she knew how I was feeling because she felt the same. Every friend I’ve got I am the go to friend to off load their worry’s and honestly I don’t mind..but sometimes I feel I’d love to have a good cry with them but I can’t and now I’m going to sound dramatic but I am now lying in bed worried about the Ukraine / Russia conflict and if a nuclear bomb is going to destroy us all. I know I’m rambling and I’m sorry but yesterday I had a row with my kid and he was nasty with the things he said over something so stupid but I honestly feel is this my life now ? No husband, no one I can off load too, my wonderful elderly dad who relies heavily on me, I have a sister who does nothing for him, and I don’t mind at all helping him but I just feel I’m literally on this earth to help, listen and take on everyone’s problems and no one ever ask how I am. I know it’s my own fault because I have always been an upbeat person but sadly that died when my love died. I just needed to write this down and honestly I am sorry I have but I just needed to because to me it looks like I’m off loading even though we don’t know each other for once hopefully some one might know how I feel and have some advice for what to do x

 

[Hattieliz]

I am writing this because I need to say it out loud, or at least, put it in to words.

I am so tired of being sad.

There are people out there who have genuine depression and struggling with their mental health but I do wonder if I need to go speak to my gp, although feel so silly even suggesting it as I don’t want to waste their time where someone else might need it more then me.

To some people, on face value, I have no reason to be sad. I have a job, I have family who are nearby and care, I have a roof over my head.

But actually under the surface is that I don’t like my job, I am applying for jobs but keep getting rejected, I have been single for 4 years, no chance of meeting someone with how my life is and the guy I was FWB last year, I developed feelings for but he didn’t want a relationship and then it ended weirdly only to find out he is now in a relationship with the girl who he started seeing when he stopped with me, I live with my parents and I’m 32 and can’t afford to move out plus I have a really small amount of friends, most living far away.

I was at a work event today and when I left and walked back to my car, all I could think about was that I had nobody to message to say I was done and on my way home.

I’m so lonely and so sad and have been since around December. I can’t remember a week where I didn’t have a little feel sorry for myself sob like I am now.

Surely this can’t all be over a boy who doesn’t and probably never even cared. I think I use him (the fwb) as an outlet / blame that situation on my sadness. (It ended in January).

This probably doesn’t make any sense but like I said. I just needed to say these words before I head downstairs to sit with my parents on a Saturday night and pretend everything is okay.

Sigh. Sorry for the moan.

 

[barmcake]

At the moment I don't have highs and lows, just lows with occassional "deeper lows". I have absolutely no desire to experience life, not because I think it's impossible for good things to happen, but quite simply ... I have seen enough and tried enough.

I'm old now, and life is easier because I don't have to worry about mortgages, relationships, jobs or my looks. When I was middle-aged I remember being very down, not because I was middle-aged but because I was only half way through life. I had a good job, a social life and great clothes, but wasted my time yearning for a different life. Being an idler with no money suits me.

The strain of having to put on a front and be successful was too much for me. I did manage to do it but I would never advise anyone to follow that path. Owning a house and having the latest fashion is useless, if the inside of your mind is fit to burst. As one poster said, just live for the day and don't beat yourself up about 'what you're not'.

 

[Sheabutter]

I found this letter from Stephen Fry to a fan about depression and it really resonated. For anyone seeing this and feeling low, take a moment to read

It will be sunny one day

In 2006, with nobody to turn to during a bout of depression, a young lady wrote a desperate letter to someone she looked up to...

news.lettersofnote.com

 

[Pollyanna263]

I wrote myself a list today
Of things I need to do.
Tidy the house, make some calls;
How much will I get through?

Some days I manage nothing.
On others I do more.
I don’t know what each day will bring
But I know one thing for sure.

I miss the me I was ‘before’;
Bold, capable and free.
One day she’s there, the next she’s gone
Yet I am her; she’s me.

The me ‘before’ is out of reach,
She’s high up on a shelf.
How do I feel so far away
From that version of myself?

On the days that things feel tough,
And when I feel off-centre,
Good enough is enough.
That’s what I must remember.

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Does anyone start to go into a really deep black hole of depression at this time of year? I don’t know what it is, I prefer autumn and winter to summer, love Christmas, but no matter what, every year I get like this and it lasts months.
I don’t want to talk to anyone, or go out, spend most of my time in bed. Delete social media, withdraw from friends. Wish I could stop this cycle. I do have a fair bit to be depressed about, but I do all year, so why now? Xx

 

[Quarrantinemadness]

Does anyone else just completely shut off from others when they’re really low? I wish I could be one of those that gets out there and does things to try to lift their mood. I just don’t want to speak to anyone, friends, family, or colleagues. It’s a downward spiral that’s really hard to get out of.

 

[Good Egg]

I don’t want to put a downer on this thread but I’m struggling so much. I want to sleep for eternity and wake up in a new life. I’ve always had anxiety since a small child and periods of good times and extremely low and scary times. I have OCD and GAD.

Since lockdown I haven’t seen a single person socially.

I find it too exhausting. I do work so I do get out of the house.

I just struggle each day. I wake up, And wish I could go straight back to bed. Sometimes I do go back to sleep during the day. Nothing fills me with joy anymore, nothing seems worthwhile.

I had a bereavement five years ago that devestated me. Our family wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral due to toxic family members. I feel I haven’t been able to grieve. I do not know where the final resting place is.

I moved several times and miss my old place dearly. I moved too soon not thinking clearly due to loss. I’m not happy where I am but cannot move again out of fear of making the wrong move.

Life just doesn’t feel worthwhile. I sit here now and think if I wasn’t here nobody would care or notice. My own family members are toxic and I have zero support. Nobody really understands it?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Does anyone just get so easily overwhelmed by life? There are so many things I‘ve messed and screwed over for myself, and it may be partly because of being depressed, but I know really it’s my own fault.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

Feel like there's no point in anything any more.

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

The neighbours at the back of our garden are having a big party right now. I can hear all the music laughter and happiness. It’s making me so sad when I think about my own life. I can’t remember the last time I laughed. I spend most days crying. Currently lying in the dark under the duvet. Don’t worry about replying to this if you guys are busy just wanted to write it down I suppose. I hope everyone here is okay as can be x

 

[flutternutter]

Really struggling with my mood at the moment. My house is a tip, Im not staying on top of myself. I just want to roll over and it all go away tbh. Life feels so hard sometimes. It's exhausting.
I have counselling today and even that i just cant be arsed with. I dont feel like anyone can help me, theres so much pain inside me and my luck is terrible, the worst things always happen to me and ppl bullshit you with "god tests the strongest people"
Well i dont believe in god and im not strong

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I hate this time of year

 

[Gl1tt3rUn1c0rn]

I’m struggling so much right now. I’ve got a child with Autism. my life has been so much revolving around them for so long I don’t even know who I am or what I like anymore. I’ve lost friends because I’m forever cancelling plans at the last minute because I’ve not been able to leave my son when he’s having meltdowns etc.