The Depression Thread #2

[LaBlonde]

having some work done on my house at the moment (new boiler and all new radiators) and it has sent my ocd into absolute overdrive because of (a) the mess and movement of my things and (b) because the new stuff doesn’t fit the space in exactly the same way as the old stuff did. the new boiler is much smaller than my super old and faulty previous one so slightly more of the pipes are visible and i (very embarrassingly) cried looked at it. my mother was like: wtf are you crying for and i couldn’t articulate why. so much of my ocd is centered around my house and i hate having any kind of work done to my house for that reason. hopefully they’ll finish tomorrow and i can actually start putting everything back where it should be.

it’s so embarrassing though. i need (and would like) a new kitchen but the thought of actually having it done ruins it for me.

 

[Hattieliz]

I am writing this because I need to say it out loud, or at least, put it in to words.

I am so tired of being sad.

There are people out there who have genuine depression and struggling with their mental health but I do wonder if I need to go speak to my gp, although feel so silly even suggesting it as I don’t want to waste their time where someone else might need it more then me.

To some people, on face value, I have no reason to be sad. I have a job, I have family who are nearby and care, I have a roof over my head.

But actually under the surface is that I don’t like my job, I am applying for jobs but keep getting rejected, I have been single for 4 years, no chance of meeting someone with how my life is and the guy I was FWB last year, I developed feelings for but he didn’t want a relationship and then it ended weirdly only to find out he is now in a relationship with the girl who he started seeing when he stopped with me, I live with my parents and I’m 32 and can’t afford to move out plus I have a really small amount of friends, most living far away.

I was at a work event today and when I left and walked back to my car, all I could think about was that I had nobody to message to say I was done and on my way home.

I’m so lonely and so sad and have been since around December. I can’t remember a week where I didn’t have a little feel sorry for myself sob like I am now.

Surely this can’t all be over a boy who doesn’t and probably never even cared. I think I use him (the fwb) as an outlet / blame that situation on my sadness. (It ended in January).

This probably doesn’t make any sense but like I said. I just needed to say these words before I head downstairs to sit with my parents on a Saturday night and pretend everything is okay.

Sigh. Sorry for the moan.

 

[Pollyanna263]

There are people out there who have genuine depression and struggling with their mental health but

Oh my lovely, you are struggling.
There is no but.
You are just as deserving of help as anyone else. Please don’t ever doubt that.

Feeling sad all of the time, or a lot of the time, doesn’t have to be something you just live with. There is help. You deserve that help.

We are a lovely bunch here. Well, I’m a bit hit and miss on how present I am dependent on my own broken brain But there’s always someone around x

Go to your GP. If you can’t find the words, show them what you’ve written here.
Don’t be embarrassed.

Talking therapy might help a lot to get to the bottom of, and then control of, the sadness, but waiting lists can be long.

Meds are another option. Your GP should talk it all over with you.

Sending love and a gentle hug x

 

[Pebs19]

I've just found this thread and tbh I've not known where to turn for a long time.
I've been diagnosed with moderate depression and serve aniexty. I suffered horrifically with PND and last year I was in such a bad place I tried to hurt myself.
I've worked so hard on myself and will regret that day as long as I live.
Recently things have been pretty awful for me. I think for the first time in my life I've felt the true meaning of feeling alone.
I feel I don't have no one to turn to. My friends, well I feel I have no friends, they seem to be their for each other but never me.
Work - I don't enjoy and has a massive impact on my mental health.
My partner works 24/7 literally puts his laptop down at 5 to have some family time with children, but just runs back to his laptop to check his email as he 'wants to get on in there'. I bath the kids put them to bed, my LG still sleeps in our bed and will sit there just in silence after shes fell asleep. I find myself scrolling my phone constanly and as much as i hate to admit and i knoe ieverything isnt as it seems, im jealous of other peoples lives - I talk to him about how I feel. He says I hinder him getting on and he promises to spend time with me but it doesn't happen. As he works till late most nights. He'll sleep downstairs as he doesn't want to disturb us or say I was too tired/not enough room in the bed (it's a king and she's 2).
My parents seem to always make things about themselves I can't talk to them without it going back to them and that adding more stress to me. I say this issue what ive came to you now is about me, my mum said sorry but she just wants me to make me understand I won't be the first/last who has gone through this. Talks about me for a sentence and then goes back to her for the rest of the conversation.

It was agreed with my GP that I'd come off my anti depressants as I was withdrawn when on them (8 months ago). Bit I'm struggling so bad at the moment, I've called TALK for help and they said it's a long wait.

I honestly don't know what to do no more. I feel so weak, alone and I do genuinely feel that if I disappeared (apart from my children, who are my world) no one would notice.

I'm not a harm to myself, but I don't know,I'm even crying writing this but I just needed to get it somewhere. I feel I'm no one,including myselfs' priority. I've tired talking to family/friends and said I'm struggling and no one seems to be there.

Sorry for the long post and I apologise if I've rambled

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I am writing this because I need to say it out loud, or at least, put it in to words.

I am so tired of being sad.

There are people out there who have genuine depression and struggling with their mental health but I do wonder if I need to go speak to my gp, although feel so silly even suggesting it as I don’t want to waste their time where someone else might need it more then me.

To some people, on face value, I have no reason to be sad. I have a job, I have family who are nearby and care, I have a roof over my head.

But actually under the surface is that I don’t like my job, I am applying for jobs but keep getting rejected, I have been single for 4 years, no chance of meeting someone with how my life is and the guy I was FWB last year, I developed feelings for but he didn’t want a relationship and then it ended weirdly only to find out he is now in a relationship with the girl who he started seeing when he stopped with me, I live with my parents and I’m 32 and can’t afford to move out plus I have a really small amount of friends, most living far away.

I was at a work event today and when I left and walked back to my car, all I could think about was that I had nobody to message to say I was done and on my way home.

I’m so lonely and so sad and have been since around December. I can’t remember a week where I didn’t have a little feel sorry for myself sob like I am now.

Surely this can’t all be over a boy who doesn’t and probably never even cared. I think I use him (the fwb) as an outlet / blame that situation on my sadness. (It ended in January).

This probably doesn’t make any sense but like I said. I just needed to say these words before I head downstairs to sit with my parents on a Saturday night and pretend everything is okay.

Sigh. Sorry for the moan.

Shake your life up. You are 32, single with no dependents. So get out into the world and start living your life. Apply for jobs abroad - not jobs that are high paying “career” type jobs but just something to cover your living expenses. Go teach English to kids in China, go work on super yachts in St Tropez, go do a ski season in Canada. Whatever. Get out from your parents house, get out from the job you hate, see new places, meet new people, build new friendships and who knows maybe even start a new relationship? Start focusing on what’s infront of you - and start thinking about what could be, not what has been. If you think you need it then absolutely go to see your GP and get some immediate help that way but please know you are young and there is a whole entire exiting world out there for you to discover full of new people, places and life experiences.

 

[Fanny Muchmore]

I've been weaning myself off my Duloxetine in order to start taking the Zoloft that my GP has prescribed me... I was supposed to start taking it on Thursday but I decided to give myself one last week on Duloxetine (that way my prescription ordering won't be out of whack, and I'll be ordering my Zoloft the same time as my other meds).

Thing is... I'm scared to start taking it. I've been told that things get worse before they get better. I've been warned about the side effects.

And weirdly, I've been feeling BETTER on the half dose of Duloxetine than I did on the full dose... I don't know what to do.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hi all, I’ve not been posting much here, but I really do hope everyone is as ok as can be.
Sometimes unsolicited advice, however well meaning, can be a bit much.

 

[Maid22]

Hi all, I’ve not been posting much here, but I really do hope everyone is as ok as can be.
Sometimes unsolicited advice, however well meaning, can be a bit much.

Hello lovely, how's you?
Understand what you mean, tis a shame it's put alot of folks from posting.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hello lovely, how's you?
Understand what you mean, tis a shame it's put alot of folks from posting.

I‘m ok thanks lovely maid, how’s you?
I‘m glad you know what I mean. I think this thread can be so helpful, but it’s harder to chat as freely now.

 

[Deanna]

Oh my lovely, you are struggling.
There is no but.
You are just as deserving of help as anyone else. Please don’t ever doubt that.

Feeling sad all of the time, or a lot of the time, doesn’t have to be something you just live with. There is help. You deserve that help.
We are a lovely bunch here. Well, I’m a bit hit and miss on how present I am dependent on my own broken brain But there’s always someone around x

Go to your GP. If you can’t find the words, show them what you’ve written here.
Don’t be embarrassed.

Talking therapy might help a lot to get to the bottom of, and then control of, the sadness, but waiting lists can be long.

Meds are another option. Your GP should talk it all over with you.

Sending love and a gentle hug x

I’m sorry I’m only quoting cuz I recognise your name from our other thread but I’m really really not coping right now. I’ve suffered MH for years and I’m going under again the sertraline isn’t helping anymore, I’ve 3 children relying on me, I’m alone in a part of the country miles from any support, I’ve found out today my mums got breast cancer (I’ve had cancer twice myself) and to top it all my bf who apparently couldn’t be with anyone right now I’ve discovered tonight has another gf on the go just to go with the never ending financial struggles and the fact he owes me about £2k I’ve not a prayer of ever seeing again. I feel like I’ve nowhere to turn I’ve asked for counselling due to a number of issues some caused by a terribly abusive violent relationship I was in and I’ve just reached that point where I’m just existing I don’t know what to do anymore all I do is cry when people aren’t looking and lately sometimes if they are. That’s why I get angry about the tend mental health on the other thread and why I’ve been keeping up with it all day just to distract I’ve got few friends and only 1 I can be really honest with. Any kind of advice would be really appreciated. Sorry for the massive rant. X

 

[Pollyanna263]

TW - suicidal thoughts - not about acting on them, just about having them.
Also a mention of birth trauma.

Looking for reassurance about professional intervention when admitting to these thoughts.

Will put it all behind a spoiler for those who need to avoid reading x

It’s got long, sorry.


I’m absolutely not thinking about acting on it, but I have been having thought of ‘I wish I wasn’t here’ or ‘I wish everything would just disappear forever’
The frequency and intensity varies. At the moment it’s okay, rare, but a few weeks ago it was constant.
I won’t leave my children, so I’m confident I won’t act on it. It’s just that everything is too much.

I have recently, finally, managed to be open with my therapist about it, and she has been exactly what I needed her to be. She already knew that my biggest fear in my birth trauma was that I wasn’t going to come home, and that these thoughts now have left me so, so confused because it seems ridiculous to me that I now feel that leaving my children is the answer when that fear was the thing that broke me in the first place.

Anyway - I had a psychiatrist appointment a few days ago and towards the end he unexpectedly asked me if I ever had thoughts that it would be better if I wasn’t here.
The appointment had been going so well up to then, I’d been really open with him and made such progress (was 4th appt with him), but then that floored me and I totally froze.

He was lovely. Really reassured me and was so kind. Apologised for upsetting me. Said it was understandable if I felt these things, when I’d been coping with so much for so long.
I managed to tell him that I had spoken about it with my therapist (they are through the same centre)

I emailed my therapist afterwards to tell her, and she replied straight away to say it’s okay to have these thoughts, stay grounded and don’t worry.

I’m just panicking that it’s going to result in some kind of red flag or something with the children. They do know that I have a huge (irrational) fear of my children being taken away, or of me not being able to care for them. They have reassured me that this isn’t a concern for them. They know that even at my worst points, I’ve always been a ‘good enough’ mum and I will never ever let my children suffer.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for really with this post…. Maybe I just needed to get it out.

 

[Maid22]

@Pollyanna263 hello lovely, you've been so supportive to alot of us on this thread, even though you struggle yourself, and tbh, I'm pretty crap at trying to get my words out, but from what I've read on here, you have a good support network, and those bloody thoughts ( know exactly what you mean) are part of depression, but you are doing so well, you really come across as a lovely caring mum, please try not to worry x

 

[Glortard]

I am writing this because I need to say it out loud, or at least, put it in to words.

I am so tired of being sad.

There are people out there who have genuine depression and struggling with their mental health but I do wonder if I need to go speak to my gp, although feel so silly even suggesting it as I don’t want to waste their time where someone else might need it more then me.

To some people, on face value, I have no reason to be sad. I have a job, I have family who are nearby and care, I have a roof over my head.

But actually under the surface is that I don’t like my job, I am applying for jobs but keep getting rejected, I have been single for 4 years, no chance of meeting someone with how my life is and the guy I was FWB last year, I developed feelings for but he didn’t want a relationship and then it ended weirdly only to find out he is now in a relationship with the girl who he started seeing when he stopped with me, I live with my parents and I’m 32 and can’t afford to move out plus I have a really small amount of friends, most living far away.

I was at a work event today and when I left and walked back to my car, all I could think about was that I had nobody to message to say I was done and on my way home.

I’m so lonely and so sad and have been since around December. I can’t remember a week where I didn’t have a little feel sorry for myself sob like I am now.

Surely this can’t all be over a boy who doesn’t and probably never even cared. I think I use him (the fwb) as an outlet / blame that situation on my sadness. (It ended in January).

This probably doesn’t make any sense but like I said. I just needed to say these words before I head downstairs to sit with my parents on a Saturday night and pretend everything is okay.

Sigh. Sorry for the moan.

Chester Bennington's wife (lead singer for Linkin Park in case anyone does'nt know) posted a picture of him laughing/smiling and entitled it "this is what depression looks like". That sums it up for me that there is no clear depiction of what a depressed person should look like or what their situation should be. Sure there are different levels of depression where people don't leave their bed/house to those that drift through life on the periphery. By all means go and see your GP and he/she will probably offer a few suggestions from talking therapy, exercise to actual medication.

Is there activities near you that you could join like wild swimming, hill walking etc - that could get you out with no great cost but also help break up the routine meeting new friends.

 

[chapterthree]

Does anyone have advice on how to stop feeling sick in setraline. I’m already taking it at night but I feel like I just want to hurl…

 

[Pollyanna263]

Does anyone have advice on how to stop feeling sick in setraline. I’m already taking it at night but I feel like I just want to hurl…

How long have you been taking it? Or have you recently changed dose?

 

[chapterthree]

How long have you been taking it? Or have you recently changed dose?

I took it before for a year and now I, back on it. 50mg

 

[Pollyanna263]

I took it before for a year and now I, back on it. 50mg

If you’ve newly started taking it again after a break, it could well just be side effects as it settles down

 

[Hattieliz]

Oh my lovely, you are struggling.
There is no but.
You are just as deserving of help as anyone else. Please don’t ever doubt that.

Sending love and a gentle hug x

I really appreciate your response, the whole thing. I’m the kind of person who just pushes everything to the back of my mind and then a switch goes off in my head one day and it all comes tumbling out. It’s such an exhausting feeling. I’m trying to change a few things in my life which will hopefully help but I’m going to have a chat with the doctors next time I’m in and just get some advice.

Thank you for being kind.

 

[Pollyanna263]

I really appreciate your response, the whole thing. I’m the kind of person who just pushes everything to the back of my mind and then a switch goes off in my head one day and it all comes tumbling out. It’s such an exhausting feeling. I’m trying to change a few things in my life which will hopefully help but I’m going to have a chat with the doctors next time I’m in and just get some advice.

Thank you for being kind.

I’m that person too do I understand the feeling x

 

[Hattieliz]

Shake your life up. You are 32, single with no dependents. So get out into the world and start living your life. Apply for jobs abroad - not jobs that are high paying “career” type jobs but just something to cover your living expenses. Go teach English to kids in China, go work on super yachts in St Tropez, go do a ski season in Canada. Whatever.

… but please know you are young and there is a whole entire exiting world out there for you to discover full of new people, places and life experiences.

I did do that, I went to university and I lived in Australia for 3 years. This is why I have little friendship groups nearby as everyone at home moved on and I met some amazing friends, just around the world.

I have considered going abroad again but the problem is, that doesn’t stop the problem. I’d just come home in a few years potentially in the same place but older! I’ve seen it happen before and it’s not always as simple as to just go abroad once you get over 30.

I am trying to get a new job and I believe this would be the start of big changes in my world but I just needed to get those feelings out of my head and down on (virtual) paper.