The Depression Thread #2

[candyland_]

I’m starting to wonder if I need to speak to a doctor or if it would be worth it as I don’t want to take medication for it.

I have developed what I think is anxiety, it gives me a heavy feeling in my chest and I struggle to function, it almost feels like it pins me down. I force myself through it as best as I can but some days even sorting the washing feels like a struggle. Other times I get it and go into flight mode where I need to get out and walk until it feels calmer.
Sometimes I snap out of it and then I’ll feel super happy but it’s short lived. Today I’ve woken up and I’m riddled with it.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I was in a good place and now I feel just really meh, I feel like I am sinking back into a not so good place. Nothing really triggered it this time but when my anxiety and the overthinking does come back, it comes back with a vengeance. Had to leave work at lunch time yesterday, just couldn't function. Today I feel much the same but I am in work purely because I don't want to lose my job. When I went home yesterday I just lay on the sofa, not eating, not watching anything on tv, doing nothing productive, just sat there for the whole afternoon.

 

[Maid22]

I’m starting to wonder if I need to speak to a doctor or if it would be worth it as I don’t want to take medication for it.

I have developed what I think is anxiety, it gives me a heavy feeling in my chest and I struggle to function, it almost feels like it pins me down. I force myself through it as best as I can but some days even sorting the washing feels like a struggle. Other times I get it and go into flight mode where I need to get out and walk until it feels calmer.
Sometimes I snap out of it and then I’ll feel super happy but it’s short lived. Today I’ve woken up and I’m riddled with it.

I think it wouldn't hurt to see the doctor, it's tit feeling like that, it took me months to get help, I thought I could deal with it, but after having a break down, I had no choice, but am glad I did.

 

[Maid22]

I'm really struggling, I don't know wether I want to shout my pain out or cry, fuckin hate feeling like this.

 

[JCMSadie]

I didn't know this thread was a thing. I suppose it shows my state of mind when I'm putting depression in a Tattle search

Been medicated on/off since 20. Now 38 and been on meds since 2017. Done counselling, CBT, life coaching and now IPT.

I'm the worst I've ever been.

I quit my job a few weeks ago. Stupid, cos I'm a single mum x3, with a mortgage. But I just can't function any more. I'm an actual slug. I've put on so much weight, my house is a tit tip, I don't even want to do anything. I hate being here.

I have no idea why I'm posting this. Just everything is tit.

 

[CrackRatcher]

Iv suffered depression for a long time I have 2 children who aren’t far of been teenager and I’m pregnant with number 3 but I’m also single, I find myself having frequent breakdowns questions if I’m a bad person, would this baby be better of with a different parent and do my children hate me because I yell all the time for them to clean their rooms which then leads to them calling my mum and making out I’m a big monster I feel awful I just feel like my mental health and my personality is ruining my children’s lives and they’ll grow to hate me

 

[LaBlonde]

i am in an ocd spiral right now. won’t say exactly about what in case it triggers some peoples’ contamination fears but i wish that my ocd brain listened to the actual logical part of my brain that’s saying “no, look at all the evidence, you don’t have [thing]”. drives me crazy

 

[newaccount2022]

Has anyone ever been out in a pub and a man introduces himself or makes eye contact and hellos with every girl at the table except you.

I just feel so disgusting and repulsive. I don’t know what else I can do to make myself more attractive. I know that’s not what life is all about but it bleeping hurts.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Sending hugs to you all.

I don’t really know what to say. Objectively things are ok and compared to 2019/2020 things are much better but I just feel guilty and stuck all the time.

I volunteer at 2 places but when things get stressful (one of them is v stressful at the moment) my cluster headaches come back with a vengeance. I know I can’t go back to doing what I was because of that but I feel like a failure. It is like a weight the whole time. As well as the money stress. On top of trying to recover from the ED stuff when my psychology brain is doing the opposite.

Is the rest of life going to be like this? Looking back at the 20/30s at all I achieved which becomes an ever distant memory and I become a shadow?

Sorry for the wallowing. I am exhausted. Waking early worrying at the moment. I don’t even know what about. Why won’t the brain turn off?

 

[candyland_]

Iv suffered depression for a long time I have 2 children who aren’t far of been teenager and I’m pregnant with number 3 but I’m also single, I find myself having frequent breakdowns questions if I’m a bad person, would this baby be better of with a different parent and do my children hate me because I yell all the time for them to clean their rooms which then leads to them calling my mum and making out I’m a big monster I feel awful I just feel like my mental health and my personality is ruining my children’s lives and they’ll grow to hate me

Your kids love you and they always will. They will grow up and see what an amazing mum they have doing it on your own.

Has anyone ever been out in a pub and a man introduces himself or makes eye contact and hellos with every girl at the table except you.

I just feel so disgusting and repulsive. I don’t know what else I can do to make myself more attractive. I know that’s not what life is all about but it bleeping hurts.

duck him. He is a pig and you are worth 100 of him.

 

[mochibean]

After being manic for 6 months I'm now faced with the inevitable depression. I can handle it but my god it's hard.

It’s hit me like a truck the past week. Had to book today and tomorrow off work. I’ve been mute since Friday, haven’t opened my mouth once.

I’d pay anything or do anything that would take this pain away.

I go mute too with depression it's just awful. Especially since I'm usually such a chatty person.

I hope you feel better asap. <3

 

[Elliesmum13]

I’m so low. Been this way for a while now. On the strongest amount of anti deps I can take. Doctor doesn’t want to change them as I’m very low/suicide. I have no friends, not one. No family at all. I go weeks without talking to another human being. I’ve been in bed since Wed night. Just sleeping on and off. I honestly feel like my soul is dying and my body is playing catch up.

 

[candyland_]

I’m so low. Been this way for a while now. On the strongest amount of anti deps I can take. Doctor doesn’t want to change them as I’m very low/suicide. I have no friends, not one. No family at all. I go weeks without talking to another human being. I’ve been in bed since Wed night. Just sleeping on and off. I honestly feel like my soul is dying and my body is playing catch up.

Could you think about volunteering when you feel better? Being around other people would help.

 

[Some People!]

I'm doing ~OK just now. Not good, but I'm not as low as I've been. I'm treading water. I'm trying not to give in to the misery thoughts because once I start I can't stop. It's a slippery slope.

I'd really like a rest. I only work part time, I only have 1 kid, so I shouldn't feel so done-in or need a rest, but there it is. I think it's a rest from the emotional labour of it all, really.
I'd love someone to come into my life and badger me for a while; Have you put the dishwasher on? Don't put that down, put it away! Don't eat that, you'll regret it! Why not run the hoover round, you'll feel better afterwards. Time to go to bed! Have you still not put the dishwasher on?? Come on, go for that walk, you know you need it. Have you got clean clothes for work tomorrow?

I'm rubbish at being a grown up

 

[Maid22]

I’m so low. Been this way for a while now. On the strongest amount of anti deps I can take. Doctor doesn’t want to change them as I’m very low/suicide. I have no friends, not one. No family at all. I go weeks without talking to another human being. I’ve been in bed since Wed night. Just sleeping on and off. I honestly feel like my soul is dying and my body is playing catch up.

Hi you, I 'know you' from the same threads we post on, so sorry you're feeling like this, we all understand on this thread

 

[mochibean]

I’m so low. Been this way for a while now. On the strongest amount of anti deps I can take. Doctor doesn’t want to change them as I’m very low/suicide. I have no friends, not one. No family at all. I go weeks without talking to another human being. I’ve been in bed since Wed night. Just sleeping on and off. I honestly feel like my soul is dying and my body is playing catch up.

So sorry you're feeling this way, depression is so cruel.

You're not alone don't forget that, and it can get to the point of absolute isolation which makes getting out of the depression even harder. At my worst I left the house about 3 times in 2 years and never opened the curtains. I got better eventually but it took a lot of time and patience with myself. So don't be hard on yourself, you won't feel like this forever. Sending lots of love.

 

[Maid22]

@Pollyanna263 haven't seen for a while, hope you're ok, sending

 

[Pollyanna263]

@Pollyanna263 haven't seen for a while, hope you're ok, sending

Thank you

I’m here, and I’m reading. I desperately want to reply to so many posts, but I just don’t have the words. I feel awful because my natural instinct is to try and bring comfort, but I’m drowning right now and I can’t find the words.

Lots going on here. Dredging up so many things in therapy, sort of accidentally skipped from the birth trauma to my last relationship which ended when I fell pregnant - which I am now coming to see was with a very controlling narcissist who was in fact controlling to the point of abuse. Not physically, but emotionally, and in terms of always knowing where I was and who with for every day of the years we were together, while he was off doing exactly what he pleased. Seeing it all with clarity has hit me hard, while trying to deal with him for access over my youngest has floored me.

In amongst all that, Psych paused my venlafaxine withdrawal as it was just hideous. Re-starting now so

Just need a couple of weeks alone in a nice beach house somewhere…. If only!!

 

[Maid22]

Thank you

I’m here, and I’m reading. I desperately want to reply to so many posts, but I just don’t have the words. I feel awful because my natural instinct is to try and bring comfort, but I’m drowning right now and I can’t find the words.

Lots going on here. Dredging up so many things in therapy, sort of accidentally skipped from the birth trauma to my last relationship which ended when I fell pregnant - which I am now coming to see was with a very controlling narcissist who was in fact controlling to the point of abuse. Not physically, but emotionally, and in terms of always knowing where I was and who with for every day of the years we were together, while he was off doing exactly what he pleased. Seeing it all with clarity has hit me hard, while trying to deal with him for access over my youngest has floored me.

In amongst all that, Psych paused my venlafaxine withdrawal as it was just hideous. Re-starting now so

Just need a couple of weeks alone in a nice beach house somewhere…. If only!!

So sorry hunny to read that, I've been having a crap time, but my oh is off next weekend, I'm lucky he's lovely, but I can't wait to be on my own!
Haven't got a beach house but you'd be more than welcome here!

 

[butterfliesandhurricanes]

Does anyone else just wish they could sleep all the time. I hate being awake it’s too painful. Wish I could just sleep all day but I struggle with staying asleep. I only get really bad broken sleep with a few hours here and there