The advice thread for random problems

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

I was at the Asda, BUT this is my issue. Surely if I’ve hit a car my car would have damage on it? So I’m denying everything to my insurance.

can anyone help with how long these things take to resolve?

Not necessarily, if you had hit a post then you'd more likely have damage to your car. Sounds like you've hit it and in denial for some reason, you were at the asda , hit 'something' and if it was a post you'd have a dent in your car but you don't,.. and clearly been caught out now. Someone will have seen you.

 

[Mamacita]

This is a multi-dimensional problem I hope I make it make sense.

I started applying for new jobs. I want to leave my job mainly because I really don't like working for my manager. She is nice enough to me face to face but a really toxic person. We work in a really small team and I feel a bit trapped and stunted in my position, because I have nothing to do most of the time, it is the most boring job ever.

I have been interviewed for 2 jobs, and I have been offered both Job 1 rang and offered the job on Monday, I accepted and they said they would send me through the information, I am yet to receive anything. Job 2 rang yesterday evening and offered the job, I prefer job 2 so I accepted that too.

My manager is going off on annual leave from tomorrow, for 2.5 weeks. I have put her down as a reference, but she obviously won't be able to give one if she is away, so I have provided a different reference for the 2nd job, explaining that she is away.

I am worrying because I haven't had any formal job offer etc through from either of these companies (both public sector) and I don't know when to hand my notice in. Should you wait for something particular? At what point is it risk free to do so, because I can't afford to have no job.

All day today my current manager has been going on about how this is her first holiday where she won't have to work through it in 4 years. She takes work stuff quite personally. I know this isn't my problem but it makes things worse for me to deal with. I know if I hand my notice in before Friday she is likely to not go on holiday, as she doesn't leave until late Friday (sounds extreme but it is true).

What would you do in this situation?

Might be different in different organisations but my experience is they usually say not to hand in notice at current job until you get a formal offer. You then agree the start date with them based on your notice period. Also my experience with public sector is that it usually takes a while to get formal offers and everything sorted and HR is always slow. I'd wait until you get something in writing from new job

 

[BettyCrockerr]

.



I did send a reply and a not very nice one ( not proud of it) and told her to not contact me again but she blocked me after I sent it. but it still played on my mind how the fuck did I get it so wrong so thought I wiould post it here. I feel a lot better now

No you are quite right and did the right thing. “She” is completely out of order and sounds deranged. Very odd, over familiar, stepping over the boundaries behaviour. Creepy.

 

[TheGlossy]

Blondegirl: you’ve already taken over and derailed two separate threads over the same issue at the exact same time with pages of responses on both. Not cool. Stick to one.

 

[HoGi]

Definitely sketchers go walks for walking. Less clumpy than trainers. Very supportive and comfy for walking in

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

Personally I wouldn’t suck it up. I would try and be diplomatic. She probably doesn’t realise she’s annoying you bringing friends with her. However maybe just say it would be nice to spend one on one time together

 

[Purrrrrrr]

First time posting in this thread so here goes.
I have the opportunity to move to a beautiful part of the world. My child starts school next year. The new place has work and a really relaxed and beautiful lifestyle. Our current place has work and my child's friends, all of whom are going to different schools next year so catch ups will be limited to Sundays only.
I told my child that we're likely moving and they are kind of heart broken. How can I soften the blow? Also, how do you know if you're doing the right thing? After the initial settling in period, I feel confident we are both going to love it but right now, I'm feeling guilt. Any advice please? Thank you

Your child will make new friends in no time at all. ( they can still facetime their old friends)

My daughter took her three children out of school during covid and started homeschooling they made new friends pretty fast.
She has now -a couple of weeks ago- moved to another area and at first, the children were worried about their friends but now they are loving it.

Dont lose a good opportunity, just go for it.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Wow. What a cheek. Didn’t get what she wanted so turned it around on you. I would have done exactly the same, why would you take a stranger somewhere at the drop of a hat, very odd behaviour.

The thing is though, if she had said, look I'm in dire straights and need a lift. I would have taken her or at least sent her some money. But her post to me didn't read like just needing a lift. I just didn't fancy a meeting in a place I don't know, with a stranger. I have come unstuck a few times in my life with strangers.

Another thought. if she didn't have money for a Taxi how was she going to give me the petrol and who was going to pay for the coffee and last how was she going to buy anything in the garden centre.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

That’s what I’ve done, I’m hardly on WhatsApp anyway it’s mainly to contact work colleagues or my sister Most of the time I go days not going on there


I get where you’re coming from but I keep thinking blocking him would be a reaction to him unblocking me Like I think if I block him he knows I’ve seen that he’s unblocked me but I think maybe It’s just worth leaving it and that’s my reaction to it not being bothered, not doing anything not messaging him at all.
I just find it weird why do this and not message but especially when his girlfriend is moving in with him it’s just strange

I've not seen the other thread but you keep saying the same thing over and over. are you expecting different replies?

Either block him or don't block him.

I know this isn't FB but I have a mass unblocking on FB sometimes, don't even look at the names just unblock everyone I have blocked for various reasons and leave them unblocked unless they bother me again.

 

[Mamacita]

Hi all just want to know if you think I'm overthinking and to forget it or whether my idea is a good one or too much!

Short version: I accidently woke up my friends toddler and he then took forever to go back to sleep meaning his dad missed dinner so I was going to get a voucher for just eat or something so he can have a hot dinner

Long version: I was going round my sisters best friend's house last night to plan her hen do. Another friend was joining us.

I went to my mums beforehand as she lives 10 mins away from sisters BF and it made sense for me to kill 2 birds as it were and not have to go home between working in the office etc. She was winding me up, as she often does, by being a bit of a mug in regards to my sister and she had had a drink which is never good with her.

Anyway I ended up leaving hers to avoid an argument. I had in my head we were meeting at 7 so left at 6:45 got there about 6:55 sat in the car replying to some texts and then rang the doorbell at bang on 7.

This is when I then realise I might have made a mistake. The dog starts barking and then I hear the toddler yell.

BFs husband invites me in. I sit down and he goes up to help with said toddler and swap with BF. On the cross over on the stairs I hear BF say he had just gone off but is awake now

BF comes down and we have a hug and a chat. BF then says other friend is on their way and I realise my error.

We were meant to be meeting at 7:15 not 7. I profusely apologise and BF said it's OK I'm used to your sister (who I have ranted about previously as she is always 30 mins early at least) I said noooooo I just got my times wrong.

When other friend arrives at the right time, they have kids and obvs know not to ring the doorbell!!!! So as they was expecting her at 7:15 the door was ajar ready for her to just walk in

So basically toddler doesn't end up going to sleep until nearly 9pm! And dad missed dinner with us and basically had to eat his pizza cold

My husband was like well BF should have said don't ring the doorbell. I said I shouldn't have been 15 mins early.

Anyway, well done if you have made it this far!!! I was thinking of sending them like £10/£15 just eat voucher or similar with a note apologising and saying treat yourself to some hot pizza?

Am I overthinking and should just leave it? And the voucher is a bit much? Or is that a nice gesture when I woke their kid up? Or will they think "oh dear child free idiot thinks this one bad night was her fault, how silly of her"

I think they could have easily given you a heads up not to ring the doorbell when you were agreeing to meet up. I don't have kids and wouldn't think about that either.

 

[strawb]

hi my sister just started dating someone and they hit it off really well. she was miserable at the end of her last relationship and it's so nice seeing her happy again. he seems like a lovely guy, smart, similar to her, very caring and treating her wonderfully. he did mention at the beginning he has some trust issues but i brushed that off thinking my sister will show him he has nothing to worry about. however, the last 2 days or so he's been giving me obsessive vibes, at least from what she's telling me. if she's going somewhere, he drives her there, visits her, and also picks her up. he gets angry when she talks to another guy etc (not angry at her but you know how it is), which she all thinks is sweet and sexy but from an outside point of view it's a bit much. just to note i'm extremely close to my sister and we tell each other everything. i don't want to keep my honest opinion from her but i also don't want to put a downer on her mood by telling her this. i could definitely also be wrong!! does anyone have any advice? thank you in advance!

 

[rainbowlemon]

Is it safe to park in London, especially in the evening? Thinking about the Stamford Hill area?

If anyone can provide info I'd be really grateful.

Generally yes. My father has never had a problem and he's had a mix of cars from a BMW to a Micra . Stamford hill also has a large number of Hasidic jews, so that area would also have their own community watch group walking around.

 

[monga]

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

What does she mean by avoiding the issue if it’s only a lift she was after? It seems she’s trying to convert you to her way of thinking for some strange reason , it’s an odd thing to send to a random stranger who never asked for her opinion on how they spend their days.

 

[Some People!]

Not a 'problem', but I'd love some advice for when my daughter starts high school in a few days. Obviously all schools and kids are different, but for experienced parents: what do you wish you'd known?

I remember a couple of years ago overhearing a mum who'd put 4 kids through high school talking about the cost of buying all the uniform and stuff when one of hers started and I thought I'd heard her say "£300" which shit me up because that's a great deal of money for us. I immediately did some maths (300 ÷ number of paydays between then and the end of y6) and made a standing order for that small and very manageable sum to go to a bank account I had limited access to. Ring-fencing that money paid for what she needed for school plus plenty for fun here & there over the summer. I'm so glad I did that.

 

[1181carmenta]

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

Yeah that’s definitely very pushy, insistent, manipulative behaviour. Avoid that bitch!

 

[monga]

I'm actually in hospital (i was paralyzed by an ms relapse) and the OT has worked a lot on this. Such clever stuff. Poke me tomorrow to reply properly about this when I'm less spaced out on drugs.

Can't believe you're still there here's hoping you'll be home soon ...( sorry for derailing further )

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Had a feeling that would be the answer Hotel I'm staying out isn't close to shops and I can't bring tan in my travel carry on. It's fine I'll forego the massage

Crazy lady! I'd rather have the massage than the tan! Who knows they might throw in a cheeky happy ending

 

[HoGi]

Thanks both that’s really helpful. I am going to get her a small gift as well of a drawing of her, her fiancé and their little boy but I love the idea of currency as a present I think that’s really good so will do that I think it’s me and my partner going and we can stretch to around £75.

Thanks all I just wanted to make sure it didn’t sound really tight as she means a lot to me and I wanted to show her that as much as I can!

£75 and a gift isn't tight at all!! Think that's a lovely gift x

 

[littlepup]

I have a hairdresser’s appointment on Friday to finally get my usual color back. I haven’t been to the hairdresser since the start of the pandemic and my full hair has reverted to my natural color which I hate (jet black). I haven’t sported my natural color in more than a decade and don’t feel myself when I look at the mirror. It makes my soft features more harsh and masculine.

I’m still debating whether I should cancel the appointment because I don’t see the purpose in getting my hair done if I never go out and work from home most of the time. Getting my hair color done would be more of a confidence booster but I honestly don’t see the purpose as my life is BS at the moment (death of a parent a few months ago, work stress, detesting my job with and coworkers).

I don’t know if it’s worth it. It’s within budget but I’m thinking of other things I can do with that amount. I’m torn.

Perhaps the confidence boost will help you feel a little better. I'm not suggesting a hair cut will alleviate your grief but baby steps to make little changes can eventually give you the confidence to make big changes.

 

[mcfeez]

My god hope you feel better soon ,have you reported it to the police ? I was just reading on our local FB a woman and her friend were in a Belfast establishment (she didn't name it ) and someone spiked her drink she was in an awful state had passed out ,throwing up and completely disorientated along with other things she wouldn't disclose, her friend helped her to the toilets and then reported it to the doorstaff and they put both of them to the street and wouldn't let them back inside ,she has reported to the police but put a warning out for others to be really vigilent with their drinks.

I havent no as tbh I dont think it would be taken seriously. I was out in Belfast too, thats dreadful how that woman was treated. It sounds so similar to me - I have been quite drunk before but my husband says it wasn't like that, it was so dramatic the shift, and as I say I never ever throw up. I have only been spiked once before when I was a student and it was similar to that. Thank goodness she had her friend, Im so grateful for my husband but feel guilty as he had to take care of me. I think Im just going to drink a lot of water and stay in bed for today.