The advice thread for random problems

[BettyCrockerr]

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

DELETE & BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Some People!]

Oh @TheGlossy I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience!
I'm devastated for you!

I want to say right off the bat that from what I can tell, this is very, very salvageable by any experienced colourist who understands what you want.

The salon and individual members of staff sound bewilderingly poor - I'm so confused by them not wanting to look at your records, I wonder if they were purged or the new staff don't understand the system or something. They all sound really inexperienced.

Your loyalty to and satisfaction with the salon was based on the work of people who are no longer there, if I understand you correctly - the building owes you nothing, especially if your notes are no longer there.
How are you feeling about letting them try to fix it vs going somewhere else for a little colour correction?
Like @OnlyHereForTheLolz I'd usually advise you let the salon try to fix it (especially before spending more money somewhere else), but you've really got to go with your gut on this one.

I'll have a go at trying to work out what's gone on here in case it's helpful to you in your journey to the hair that makes you feel great.
This passage has some clues:

I let my hair grow out and it hadn't been tinted since before COVID so it was in pristine condition. The hairdresser told me the only colour should could give me was a dark chocolate brown because my natural hair is black. She advised if I wanted a lighter shade of brown, I'd need to do a balayage.

So tint doesn't lift - it doesn't lighten your hair and that's what you want to achieve, generally speaking, right? So yes, a hairdresser could apply a tint to your black hair and the best you could achieve in the brown spectrum would be a dark brown.
If you want to go lighter (which I think you do?) I'd be offering a permanent colour and/or highlights - I probably wouldn't be offering balayage as the first option because, if I've understood you correctly, you're looking for an all-over lighter brown appearance with maybe some fine dimensional highlights (probably not blonde, but shade/s of tonal brown). Balayage is generally more useful for larger slices of lighter colour painted on in a fairly natural looking way, usually concentrated on the midlengths and ends, rather than a more evenly distributed sprinkling of colour as fine highlights could offer which can go closer to the root.
I think they've fundamentally misunderstood what you want at this stage already.

When you say...

I went by what I used to do in the past (brown at the top and through the lengths with lighter streaks - not full on highlights - here as halo and there but really well blended with the root).

... Are you describing something like what we now call a root smudge or root melt? Because that is something I might actually suggest balyage for.

These are all questions and clarifications I'd be asking along the way if I was doing your hair. It is absolutely not your fault you didn't use their terminology to get your point across - this is a huge part of their job - to establish exactly what the client wants in order to do that for them.
Did you show them pictures of what you wanted?

I'm so glad you spoke to the colourist and they did something at the time, although I'm cross that they tried to tell you what you wanted. I'm glad the manager was receptive and willing to fix it. You should definitely be seeing a senior colourist for the correction and they should 100% understand exactly what you're describing before they start.
To be very frank, the salon/staff sound not only rude and unhelpful, but a little bit old fashioned - what I think you're describing is a not-uncommon contemporary look, and what they've delivered seems like an interpretation of what you asked for, delivered by someone who has had no professional development and not kept on top of trends & techniques for some time.
Ooor they're completely inexperienced - they are certainly not experienced in helping people.

Please, please don't attempt to fix this yourself. Please don't put box colour on your beautiful hair - it will make any future fix or salon work very, very difficult.

I really hope you can pursue this until you get what you wanted - you really deserve to both feel great and get what you paid for.
Just to reiterate - this should be a fairly simple colour correction & fix and there shouldn't be any serious harm done to your beautiful hair.
Please let us know how you get on - I've got everything crossed for you!

Apols all for the essay!

 

[emmer_moans]

I don't need advice on this one but opinions.

I received this PM on FB from someone that I have only interacted with once or twice on our towns local FB pages.

In your opinion what do you think she is asking me for?


Good evening Purrrrrrr this is a bit of a long shot and probably very short notice. I’m reaching out for support and can’t think why we haven’t met as we’re both on the same page regarding the covid jab etc.
I’m currently going through some mental health issues and I find the ( removed the name but its a a garden centre a bit out of my area) so very therapeutic. Would you be interested in going for a coffee there tomorrow and I will cover petrol costs? I know a lot of people who drive but most of them just don’t message or respond to me like they use to. It’s probably too short notice. Hope you’re well.


I will post my reply and her reply back tomorrow but just wanted some feedback on this as I totally read it wrong. but no matter how many times I read it and even with her reply etc it still reads the same way to me

Hmmm, I get the vibe you are being shamed for not reaching out to them and also they are emotionally loading this onto you by saying others haven't bothered. That's how I read it. It sounds like a demand that will leave you being the bad guy if you are not available quick enough for their liking?

On the other hand if they are genuinely struggling I feel for them. How well do you know them?

It seems like an awkward position to put you in, committing you to essentially a day out of your time with no notice. I wonder if a compromise could be a phone call, or pointing them to a listening service or local service?

 

[Purrrrrrr]

What does she mean by avoiding the issue if it’s only a lift she was after?

She thinks because I don't want to meet up with a stranger I'm avoiding people thus avoiding the problems with agoraphobia, because notice she says she has it as well but faces it head on

 

[LaBlonde]

What would you do?

my suitcase got mixed up with someone else’s at the airport when I arrived on holiday. I took theirs back to the airport and left it locked. They must’ve guessed my lock code and stole a Chanel handbag and opened all my birthday cards and stole the one from my grandmother which had money in it.

when I get to the airport on my flight home is it worth waiting about and taking both our bags if it’s the same flight? I’ve been told there’s nothing the airline can do, and my travel insurance doesn’t cover items to the same value of the bag so all I can think is take it in to my own hands. Of course it might not be in there, the little rat might have it in their hand luggage.
I don’t know I’m just so so so so so angry

i’m so so sorry. it’s crazy to me that the airline are saying they can’t help when presumably they HAVE the other person’s details and you can confirm that a crime took place? can you report it as a theft to your local police? surely they can force the airline to comply. they caused the theft by mixing the bags up in the first place!

in terms of waiting around, be careful. you don’t know what you’re dealing with here and the type of person who opens someone else’s bag and steals from them may not be someone you want to get involved with. they could also see you take their bag and twist the situation. but i also get where you’re coming from and i think i would want to see them face to face too and get my stuff back. if you’re going to do that then make sure it’s in public and you have someone else with you. the absolute cheek of that person knowing you’re likely going to be on the same flight home!!

this is an awful situation and i can’t believe no one is helping you x

 

[Orphan_Black]

Thank you. Just don't like the thought of hurting people but it's draining my mind thinking about why he's being like this. His reaction last time I deleted him was surprising to me because it made it look like he cared. I haven't spoken about our bedroom antics with anyone, hence why I could on here because it's anonymous. I feel better now I've had your perspective so thank you again.

He wants to keep you on a hook. Nope.

He doesn't care about hurting you, so don't care back! It's quite empowering!

 

[Orphan_Black]

I havent no as tbh I dont think it would be taken seriously. I was out in Belfast too, thats dreadful how that woman was treated. It sounds so similar to me - I have been quite drunk before but my husband says it wasn't like that, it was so dramatic the shift, and as I say I never ever throw up. I have only been spiked once before when I was a student and it was similar to that. Thank goodness she had her friend, Im so grateful for my husband but feel guilty as he had to take care of me. I think Im just going to drink a lot of water and stay in bed for today.

It would definitely be worth telling the venue manager about it. They have a duty of care connected to the license.

There may even be cctv footage.

 

[littlepup]

I have a strange problem that I don't know how to solve.

A friend of mine lives abroad and comes back to our hometown (where I live) a few times a year. She asks to meet up and I'm happy to but she has this tendency to always include another friend of hers in the invite, and I don't have any interest in spending time with that person.

If I get a heads up that the other friend is coming, I make an excuse, but yesterday we were going for coffee and when I picked her up she said "friend is coming too, she will meet us there" and my heart sank.

My time is really precious to me and I'm at that stage of life (40) where I really can't be bothered spending time with people I don't like. I thought of making an excuse and leaving but decided to go ahead with the coffee plan.

It was fine but just reconfirmed my previous impressions of this person.

Any tips for dealing with this? I don't think I can say to my friend as she would be extremely hurt. I can be really blunt and hurtful to friends and I really don't want to be in this case.

Do I just suck it up?

In a normal situation I’d definitely say something but given that she lives abroad, she’s probably trying to be economical with her time, fit as many people in as possible. I’d go as far as to say in this circumstance her time is more precious.
As such I’d either suck or up or explain that you’d prefer to see her 1-2-1 every other visit home rather than every trip with the other friend.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Jesus @Purrrrrrr, you've dodged a bullet there!

 

[littlepup]

it’s me and my partner going and we can stretch to around £75.

I had £75 is my head as the amount where you’d think ‘Gosh that’s really generous’ but not OTT. It’s enough for a really lovely lunch with wine or maybe a spa massage each abroad.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’m currently filling out the form to renew my provisional driving licence but don’t know which option to tick. It went out of date years ago and as I had given up on the idea of lessons I threw the card license away If I say renew with a new photo I think I need to send my old one with the application, but I don’t have it. It’s not lost or stolen either.
Does anyone know which option to choose before I contact DVLA?

I would put lost down. I think you always have to send your old one back, I am about to change my name on mine and I am keeping my photo but I have to send my old one back or they charge me £20.

 

[Pinhead Larry]

I rather follow girl code and tell her so she isn’t wasting her time then let a guy think it’s acceptable behaviour

You should've followed girl code and not entertained him knowing he was in a relationship.

 

[no-no]

I am hanging a TV today has anyone done this on their own, is it easier to dismantle the swivel bracket and then put the bracket back together rather than trying to hang and screw in the whole thing?

I dismantled mine recently and it was much easier, just had to hook the TV on and put the last ‘holding’ screws in.

This thread is so needed

 

[becca7721]

I wish we had care emojis on here!

But yes a podcast is a good idea, it’s not really about listening it’s about keeping your brain occupied for now, you might drop off but that’s not really the point either, just get through to the train, if you haven’t maybe list stuff you might need, maybe a podcast for the train too? Don’t fight tears or emotions, honestly it doesn’t help.

It’s true many won’t care but some people will even if they don’t know what to say. Years ago I sat on a bus for almost twelve hours from London to Edinburgh and the lady next to me was clearly upset, eventually after I’d prattled about me and said IF she wanted she could chat about it if not that was ok too. She chatted and ranted about her situation for a short time. Then fell asleep on me from Birmingham. At Edinburgh (midnight) I woke her and got her to her waiting daughter. We still talk now. I later found out she hadn’t slept in days. I won’t be on a train tomorrow, I’m almost housebound BUT I will be thinking of you.

And, remember, you can post here if you want, what you want and when, or even don’t thats ok too.

Don’t forget trolls who live in their parents basements with no lives (which is what I and others on the Ingham thread are accused of by them) really are nothing if the sort, we joke about, but are here because we care.

I hope this helps in some way.

Take care.

 

[bourb0nbiscuits]

She thinks because I don't want to meet up with a stranger I'm avoiding people thus avoiding the problems with agoraphobia, because notice she says she has it as well but faces it head on

I think it’s very sensible not to want to meet up with a random person who you only know through a FB page and have only interacted with once or twice a good while ago?

 

[monga]

I get an odd urgency about it ? can't really put my finger on why they'd ask to meet if you don't really know this person , but they come across as a tad forceful

 

[Emiliabrazkow]

I wouldn't waste time on him he doesn't seem interested don't take it too much to heart though , do you have any youth groups in your area ? I think that's a far better way to make friends than over snapchat .

Yes im part of youth group. And i get what you guys are saying... yes i do have cruah on him but im not interested in any realtionships, i just wanted to be friend with him beacause he lives near my dad and i dont really have any friends there, just few, and to find someone that have same interests as you like basketball and drawing, put aside F1 in such a samll place is hard, maybe i did express myself wrong on my first post, but yes he is cut and everything but am i crazy about him no. Thank you for being open and giving me advice

 

[watermelon sugar]

I’d honestly just forget it. He’s a weirdo, move on

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I have a man problem that I'd appreciate some advice on please. I know what I should do but need it clarified if that makes sense..
I came out of a pretty horrific 10 year relationship 2 years ago, towards the end of that relationship I started speaking to an old male friend that I hadn't spoken to for years, nothing in it, just chat, nothing sleazy etc. Since breaking up with my ex, we've talked a lot, met up, I feel like I've been there for him quite a lot with things he's had going on & really grew to like him, he told me he had feelings for me and we get on really well. However, we haven't spoken now in a week, I have covid which he knows about because I posted something on my story about it & he's not even checked in to see how I am. This has happened before, I deleted him off my social media and then he txt me (forgot to block him) saying he was hurt that I'd removed him and asked the reason why, I told him I just didn't feel effort from him and didn't want to waste my time when things aren't being reciprocated, he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again. I wouldnt usually say this in public but the last time i seen him, we had sex and he lasted about 10 seconds, he kept apologising and i made him feel comfortable, didnt make a big deal out of it but i could tell he was embarrassed. But now he's making no effort again, I know I should just delete him again but his reaction last time makes me feel bad. I haven't messaged him as I've been waiting to see if he actually does reach out. What would you do? Just delete him or reach out to him? I don't want to play in to his hands.

I call this the push me pull me game. They push you away until you look like you are going and then they pull you back. Dont play it. Delete and block and don't be tempted to stalk or pm. You deserve 100% better. and while you are playing push me pull me you have no room for the right person to come into your life.

 

[justheretoread99]

I have a man problem that I'd appreciate some advice on please. I know what I should do but need it clarified if that makes sense..
I came out of a pretty horrific 10 year relationship 2 years ago, towards the end of that relationship I started speaking to an old male friend that I hadn't spoken to for years, nothing in it, just chat, nothing sleazy etc. Since breaking up with my ex, we've talked a lot, met up, I feel like I've been there for him quite a lot with things he's had going on & really grew to like him, he told me he had feelings for me and we get on really well. However, we haven't spoken now in a week, I have covid which he knows about because I posted something on my story about it & he's not even checked in to see how I am. This has happened before, I deleted him off my social media and then he txt me (forgot to block him) saying he was hurt that I'd removed him and asked the reason why, I told him I just didn't feel effort from him and didn't want to waste my time when things aren't being reciprocated, he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again. I wouldnt usually say this in public but the last time i seen him, we had sex and he lasted about 10 seconds, he kept apologising and i made him feel comfortable, didnt make a big deal out of it but i could tell he was embarrassed. But now he's making no effort again, I know I should just delete him again but his reaction last time makes me feel bad. I haven't messaged him as I've been waiting to see if he actually does reach out. What would you do? Just delete him or reach out to him? I don't want to play in to his hands.

If you have feelings for him, then reach out and tell him how you feel and what’s currently on your mind.

He’ll either:

1) reciprocate it back to you that he feels the same
2) he’ll tell you he doesn’t feel the same
3) he’ll ignore

If he goes with 2 or 3 then you know to delete him and move on from this.

There shouldn’t be this level of confusion so early on if you’re both interested and invested in each other.

My harsh advice (even to myself) always is: if they like you, you’ll know and if they don’t like you, you’ll be confused.

Not worth the hassle girl! Also, hope you start to feel better covid-wise x